A Question for Men of Color

[ErosWired]

Given current events (that have regrettably been in the making for centuries) I feel I should preface this question with a couple of points to avoid misunderstanding. First, I am white. Can’t help that, born without enough melanin to keep me from crisping up like bacon after half an hour at the beach. I cannot pretend to understand the totality of the experience of being a Man of Color in this society; I can only claim to have observed it as an appalled resident of the Appalachian South, and to have the barest inkling of an understanding of being on the receiving end of bigotry, hatred, prejudice, injustice and violence - I am a gay-leaning bisexual intellectual autistic who grew up an live in a place where all of those things are rejected. I have been treated as a pariah, and physically assaulted at my former workplace because of it, and my experience still doesn’t qualify me to understand being Black. I accept that humbly.

Second, I’m Autistic. Among other things, for me that means that when I see a man on the street, I don’t notice what color he is. I don’t mean I can’t see skin color - I’m not blind - but an autistic brain has to limit tha amount of outside information coming in so it can process it. As a part of this, my brain simply filters out any observation of skin color as irrelevant data, because so what? I don’t care if you’re green. You’re all Men to me, regardless of tint or shade.

So, if I make a comment hereafter that seems out-of-touch, clueless, or insensitive, it will be because I don’t understand well enough to be properly savvy, and Autistics are notoriously tactless in spite of our best efforts otherwise. And now I have spent three long paragraphs just basically explaining why I, a white guy, should have the nerve to ask you black men a question - and it’s horrible that it’s come to this.

On to the actual Question:

 I was lying on my bed reading about the protests and considering the possibility of going to Louisville to show solidarity in the demand for justice and equality. I would read accounts of individuals’ unjust, unfair, and far worse treatment simply because of their color. The whole concept of profiling drives me insane. I tried to extend these individual misfortunes to an entire population, and the magnitude of the suffering it added up to left me feeling helpless - how would my standing on a street in Louisville lift up even one individual’s life?

Now, I know the answer to this. One person standing in the street may do nothing, but a million may change a society, and that million are composed of Ones who each have to decide to come forward. I get that. It becomes the rising tide that floats all boats.

But I still can’t stop thinking about the problem on the individual level - the one-on-one human-to-human level where the healing has got to actually take place - and I asked myself if there was anything I could do for them.

[Here’s the bit where I want to make sure I’m not misunderstood, and where I would appreciate your counsel.]  It struck me that I don’t have much useful to offer. I can’t employ people, I have no influence or power or money. I felt I want to do something to remind these men that they are Men, and to know that there are those who honor and respect and value them exactly as they are.

And then it occurred to me that that’s basically what I do whenever I host - I accept Men exactly as they are and use every skill I have to let them know how excellent they are, just as they are.

So the idea came to me to offer some nights of hosting exclusively for Men of Color, not because I have some “BBC” fetish, but as an appreciation, and as a special service to that community.

I can see such an offering being misunderstood. I feat that some could even be offended by it, though that is the farthest thing from my intention. How could I make such an offer in a way that would be understood to be genuine? How so that it would show the right kind of respect? Could such a service even be offered by a white ass like mine without conjuring up all the tawdry overtones of interracial porn?

 I would very much like to give myself to men who have suffered so that they can take their pleasure as all Men should, and know that in that room they are simply human. I would do my best to make them feel sooo good.

 It’s entirely possible that I’m crazy and this is a terrible, offensive idea, but that’s why I’m asking. I know you men will give it to me straight.

[evilqueerpig]

I don't know if autism makes you immune from racism, but I agree it gives you a unique perspective.  Are there other gay men locally who share your feelings?  Even if it's 2 or 3 of you, your presence at a local protest can make a difference and signs showing support from the gay community will surely be welcomed.  Of course, you need to adhere to social distancing and wear masks.  Hope this is the answer you seek.

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, evilqueerpig said:

I don't know if autism makes you immune from racism, but I agree it gives you a unique perspective. 

I don’t know that it automatically would. No one is born racist - it has to be learned. In my case, my autism manifests as either/or rational thinking - either something is rational, or it’s irrational. I see behaviors based on someone else’s skin color as irrational, so I reject the idea out of hand. I don’t even think about it.

Friends have on occasion told me that I may have put myself in danger by blithely strolling my chalky self into certain places where I am told I ought not to have gone, but that’s something I will never develop a sense for because my head’s literally not wired for it - but I don’t even want to, because it would mean I would have to internalize a whole suitcaseful of unfair and unjust - and irrational - assumptions based solely on skin color. I refuse to be irrational.

Bear in mind, I know quite well what racism is, because I’ve witnessed egregious instances of it first-hand in my life in the ass-backward places I’ve grown up and lived in. But somehow I always simply knew there was no sense to them, they were wrong, and I could safely put them in the stack of things I didn’t need to try to learn. I’m very glad I didn’t learn them.

I can’t say it would be the same for every autistic, but I can say this: We’re terrible at lying because we’re no good at it. Either something is true or it isn’t, and it’s hard to accept as true something that makes no sense upon examination, such as “black skin makes him less of a person”. That just makes us ask, “Why?” Until it becomes clear that what we’re actually being asked to accept aa the truth is a lie, and then we just get stubborn and cross and people start calling us assholes because we won’t just be like everybody else. So left to our own devices, I’d say we’re more likely than not to consider racism absurd and pointless.

Which is part of what makes my question here awkward - today’s circumstances are forcing me to think about the impact racism even if I don’t feel or properly understand it, and I am uncertain whether I can or should my compassion for those affected by giving them my body to fuck for their pleasure and satisfaction.

 In fact, I almost went ahead and planned to try it tonight until I realized that Louisville is under curfew and after 9:00pm no one would be able to get to me. What a world...

[evilqueerpig]

While it's not your intention, objectifying black men can be construed as racist.  Your voice is your most powerful tool and this post is a good use of it.  Speak out where you feel comfortable.

[bbzh]

Here is a source with many ways that we all can contribute to the movement, regardless of race.

[think before following links] https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CjZMORRVuv-I-qo4B0YfmOTqIOa3GUS207t5iuLZmyA/mobilebasic

 

[Pornyherv02]

Just a few thoughts...

If you were to offer a night for white men only, would that be considered racist? Probably by some it would be.

When it comes to sexual attraction, some men prefer men of color and some prefer white men. This is personal preference like a straight man preferring blonds to brunettes.

When we consider objectifying a man for his cock this can be seen as a negative. This tends to happen more with black men. A real whore probably objectifies all men and only wants them for what they can get. 

If you truly want to do something, you do have power! The power to stand and peacefully protest, the power to add your name to the many petitions, the power to put down the racist views of others , the power to vote for representatives that are going to remove the racists from the police and other institutions.

Individually we may not change the world but together we can.  

[blkoraltm]

From a Cumdump that is a Man of Color I say this: 
 

Turning the BBC into a Fetish is a nerve-wracking issue for all.  I will say that in many parts of the world and especially the US it isn't necessarily just the fault of the bottoms; the BBC's themselves play into this which makes it difficult for those that are not.  The Fetish itself separates that one appendage from the person attached to it; making them just an object and no longer a person.  Much like the term "thug" is used in porn descriptions on MyVidsters or Pornhub; it removes individuality as well. Leading to people applying both to a wide swath of folks  whether they want or need that 

[Chubpussy]

So your solution to fighting racism and police brutality is to host a night where you get fucked exclusively by black men?? 
 

I just...wow. 

[Ranger Rick]

14 minutes ago, Dirrtyboi said:

So your solution to fighting racism and police brutality is to host a night where you get fucked exclusively by black men?? 
 

I just...wow. 

Probably no less effective than shaving your head like the idiot white girls on TikTok are doing; or whatever the hell "solution" the idiot politicians come up with. 

[ErosWired]

Thank you to those contributions useful sources of ideas for how everyone can make a difference in standing up for this Movement. If the time is not now, for God’s sake, when will it be?

In this topic, though, I’m exploring a question particularly about the appropriateness, protocol, and feasibility of offering sexual hosting as a public service limited for a time exclusively for Men of Color, for the reasons explained above.

6 hours ago, Pornyherv02 said:

If you were to offer a night for white men only, would that be considered racist? Probably by some it would be.

This is the difficulty, of course. If I were to hang a sign on my hotel room door reading “Whites Only”, I might easily be accused of having a Jim Crow ass. Racism, by definition, is conditioning anything you think, say or do on the other person’s race. Doing negative things on this condition marks one as racist, but by the definition, anything positive one does on the basis of the condition must be racist as well. Supporters of Affirmative Action must be racist in the sense that they act because they are not race-blind, are aware of race, and take a position regarding  members of the disadvantaged class. 
 

6 hours ago, Pornyherv02 said:

When it comes to sexual attraction, some men prefer men of color and some prefer white men. This is personal preference like a straight man preferring blonds to brunettes.

When we consider objectifying a man for his cock this can be seen as a negative. This tends to happen more with black men. A real whore probably objectifies all men and only wants them for what they can get. 

While these statements are true of some men they do not represent all men, and certainly do not represent me. I believe my writings on these boards over the last three years consistently reflect that I view my submission to and providing for the needs of Top and Dominant/Alpha Men as a service, for which I was trained, and that I approach each individual as a human being whose need is my overriding concern. I do not objectify them; there is no criterion any man has to meet in order to enjoy my body. My own physical pleasure is not the issue (God knows - sometimes I willingly endure pain to serve a Top well) nor is it ever a question of “what I can get”.

But I am well aware that my approach to sexual service is not common and one is much more likely to encounter bottoms with a more self-oriented agenda such as @Pornyherv02 describes. Men are routinely objectified for various attributes, and black men, regrettably, more frequently so. I have read here in several topics about Men of Color who suffer rejection on the apps at rates higher than the average.

So this is why the whole business strikes my Autistic brain as absurd - I neither care nor really even notice whether a man who comes in to fuck me is black, yet I am forced to consider the question by everyone else, only to discover that the same rules that condemn a racist for treating people badly also prevent him from specifically treating them well, lest he stii be called a racist. If I see that you’ve suffered, feel human compassion, and want to do something nice for you, is it not allowed because I’m the wrong race? Because there’s no way I could possibly be sincere? Because there’s no way I could possibly not be a racist?

My head hurts just from writing this, it’s so self-contradictory.  I just want to know if there’s any hope for understanding. If I offered myself, I would have no agenda - if Men wanted to enjoy me just to ease their stress, that’s fine, if they wanted to hate-revenge-fuck me and release some of their righteous anger that way rather than in street violence, so much the better. I just have no idea whether any Men of Color would actually appreciate or make use of the offer. I’m for real about this, and if it means I’m an idiot, that would be good to know.

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, Dirrtyboi said:

So your solution to fighting racism and police brutality is to host a night where you get fucked exclusively by black men?? 
 

I just...wow. 

Did you actually read through the posts? I already addressed why I’m talking about this as an alternative to street protest.

Have you read anything I’ve ever posted on this forum? If you had, you would realize that no matter what your sexual motivation is, or anyone else’s sexual motivation is, mine is never about whether I get fucked. It’s not about what I’m going to get, goddammit. How many times do I have to explain it?

Not everyone is out for himself, believe it or not. I spent a 30 years as an underpaid, little-thanked federal civil servant, and I did it because helping people every day was its own reward. I was trained as a sexual service submissive because pleasing men and meeting their needs is its own reward. In both cases I’ve served literally busloads of Men of Color, because they had the same right to the best service I could provide as everybody else, and I was proud to be able to enrich their lives.

Your insta-judgment of me and my motives reveals more of your character than mine, and sheds light on why the situation is so intractable on the streets.

But no worries - I’m Autistic, and people often react negatively toward me because they misjudge me. I’m used to it.

And actually, properly considered, I guess I can take your post as an example of the kind of reaction I would get for my offer, so, thanks... I guess.

Edited June 5, 2020 by ErosWired

[bbzh]

37 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

I just have no idea whether any Men of Color would actually appreciate or make use of the offer. I’m for real about this, and if it means I’m an idiot, that would be good to know.

I am going to assume, hopefully not wrongly, that you don't have any gay black male friends. 

If you don't, then make an effort to befriend some gay black men. Don't offer any of your warm moist openings to them at first. Get to know them as people. At some point, when the friendship has blossomed, put your proposal to them. They will likely gently explain to you how inappropriate and offensive it is. 

It doesn't really matter how pure you think your intentions are.  It's how others perceive them. And perception is reality. 

Here's a link to the National Association of Black and White Men Together. Have a look. It's a wonderful way to get to know some black gay men.

[think before following links] https://www.nabwmt.org/about-us/

Peace ✌️

[find91]

2 hours ago, blkoraltm said:

From a Cumdump that is a Man of Color I say this: 
 

Turning the BBC into a Fetish is a nerve-wracking issue for all.  I will say that in many parts of the world and especially the US it isn't necessarily just the fault of the bottoms; the BBC's themselves play into this which makes it difficult for those that are not.  The Fetish itself separates that one appendage from the person attached to it; making them just an object and no longer a person.  Much like the term "thug" is used in porn descriptions on MyVidsters or Pornhub; it removes individuality as well. Leading to people applying both to a wide swath of folks  whether they want or need that 

So fucking true. Some people mistake fetishization as love and respect. They are so starved for attention. Any attention they will seek.

[nastyasiancumdump]

i am vietnamese american and i just have to say that we need to call out racism in the gay community. i feel like some gay men don't believe they can be racist because they are gay and have also suffered from discrimination. the whole preference excuse to write off their prejudice i find very annoying. it's not a preference when you automatically write off a whole group of people based on their skin color. when someone says no blacks,no asian, etc.... that is racist.  are you honestly saying that our of the millions of black and asian men in the world there isn't one of them that you would find attractive? that seems ridiculous to me. we need to really think about how our preferences have been shaped by society and culture. when people of color are not represented or not represented in a positive light in pop culture it affects who people in our society find attractive. this is another example of white privilege. i have run into many white men that consciously or unconsciously  assume that i would be into them because they are white.  so yes we all have preference because attraction is very personal, but it becomes racist when you write off whole groups of people.  as to what we can do right now, we can use the power of our voice and vote.  when white people show up to a protest and stand with black and brown people, it sends a very powerful message to police. you are saying that if you are going to beat up black and brown people you have to go thru us! show up speak up. 

Edited June 5, 2020 by nastyasiancumdump

[ErosWired]

 

33 minutes ago, bbzh said:

They will likely gently explain to you how inappropriate and offensive it is. 

It doesn't really matter how pure you think your intentions are.  It's how others perceive them. And perception is reality. 

Thank you very much. This is precisely the kind of insight I was hoping for, to bridge the gap between my lack of understanding and actual lived experience. I hope you will accept my apology for the offense.

I would, however, quarrel somewhat with your premise about perception being reality, because it bites me in the ass so often as a disadvantaged person of another sphere. Indeed, it has certainly been my own experience that people are going to react on the basis of what they perceive regardless of whether their perception is valid. But that doesn’t validate the perception.

To say “perception is reality” is, to my (again, Autistic) mind, not a premise that can be accepted, because it’s precisely the premise that might cause a white woman in a certain. situation to say “A black man is near me and I’m afraid for my life, send the cops.” Her perception, based on god knows what mental process, tells her that black skin equals threat. If “perception is reality”, then that man, though he has no such intention, must accept that he presents a threat to her that justifies a call to the police.

Except, he doesn’t. Her perception isn’t reality. Allowing people’s irrational perceptional reactions to supplant fact is the very reason that people of color have to live lives in which they must be always aware of their surroundings and context - because any observer’s arbitrary reaction could suddenly override their reality in a negative way.

 I suspect that the conviction with which you gave me those words as advice reflects lived experience. But it should not be so, and cannot continue to be so if any parity is ever to be realized in our society. Every person has to learn to automatically assume that every other person’s words are not meant to give offense, and to search for every other possible interpretation before offense is taken, or nothing will change.

It actually does matter how pure my intentions are (you say ‘how pure you think they are”, suggesting you aren’t convinced, but which of us is in a better position to assess my intentions?). It is the perceiver, not the one perceived, who attempts to set the parameters of reality, and that is true no matter what color your skin is. So since we can’t all have our own set of ‘alternative facts’, at some point we all have to agree that fact = fact.