Have You Been Raped as a Child and Became Attracted to Men like your Rapist?

[BootmanLA]

I don't mean to minimize your experience in any way, Boyhood, but your argument holds no water. You say that it's "one man's story", but then extrapolate YOUR experience to 25 million others in this country, as though every one of them, no matter what his experiences, must inevitably be affected the same way you were.

I'm always suspicious of huge numbers like "25 million men" because the only way such a large number could be true is if a very, very broad description of "abuse" were used. With a population of 308 million people, the US has about 150 million men, meaning that about 16% of men had been sexually molested as children. To reach that figure, you'd have to count every boy who ever had a clothing salesman feel him up while fitting a pair of pants and every football player who ever had his ass patted by a coach on the field. It would have to include every 17-year old boy who had consensual sex with a woman over 18, which not so long ago was a rite of passage.

That may (or may not) all be abuse, but I can assure you that most of the men in those latter categories don't become suicidal or need PTSD therapy.

Again, I'm not belittling your experience - which, as related, would be clearly traumatic. But you can't lump 25 million other people's varied experiences into that same context.

[rawTOP]

The level of abuse that 'boyhood' experienced is pretty remarkable and can't be typical for very many people.

I had a good friend a few years ago (have lost touch with him) who's mother was abused by his step father (apparently she had a series of relationships with abusive men). However, she had the good sense to to lock my friend in the basement to keep him away from her abusive partners when she wasn't home. Not much of a childhood, but she bought him this enormous play city and told him she wanted him to be like Frank Lloyd Wright. He spent hours with that city and went on to get his Ph.D. in environmental psychology - basically a field of study that blends psychology with architecture and urban planning. He had his demons, sure, but they didn't get the better of him - not at all...

My point is that parents should be held accountable when a child is abused over a long period of time. It's their job to protect their kids. Even parents in bad circumstances can do things to protect their kids - even if it means locking them in the basement with a play city.

In the case of 'boyhood' I blame his parents for not teaching him to stand up for himself. It appears no one told him he could say 'no' to abuse. If they had given him a sense of self worth he could have avoided a lot of that abuse by just saying 'no'. My friend knew his mother was proud of him and thought he could be a great architect. That's all it took to get him through a bad childhood... A parent who genuinely believed in him.

By contrast the there are clearly some of you who sought out sex with adults when you were still "too young". While it was technically rape, it wasn't abuse (IMHO) because you were at least in some way in control of the experience. Empowerment is key. Empowered kids don't become victims (very often).

[Alaric]

Years back I used to run a scout troop (ages 11-18) in rough dockland area, thankfully I never "touched" any the boys not knowingly indulged in risky conversation. With the older ones I would get on their case with sex advice in terms of wearing condoms with their girlfriend, but gay sex was not an issue raised by the boys. Amongst themselves they were dirty little sods and in camp would get involved in group jerk-off games in their tents. I remain convinced that if as an adult in a position of trust I'd abused the boys it would have caused them long term personality damage. It is a definite no-no! It is much more fun and rewarding to help and watch the boy develop into an adult.

I was mildly abused by the local village paedophile when I was nine, his hand up my shorts leg to fiddle with my cock. I don't think its had any lasting impact, other than wondering what might have happened if I hadn't told him to get lost. The difference was that all the local kids in the village knew he was a "Bad Man" and he wanted to put his thingy in your bottom. Living around farms we were all aware of the facts of life.

Edited November 13, 2011 by Hotload84

[NCPOZTOP]

Well, so far my observation years ago that half of all gay men were raped as kids, is holding up as true. Luckily, fewer than 10% remember it as a bad experience. I wonder what the numbers would be among heterosexual women?

I would imagine that percentage wise, it would probably be about the same. With gays, we are already told that our attractions are abnormal, so once we find that not to be true, we usually are more willing to admit to early encounters with older guys that are also usually considered abnormal, or "rape" , even if we consented. With heterosexual females, I would assume that since society views them as "normal" in most aspects, the age difference from their early experiences might seem like a shameful experience to them, even if they consented... and so maybe they consider it rape, or just act like it never happened.

I think the process of coming out as gay opens us up to discussing sex more than most heterosexuals.

Edited November 13, 2011 by Hotload84

[bottomcub85]

This is a sensitive topic for sure. What's interesting about the Penn State scandal is that I was as young as most of the boys involved when I started cruising for sex. I understand that may not be normal, but it's weird to think about.

[NastyRigPig]

This is a sensitive topic for sure. What's interesting about the Penn State scandal is that I was as young as most of the boys involved when I started cruising for sex. I understand that may not be normal, but it's weird to think about.

I think there is a hell of a lot more to this story that we don't know about. I mean, raping a 10 y.o. boy in the lockerroom seems odd. I think there were more involved and there isa wall of silence going up.

[Dirtysouth]

A few of my friends growing up were molested, and throughout middle school and high school they were the type of guys that wanted to fuck every chick that moved, as if to prove how straight they were. Me, I was lucky, pretty boring sexual life, but developed my own kinks and expectations, and having dated only women, I can say that the women I have dated who were abused by their fathers (maybe sexually, I mean how far of a leap is it from beating your little son or daughter to molesting them???) certainly have deeper issues brewing, and it often showcased itself in the bedroom. The sex could be more violent and present, like they were getting back at their abuser.

As for my gay friends, more than half were molested by family members at a young age. I cannot imagine how it makes them feel.

[bottomcub85]

This is a sensitive topic for sure. What's interesting about the Penn State scandal is that I was as young as most of the boys involved when I started cruising for sex. I understand that may not be normal, but it's weird to think about.

Didn't see the poll. Voted: Yes, but it was only technically rape - I consented and/or instigated it

[Bear4Breeding]

This sure is a touchy subject as well as a very heated discussion. I was never molested or raped in any sence of the word as a child. My first expierence was at 16 with if I remember correctlya guy in who was 20 or so not real sure now. I did consent to it, but as I recall I didn't really enjoy it, but he wasn't so concerened with my enjoyment or my lack of expierence either. I don't consider it rape just a bad first time which is generally how most people view their first times after awhile, once they have more expierence etc.

As for the issue. I am not a college eductaed man or extremely intelligent. I don't watch the news or follow the current world order. I just know that an adult doing anything to a child, regardless of the child's relationship to the adult, is wrong. Adults should protect and nurture children. Age of consent laws are there for a reason. There are fuzzy areas as someone mentioned previously, but in most cases these laws stem from when and how we as people develop, that is, our brains and bodies. In most states in the US having sex with a MINOR, someone under the age of 18 is considered rape, consentual or not. Statutory rape can still be charged against the "adult", regardless the minor's consent. Just remember that guys. They may consent at the time but later on they can always change their minds and file charges and you will be in the slammer doing time.

Edited November 13, 2011 by Hotload84

[jasie]

Yes to the topic question for me.

Edited November 13, 2011 by Hotload84

[therebel43]

It's called the Stockholm Theory.... You make a connection with the man that attacked/used you. You can get over it with therapy...

[bred]

I answered "yes" - reluctantly, because I don't and didn't consider it rape. Fortunately RT included the "Yes, but only technically" option!

My first time I was 15 and was picked up while hitchhiking. He was an adult - I'd guess 30 or so - and age of consent in my state was 16, so technically he raped me. But man, was I willing! And so, so ready - I had been fantasizing and jacking off about sex with another male since I was 10.

I was filled with shame afterward, but only because I'd absorbed so much hatred & revulsion from society about "fags". And now I clearly was one, so that must mean I'm worthless, right? Took me a long while to work that one out, and figure out for myself that taking cock up my ass didn't mean I was worth any less as a human being. In truth I was already wrestling with it before that guy took my cherry - obviously I knew what I'd wanted for a long time. So it's not like he created all that psychodrama - it was there waiting for me, no matter what age I had sex for the first time. I guess you might argue that I would have been better able to deal with it an an older age. But really, that doesn't ring true for me - I know those issues would have been difficult no matter what, and were already brewing in me anyway. Meanwhile, at least I got laid, and it was HOT!

Forcible rape is a deplorable act at any age, and is even more heinous when the victim is a child. I hope we're all in agreement on that. But I think the issue of statutory "rape" is a tricky one. A lot rides on setting that age wisely. In my own case, it would have been ludicrous had my fuckbud been prosecuted. He used no force or coercion whatsoever - just offered me his cock, which, as it turns out, I desperately wanted and was thrilled and greedy to get. So I know I'd support lowering age of consent to 15. Yet I also know that I wouldn't come on to a 15-year-old, even one as hot to trot as I was, and even if it was legal and I found him sexy. It just seems inappropriate. And to take it further, if my first-time man had come on to me 3 years earlier, I know I would have jumped on it then too, and quite possibly even before that. Yet I wouldn't support lowering consent to 12, let alone 10. So it's complex.

As far as the original question goes, I never saw my man again, and don't remember at all what he looked like. And I'm attracted to lots of different types of men, so I guess he didn't "imprint" on me the way the question is asking about.

[chargedodger]

Hey I was only 12,didn't know anything about sex at all.So when I was out playing and some man said "hey blondie come here"I did what he said,figuring he was mad cuz I was breaking bottles against the wall of a pumphouse.I was taught to obey adults.So I went to him and he pointed to the pumphouse and pushed me forward a bit.So I went in.He closed the door behind us.There was an old sleeping bag on the concrete.I turned around and he had his pants down already,and yanked mine down too.He knelt before me taking my cock and balls between his lips,sucking and playing with them.Hw blew a bit of air into my urethrea and soon had me hard.Moments later I started to orgasm,dry cuz I was too young for cum production.I saw his man sized cock,hard as he stroked it with one hand.As my cock spasmed and danced he watched it,I think he was waiting for some cum to appear,as he licked it several times while it danced.He stood up and poked his serect cock at my lips and said"suck it".I said "No.I don't want to"He went behind me and told me to bend over,and put a hand on my neck so I would.Something was poking my hole,and soon realized it was his tongue!His vaseline covered finger soon replaced that and he was not gentle in probing me.More vaseline followed,then a hard cockhead just popped into me.He got it all the way in,and pushed me over to the sleeping bag on the concrete,made me het on my stomach and re-entered mhe was not too gentle with fucking me and I was more than a little scared,heart pounding and really frightened.He was hurting something deep inside me when he bottomed out on his thrust,but I was afraid to say anything.Soon he got really violent in thrusting and grunted a few times,then stopped moving.I had to just lay under him,pressed into the sleeping bag by his much heavier weight.He pulled out,wiped his cock off on the slepping bag and put his pants back on.I pulled my pants back up.He was blocking the door...so I waited to bolt.When he stepped aside I ran,got on my bike and rode home with his cum leaking out.I never topd my folks a thing about it cuz I came from a really abusive home.I survived it,but this was a life changing event.I have no attraction to kids at all,and think molesters belong in jail for their crimes.But that early experience also awoke a curiousity in me and soon discoverred many men just loved getting naked with the cute skinny blonde haired blue eyed boy that was me back then.As for my interests today and how they were shaped by getting raped,I am bisexual.I am versatile with men,love to top or btm with equal passion.But once in a while I really love getting seduced by a big guy who can pin me down and have his way with me.That is probably how I will get pozzed,and I am okay with that.Its another life changing event that makes my heart pound.This answer may be a bit long,I am sorry.but its is all true.

[lesklave]

Interesting thread. I only recently told my wife of 22 years about what happened to me when I was 13. I had been sent to a summer camp which consisted of travelling by bus from Montreal (Quebec) to Victoria (BC) over the course of a month. We were in small groups that slept in tents at various provicial and federal parks along the way. The kids in the groups were from 13 to 18 - all boys, a total of about 40 kids I guess. I did not know anyone and was teased by the older boys at the back of the bus even before we reached Toronto. The incident (I'm detached from any emotional connection to it...the memory feels like someone else now...or a movie) happened somewhere in the prairies. I had done something wrong and was confined to the tent as punishment for the afternoon with two other kids. They were old, about 18 I think. Anyway, they had hair on the bodies which meant "older" to me. It was July and incredibly hot. The tents were quite large and the older guys were at the back smoking dope and giggling. I was in my underwear lying on my sleeping bag trying to sleep. Next thing I know, one of the guys is lying on top of me, holding me down, he's calling me a "tapette" (french for faggot) and sort of dry humping me. I remember my back was all slick from his sweat. I honestly don't remember saying a word or even resisting, he pulls down my shorts and then he's inside me. I also don't remember any pain...there must have been....but like I said, this all seems like a movie to me now. Whatever he did was quick and then the other guy did the same thing then it was over. I'm thinking maybe 10 minutes tops. I don't remember much of anything about that whole summer after that. I remember leaving Montreal on the bus, I remember having my book taken and thrown across the bus outside Toronto and that made me cry which I was ashamed of. I remember the event in the tent and then flying home from Winnipeg much later. Not sure if this made me "gay"...I have been with many women in my life and have been married a long time. My wife and I still have great sex, but I have always been sexually passive/submissive with men...I try and resist it, but I always end up giving in and finding someone who will use me and humiliate me. i guess you could draw a connection, that would be convenient. But I feel so detached from the event, I don't see how they could be related. As I said - the memory is like a movie to me. I have no recollection of pain, no "cum leaking out my ass" ( did not even know what cum was), nor do I remember how the hours and days that followed unfolded. Was I touched again? Did they tease me about it? I think it is likely that what happened scared them silly and they left me alone, acting as if nothing had happened. But i cannot assert this as I frankly don't remember. Today, I have a dark side (if it must be given a name) that finds me craving for degrading sex with anonymous men. I struggle with this urge because it is inherently destructive. To give in to it would set me on a slippery slope that put at risk everything I hold dear.

But I'm here...on this site....dancing at the edge of darkness.

[lovetobottom2000]

I was molested by a couple workers who used to work for my parents when I was about 6. They took off my clothes and played with my dick but didn't go any farther as my mom was looking for me and stopped them from further damage. Nothing sexual came out of it as I had yet to know what sex was. Then when I was 13 I was molested by my classmate who was a year older. We were in a boarding school. He humped me (no penetration) every morning for at least one semmester and didn't stop until we were in different sections of the dorm the second semmester. Even though he was smaller in size than me (not his dick, which was one of the longest in the dorm at 8"), I was too frightened and ashamed to do anything about it. I was glad when it was over. Thinking back I wished I knew more about sex and wished to have done more wild things with him! Today, though, my preference is still guys who are pretty much the opposite of my rapist: bigger, taller and hairy (except for the agressiveness and large dick size).