Confessions of a Newly Converted Chaser

[Hotload84]

This was salvaged from Bugshare.net, the 'Strictly Stories' section.

************************************************************

Hello mate. I decided to reply to this in public because I want others to hear this.

My chasing started when I started to get very depressed at where my life was taking me. I started to become more and more down and the fantasy of bugchasing started to become more and more like reality. Don't get me wrong, I was not suicidal or anything like that. I just think that my depression made me consider it when otherwise it would have only remained a fantasy.

I guess like many of you guys I messed a few guys around by arranging meets and not showing. I was very open about wanting the other guy to know I was negative. It wasn't good enough for me just to get converted. My fantasy was to have a bloke look into my eyes as he gave me his load. I searched the internet for almost 4 months and found it relatively easy to find HIV positive guys who were willing.

In the end it all happened on a Sunday afternoon. It was a hot day and I was really horny. I didn't intend for that to be the day. I just got chatting to a hot POZ guy on the net and for all my meticulous searching, I actually went for a guy that did not know I was negative. At least I guesss he thought that. I made a date with him at 2 hours notice so that I couldn't talk myself out of it. He fucked me and came inside me. I left the cum in me for the rest of the day. I felt reasonably ok afterwards...not many regrets.

The next day I met another guy and got another POZ load. I will never forget because the guy seemed to know I was negative. He kept asking if it was ok to shoot inside me. I had no regrets and said yes. After 2 loads I waited a number of months and took a home HIV test which was positive. I was a little down when I got this result. Pretty stupid really, I don't know. After that result I still had doubts in my mind despite going through obvious seroconversion syptoms. I got tested again earlier this year at my local clinic and the result was confirmed positive. When I got this result I did feel very bad.

Please don't take this that I am trying to talk others out of it. I still question how I really feel now. I also don't think people are honest on here as to why they want to contract this virus. If I am brutally honest I would say it's because I am a little mixed up and abit of a loner. I always try to distace myself from other people and don't know why. I don't know whether catching this virus was for the need to belong or what. I try not to analyze that too much. I am not going to give any advice to anybody because I am not sure how I feel myself. The only thing I will say is that there is no going back after you have done it so think long and hard.

My viral load is soaring right now as I keep taking more POZ loads, not sure why. My CD4 is around 300. It is really difficult because this is such a taboo subject. I come to chat with other people like me. It would be really nice to meet someone else in a similar position to me. I can't confess this to anyone else as they wouldn't understand.

Take care of yourself fellas. It is the hottest fantasy that you can have really. I made mine a reality.

Love and peace.