Open Relationship / Hook-up question

[a2nudist]

This is probably an odd question but something that has been on my mind.      For those of you in an open relationship how do you manage / schedule a hook-up with an outside guy?      My husband and I have always had an open relationship.   He is actually more of a voyeur than an actual participant.   He has been asking me to out out and hook up more because it turns him on to hear about my times with other guys.       The issue that I am struggling with is that the two of us are almost always together.   We work at the same place (we used to work in the same building for the same boss).   I transferred departments and now we're just at the same place.   We ride to work together, ride home together as we only have one car and we work at the same place.

It would seem odd for me to come downstairs and pass him as i pick-up the car key and say be back in a few have a hook-up.   Particularly since we're almost always together except when we're at work.    

What do you guys do?

Thank you.

[viking8x6]

I'm living by myself now, but back when I was in a long-term relationship, that was exactly how it worked for us. We both worked from home, and spent a great deal of time together at the house (either working or doing home or recreational tasks). If I didn't hook up when I was out exercising, I would simply say that I was going on a play date if we happened to cross paths as I was headed to the car. Or just that I was going out (without specifying). It was not especially odd.

If I was planning it ahead of time, I'd usually check with my partner to make sure there wasn't a conflict. These days, my (long-distance) partner and I have a shared Google calendar, so I don't generally have to make an explicit check, though if the planned hookup is during time when we're to be together, I generally do check, since details often aren't on the calendar.

Edited May 12, 2021 by viking8x6
added paragraph about planning

[speedo21]

On 5/12/2021 at 3:49 PM, a2nudist said:

This is probably an odd question but something that has been on my mind.      For those of you in an open relationship how do you manage / schedule a hook-up with an outside guy?      My husband and I have always had an open relationship.   He is actually more of a voyeur than an actual participant.   He has been asking me to out out and hook up more because it turns him on to hear about my times with other guys.       The issue that I am struggling with is that the two of us are almost always together.   We work at the same place (we used to work in the same building for the same boss).   I transferred departments and now we're just at the same place.   We ride to work together, ride home together as we only have one car and we work at the same place.

It would seem odd for me to come downstairs and pass him as i pick-up the car key and say be back in a few have a hook-up.   Particularly since we're almost always together except when we're at work.    

What do you guys do?

Thank you.

I am open for hooking up.  Contact me to schedule a time.  I'm up here in Flint, but can travel to you.

[fskn]

Living separately helps, although since you live together and even commute to work together, maybe designating certain nights or hours each week for possible play would make going out less awkward.

You posted in May, so have you tried some things since then, @a2nudist?

Also, have you checked in with your husband about this issue? Maybe telling him you're on your way to hook up with another guy will be less awkward than you think.

I recently met a very self-aware polyamorous guy. I was texting my boyfriend goodnight and asked him whether he also texts his primary boyfriend each day. He said no, and that they had established specific boundaries about time together, time apart, and communication. Although they are another couple who don't live together — different from your situation, I know — I think there's something to be learned from my friend's deliberate approach.

The pioneering early-1970s book "Open Marriage" by Nena and George O'Neill (worth looking up; amusingly, the capsule review calls it "seminal" 🤣 ) mentions that privacy, even within a close relationship, can be a good thing. So, if it turns out that telling your husband why you're going out really is awkward, having standing days or hours for possible play might make going out routine and eliminate the need to explain where you are going.

Please come back and share what ends up working for you and your husband. Whereas couples in monogamous (and/or heteronormative) marriages have Disney movies as an early and pervasive model, there is no "manual" for those of us in open relationships. This makes sharing our ideas, experiences and discoveries crucial.

[bbzh]

Sounds like you two could use some time apart. Why not take a solo trip to have your fun and then report back in real time or when you get back home?

[BoredMidwest]

Honestly, I'd just discuss the option of you grabbing the car keys and going for a hookup. He may like it. The thought that you're off doing that would probably get him horny to hear about what you did when you get home.

[NastyRigPig]

I would ask him how he wants you to go about this?  If you guys have done the hard work of being okay with opening the relationship, the rest is just being respectful of each other on how you go about it.  Having the parameters set up makes it a lot easier.

[atlfukbud]

Hubby (25 years) and partner (triad) live together in a sexually open, poly situation -- we all fuck around when we travel for work or when we are left home alone. Otherwise we agree on an open play time or plan for group/orgy nights when everyone can join in or we pair off and travel for sex. The rule of thumb is our emotions and relationships come first and sport-sex after that  and no sleep-overs! -- communication is key!

[FunCheerSlut]

This is great advice (these guys have covered it). The challenge most guys likely run into is that it is easier said than done. Communication sounds easy but it also requires a lot of practice. You have to be willing to make mistakes and be vulnerable. It can be rewarding and frustrating all at the same time. Good luck.

[Tanbbottom]

We (hubby and I) were visiting friends on the weekend. Hubby went to bed and the other couple and I enjoyed a bonfire. After a bit the other partner said he was heading off to bed. His partner said he and I planned to fuck. He instructed us to enjoy and headed off to bed. We did as we were instructed. 

I know another couple, one of whom travels often for work.  He runs a live cam to share when he is getting bareback fucked so his partner back home can also enjoy the fun. 

My Hubby and I have a don't ask don't tell approach , so I understand a2nudists enquiry and sense of awkwardness. I see and hear of these other arrangements and think how great it might be. 

But then I know it wouldn't work for Hubby and I. I think it's a 'grass is always greener kind of thing.' 

Truth be told I love my privacy and coming home with loads in my ass. Hubby and I haven't had sex in years, everything else is great. So if it's not broken why fix it. 

[JeremyFeist]

On 8/16/2021 at 10:48 PM, Tanbbottom said:

We (hubby and I) were visiting friends on the weekend. Hubby went to bed and the other couple and I enjoyed a bonfire. After a bit the other partner said he was heading off to bed. His partner said he and I planned to fuck. He instructed us to enjoy and headed off to bed. We did as we were instructed. 

I know another couple, one of whom travels often for work.  He runs a live cam to share when he is getting bareback fucked so his partner back home can also enjoy the fun. 

My Hubby and I have a don't ask don't tell approach , so I understand a2nudists enquiry and sense of awkwardness. I see and hear of these other arrangements and think how great it might be. 

But then I know it wouldn't work for Hubby and I. I think it's a 'grass is always greener kind of thing.' 

Truth be told I love my privacy and coming home with loads in my ass. Hubby and I haven't had sex in years, everything else is great. So if it's not broken why fix it. 

Woof. I’d love to send you home with a load!

[Tanbbottom]

1 hour ago, JeremyFeist said:

Woof. I’d love to send you home with a load!

Woof back at cha! I would gladly accept any and all loads you have to offer sexy Jeremy!

[cyberdolphnow]

As far as my relationship,  I just inform my female wife about my hook up times  and places (for safety if it's a new person or location visit but not for repeats ). I used to mostly go to meet after work or on Saturdays mornings for "work".  With our living situation now,  I have to work around the schedules of the vanilla adult relatives we have living with us so no difficult questions are asked. 

She's just happy to see me come back having exhausted myself sexually and gotten my needed man2man sex.

As for her, she occasionally visits adult "girlfriends" in another larger close by city for a weekend  "girl's night out" which is really her visits to her boyfriend's and his male friends for hetro swinging activities. I already know his address.  She gets back sexually exhausted and I'm happy that she's gotten her needed sex with men also...

Edited August 30, 2021 by cyberdolphnow
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