Too nice tops?

[salerio]

I met a top last night for an outdoor scene. We'd exchanged a few messages during the couple of days prior to meeting and he was asking me what I wanted, what I liked etc. I kept telling him to please just use me as he wanted to and not to be asking what I wanted because I was there to satisfy whatever he wanted to do and however he wanted to use me, don't ask me what I wanted and not to accept me saying "no". It finished off with him saying "ok, in that case after you've sucked me and I'm ready to cum I'll finish deep inside you"

When we met I was sitting on a bench in the woods and he walked up to me, undid his trousers and pushed my head down (lucky he had the right person there lol), he was a lot bigger than he looked in the photos haha. He gave me orders "lick my balls", bent over "lick my arse", "harder" all was going well. He lay down along the bench and told me to suck him, which I was doing and really enjoying pleasing him.

Then I kind of lost momentum when he said "Where do you want me to cum? In your mouth or your arse?" I thought I'd already made it clear he wasn't to take "no" for an answer and just do with me as he wanted. I moaned and sucked him deeper and he asked me again. He asked me again. Then said "I'm going to cum" and he filled my mouth. I swallowed everything and loved it, I also kept on going gently to lick him clean and make sure he was empty. What I was really thinking when he asked me was "just pull my pants down, bend me over the bench and rape"

We had a hug and he said he'd like to meet again (they always say that lol) I said to him "please don't ask me what I want next time,  just tell me" and we left it there. 

He did message me this afternoon asking when we could meet again - woohoo - how can I train him to be more assertive and stop asking what I want.

 

[evilqueerpig]

You need to make it clear that you're looking for a "dominant top"!

[Pozlover1]

I would  love to have met this sweetheart. 

[salerio]

6 hours ago, Pozlover1 said:

I would  love to have met this sweetheart. 

Keep you're hands off. He's mine lol

[ErosWired]

@salerio - I know what you mean - the brass ring seems to be to find a Top who is both aggressive and confident enough to pursue his own satisfaction, and also intuitive and experienced enough to recognize and satisfy the bottom’s unspoken needs. I understand that such  creatures are often found in the same localities as unicorns and flying monkeys.

In the real world, however, I have found that both of those traits are more the result of developing a relationship of trust and familiarity with a man over time and over a series of encounters. None of us is telepathic - most of these desires and needs must be directly communicated in some way.

I imagine you’ll say, “But I didn’t want anything - I just wanted him to do whatever he wanted.”

First, you obviously did want something, because you were unsatisfied that you didn’t get it. You wanted aggression and dominance.

Second, the majority of Tops are great, compassionate guys with warm hearts, who are as eager to please a lover as any bottom. In fact, their stakes are higher because of what’s required for their performance. Topping ain’t easy. So it’s no wonder that many Tops look for cues from a bottom until the pair is familiar enough that the Top can be sure that what he’s doing will also please his partner. They’re not all (to the disappointment of some of us) self-centered, aggressive, entitled, amoral assholes with out-of-control libidoes and monster cocks.

Now, admittedly, some guys appear to have a distinct deficit in sexual imagination, and in these sad cases there’s not much that can be done, but in general I’d say the key to getting what you want from your Top partner is getting to know one another better. And practice. Lots of practice.

[salerio]

7 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

@salerio - I know what you mean - the brass ring seems to be to find a Top who is both aggressive and confident enough to pursue his own satisfaction, and also intuitive and experienced enough to recognize and satisfy the bottom’s unspoken needs. I understand that such  creatures are often found in the same localities as unicorns and flying monkeys.

First, you obviously did want something, because you were unsatisfied that you didn’t get it. You wanted aggression and dominance.

Second, the majority of Tops are great, compassionate guys with warm hearts

Now, admittedly, some guys appear to have a distinct deficit in sexual imagination, and in these sad cases there’s not much that can be done, but in general I’d say the key to getting what you want from your Top partner is getting to know one another better. And practice. Lots of practice.

Thanks Eros, I'll see how the next date goes  I must admit he was great, I just wish he hadn't have been asking me what I wanted in the middle of me satisfying him. I'd have been happy if he'd just said "I'm going to use your mouth to finish" - you know what I mean. We've kind of agreed on a once a week meet so far, that obviously depends on real-world getting in the way so it's a good aim.

One thing that's bound to happen in a few weeks time is that there will be someone else turns up and wants to get involved. It'll be interesting to see what he does there. I've not been with a "proper top" I wanted to see again for over 30 years, just met some for very occasionally for one-off sessions, that guy really was dominating and aggressive, so maybe you're right. 

I think I'm more disappointed than I would have been if we hadn't talked it in messages before meeting. I'm kinda getting my head round it better now I've thought about things a couple of days.

[Samanthads]

what Eros said i agree with as tops want to please the bottom too get to know what a bottom likes which takes a bit of time and trust

[barecubtop]

Maybe he wanted to hear you say it...that can be a turn on for a top, even if he knows you want it in your ass, hearing you say "fuck me and breed me" might make it hotter for him.

[LittleCumSewer]

no. for the most part guys just use me as a subhuman fuckhole, dump their loads in me and move on.most guys who fuck me don't even talk to me other than to say stuff like "bend over slut" or "take my load you fucking whore".men generally know I'm nothing but a public cumdumpster.i'm not the kinda boy you date, I'm the kinda faggot you rape.i'm the kinda whore you strangle, spit on and whore out to other men.i'm the kinda whore that dresses in slutty girl clothes then goes out and gets fucked bareback by strangers

[Pozlover1]

4 hours ago, LittleCumSewer said:

no. for the most part guys just use me as a subhuman fuckhole, dump their loads in me and move on.most guys who fuck me don't even talk to me other than to say stuff like "bend over slut" or "take my load you fucking whore".men generally know I'm nothing but a public cumdumpster.i'm not the kinda boy you date, I'm the kinda faggot you rape.i'm the kinda whore you strangle, spit on and whore out to other men.i'm the kinda whore that dresses in slutty girl clothes then goes out and gets fucked bareback by strangers

You control the situation from the bottom. They think they are controlling it but it be you all along. 

This is the most important talent you can ever have.

[tallslenderguy]

my thoughts went the same direction as Eros, i.e., you didn't really want him to have his way with you, you wanted him to dominate you, no questions asked. What he wanted was to ask you what you want because he wants to please you. For me, that's pretty damned close to awesome, as long as the guy is a total top.  i hate it when that happens and the guy is really versatile and hoping/fishing for a flip.

 For me, a big part of sex is mental, i like the Total Top/ total bottom dynamic. you sound like your into D/s, but like you lean more towards Top/bottom dynamic? For instance, would you have liked it if He had demanded in a dominant way that you fuck him?  That would have been him using you for his pleasure, but i suspect that's not what you'd want?

[Guest descartes70817]

I'd have told you to pull your pants down while you were sucking my cock, so I could finger fuck you and see how ready you are. When I was ready I'd tell you to adopt the position and slam my cock deep into your cunt and fuck you until I cum inside you. After I pull out I'd reward you by letting you suck my cock clean before I zipped up and walked away.

[LittleCumSewer]

12 hours ago, Pozlover1 said:

You control the situation from the bottom. They think they are controlling it but it be you all along. 

This is the most important talent you can ever have.

shhh! don't give away our bottom boy secrets. next thing you will tell them how we cumdumps are just using the tops for human dildoes and to boost our load count. lol

[Guest KptNLine]

On 2/13/2019 at 10:05 AM, ErosWired said:

@salerio - I know what you mean - the brass ring seems to be to find a Top who is both aggressive and confident enough to pursue his own satisfaction, and also intuitive and experienced enough to recognize and satisfy the bottom’s unspoken needs. I understand that such  creatures are often found in the same localities as unicorns and flying monkeys.

In the real world, however, I have found that both of those traits are more the result of developing a relationship of trust and familiarity with a man over time and over a series of encounters. None of us is telepathic - most of these desires and needs must be directly communicated in some way.

I imagine you’ll say, “But I didn’t want anything - I just wanted him to do whatever he wanted.”

First, you obviously did want something, because you were unsatisfied that you didn’t get it. You wanted aggression and dominance.

Second, the majority of Tops are great, compassionate guys with warm hearts, who are as eager to please a lover as any bottom. In fact, their stakes are higher because of what’s required for their performance. Topping ain’t easy. So it’s no wonder that many Tops look for cues from a bottom until the pair is familiar enough that the Top can be sure that what he’s doing will also please his partner. They’re not all (to the disappointment of some of us) self-centered, aggressive, entitled, amoral assholes with out-of-control libidoes and monster cocks.

Now, admittedly, some guys appear to have a distinct deficit in sexual imagination, and in these sad cases there’s not much that can be done, but in general I’d say the key to getting what you want from your Top partner is getting to know one another better. And practice. Lots of practice.

 

7 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

my thoughts went the same direction as Eros, i.e., you didn't really want him to have his way with you, you wanted him to dominate you, no questions asked. What he wanted was to ask you what you want because he wants to please you. For me, that's pretty damned close to awesome, as long as the guy is a total top.  i hate it when that happens and the guy is really versatile and hoping/fishing for a flip.

 For me, a big part of sex is mental, i like the Total Top/ total bottom dynamic. you sound like your into D/s, but like you lean more towards Top/bottom dynamic? For instance, would you have liked it if He had demanded in a dominant way that you fuck him?  That would have been him using you for his pleasure, but i suspect that's not what you'd want?

 

I think @ErosWiredand @tallslenderguyboth hit the nail right on the head. When a bottom says to a Top, "I want you to use me," what exactly does that mean? Lots of bottoms say that, but have different meanings, as well as expectations and ideas about what sex should be. A Top asking "Where do you want me to cum?" is his attempt to please his bottom, as many bottoms do have a preference for this. In my experience, the "Total Top" dynamic, where a Man is willing to truly use you for His pleasure comes only after a relationship has built some trust and understanding between the Top and the bottom. My advice? He sounds like a catch that just doesn't know you that well yet. I think as we get older, we start to want what we want right off the bat when it comes to sex - and the truth is, when two people simply don't know each other that well, there are bound to be speedbumps. Reinforce with him your preference, and gradually, you should see him become more comfortable with this.

[ErosWired]

An exception that proves the rule happened to me this morning. Just before I was supposed to start packing up to leave from hosting, a man came unexpectedly to fuck me. He hadn’t hit me up online, he’d just seen my ad and decided to take advantage of it.

He looked a little familiar - lean, a little older than me - but as soon as he started fucking me I said, “OH - I remember you!” It was one of the Tops who had taken me on my very first hotel hosting last year, the one I remembered most vividly (he is an amazing lay and loads me twice), and apparently he remembered me in much the same way.

Once we had both kind of acknowledged this mutual recognition/admiration/shared experience, it felt like the dynamic between us suddenly changed, and this morning’s fuck turned into so much fun just because we felt a familiarity and ease with one another.

I really look forward to the next time he makes a surprise appearance in my cun-  ...er, in my hotel room.

Edited February 16, 2019 by ErosWired