Your Sexual Identity?

[BottomKink]

I've been thinking about the little nitty gritty differences between LGBT and NSA sex. I don't mean to generalize anybody, but, for me I enjoy having sex with men and I also love teasing them online. I've never considered myself to be part of the LGBT group nor do I feel "left behind" or "oppressed" when politicians or religious people say insulting things about same sex encounters, relationships etc etc. For me its about losing inhibition and letting men use me for sex; and if I were to be in a relationship, it'd have to be sex based. 

I was wondering what everybody else's views are on this. 

[NLbear]

Difficult. Socially: Nowadays I don't really feel like I am part of a LGBT "community". But that is probably because here in NL nobody raises an eyebrow anymore about same sex relationships, marriages or gay couples having kids. It's all very "normal" (if I may call it that). Sure, there are exceptions but overall gays are not different from straights in public or in society. Politicians won't dare to make any insulting remarks. They would be slammed in the press and on social media and it would be political suicide. Even the Christian parties in parliament (except for one very small one ) won't dare, they just say they don't really 'approve'. Nobody listens to religious people anymore anyway, hardly anyone goes to church anymore. Religion only plays a very tiny role in society over here.

It was very different when I started out when I was 17 late 70s and moved to the big city to study. I had crushes on teachers even in elementary school but at that age I didn't even realize what that was. I just thought I liked them. It wasn't until high school that I realized I was different from most and felt left out. Surely I was the only one having indecent thoughts about other guys? There must have been others but I didn't know them. When I was 13/14 I started to realize there were others and that there was a name for it: gay (or 'homo' at that time). And there were lots of them in bigger cities far away. So when I moved to the big city for college at 16 - soon to be 17-  and I worked up the courage to go to a 'gay' student bar (drinking age at that time was 16, it's 18 now) I felt overwhelmed. Here were boys/guys dancing and flirting with each other and just having a good time with not a scare in the world. There were parties and discussion and social groups and support organizations. That's the first time when I felt I was part of a "community" and I belonged to something. And it felt very good. All this has changed over the years as it has become common now.

As for sex: Only took very little time after going to that bar for the first time (and having discovered the cruising area by word of mouth) that I sucked dick and was fucked for the first time in an AVS. And scored tricks in bars or clubs with whoever thought I was hot (looking for confirmation?) or hot for that night or who thought I had a hot ass and was 'easy'.... And I was 'new meat' so there were plenty of them, whether they were my age or old (i.e. anyone >30 at that time). And I loved being part of the "community" of men that simply liked having sex with other men without any hang ups. Hanging out with friends (who you were not going to sleep with!) guessing who would be going home with whom and tease them about that the next time. And them teasing me too of course ("really!! Him? How could you! Was he any good? What's his dick like?). Haven't stopped having sex with strangers since.

Considering the number of gay men is so much smaller than the number of straight men I still feel I am part of a 'group' but I don't feel I am part of a "community" anymore. Maybe I would still feel that way when I would be a regular at a certain bar and you know the other regulars there (not necessarily have sex with them, just 'friends') but there aren't any around where I live now.

Long reply but I hope this make sense?

[barecubtop]

In contrast to NLBear, I feel like I've been on the fringes of the gay community but am possibly getting a little more integrated at this stage in my life.  Some explanation...

I grew up in a rural area where we knew there were gay people, but it wasn't discussed and those gay people didn't really do anything to express their sexuality outside of the local community theater (where they were "free" and accepted for who they truly were).  So, I grew up that way - I knew I was gay and had come to terms with it by my senior year in high school, but I just kept it to myself and a few close friends, even in college. 

I was never a bar type, both because I grew up in a household where my parents didn't drink and also because I was shy and introverted and honestly afraid to go to a gay bar.  However, I did get up the courage to do online hookups and go to adult bookstores and such in college and after college (yeah, I realize that's backwards - I should've easily been more comfortable going to a bar than meeting anonymous people online or in seedy booths LOL).  So, because of that shyness and meeting people in bookstores and online, I never really got to be part of the gay community in the small city where I went to college.  I stayed around that area and continued the same kind of "anonymous hookup" lifestyle after college for a couple years, then I went to do a master's degree at another smaller city.  It was during my masters that I started doing bareback sex, and I did some bi/straight "swinger" kind of sex too. 

I then moved to a larger city (Indianapolis) and tried to dip my toes in the gay community, but wasn't very successful.  I had some gay friends, I went to a couple of the Pride festivals, I eventually did go to a couple of the gay bars (but with people I knew, and didn't stay long), and I visited the bathhouse at times.  I managed to date one guy, but it lasted less than a year for various reasons.  Maybe it was because of the cliques around Indy (the bears, the "club" types, etc...), or maybe it was me, but I just never felt like I could say I was part of the "gay community" overall.  However...

One place that I've always felt welcome is church, and I still am involved in a church in the smaller town where I'm doing my PhD.  The church I attended in Indianapolis was a mainline Protestant church, and it was/is very inclusive and welcoming for the LGBTQ+ community.  As a church, we marched in the Pride parade, had a booth at the Pride festival, and had Sunday School groups specifically for LGBTQ+ people and issues.  During my time at the church, we participated in events rallying for marriage equality and for more inclusiveness in our church denomination (i.e. church politics). It was in this capacity that I felt like I was part of the "gay community".  We had several gay couples in the congregation, some with children, and everyone was so accepting and welcoming.  My participation in that congregation began to spark my inner activist.  That's not to say I'll be protesting or holding a loudspeaker at rallies or anything, cause that's just not me...but I came to realize that some things are worth fighting for, and that I can support causes I believe in. 

That leads me to now.  Am I part of the "gay community"?  It depends.  I have "gay sex", I feel like I do my part in the gay sexual community by being on PrEP, getting tested regularly, and telling people on the apps and on sites like this my stories of why I am on PrEP and my thoughts on sexual education.  Does that make me part of the gay community - yes, I think so.  Do I have a lot of gay friends?  No, not really.  Do I go to a lot of "gay" events?  Nope, but there's not many opportunities around where I live, either.  Do I care about social justice issues for LGBTQ+ AND non-LGBTQ+ people?  Hell yes.  But I've also read that things like gay marriage have contributed to rifts/arguments IN the gay community also...so it's a continuing education to always get multiple perspectives and have an open mind to everything. 

To the original poster's (BottomKink) point, I suppose you could be right that "being" LGBTQ+ has more to do with who/how we love romantically than it has to do with what we like sexually.  I've gotten to know a few guys on here through private messaging who have expressed that they have no, or little, interest in being romantically involved with someone at their current stage of life and they just want to have a lot of sex.  I'm torn on that issue myself - I'm a romantic person and think I'd enjoy the companionship and intimacy of a relationship, but like most on here, I enjoy random/anon sex too (sometimes even in a situation where a woman could be involved, rarely, or some kind of kink/fetish).  So, I'm not ruling out a relationship. And if a relationship were to happen, it would be with another man.  Thus, I consider myself a G in the LGBTQ+ categorization. 

Now I'm just rambling...so I'll stop. 

[Pigmut]

On 11/18/2017 at 3:00 AM, BottomKink said:

I've been thinking about the little nitty gritty differences between LGBT and NSA sex. I don't mean to generalize anybody, but, for me I enjoy having sex with men and I also love teasing them online. I've never considered myself to be part of the LGBT group nor do I feel "left behind" or "oppressed" when politicians or religious people say insulting things about same sex encounters, relationships etc etc. For me its about losing inhibition and letting men use me for sex; and if I were to be in a relationship, it'd have to be sex based. 

I was wondering what everybody else's views are on this. 

I strongly agree.

[evilqueerpig]

I knew I was QUEER at 5 years old, but it wasn't until I was 17 that I was ready to act on it.  As soon as I kissed my first man, a voice in my head said, "I'm QUEER and it's wonderful!"  You notice I use QUEER instead of gay and the reason for that is because QUEER is in your face, while gay just sounds too polite for me.  Almost immediately, I found myself at home in the QUEER community and later, just as much at home in the POZ community.

[Guest BBBoyfromTN]

Labels are for cans.i hate when people ask me this question because there's no easy answer so I say straight rather than straight/bi because then I have to answer more questions. I was really socially awkward with girls in school and could never work up enough nerve to go on many dates or to go very far sexually. It was easier with guys and I have a really high sex drive so guys became an easy outlet. Turned out I love sucking cock and getting fucked too so that just picked up steam to where I was pretty much exclusively having sex with guys even though I'm attracted to girls. As things got further and further along I realized the idealized dream of getting married to a girl and having kids wasn't going to happen. I was too far down the rabbit hole and had let too many things get in my head and fuck with me. It doesn't help I came from a really poor family, had low self-esteem, and other issues. It's just easier to have sex with guys and avoid commitments. I can have as much sex as I want and honestly I don't want or need a relationship as I'm pretty much incapable of monogamy. Maybe at some point when sex isn't such an important part of my life I'll settle for a monogamous relationship but that's not where I am now.

[hungry_hole]

On 11/18/2017 at 4:00 AM, BottomKink said:

I've never considered myself to be part of the LGBT group nor do I feel "left behind" or "oppressed" when politicians or religious people say insulting things about same sex encounters, relationships etc etc.

Right on! I always question the motivation of social movements, such as the gay movement, that focus and dwell on victimization and oppression. Instead of interpreting  something like Homophobia as an oppressor-victim dynamic look at it as a victim-victim dynamic. I don't see any oppressors because to me there are all victims.

[Guest FinalDL2021]

For a long time,  after I felt it was more than just experimenting, I became comfortable identifying as Bisexual. After a bad marriage (to a women) and discovering how much I have enjoyed bareback sex, I have decided to exclusively live a gay lifestyle; I have begun to identify as gay.

[Guest ff-whole]

Correct... Labels are for cans... but for the record I feel like I am bisexual if it comes down to having sex.

I was married to a woman whom I loved dearly - now divorced. Don't want to marry again.

In a young age played with my ass a lot but not until in my late teens was confronted with gay sex. 
For love I would still choose females... For sex I go both ways, but I really enjoy extreme piggy gay sex as a bottom.

I don't openly talk about it because I think it would create to much hassle which I am not willing to be bothered with.
I don't judge people on their skin color or looks or sexual preference... Just go with the flow.

[Guest Upstateguy518]

Sex has always been just sex to me. Doesn't matter if I am fucking a man or a woman, It's just sex. I honestly never considered myself any kind of sexuality and still do. Even before my first sexual experience, I always viewed it just pleasure and nothing more.

[BottomKink]

On 12/8/2017 at 12:54 PM, hungry_hole said:

Right on! I always question the motivation of social movements, such as the gay movement, that focus and dwell on victimization and oppression. Instead of interpreting  something like Homophobia as an oppressor-victim dynamic look at it as a victim-victim dynamic. I don't see any oppressors because to me there are all victims.

Right?

I'm not being victimized or oppressed if I actually enjoy men fucking me in raunchy ways. 

Besides, I suck cock and become a super sexual bottom slut when I smoke meth. Even if I beg to be pittied for being sexually attracted to masculine tops my lifestyle would defeat the purpose lol. 

[badubydo]

I'm out, I'm bi, and my family and majority of friends/some close coworkers know. I knew before I came out for a while I was into bot genders. Never gave a damn to tell anybody till a cousin tried to hold it over my head. I'm not into the LGBT thing. Don't go to bars/clubs. Don't go to pride festivals. I maintain a pretty "straight" life normally but do have constant casual bb sex with an older guys in his late 50s and few random people here and there. Some of my female coworkers know what I have done, and so does my female best friend. I don't give a damn about labels. I'm not out there to prove myself to anyone, and I frankly don't care what others think of me. I don't cram my beliefs or lifestyle down anyone else's throats. I don't see the LGBT community being oppressed, etc. Many act like they are, so they can get attention. So they can cram their bullshit down everybody else's throats. Just like these modern day "feminists." To me it's like this, I treat people on the quality of their character. Not who they love, the gender they associate with, or the color of their skin. I can be an asshole to everybody equally. 

[Guest bbbearlover1]

Out gay man who is also a romantic Dom Daddy, and a proud one at that.

[Guest FinalDL2021]

On ‎12‎/‎8‎/‎2017 at 4:15 PM, PreCumer4You said:

For a long time,  after I felt it was more than just experimenting, I became comfortable identifying as Bisexual. After a bad marriage (to a women) and discovering how much I have enjoyed bareback sex, I have decided to exclusively live a gay lifestyle; I have begun to identify as gay.

I sort of need to retract this. My sexual identity is very fluid, and goes from one end of the, of the sexual spectrum, to the other.  that is why I have felt bisexual has always been the best fit.. I find myself more emotionally attracted to women, yet the physical-sexual intensity with men, is a lot more exciting for me

[Pozlover1]

Slut with ethics