Need encouragement after a disapointing night

[happynleather]

Hey group, I just need some advice and a pick maybe a pick me up.  I am fairly new to the cumdump scene and was going to have a big cuming out over the weekend of Hibearnation in STL.  I spent a pretty good chunk of change and was really disappointed and felt kind of down on myself actually.  I started by going to the Bears at the Bath event.  the place was so packed I could only get a locker.  I laid on the fuck bench until my sternum was sore, moved to the leather bed/table with my ass up for a long time and nothing.  I was there for 3 hours.  sucked some dick but not a single taker to drop a load. It was kind of strange, everyone was kissing and cuddling but no fucking going on in the entire place that I could see.   I advertised an open door cumdump on BBRT in the hotel that hosted hibearnation and it was dead.  I had one guy who actually dropped a load in me, another came and could not get hard and two that walked in and turned away, oh and two that were bottoms and just talked "they were pretty cool though".  I got a bit discouraged and ended up leaving early actually.   Not sure what to do guys, I feel sometimes that whatever "it" is, I don't seem to have it.   Any advice or encouragement would be great

[Pozlover1]

I have no idea. I used to sip a beer at a fairly butch gay bar. Occasionally a pack of club kids would pop in, turn up their nose and sneer “nothing’s happening HERE” and leave. The elusive “it” I suppose.

[Filthpig69]

17 minutes ago, happynleather said:

Hey group, I just need some advice and a pick maybe a pick me up.  I am fairly new to the cumdump scene and was going to have a big cuming out over the weekend of Hibearnation in STL.  I spent a pretty good chunk of change and was really disappointed and felt kind of down on myself actually.  I started by going to the Bears at the Bath event.  the place was so packed I could only get a locker.  I laid on the fuck bench until my sternum was sore, moved to the leather bed/table with my ass up for a long time and nothing.  I was there for 3 hours.  sucked some dick but not a single taker to drop a load. It was kind of strange, everyone was kissing and cuddling but no fucking going on in the entire place that I could see.   I advertised an open door cumdump on BBRT in the hotel that hosted hibearnation and it was dead.  I had one guy who actually dropped a load in me, another came and could not get hard and two that walked in and turned away, oh and two that were bottoms and just talked "they were pretty cool though".  I got a bit discouraged and ended up leaving early actually.   Not sure what to do guys, I feel sometimes that whatever "it" is, I don't seem to have it.   Any advice or encouragement would be great

I think it's sort of a law of averages. 

Some nights are on, some are off. You take the good with the bad, if for no other reason, simply because there is no other choice, and trying to resist that will just depress you. 

 

I've had nights at cruise clubs and saunas that left me feeling really empty, both figuratively and literally, other times I've left venues totally satisfied, and usually with at least a few loads, or going home with someone to continue the fun....

[funpozbottom]

You said "everyone was kissing and cuddling but no fucking going on"  so it's not like everyone else was getting it on and you were being left out. Also, if you've got other bottoms coming around to chat, it probably means they weren't getting much either.  Overall, it sounds like it was just an off night. 

[Samanthads]

can happen ive been ass up on a fuck bench and sucked 4 cocks and similar to your experience there wasnt much sex in the whole sauna going on sometimes there are off days depends on the crowd thats in it always hit and miss

[tallslenderguy]

14 hours ago, happynleather said:

  Not sure what to do guys, I feel sometimes that whatever "it" is, I don't seem to have it.   Any advice or encouragement would be great

Couple of thoughts.  i agree with others who identify averages, cycles.  i encourage you to keep putting yourself out there, but altering expectations.  The truth is, we don't know what we're going to get when we put our self out there.  While age and looks factor in, they are not the only factors and i find it's a mistake to put to much weight on them.  I really believe other factors are more in play.  

To me, places like saunas or gay events are some of the hardest places to get sex.  If i were a Top spending $30 at a sex club, i'd get very selective and wouldn't want to shoot immediately and just go home.  From what you describe, this was an event and was more social than sexual.  For me, those venues are very hit or miss.  i go to a all gay resort in Palm Springs on a regular basis and some days while i'm there are awesome and some sexless.  And PS is a gay Mecca lol.  If you get discouraged and give up, you'll miss the on days though. 

If i am feeling very horny and cum dumpy, i get most of my quick and easy loads at an ABS during lunch or when guys are getting off work.  i find most of the guys who frequent these places at those times just wanna get off on their way home. It's not unusual for me to take half a dozen cocks in a half hour or so.  It's a different crowd and many are there to simply get off, not find the man of their dreams.

[evilqueerpig]

From what I can see, you don't seem to be lacking "it".....likely just an off night.

[find91]

16 hours ago, happynleather said:

Hey group, I just need some advice and a pick maybe a pick me up.  I am fairly new to the cumdump scene and was going to have a big cuming out over the weekend of Hibearnation in STL.  I spent a pretty good chunk of change and was really disappointed and felt kind of down on myself actually.  I started by going to the Bears at the Bath event.  the place was so packed I could only get a locker.  I laid on the fuck bench until my sternum was sore, moved to the leather bed/table with my ass up for a long time and nothing.  I was there for 3 hours.  sucked some dick but not a single taker to drop a load. It was kind of strange, everyone was kissing and cuddling but no fucking going on in the entire place that I could see.   I advertised an open door cumdump on BBRT in the hotel that hosted hibearnation and it was dead.  I had one guy who actually dropped a load in me, another came and could not get hard and two that walked in and turned away, oh and two that were bottoms and just talked "they were pretty cool though".  I got a bit discouraged and ended up leaving early actually.   Not sure what to do guys, I feel sometimes that whatever "it" is, I don't seem to have it.   Any advice or encouragement would be great

Nothing is wrong with you, men but people in general are weird. A lot of people talk about being a cumdump or fucking loaded ass but less actually follow through. sadly you just gotta keep pushing on and I would suggest lower your expectation , especially when it comes to group play. we all had nights like especially if you do sex clubs and saunas it just comes with the game. Tops get picky when they see a lot of choice and guess what happens? They don't fuck anyone because they were too picky. Like others said it looks like it was an off night, or people came in groups ( which most guys won't venture too far from their pack)

Keep your chin up if that is you in your pick you your looks are fine

[LetsPOZBreed]

Definitely do not get discouraged.  In all my experiences with groups, sex clubs, and saunas, I can tell you first hand that one night shouldn't be your be-all-end-all.

Strangely, the larger the sex party, the less likely it is that you might have the all-out brain busting experience you're imagining.  I've noticed that since the introduction of PrEP that bottoming has become far more competitive than it used to be.  These big sex parties tend to have an oversupply of us.  As such, the tops have many options to choose from.  Even if you do get lucky and take cock, don't expect every guy to breed you.  Personal experience again, you just have to stick it out for a while and eventually a guy will be aching to shoot before heading off.

Open door cumdump is better, but again, if you're doing this at a location and time with many others looking for the same thing, you'll notice diminished returns.  I have gotten the most action doing this on "off" weekends (no other event going on where you have to "compete" for attention).  

With saunas as well, I've had varied experiences as of late.  One week it was lots of guys topping me; a few weeks later, every guy wanted to nut in my mouth instead of fuck me.  As someone previously mentioned, it's better if you can catch horny men over their lunch break or after work; they'll be much more willing to cum quickly and not spend hours browsing.

Bottom line, don't get discouraged.  Try it out a few more times to see if you have different experiences.  I suggest going on a weekend/day-of-week where there's not much else going on.  

[happynleather]

9 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

Couple of thoughts.  i agree with others who identify averages, cycles.  i encourage you to keep putting yourself out there, but altering expectations.  The truth is, we don't know what we're going to get when we put our self out there.  While age and looks factor in, they are not the only factors and i find it's a mistake to put to much weight on them.  I really believe other factors are more in play.  

To me, places like saunas or gay events are some of the hardest places to get sex.  If i were a Top spending $30 at a sex club, i'd get very selective and wouldn't want to shoot immediately and just go home.  From what you describe, this was an event and was more social than sexual.  For me, those venues are very hit or miss.  i go to a all gay resort in Palm Springs on a regular basis and some days while i'm there are awesome and some sexless.  And PS is a gay Mecca lol.  If you get discouraged and give up, you'll miss the on days though. 

If i am feeling very horny and cum dumpy, i get most of my quick and easy loads at an ABS during lunch or when guys are getting off work.  i find most of the guys who frequent these places at those times just wanna get off on their way home. It's not unusual for me to take half a dozen cocks in a half hour or so.  It's a different crowd and many are there to simply get off, not find the man of their dreams.

  I think another issue I have is I live in a very dead area, and not much lunch time or spontaneous play here.   But with that said you are absolutely right in the fact that I need to be willing to accept the failures in order to be there for the successes. 

[happynleather]

8 hours ago, find91 said:

Nothing is wrong with you, men but people in general are weird. A lot of people talk about being a cumdump or fucking loaded ass but less actually follow through. sadly you just gotta keep pushing on and I would suggest lower your expectation , especially when it comes to group play. we all had nights like especially if you do sex clubs and saunas it just comes with the game. Tops get picky when they see a lot of choice and guess what happens? They don't fuck anyone because they were too picky. Like others said it looks like it was an off night, or people came in groups ( which most guys won't venture too far from their pack)

Keep your chin up if that is you in your pick you your looks are fine

Yes that is me in the pics, and thank you for the encouragement.   Thanks everyone for the responses, it helps greatly.

[happynleather]

5 hours ago, LetsPOZBreed said:

Definitely do not get discouraged.  In all my experiences with groups, sex clubs, and saunas, I can tell you first hand that one night shouldn't be your be-all-end-all.

Strangely, the larger the sex party, the less likely it is that you might have the all-out brain busting experience you're imagining.  I've noticed that since the introduction of PrEP that bottoming has become far more competitive than it used to be.  These big sex parties tend to have an oversupply of us.  As such, the tops have many options to choose from.  Even if you do get lucky and take cock, don't expect every guy to breed you.  Personal experience again, you just have to stick it out for a while and eventually a guy will be aching to shoot before heading off.

Open door cumdump is better, but again, if you're doing this at a location and time with many others looking for the same thing, you'll notice diminished returns.  I have gotten the most action doing this on "off" weekends (no other event going on where you have to "compete" for attention).  

With saunas as well, I've had varied experiences as of late.  One week it was lots of guys topping me; a few weeks later, every guy wanted to nut in my mouth instead of fuck me.  As someone previously mentioned, it's better if you can catch horny men over their lunch break or after work; they'll be much more willing to cum quickly and not spend hours browsing.

Bottom line, don't get discouraged.  Try it out a few more times to see if you have different experiences.  I suggest going on a weekend/day-of-week where there's not much else going on.  

Thank you for the advice, I will definitely try another night.  I think it was the fact I spent a pretty big chunk of change that weekend too, for the event that added into the frustration.  Thanks for the pep talk