Remote Work - Best place for a horny gay guy to live?

[Breedingandseeding]

I'm potentially going to be starting a new job that would be remote. I'm curious as to what cities gay guys would consider both affordable AND a great place for hooking up (bonus points for bathhouse/sex club/ glory hole scene but just a decent size gay population on the apps is fine too). Currently, I'm in the DC area which is way too expensive. I want to live somewhere where I can rent my own place without roommates without breaking the bank (my starting will salary will be about 55k). Any suggestions for a great place for a young gay guy to move to? 

[CTCokpig]

Providence RI

[BootmanLA]

5 hours ago, Breedingandseeding said:

I'm potentially going to be starting a new job that would be remote. I'm curious as to what cities gay guys would consider both affordable AND a great place for hooking up (bonus points for bathhouse/sex club/ glory hole scene but just a decent size gay population on the apps is fine too). Currently, I'm in the DC area which is way too expensive. I want to live somewhere where I can rent my own place without roommates without breaking the bank (my starting will salary will be about 55k). Any suggestions for a great place for a young gay guy to move to? 

As a starting point, given your sexual wants, you'll need to be in a good-sized city. It's possible to live in a suburban area NEAR a bigger city within your budget, but once there, you'll find there's a bias against traveling 25-30 minutes out to the "breederville burbs" for sex, so you'll be the one traveling, and that may not always be convenient. 

But larger cities near either coast are rapidly becoming prohibitively expensive for a starting salary like yours without roommates to help make things affordable. As CTCokPig noted, Providence, RI is one exception costwise (it's only slightly above the national average for living costs). The downside is the local gay population is not huge (it's a city of only 180,000). From late spring until Labor Day or somewhat later, it's a thriving gay resort town, and the gay population is swelled considerably, but for about half the year, it's much slimmer pickings.

So as a general rule, you're going to want to avoid most places on either coast (unless it's an exception, like Providence). Chicago, likewise, is getting extraordinarily pricey inside the city proper in the areas where gays tend to live. Unfortunately, most of the larger cities in the interior of the country, even if they're relatively liberal and gay-friendly, are in fairly red states, often meaning oppressive state governments controlling what the locals permit. But the cities themselves may insulate you from much, if not all, of that.

So, for instance, Texas is a very red state (in terms of its government, if not the people), but San Antonio, Austin, Houston, Dallas, and Fort Worth are all becoming much more liberal enclaves within the sea of red. To a lesser extent, so is El Paso. In Ohio, Columbus has long been considered fairly gay-friendly and progressive; ditto for Indianapolis in Indiana. I'd steer clear of Florida (the gay-friendly parts are expensive).

Going west, Tucson, AZ is fairly reasonably priced (although buying a house can be expensive) and is the largest "liberal" city in the state. Colorado is tougher because Denver is fairly liberal and a nice place to live but it's getting very pricey, too; the more affordable places are still overrun with Trumpanzees and the Christo-Nazis that surround the Air Force Academy.

Those are some starting ideas, on which some residents of said places may want to chime in.

[mblad99]

If you enjoy winter activity, check out Minneapolis or Milwaukee.   Easy cities to find action.  Awesome summers.  Not too hot.

[fskn]

Congratulations on your new, remote job, @Breedingandseeding, and on being deliberate about living in a place where you can do something you love: fucking!

I'm going to make a contrarian suggestion. Take a gay-friendly metropolitan region like the San Francisco Bay Area, find cities within the region that have effective rent control, and then find a simple but adequate rent controlled apartment. The starting rent may seem high relative to your salary today, but if you choose a place you like and you attend to the legal details over the course of a long tenancy, your rent will rise more slowly than your income.

Most jurisdictions with local or state rent control exempt units built after a certain date, so as not to discourage new apartment construction. This means searching for older housing stock.

Also, rent control laws usually do not apply to single-family dwellings such as houses and condominium units, or properties with a small number of units, such as a large house that has been divided into 2 or 3 flats or a house with a granny flat (an "accessory dwelling unit") in the back yard. The theory is that tenants have closer relationships with individual landlords, and can negotiate. Though flats and ADUs may be cheap initially, and though you might form a great relationship with the current owner, there's no guarantee that rent increases will be affordable — especially if ownership changes someday.

If rent control becomes a component of your financial security and of your happiness (in that it affords you a chance to live where you want to live), it's crucial to stay informed. Jurisdictions with rent control may offer workshops, and they can definitely field questions about the status of specific rental buildings and units, and about no-cause eviction protections and caps on rent increases (you need both to have any possibility of being secure). A tenants' organization may also have information. Keep every document associated with your tenancy, including proof of every rent payment.

I don't recommend straying far from gay-friendly metropolitan areas. There are hidden costs to living far away from gay life.

Not having a place to rest, freshen up, or take a shower while you're in town, and then getting home late at night, is inconvenient and tiring. Traveling to meet people or attend events is expensive. Ultimately, the need to travel reduces social opportunities.

Loneliness and isolation (if they occur, as a result of living far away from kinds of people you like to spend time with) can harm your health, even reducing your performance at work, and thus, your income growth.

I focus on the cumulative impact of reduced access to health care, and of lower-quality care. Gay men who fuck a lot have better health outcomes if they see medical providers who have experience serving lots of GLBT patients. Knowing that you, and the hot young guy you fucked a week ago, can walk in to San Francisco City Clinic for no- or low-cost, shame-free STI testing and treatment, same-day PrEP initiation, PEP in case of a fundamentally risky exposure, and same-day ART if you are newly Poz, is worth a lot.

(There are similar public or non-profit clinics in DC, Los Angeles, New York, Boston, Atlanta, and a few other big US cities, although San Francisco's stands out for providing the most up-to-date medical care. You want a jurisdiction that spends money on public health, and a clinic whose staff also do research work.) 

Access to sexual health care aside, consider carefully what the health insurance landscape looks like in the state you'll be moving to. What will a decent Affordable Care Act plan cost you, after subsidies? Has the state expanded Medicaid, providing a safety net in case your income ever drops? Will you have to travel for general medical care? All of these factors can affect your cost.

A suburban, rural, or small-city environment with low rents might not turn out to be a cheaper place to live.

[ejaculaTe]

When you've narrowed down your possible destinations, @Breedingandseeding, hop on Reddit and browse the various subreddits for those cities or areas. You can see how the locals view the place. Good luck with the job.... 

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, fskn said:

I don't recommend straying far from gay-friendly metropolitan areas. There are hidden costs to living far away from gay life.

Not having a place to rest, freshen up, or take a shower while you're in town, and then getting home late at night, is inconvenient and tiring. Traveling to meet people or attend events is expensive. Ultimately, the need to travel reduces social opportunities.

Loneliness and isolation (if they occur, as a result of living far away from kinds of people you like to spend time with) can harm your health, even reducing your performance at work, and thus, your income growth.

^ This is putting it mildly. You might find something in a tempting price range in a more rural/remote area compared to metro, but you may also discover that the countryside out there is sparsely populated by people of your like mind, and for a reason. If it were a choice place for you to go, others like you would already be there in numbers. If they’re not, look for the red flags.

Landing a dirt-cheap rent isn’t an advantage if you’re surrounded by cannibals.

The wrong locale can easily become a stand-in for Hell depending on the locals involved; some of the cannibals like to roast gays over an open fire - not the good kind of spit-roating.

[Breedingandseeding]

Thanks for all of the advice! I suppose that I could also take the route of still having a roommate for another couple of years in a big liberal city while my salary rises. I definitely don’t want to live far in the suburbs. I had looked at some cities in Texas like Houston where it seemed like I could comfortably afford a studio or 1 bedroom close to downtown 

[PendragonSpirit]

49 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

Landing a dirt-cheap rent isn’t an advantage if you’re surrounded by cannibals.

In those cases, "Eat my ass, daddy" may not be a great opening for an ad.

On a serious note, I'd also recommend checking out sites like Squirt to see how many cruising locations (bookstores, bathhouses, parks, etc.) are in any of the places you're considering.

[BlackDude]

Get as close to a big, gay friendly city as possible. Stay away from “medium” sized cities. These are the worst for hooking up, especially those dominated by “older” populations (Tampa, Sacramento, Phoenix, etc.)
 

As opposed to those metropolises, these cities have just enough folks for guys to try to hold out for something better. A lot of guys in these medium cities have also moved from bigger cities, so they now think they are the big fish in a little pond. That does not work in cities like Los Angeles, San Francisco, Miami or New York. There is so many fish in the sea out there that if you play games people won’t wait around they will just go onto the next. 

Even if you’re 100 miles away from one of these gay meccas, you’ll find you never go as much as you want, especially after a week of hard work and obligations. 

[fskn]

1 hour ago, Breedingandseeding said:

I had looked at some cities in Texas like Houston where it seemed like I could comfortably afford a studio or 1 bedroom close to downtown 

This brings up another point of caution. There are many wonderful people and beautiful places in Texas, but from a legal perspective, it's a risky place for a GLBT person to choose to move to.

Wherever you move, be sure to check for local or preferably state-level anti-discrimination laws covering employment and housing, if not also services that businesses offer to the public.

Texas has no state-level protections for GLBT people, and has sought to override local protections. I don't remember the outcome of that effort, but it is a template that bigoted lawmakers have used successfully in several states.

You don't want the risk that your landlord could evict you because they, a neighbor, or a security camera spots you bringing guys home, or because you ask to add a future boyfriend, partner or husband to your lease.

On the employment front, you don't want any employer — even a remote one — to be able to terminate you for being gay. (Most employment in the US is at-will, so most workers can be terminated without cause, but anti-discrimination protections stop employers from terminating you just because they find out that you are gay.)

If you end up living in Texas and your company has an office in Texas, it will be easy for them to apply the state's lax employment laws. Even if your company has no nexus with Texas, someone bent on discrimination might argue that the employment laws of the state where you are doing the work, and not the laws of the state where your company is headquartered, apply.

The combination of remote work on a large scale and discriminatory state politics is new, untested, and unpredictable. Income tax laws of the state where you do the work definitely do apply (for example).

[viking8x6]

45 minutes ago, BlackDude said:

Even if you’re 100 miles away from one of these gay meccas, you’ll find you never go as much as you want, especially after a week of hard work and obligations.

^^^ So much this! I am coming up on 4 years in my current place in a small town in eastern West Virginia. It's a cute and gay-friendly town, but except for visiting tourists, it's always the same dozen faces, and I've already done the three of them where there's a mutual interest (none of those turned out to be lasting, but I have a long-distance BF elsewhere). The nearest major metro is DC, with a pretty happening gay scene and just close enough that I can see some of the guys there on the usual apps, especially bbrt. It is 106 miles from my apartment to Crew Club (chosen as a reference point), which with traffic is about 2 hours. Each way. I have been to DC for sex exactly twice in those 4 years.

[BlackDude]

43 minutes ago, viking8x6 said:

^^^ So much this! I am coming up on 4 years in my current place in a small town in eastern West Virginia. It's a cute and gay-friendly town, but except for visiting tourists, it's always the same dozen faces, and I've already done the three of them where there's a mutual interest (none of those turned out to be lasting, but I have a long-distance BF elsewhere). The nearest major metro is DC, with a pretty happening gay scene and just close enough that I can see some of the guys there on the usual apps, especially bbrt. It is 106 miles from my apartment to Crew Club (chosen as a reference point), which with traffic is about 2 hours. Each way. I have been to DC for sex exactly twice in those 4 years.

I love about 100 miles or a 2 1/2 hour drive from San Francisco. You would think it would be a dream come true. But between age, work, parking, increasing traffic, and the decreasing gay pigginess of the city I find it not worth it most times. 
 

The worst part of it is that due to gentrification, and the loss of sexual, social and/or financial viability, a lot of the gays from San Francisco/LA are moving to other towns outside of the city. They are mad, bitter as hell and coming with attitudes as if the fact they once lived in San Francisco gives them extra points. Thats why I say go with  the law of large numbers, or young, hornier freaks. But I digress.

 If You can find somewhere near a big city where you can hop on a train and be back home in the middle of the night without having to stress about driving home or staying overnight that would be great. I see guys have good luck in college towns as well.   
 

You only live once! Although I’m not “old” if I could do it all again I would’ve taken my chances, and moved to a bigger city. Money comes and goes, but youth just goes. The worst you can do is fail, get back up and try again. 

[Hairypiglet]

When I lived in central California I went without sex for extended periods of time. I love sex and have definitely been a huge slut amd even an actual prostitute. But when you've worked all week the last thing you want is to drive for two hours to a hotel to douche for an hour and go through all that bullshit.

 

I've literally had better sex and an easier time getting it by getting the cheapest motel on the edge of town and just letting anyone nearby plow my ass at their leisure. Great way to spend a Saturday night after a long week.

[evilcoyote]

You should also check with your employer as they may be remote but there could be restrictions on where you can live.