Least Hurtful Ways to Reject Condom Users on Grindr?

[fskn]

When you discover late in an online chat that a guy only uses condoms, what's the most diplomatic way to say no?

Due to app store rules, Grindr and the other "mainstream" gay apps don't allow explicit mention of barebacking in profiles. Some people use 🅱️🅱️ emojis or other signals, but eventually those are detected and censored.

My preference whenever someone rejects me is that he block me immediately and without explanation. We're not going to fuck; the reason doesn't change that. Psychologically, it's healthy for me not to spend any time dwelling on the matter, either. There are 3.95 billion less 2 (this guy, and me) other men on the planet, and I'd rather invest my energy in meeting one of them.

Some people prefer an explanation, and I've read that some even experience hurt, emotional distress, loneliness or a sense of being undesirable, when they've been blocked. What is the solution?

I've checked the boxes for PrEP on Grindr and on Scruff, but some condom users chat with me anyway. (Nothing precludes use of PrEP + condoms, but it's not as if these are people who know enough about PrEP to have taken such a position deliberately.)

I've tried explaining my personal choice of relying on PrEP, taking my medication daily and getting HIV and STI tests monthly, but at best a guy will still insist on condoms, and at worst, he'll become insulting. I don't mind educating other app users, but it's a thankless role and never leads to my load in a guy's ass.

I love BBRTS, where being a proud barebacker isn't a problem, but Grindr and Scruff have so many more users.

[BootmanLA]

38 minutes ago, fskn said:

When you discover late in an online chat that a guy only uses condoms, what's the most diplomatic way to say no?

I think the diplomatic thing to say is "We just aren't a match," and if they ask why, it's perfectly okay to say "Because I'm on PrEP and feel it's adequate protection for me and my partners, you want condoms, so I wish you luck in your hunt."

There's the off chance you might educate the person into understanding PrEP better and he may turn out to be an enthusiastic bareback bottom for PrEPped tops. If he accepts your answer and moves on, no problem.

Personally, I don't block people for simply not being what I'm looking for, unless there's something in the profile (like being a Trump supporter) that I don't even want to begin to address. In such a case, yeah, I block pre-emptively. Otherwise, I don't block people who aren't being obnoxious.  But that's a personal choice, not something that everyone should (or will) find suitable.

[PigBoyDallas]

You can’t change the mind of a condom Nazi. I’ve gotten with some and they are just hardcore in their beliefs. And I understand where they’re coming from. Some guys don’t want to go on Prep for a number of reasons. Some are on Prep and use condoms as they’re cheating on a partner or spouse and don’t want STDs. Most just aren't going to be upfront on their reasons as they’re complex. I’ve been doing it with this really cute Anglo boy for a while and he is a total condom Nazi, but the sex is super hot so I put up with that. It was only after we were doing it for a while I found out he not only has a GF but a couple other guys he plays with too. He explained the reasons why he does wrapped and a big one for him is consistency and he’s totally freaked out by the idea of having cum inside him or by me having another guys cum in my ass. We all have our hang ups.

[Cumfilledbottomboi]

I have used the user title Cumdump and had no problems. I’ve also used “bare” and even “bareback” on my iOS device. But I don’t top so maybe it’s different for tops.

[PendragonSpirit]

I've always gone the polite-but-firm route. "I only take it raw" is a complete sentence. As much as it's one party's right to say "condoms only", it's equally your right to say "Thanks, but no condoms." If you're not a match, you're not a match. And, to be honest, I've found it about 50/50 on those same tops hitting me up later with "Well.. I don't normally do bare, but..."

[Close2MyBro]

I just tell them flat out that I only fuck bare and they usually disappear on their own.

[phukhole]

Direct is best. "we're not a match as I don't use condoms." Sometimes, they're all "That's fine" (even though their profile says condoms-only).  Sometimes they say something like "too bad".  Or other times they try to get all insulting and say that I'm a disease-ridden skank and they wouldn't fuck me anyway.  If the latter, I block them.  If the former, sometimes they come back again later and want to breed. I don't take it personally.  ....and in rare cases, I've even let a top wrap it and fuck me - depends on my mood and the dick!  :-p

 

[NEDenver]

It’s been said on other similar topics by multiple people, but I prefer bareback sex, but will bottom with a condom user if he doesn’t take the hint.  Frequently, on a repeat, he will just dive in raw, anyway.  

[Trans4breed]

I’ll try to get a question like ‘do you play safe’ into the conversation pretty early, alongside the usual ‘where are you based’ and ‘what are you into’, etc. It’s a bit forward (/slutty?)😯, but if he does it saves time for us both if it’s going to end up being a mismatch.

If a conversation has got further then it would be a polite reply as suggested by guys above.

[blkboibtm]

keep raw in title and make it known i prefer raw only....usually don't have a issue, nothing wrong with being honest.  fuck em if they get their feelings hurt by what you want, plenty of asses out here that want condom only dyck.  

[Davidc]

I just say I’m only looking to. BB and it seems we’re not compatible- Happy hunting

 

[Kimberley]

I put bare cumdump bottom into my name and my picture on Grindr is Bareback only, no condoms allowed. so all the guys know what they dealing with. if they start asking about condoms i reject the date. but luckily most of the guys who send me a message are just bare tops that want to dump a load

[Davidc]

On Grindr I just send photos of me breeding , especially of holes oozing my cum - guys normally get the idea.

A couple have blocked me immediately (happy with that) - but lots who say safe on their profile admit to BB if “your clean?”

[T-Girl-Cumdumpster]

I make it clear that I am a bareback only cumdump. when a guy wants to fuck me I ask him when/where he wants to blow his load in my pussy.

[funpozbottom]

It may be a lie for some people but if you wanted an indicator to put in your profile or a way to "gently" turn someone down, you could say you have a "latex allergy".   If you're asked about non-latex condoms you can say they affect you too. 

Personally, I've found that latex burns my ass and won't use them. I can use non-latex if I want.  I'm also allergic to supposedly hypo-allergenic silicon lubes which sucks since they were my favorites.

Anyway, allergies to the materials used in condoms do exist and it's not something you'll be asked to prove to be believed.

Edited August 14, 2021 by funpozbottom