wondering if i should feel bad...

[woodrow82]

so for my entire time on Grindr, I have been fully upfront about my status; and not only have i never gotten a hookup there, but I am usually getting responses like "fuck off, i don't want aids" even though i am currently medicated and fully undetectable.

But a few weeks back i found myself in another city, and when I started to get the same bullshit I updated my profile... left the HIV status field blank, updated my last testing date to the month before because that is when my last bloodwork was; and threw in a note in the comments section that i was a fully medicated bb bottom, which IS true...

and before the night was over I had two different "strait married" guys come over at different times and each gave me a seriously good (and delightfully rough) fucking before dumping a load in me.

They never asked my status, and as an undetectable bottom that is frequently tested,  I am arguably a safer bet than the other random "I think I am neg" guys that never really get tested at all.

so yeah, not sure if I should feel bad at all or not, since I didn't actually lie about anything

[FelchingPisser]

10 minutes ago, woodrow82 said:

..... since I didn't actually lie about anything

Not at all.  You didn't lie.  You are the safest bet for tops.  Men are often stupid.

[RawUK]

Don’t feel bad in the slightest. You’re u/d and if the guys were unsure what fully medicated bb bottom means then they needed to have asked. As felchingpisser said you’re the safest bet and I know when I first started my bb journey I actually looked for u/d guys to fuck me as I viewed them as most in touch with their status. These days I’m a cum slut whore that will take a load from any status but that’s another story! 

[renovers82]

First, it is complete BS you are being treated so poorly about your HIV status.  Anyone that ‘doesn’t want AIDS’ needs to either get on PrEP or not have casual sex.  Fucking an U/D guy is safer than using condoms.  The idiots.  I’m sorry you are being discriminated against so much.

Second, you didn’t lie.  It is important you do disclose your status if asked, as this is a legal requirement in many states, but in these cases, you did nothing wrong.  If they didn’t ask, that’s on them.  Moreover, if these married men catch something (even if from you) and give that to their spouses, that’s also on them.  They shouldn’t be sticking their raw dicks in random assholes if that is their primary concern. 
 

Finally, stop being so damn hard on yourself.  As I stated above, you did nothing wrong.  I’d even remove your status info on your Grindr profile.  Unless you are asked your status from a potential partner, don’t publicly disclose your medical history.  ✌️

Edited December 31, 2019 by renovers82

[FelchingPisser]

I will just add if I stopped having sex with undetectable men....I'd barely have sex at all...

[Need2submit]

I actively seek out undetectable guys to fuck me.  So much safer than guys who claim “neg”.

[Pozlover1]

I’m not sure about the legality of leaving the HIV field blank, I’m sure different areas have different laws. I don’t know if “fully medicated bottom” legally counts as disclosure, or if some version of “don’t ask don’t tell” would halt any attempt at prosecution. But I am sure you did  not put anyone at risk for HIV and did absolutely nothing wrong here. 

[ScorpionFF]

In response to your question; Should I feel bad?

Absofuckinglutely NOT! And as for guys saying to you the following;

3 hours ago, woodrow82 said:

"fuck off, i don't want aids"

... Extremely poor manners -- Unnecessarily cruel -- Uneducated.

If someone does not want to have sex with someone for whatever reason then that's fair enough, but in the name of common decency it is completely unacceptable in my humble opinion to display such vitriolic behaviour. 

U = Undetectable. Undetectable = Untransmittable.

Fascinating that you went from receiving such animosity to getting fucked by two men as a result of updating your profile, neither of whom asked your status. The sheer irony.

One would guess that maybe now a certain percentage of viewers of your profile are assuming you are on PrEP.

You gave the date of your last bloodwork, and now state that you are medicated, thus more than enough information for you not to feel bad at all my friend. And yes, you are safer than those who don't know they are poz. You sound responsible enough to me. 

And a very Happy New Year to you 😊

[Guest takingdeepanal]

4 hours ago, FelchingPisser said:

I will just add if I stopped having sex with undetectable men....I'd barely have sex at all...

That wouldn't be the case if I lived near you. You can have my ass as many times as you want - and I'd never refuse your cock.

[Guest]

WOW that sucks dude, I have friends that stopped putting that in their profile because there are so many people out there that are so insecure they are actually putting themselves down.  That's how the attitude crap works nowadays.  People act like they are blaming someone else, when they are really blaming themselves.   I was bullied a lot in my younger years, its the same thing.  Very insecure people.  I've met guys that are into BB but bring condoms, I'm like what the heck do you think your going to do with that?  It's not going in my ass.  My butt is a (NO Condom Zone)

With all the rude people these days spending too much time watching politics they have become weird and stupid.  They are stressed out from all the propaganda out there.  It's time to just kick back and eat, smoke lot of pot, gym, drink, drugs if that's your thing and BareBack all we want.   Undetectable is a great status for whomever.  Free to keep taking loads and or share them without giving it to others.  Your on the right path, try taking your status off, whats it hurt.  Being on PreP is just like someone that's undetectable

Try new ways of talking to the studs out there.  As we are all some what human in some ways.  We all have our own mind, we do what we like.   😈

[Guest BreedMeInVegas]

Aside from what should be right, and what shouldn't be (which the replies above have covered), as well as should you feel bad or not, there is a possible legal issue to think about here as well.  First off let me just say that I completely agree that HIV disclosure laws are antiquated and not reflective of what HIV testing and treatment was like when those types of laws were created.  Slowly but surely they are being erased which I believe it's time to do.

Your profile doesn't really offer any clues as to where you live, but for example here in the United States, 26 states still have laws requiring disclosure of HIV status and they don't differentiate between Undetectable, Positive, or Negative.  Some of those states actually consider it a felony.  Countries around the world each have their different laws unless they have got rid of them.

Yeah, it sucks to get singled out and rejected for having HIV, but if someone isn't smart enough to understand what Undetectable means, what does that say about their  real knowledge of STDs overall?  Chances are they probably don't get tested very often since that once a year test they had 9 months ago said they were negative.  When in reality they could not only have HIV and not know it, which makes infecting others much easier, they may also have other STDs you don't making it risky for you to have sex with them instead of the other way around.

What you have to decide is how much of a risk are you willing to take in order to increase your chances of getting fucked?  Especially if you live somewhere that still has HIV disclosure laws.  Is it worth getting arrested and going to jail for?

In my case I live in a state where it's still prosecute-able, so I have it listed in all of my online hook up profiles.  In fact, on one of them I have actually added a note that I don't hook up with negative guys, only negative guys on PReP, or other Undetectable guys.  I've actually had a couple of guys message me being interested but then saying they aren't on PReP so I probably wouldn't hook up with them.  In reality, I just want to lower my risk of getting other STDs! 

[tallslenderguy]

It's hard to fathom such ignorance in the age of Google.

It's Grindr!! (i.e., it's a sex hook-up ap).  It's bizarre the number of people who still don't understand that pretty much no one on a hook up site should be considered 'safe'  as regards HIV unless they are on PrEP or poz undectable.  Those are really tho only evidence based "safe" guys. It cracks me up when i read someone has tested negative a year ago, or even a month ago, as though that makes them free and clear of HIV.  Even if they've had no sex for a year, did they get a follow up test to confirm being neg?  There are just so many more variables to having sex and remaining neg if ART isn't figured into the equation.  

If anyone should "feel bad" it's the guys who don't truly know their status who are depending on everyone else to protect them from HIV instead of educating their self and using the proven protection that exists (PrEP).  It's immature, ignorant, and sort of idiotic to think others are responsible for your health when youre having sex with random strangers on  hook up sites.

[PG1961Canada]

The 'legal' part:

As others has said... the disclosure rules are different based on your home base.

I live in Canada.  The SCC (Supreme Court of Canada) and the Justice Department have updated our laws to reflect the strides made in low viral load (undetectable) and the their definition of 'realistic possibility of transmission'.  Perhaps fellow Canucks could take the time to read this important information.  

Just be aware of the laws in your home base area.  Laws are being adjusted in different countries based on scientific findings.

 

The 'awareness' part: 

Whenever I have a choice between someone I "knew" was U, I preferred to fuck raw with that person.  My thoughts? They know their status.  If they are undetectable and being treated, they were being tested and had decided to take the medicated route.  Their choice.  I have no qualms about raw fucking with an undetectable guy because I try and stay informed. I support U=U completely.  Anyone who is open to me about this - we're already in a good place.  (I know I am over-simplifying, but this is MY rationale).

 

Last part:

These apps are for meeting people.  Coffee? OK....  But typically... sex (maybe a coffee afterwards - grin).  So, educate yourself about this stuff.  I agree with a lot of the other posters that if people are handing out that kind of attitude, you're better to stay the fuck away from them.  They think they are invincible.  We know better.  And as other posters have mentioned - these are the once a year testers (if even that) who have NO idea what kind of STI's they might have.... fuck em'!!!!

If a guy doesn't tell me his status, I simply ask.  I realize there a lot of people who abuse the shit out of HIV folks for NO reason.  I lived with a poz partner for 15 years.  I saw some of the shit he had to deal with.  That might be why I am so open minded about it all - I had to understand how all this worked.  We lived in a sero-discordant relationship that entire time and fucked raw the entire time.  He was undetectable and I wasn't even on PrEP at that point.  So... some would say I'm lucky, and others would say.... "See!... U=U".

Sorry you get this shit thrown at ya man... there is some good advice.  The key one? It is THEIR responsibility to ask.  If they are boors - they will suffer the consequences one day. Karma's a bitch.  If they are 'aware' - the sex could be hot as hell! 

 

Many happy couplings to you in 2020!! Cheers

[dickluva]

Fuckin'Oink🐷~! Thanks for sharing your honest🙌 experiences here on BZ. I think Woodrow can teach me about dating profiles and hookups. I live in St Louis, MO. I am aware prosecutors in the next county, St Charles, have successfully gotten convictions on failure to disclose, butt that was like 5 years ago.  I think STL prosecutors have little interest in non-violent crimes. My county has not processed a rape kit in like twenty years, so difficult for me to believe they would have resources for a gay crime.

   My lover was murdered in 2008, perp plead guilty to manslaughter and was sentenced to one year less time served awaiting trial.

My disclosure is not about legal issues or laws of Missouri. My issue is I prefer to sleep at night....after a good breeding. xox

[steve-tmq]

On 12/31/2019 at 7:38 PM, woodrow82 said:

so for my entire time on Grindr, I have been fully upfront about my status; and not only have i never gotten a hookup there, but I am usually getting responses like "fuck off, i don't want aids" even though i am currently medicated and fully undetectable.

But a few weeks back i found myself in another city, and when I started to get the same bullshit I updated my profile... left the HIV status field blank, updated my last testing date to the month before because that is when my last bloodwork was; and threw in a note in the comments section that i was a fully medicated bb bottom, which IS true...

and before the night was over I had two different "strait married" guys come over at different times and each gave me a seriously good (and delightfully rough) fucking before dumping a load in me.

They never asked my status, and as an undetectable bottom that is frequently tested,  I am arguably a safer bet than the other random "I think I am neg" guys that never really get tested at all.

so yeah, not sure if I should feel bad at all or not, since I didn't actually lie about anything

Don't feel bad, it's how it is.  So many people use the words "safe sex" because if you don't you don't get a fuck.