Any guys here still in denial?

[kryptos]

I stopped trying to convince myself that I'm not gay, but I don't really wear the label.

[hungry_hole]

If you are only attracted to men you are gay, if you only like the sex and/or are attracted to women you're bisexual. I don't get it why men can't be bisexual and woman can.

By this definition most men in Ancient Greece would have been gay or bisexual. And all the men from Papua New Guinea (See Gilbert Herdt) woiuld also have been bisexual.

Men are horny and depending on how much permission they give themselves determines what they will do sexually. Why are most "hetero" men so scared of being thought as gay? I think it's because all men, at somne point or another in their lives, have either fantasies, dreams, wet-dreams, etc where other men are involved.

We barebackers are addicted to cum, specially us expoerienced bottoms. But have you seen how important in "straight porn" the cum-shot is to the point of being called "money shot" because cum-shots sell the movies. So now, what's the difference between "us" and "them" if we are all horny beasts who love cum?

Being gay or bisexual has more to do with an identity, and identity that doesn't fit me: I'm just horny and I have allowed myself to have sex with men. Period.

[Bob123456]

Im bi, i know i prefer women but 1day i would like 2take a cock in my mouth and taste it and feel it throb in my mouth and taste the sperm being pumped out!

[Brain&Brawn]

Bottom line is guys that till you accept and admit to yourself who you realy are, true happiness will always be just slightly out of reach.

Admitting to being gay is not a weakness and I am not a victim. Infact admitting to being gay and being out takes a hell of a lot of courage and strength of character. You have to have balls to be able to deal with homophobes and ignorant F%#$@. Having to lie to yourself is one thing, lying to your "Girlfriends" or "wifes" and workmates can be awful especially when the truth comes out.

Well said brother!

[jeff238]

I wouldn't mind at all being labeled as gay, and have acknowledged myself that way just to keep a conversation simple, but no one that knows me describes me as gay. I don't use the term to describe myself if given a choice. I am of the opinion that "gay" is more of a lifestyle or attitude than it is a sexual orientation. I believe the media, and a certain amount of ignorance on the part of the general population perpetuates that all inclusive label. Sexuality is far from an either-or situation, but an infinitely variable mix of homosexuality and heterosexuality.

There is nothing in my lifestyle that would suggest me being gay, nothing in my mannerisms that would suggest that I enjoy homosexual activity. I like sex with women just as much as I do men, and in my life have probably had sex with both about the same ammount.

I find it offensive beyond words that someone else would have the arrogance to tell me what I should or shouldn't like to do in any aspect of my life, especially something as subjective as sexual enjoyment. I can't imagine anything more corrosive to a society than a bigoted attitude. Labels only serve to perpetuate bigotry.

"Self importance is the fuel for conflict"

[cam1972]

I struggled for years with this very thing. Even just jacking off. After I came, I pretended that I had fantasized about a woman just to make myself feel better. One of the reasons I struggled was because of the box that being "gay" would require me to be jammed into. I don't identify with 3/4 of what is considered a part of being gay. It wasn't until I came out to my parents at the age of 40 that I was able to accept my sexuality. And it's because of my dad's response. "Being a homosexual doesn't make you WHO you are. It's just a part of WHAT you are." So many have their whole identity wrapped up in this three letter label. But there's so much more to any one person than that. Who I am is my personality, my traits, my attitude, my heart, mind and soul. What I am: a son, brother, nephew, uncle, musician and lastly, a homosexual. None of those have any bearing as to who I am as an individual. That statement by my father allowed me to accept my sexuality. It was a huge relief. I don't have to fit in society's box. Nor the "gay community's" box. Because my sexuality does not make me WHO I am. I am who I am and just happen to be attracted to men. Two separate things. I feel for the OP. It's not easy living that way.

[Guest ff-whole]

There's a difference between gay and "MSM" (men who have sex with men). Gay is about the relationship. MSM is about the sex. It's perfectly normal (though a bit rare) to want a relationship with a woman and sex with men. I think some people fall into that category because of homophobia and prejudice but there are some where it's just how they're wired.

So you can be here wanting to get fucked by guys and still be straight when it comes to relationship stuff.

 

Yes... that is how I see myself... I love to have a relationship with a woman, love her curves, kiss her, caress her, fuck her in every possible position...

But... BUT... I love to have sex with men as a bottom, raw, slutty sex with a lot of men... depositing their gooey cum right inside my stretched and cleaned hole, until I am so full It can't take anything more... never enough though...

 

When I watch gay porn online, I imagine myself the bottom being serviced...

When I watch straight porn online of women getting fucked or whatever is done to them... ;-) I imagine being that woman... but I also imagine being another woman in the video that can caress, lick and kiss the other woman... or if needed be the men who suck the pussy or lick and fondle the tits and ass...

OKAY, I get it... probably to much information for the gay guys here... sorry guys ;-)

Edited December 9, 2015 by ff-whole

[evilqueerpig]

Your problem might be with the word 'gay'.  I identify as QUEER because, like me, it's bold, whereas gay is too polite  Since this is an old thread, I hope you've resolved your issues.

Edited July 9, 2022 by evilqueerpig
typo

[StlBottom]

On 12/30/2010 at 4:25 AM, rawTOP said:

There's a difference between gay and "MSM" (men who have sex with men). Gay is about the relationship. MSM is about the sex. It's perfectly normal (though a bit rare) to want a relationship with a woman and sex with men. I think some people fall into that category because of homophobia and prejudice but there are some where it's just how they're wired.

So you can be here wanting to get fucked by guys and still be straight when it comes to relationship stuff.

<but there are some where it's just how they're wired.>

That's me.  And had a relationship with a female who knew, encouraged, and watched, as I had sex with men.  That was in the last century, no female ltr for a while (a few short ones though), and still enjoy being used for sex, by men, and women.  But do not want to sleep in the same bed with a male.  My kinks have changed a little, my attraction to lovely young ladies (and now the gurls) has not changed

[evilalex]

Naw, I've never been in denial. When I was a teen I'd think "what are the odds?" since I was the only gay person I knew. I was in denial about ever telling anyone though. I thought I'd never disclose to anyone, but after I went to university I started coming out in the fall of my first year. 

[viking8x6]

Food for thought:

"Gay" is a one-dimensional label for something that is far more complex. Human beings have all kinds of sex for all kinds of reasons, and the same person may (and frequently does) have a great variety of experience and responses. So if you're denying that the label applies to you, it might very well not, and even if it does, it's probably not very descriptive of you as a sexual being. So, no issue there.

On the other hand, if you're in denial about your own nature (and "in denial about being gay" is shorthand for that), well, that's IMO very uncomfortable and probably unhealthy. You are what you are, whether you see it as God having made you that way, being born that way, being molded that way by events or other people, or choosing to be that way. Shame is an invention of society that allows it to manipulate our behavior. That is a double-edged sword - it's useful for keeping social friction under control, but it can make individuals anything from miserable to batshit crazy.

[Guest]

Since the original post was made some 12 years ago, I'd be curious to get an update from the OP of how things worked out in life for him... Denial and doubts are part and parcel of self-realisation of being gay, being somewhat different from the majority. Obviously, times have changed since the first post was made....

[BannedWord]

22 hours ago, viking8x6 said:

"Gay" is a one-dimensional label for something that is far more complex. Human beings have all kinds of sex for all kinds of reasons, and the same person may (and frequently does) have a great variety of experience and responses. So if you're denying that the label applies to you, it might very well not, and even if it does, it's probably not very descriptive of you as a sexual being. So, no issue there.

On the other hand, if you're in denial about your own nature (and "in denial about being gay" is shorthand for that), well, that's IMO very uncomfortable and probably unhealthy. You are what you are, whether you see it as God having made you that way, being born that way, being molded that way by events or other people, or choosing to be that way. Shame is an invention of society that allows it to manipulate our behavior. That is a double-edged sword - it's useful for keeping social friction under control, but it can make individuals anything from miserable to batshit crazy.

There's an argument to be made for whether labels should exist or are truly relevant. Gay, straight, CIS Gender, Transgender, bisexual, sapiosexual, demisexual, asexual, polyamorous, non-binary, queer, gender-fluid...and that's only scratching the surface, and new descriptors are being added daily. It's frankly so damn confusing to most of the world outside the LGTBQIA+ diaspora that it can become like trying to define the difference between why there are hundreds of kinds of pepper and what those are. Some would say it's "jumped the shark".

Here is the point I'll make: Just who is that label for? Is it to make you feel better about trying to define yourself into a small and compartmentalized box that helps explain your very complex being to others who may not even be concerned? Or is it trying to rationalize who you are to yourself? In the end, the people who don't know you likely don't care either. So don't do this for them. And perhaps don't even try doing it for yourself because you might even find your own self-definitions to change more fluidly than you think.  But we have no one to whom we need to affirm our lives and our perception of self other than ourselves.

Do you like women sexually? Do you like men sexually? Both? Transgendered people? Walruses? Great. (I'm kidding about the walruses, but whatever floats your boat and doesn't harm you or the walrus) You like who you like. I'd argue that the need to label that is an archaic concept seeking approval to be your authentic self from people whose opinion should perhaps play a very limited role in what makes you happy.

[hntnhole]

23 hours ago, viking8x6 said:

Shame is an invention of society that allows it to manipulate our behavior

In the context of human social behavior towards others, 100000 % !!!  When in the context of anti-social behavior (stealing, damaging other peoples stuff, beating strangers up, etc), then maybe 999999 %.  

[hntnhole]

53 minutes ago, TheSRQDude said:

sapiosexual

???  I'd never run across that one before, so I asked Mr. Googler about it. Turns out, I've got a streak of that one running up my spine !!!  Obviously, the "eye-candy" quotient wouldn't apply, but - if a guy opens his mouth and I find there's something worth listening to, that only pours gas on the carnal fire.  By the same token, dullards who constantly insist on proving and re-proving their status are not likely to interest me, no matter how hot their physical appearance.  I suppose this is why gags were invented millennia ago.......