Getting around his fag hags to actually get to know a guy?

[parvenu]

Hey guys,

I have come to have a big crush on a grindr date that started just as meeting for friends and is now stuck with me having to be around him AND his over-bearing fag hag friends. Basically all are female and i am getting the idea they dont like me as I refuse to go along with their fake attention seeking bullshit, I just want to get to know him and hopefully corrupt him as a fellow pig and have a relationship.

How do I get around it? When it comes to socialising they are always there and i dont want to scare him off with a ''formal'' date as that seems to make many guys go into meltdown.

Any one else have this issue?

[NLbear]

Doesn't he have one interest that is more a 'guy thing' to do and his fag hags most likely wouldn't like? If so you could suggest to do that/go there together. There is always the risk they will tag along anyway but it is worth the try.

[BlackDude]

Man I hate women. They are natural cock blockers. 

[Dirtyfuckboy]

Turn him against them. Always alienate the prey from the pack. Then when he's on his own attack and corrupt.

[Dirtyfuckboy]

On 8/23/2019 at 9:00 PM, parvenu said:

Hey guys,

I have come to have a big crush on a grindr date that started just as meeting for friends and is now stuck with me having to be around him AND his over-bearing fag hag friends. Basically all are female and i am getting the idea they dont like me as I refuse to go along with their fake attention seeking bullshit, I just want to get to know him and hopefully corrupt him as a fellow pig and have a relationship.

How do I get around it? When it comes to socialising they are always there and i dont want to scare him off with a ''formal'' date as that seems to make many guys go into meltdown.

Any one else have this issue?

Point out little annoying things about them in a subtle way "I love how you are so patient when she likes to make everything about herself", "it's so sweet that you let her make all the decisions etc" plant the seeds of doubt and anger in him and watch him rebel against them and come running to you. Make him confide in you and then do what you want with him

[ErosWired]

2 hours ago, Dirtyfuckboy said:

Point out little annoying things about them in a subtle way "I love how you are so patient when she likes to make everything about herself", "it's so sweet that you let her make all the decisions etc" plant the seeds of doubt and anger in him and watch him rebel against them and come running to you. Make him confide in you and then do what you want with him

But beware - once you teach him how to recognize their manipulation, he can recognize yours, too, if he has any intelligence at all.

And if you choose the path of emotional/social warfare against these women, consider that they are heavily armed, veterans of countless conflicts, and will think nothing of retaliating in kind, and with malice.

On the other hand, you could simply tell him straight up that you like him very much and would like to invite him to <some activity>. The invitation will be singular and not extended to his entourage. Should he ask whether they might also come, or should they rudely invite themselves, you should simply explain that you had asked him because you wanted to get to know him better.

Address all comments to him; do not engage the entourage directly. Do not permit them to control the dialogue, which should remain between you and him at all times. Do not be baited into answering their questions or justifying your actions to them. Speak only to him, and make it clear to him that his are the only responses you care about. When possible,  position yourself physically so that you are between him and them with your back to them. Ignore shrill noises.

Good luck.

[parvenu]

thanks guys! unfortunately some of them appear to be a bit more nasty/manipulative so things will need to go down the darker route hehe, but i like a challenge. god i hate controlling fag hags.

[Guest]

Is it really worth the effort?  There are so many other men out there.

[tallslenderguy]

 

Trying to step back and look at this clinically, i have wondered why so many women are manipulative?  One reason i can see is most women have developed in a male dominated culture and there are consequences on both sides.  i know this is an over simplification of something complex, but i think in some ways women have developed manipulation as a survival mechanism.  I.e., in a direct confrontation, they historically lose in a traditionally male dominated society. Instead of giving up, they have developed  different ways to play the 'game.'  Again, i think it's complicated, but i'm not convinced that looking at the surface of how men or women act gives us the reasons why.  

Personally, i despise manipulation and subterfuge, i don't want to copy something i don't like about being a women. To me, those methods impede the very thing that makes life rich: connecting with other guys.  When i say "connecting," i don't mean only the physical, but on emotional and intellectual levels as well, which seems to be what you are wanting?  i'm not a proponent of "fighting fire with fire," but rather, fight fire with water.  i like being a man and being with men, so why adopt or copy methods women often use that will make us like women?

One of the things i like about being a man is being a risk taker. It takes courage to be vulnerable and direct about your feelings, but i think it is also one of the things that is hot about being a man. i'm not suggesting you wear your heart on your sleeve, but i'd argue for telling him how you feel and what you want without embellishment.  i think it's a mistake for you to assume  "...a ''formal'' date as that seems to make many guys go into meltdown."  Bluntly put, isn't that stereotypically how a woman would approach this?  We've all heard the jokes about how a man pursues a woman until she catches him.  Again, manipulation and subterfuge. Do we really want a guy we'd have to trick into a deeper relationship?  

[blackrobe]

On 8/23/2019 at 1:00 PM, parvenu said:

Hey guys,

I have come to have a big crush on a grindr date that started just as meeting for friends and is now stuck with me having to be around him AND his over-bearing fag hag friends. Basically all are female and i am getting the idea they dont like me as I refuse to go along with their fake attention seeking bullshit, I just want to get to know him and hopefully corrupt him as a fellow pig and have a relationship.

How do I get around it? When it comes to socialising they are always there and i dont want to scare him off with a ''formal'' date as that seems to make many guys go into meltdown.

Any one else have this issue?

Why not pull him aside, crack open your heart a little, and tell him you'd like to get to know him better on his own? It has the virtue of being true, and if he freaks out or says no you know where you stand.

[Guest BritBottom]

1 hour ago, blackrobe said:

Why not pull him aside, crack open your heart a little, and tell him you'd like to get to know him better on his own? It has the virtue of being true, and if he freaks out or says no you know where you stand.

I am of the same view.

Not quite the same situation but, a few years ago, I got to be good friends with a guy I first met in a cruising area. Using the same, actually the only, gay pub, I fell into socialising with him and his circle of friends. They were always around – I now realise that they were his support mechanism. As far as I was concerned the group was fine but he was my focus because we got on so well. I was a lot shyer in those days so didn’t push it. I moved away so lost contact and moved on. Over a year later on a visit, home I bumped into one of his friends in a pub. Catching up, over a couple of pints he told me that, after I’d left, our mutual friend told him that he’d fallen for me but had never had the courage to tell me. I had no idea how he felt, we’d both played it too cool and I regret that I missed out because he was a really good guy. Some of us can be really dumb at times, miss all the signs and just need plain telling.

OK, he might brush you off, but unless you enjoy dangling from a hook, it seems all you are doing is suffering.

It’s your life, only you can decide but I’d bite the bullet and take the chance.

As they say on those endless lottery adverts, ‘You have to be in it to win it’

[tallslenderguy]

16 minutes ago, BritBottom said:

I am of the same view.

Not quite the same situation but, a few years ago, I got to be good friends with a guy I first met in a cruising area. Using the same, actually the only, gay pub, I fell into socialising with him and his circle of friends. They were always around – I now realise that they were his support mechanism. As far as I was concerned the group was fine but he was my focus because we got on so well. I was a lot shyer in those days so didn’t push it. I moved away so lost contact and moved on. Over a year later on a visit, home I bumped into one of his friends in a pub. Catching up, over a couple of pints he told me that, after I’d left, our mutual friend told him that he’d fallen for me but had never had the courage to tell me. I had no idea how he felt, we’d both played it too cool and I regret that I missed out because he was a really good guy. Some of us can be really dumb at times, miss all the signs and just need plain telling.

OK, he might brush you off, but unless you enjoy dangling from a hook, it seems all you are doing is suffering.

It’s your life, only you can decide but I’d bite the bullet and take the chance.

As they say on those endless lottery adverts, ‘You have to be in it to win it’

^^This^^

On the one hand, we identify things we don't like about women ("fag hags"), but on the other, women are traditionally the ones to talk about feelings.  Why is that?  my culture taught me that 'real' men don't talk about how they feel. We even have honorable cliche' like: "the strong silent type" that sends the message that real men don't discuss their feelings.  i've even seen it espoused in some circles that women are naturally more feeling and men more intellectual.  i don't think that is accurate, at least, not to the degree that we have made it a sort of rule.

 i don't think men lack feelings, i think we have been culturally conditioned to hide/bury those feelings as 'un-manly.'  Fuck that.  If it is untrue, why buy into it?  i see the gay community often emulating stereotypes of 'manliness' (out of fear?) instead of actually being who they are (i.e., men).   i think it has gotten to the place where, from lack of practice, men are out of touch with their feelings and often lack the skill set to articulate their feelings. That makes relationship shallow, if not impossible. 

[Guest BritBottom]

I take the cultural point, it was true of my father where actions spoke very much louder than words. I found my father dead of heart failure, and I recall that I forced myself not to cry until I was alone after the ambulance had taken him away. In the time and society I grew up in, any sign of weakness would have made me a target and that habit was hard to break.

Apart from the cultural aspect I think it is also a matter of confidence in oneself and self-protection from getting hurt or humiliated. With feelings it’s tempting to play the ‘you show me yours and I’ll show you mine game’, as in my last post that can just lead nowhere.

Fortunately since the experience I outlined, I grew up and learned to face and deal with my feelings. I am most impressed by, an attracted to, men who are confident in themselves, honest about who they are, what they want and comfortable with their feelings, there are some. How I express my own is dependant on circumstances, trust and who I’m with.

Tallslenderguy has eloquently reflected my views about connection and relationships. We are alike in seeking emotional and intellectual depth in addition to the physical experience.

Most lost opportunities arise because of our fears – and that just leads to regrets later.

[BlackDude]

18 hours ago, flexbtm said:

Is it really worth the effort?  There are so many other men out there.

This. I’m at the point where I refuse to let some snatch control my sex life and happiness.