Coming out as a Barebacker

[CollegeBottom]

11 hours ago, boybottom4use said:

Let yourself go sweetie and be true to yourself and let that inner slut out!

ok this was a big mistake. i regret joining here 😕. 

[BBSMKR]

9 hours ago, CollegeBottom said:

ok this was a big mistake. i regret joining here 😕. 

Are you being serious man? You solicited opinions and got them, that’s what this forum is all about. Or have I misinterpreted your statement?

[evilalex]

11 hours ago, CollegeBottom said:

ok this was a big mistake. i regret joining here 😕. 

What?

[DenverBtmDude]

On all my hookup sites I don't hide the fact that I'm a total bareback btm and if I hookup with a top I always request a balls deep breeding!

[Guest bluecollarotter]

14 hours ago, CollegeBottom said:

ok this was a big mistake. i regret joining here 😕. 

Unsure what you are regretting or thinking this was a big mistake.

I would like to think that my comments in particular were not inappropriate.

And, reading through the other comments, they all seemed reasonable; with some nice sarcastic comments about informing mom, grandma, or others.  I took those as all being tongue in cheek......and I don't mean a tongue in a butt cheek; although that is a favorite place for my tongue...........in another MAN'S butt cheek.😏

[Sfmike64]

On 12/15/2020 at 11:09 AM, CollegeBottom said:

Just wondering if anyone else has gone through the coming out process and how hard it was. I’m in college but going home for Xmas soon. I’ve been out as a gay bottom for a while now but I decided this Xmas I really want to start living openly as a total bareback bottom. Im just tired of pretending Im someone else. I’m nervous but also ready for this. Most of my family and friends think I’m the “responsible” one so I’m not sure how it will go. Has anyone else gone through this? 

I came out a shockingly long time ago (I'm 56 and was 16 when I came out, it'll be 40 years next May, 2021).  When bareback wasn't a thing because it was just called "fucking a hot guy up the ass." 

Basic Coming Out Stuff (Be a good boy and listen to Daddy OK!?)

1. Be true to yourself.  Be honest with yourself about who you are, what you want out of life (to remain single, be partnered, be poly, whatever). Realize that these things WILL change as you get older. I used to be MUCH more of a slut than I am now (before Covid) and I have to accept that I'm not as active as I used to be. This is partly because my interests have changed and partly because my body is different than it was when I was 20. I also didn't discover kinks until I was almost 30.

2. Be open and honest with people who care about you. If someone rejects you because you're queer, don't make time for them in your life. And tell them why you're cutting them out of your life. Then do it. Set limits with difficult people. This can sometimes be a family member and be very painful, but it's necessary for your own sense of self and well being. Create a chosen family around you. I have friends now that have been treasured parts of my life for 25-30 years (my oldest friend and I have known each other since 1977!) and I can't imagine them not being in my life, even if we live far from each other now.

3. If someone rejects you,  they may come back and apologize to you later. Let them do this graciously unless they're toxic in other ways (sociopathic, narcissistic). If they're toxic, accept their apology but don't let them back into your life. Again, be firm, set limits.

4. Find someone a bit older (maybe a lot older) who can help mentor you. I wish now that I had had someone to do this for me when I was a young adult. I made some questionable choices (as many young adults do) and knowing someone with more experience might've tempered my rashness and poor decision making. 

Sex Stuff

1. No one but the people you're fucking need to know your sexual predilections, kinks and preferences.  Tell them you're gay, but they don't need details. Particularly family members. They'll figure out quickly enough what your type is when you come home with similar people (looks, age, etc) four times. 

2. Run people (especially your family) on a need to know basis. Your parents and other family members have a right NOT to know certain things, like your kinks.  Do you really want your Mom picturing you getting pissed on? I love piss play but that was absolutely not necessary (and she's now dead). In other words, your family doesn't need to know you're a barebacker. It's simply not relevant to your relationship with them. If you have a sibling or cousin near your age consider that they don't tell their parents/family about how they like to fuck or what they're into. If they routinely tell this sort of information, they lack boundaries and good sense.

3. If someone rejects you because of your kinks and sexual predilections, they're not worth your time. People WILL do this, and you can't get too worked up about it. It's just not worth it. Say, for example, a hot guy wants to fuck you but you insist on bareback and he says "condoms only." You have a right to make that choice for yourself, as does he. Say goodbye, and let it go.

4. If a family member discovers (or pries into) your kinks and sexual preferences, read them the riot act. You have a right to privacy and as queers our sexuality is what distinguishes us from straight people. BUT straight people don't have a right (even family members) to ask questions like "are you a top or a bottom?" It's NONE of their business. If someone asked me that I would say "which are you?" It'll throw them for a loop.

Hope that's helpful. You sounded dejected about people's responses which puzzles me. I thought the responses were useful if short. So I'm going to send this to you in a DM in case you didn't see it here.

Much of what I've said here is my experience written down. But I would also encourage you to listen to Dan Savage's podcast "Savage Love," (it's also a column in alternative papers and online at www.thestranger.com). Dan is smart and funny and empathetic and has helped me shape what I think about sex and relationships. 

Finally, if you think you need help sorting this stuff out, find a queer positive/sex positive therapist!  Therapy is the BEST THING I ever did for myself, hands down!

(This is a useful resource for finding a therapist: [think before following links] https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory)

[badubydo]

My family and friends don’t know, nor is it any of their business to know. I’ve told some friends about my encounters with other guys, that I’m a “bottom” more typically and about the size of the dicks I have taken. 
 

id say only one person know I bareback. He’s a gay guy from one of my former jobs. He plays safe, but we have talked about me coming out to where he is so we can fuck. He’s always wanted to Bend me over, especially once he found out I was Bi. If and when I go out there, there won’t be any rubbers used.

 

ifs your choice to tell your family, but it’s not their business to know. 

[atlfukbud]

I'm curious -- is this still a real issue? With PrEP, Undetectable, etc., I haven't had anyone ask to fuck (or get fucked) with a rubber in a decade (even if their profile says "safe sex only," the sex is always bare)... I just assume everyone is fucking raw, so no need to "come out" unless they're a condom nazi.

Edited December 17, 2020 by atlfukbud

[haireebear]

I remember when I came out as a barebacking slut, I did it by including it in the postscript of my Christmas card yearly update.    I put it at the bottom of the letter, so I could find out who was actually reading my letter each year.......  o_O

[Guest WelshBBCigarFuck]

Coming out as gay is one thing, but why would you either want to or feel the need to tell friends and family members you like to have your arse loaded with cum?

There is such a thing as oversharing, I would tell a prospective fuck that I only bareback and, if they weren’t okay with that, then I’d find someone who was happy doing it bare. Unless you plan to fuck a friend or family member then why tell them you play bare?

I did once whip my cock out in front of my father when he called me a liar after I mentioned having my cock pierced, but that’s a different story.

 

[timfreo]

That time in my life between being a condom bttm to a full bareback cumload taking bttm was a difficult period. Scared but wanting it. Taking bare cock but pulling off before he came. But after taking that first load.. it changes you. Another man's DNA, his testosterone soaking into your ass, you feel it. Never let a condom in me since. Bareback sex is beautiful. Breeding is natural and wonderful

[Tanbbottom]

I luv coming out as a barebacker! Just admitting I am gets me sexually excited! There's that moment in a Grinder chat with a potential hookup that your stomach churns and you wonder, will I ask, will he ask? Is this the moment I cum out? Again? I luv the good nerves that gingles! I  luv coming out in the bathhouses and sex clubs and cruising places when the stranger pushes in raw and I just smile. I even luv coming out as a barebacker to the public health givers and at the sexual health clinics getting tested for STDs. There are not many other places or people I would be interested in coming out to  .... unless of course they were thinking of becoming one of us. 😉 I luv the bareback sex tribe. 

[Sfmike64]

I would add one more thing to my long post.

If you have lots of partners and take lots of loads and  you're HIV negative, get on PREP.  You can get financial assistance from Gilead (the company that makes Truvada and Descovy) for this. Also, get STI tests regularly (every 3-6 months). Lots of cities have a clinic where you can get this sort of testing for free, which I realize can be an issue if you don't have insurance or are still on your parents' insurance.  Much as some people fetishize having syphylis or gonorrhea you don't really want those things.  You REALLY don't want amoebas or giardia (intestinal parasites you can get from eating ass). Trust me on that last one. It's very unpleasant.

I knew someone who didn't know he had syphilis and it ended up going to stage 2. At that point, he had to go into the hospital for several days because they needed to give him antibiotics that he was allergic to. Turns out he wasn't allergic to penicillin anymore despite being allergic as a child. He then had to walk around for a month with a battery powered pump over his shoulder, sending antibiotics into a shunt in his abdomen.

You don't want this. 

[BootmanLA]

22 hours ago, atlfukbud said:

I'm curious -- is this still a real issue? With PrEP, Undetectable, etc., I haven't had anyone ask to fuck (or get fucked) with a rubber in a decade (even if their profile says "safe sex only," the sex is always bare)... I just assume everyone is fucking raw, so no need to "come out" unless they're a condom nazi.

Yes, it's still a real issue.

1. Even with financial assistance programs, etc., many men can't afford PrEP yet. While certain classes of plans, primarily individual and marketplace plans, must offer a set of essential benefits, including prescription drugs, that rule does not apply to all group plans (like those offered by employers). One large local company here, for instance, offers its employees a prescription benefit that only covers generic drugs and only when purchased through CVS (which is also their designated pharmacy benefits coordinator). I'm sure they get a steep discount on the cost of those drugs, but it means non-generic medications just are not covered.

2. A small number of people can't tolerate PrEP. They're a very small subset of people, but it's nonetheless very real for them.

3. Many younger people are on their parents' health care plans (which, under the ACA, have to allow parents to cover kids up to age 26 under most circumstances). Quite a few of them aren't out to their parents, or even if they are, they're not eager for them to find out they're sexually active to the point of needing PrEP. 

4. PrEP doesn't protect against anything except HIV.

5. Despite, as you said, the fact that many poz men are undetectable, many are not. You need only look around on this site to see the number of men who brag about being poz and unmedicated, and having "Don't Ask Don't Tell" or "Not sure, probably Neg" as a status, to realize there are a lot of opportunities for infection out there.

Undoubtedly condom usage has dropped in the gay community from its peak (whevever that was, probably sometime in the 90's). But the fact that HIV infections continue to happen, and in some areas are rising, is an indication that condoms, for many men, still make considerable sense. 

[atlfukbud]

3 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

Yes, it's still a real issue.

1. Even with financial assistance programs, etc., many men can't afford PrEP yet. While certain classes of plans, primarily individual and marketplace plans, must offer a set of essential benefits, including prescription drugs, that rule does not apply to all group plans (like those offered by employers). One large local company here, for instance, offers its employees a prescription benefit that only covers generic drugs and only when purchased through CVS (which is also their designated pharmacy benefits coordinator). I'm sure they get a steep discount on the cost of those drugs, but it means non-generic medications just are not covered.

2. A small number of people can't tolerate PrEP. They're a very small subset of people, but it's nonetheless very real for them.

3. Many younger people are on their parents' health care plans (which, under the ACA, have to allow parents to cover kids up to age 26 under most circumstances). Quite a few of them aren't out to their parents, or even if they are, they're not eager for them to find out they're sexually active to the point of needing PrEP. 

4. PrEP doesn't protect against anything except HIV.

5. Despite, as you said, the fact that many poz men are undetectable, many are not. You need only look around on this site to see the number of men who brag about being poz and unmedicated, and having "Don't Ask Don't Tell" or "Not sure, probably Neg" as a status, to realize there are a lot of opportunities for infection out there.

Undoubtedly condom usage has dropped in the gay community from its peak (whevever that was, probably sometime in the 90's). But the fact that HIV infections continue to happen, and in some areas are rising, is an indication that condoms, for many men, still make considerable sense. 

Fully agree and I'm not arguing the point of unfair access to healthcare or any of your points here -- just saying I don't know many (or any) men playing safe these days, and so i was questioning the need to "come out" as a barebacker.