Kink is so subjetive: One example

[hungry_hole]

I watched a crime story of young woman who while in university had been raped by a Frat Boy. She only remembered one guy raping her but she was later told that there had been two other guys who had previously raped her. She also learned that someone took pictures. The woman was crying and feeling awful about those pictures circulating.

I say to myself, wait a minute. I'm sure many guys who were to remember that at a Frat-house party they last remember being pounded and bred on a sling by some Frat boy and they then learned that this will be the third load, they would probably hope that someone took a video of the breedings.

The same situation, different perspective.

[BootmanLA]

3 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

I watched a crime story of young woman who while in university had been raped by a Frat Boy. She only remembered one guy raping her but she was later told that there had been two other guys who had previously raped her. She also learned that someone took pictures. The woman was crying and feeling awful about those pictures circulating.

I say to myself, wait a minute. I'm sure many guys who were to remember that at a Frat-house party they last remember being pounded and bred on a sling by some Frat boy and they then learned that this will be the third load, they would probably hope that someone took a video of the breedings.

The same situation, different perspective.

Not the same situation at all.

Presumably, the guy consented to getting in the sling. Consent means not rape. And even men who consent in such cases might well object to video of the event being circulated out of his control.

I get it - you want to fap fap fap to the idea of frat guy orgy sex. Knock yourself out.

But please don't dismiss rape as "different perspective". That's a completely shitty take on it. Completely, totally, shitty.

[badubydo]

3 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

I watched a crime story of young woman who while in university had been raped by a Frat Boy. She only remembered one guy raping her but she was later told that there had been two other guys who had previously raped her. She also learned that someone took pictures. The woman was crying and feeling awful about those pictures circulating.

I say to myself, wait a minute. I'm sure many guys who were to remember that at a Frat-house party they last remember being pounded and bred on a sling by some Frat boy and they then learned that this will be the third load, they would probably hope that someone took a video of the breedings.

The same situation, different perspective.

You know what the difference is?

It is consent. Who knows if she was drugged, or drunk when she had sex with those other 2 frat boys. But then taking pictures and circulating them around is ridiculous. 
 

comparing a willing bottom in a single allowing multiple guys to fuck him/takes pics/video is completely different and fucking disgusting to compare the 2 as “kinks and being subjective of each other.”

 

being forcibly raped IS NOT A kink. Having pictures taken of you, without your knowledge and then circulated IS WRONG and is NOT A kink 

 

[funpozbottom]

I agree that kinks are subjective, but your frat party comparison probably isn't the best example as it compares two different people under two different circumstances.  It's true that someone with a rape fantasy could weave that type of situation into their role play, but it doesn't really convey how a person would feel if it were to actually happen to them.

Instead, how about considering the reactions of one person with a kink  in different situations. For example:  A guy may love watersports, but might not be turned on accidentally wetting his pants on the way to a business meeting.  Another example might be cars. A lot of people like having sex in cars. Families have been started in cars. But those same people probably aren't turned on in a traffic jam even though they are surrounded by cars. Or, consider underwear, which is probably one of the biggest kink or fetish around. Lots of people are turned on by underwear, but most people wear it daily because it's a utilitarian garment that moderates heat, controls sweat, prevents chafing and supports various  jiggly bits.

Pretty much anything could be a kink under certain circumstances, but that same thing could be a distraction or impediment at other times. Do you have any example of having a kink or fetish but actually being turned off by them at times?

[ErosWired]

You’re sure ‘many guys remember’ the last time they were gang/ fucked in s frat-house sling? Sure. That happens all the time because college fraternity houses are well-equipped with slings and frequently feature open homosexual orgies. 🙄

Your comparison of this absurd hypothetical situation with a reported real-life story of campus rape is outrageous enough; to reduce the woman’s experience to a ‘kink’ is obscene.

Kink is subjective, you say? Thanks for the news flash. People in the kink lifestyle have actually known that for years, to the point that there’s even a saying for it:

Your kink is not my kink.

 

[hntnhole]

Dullness is hardly ever an attractive component of a person's character, which continues to be the case in this moment.   

18 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

I watched a crime story

How disinteresting.  A television drama is the basis for this regrettable post?  

 

btw - it's SUBJECTIVE - something called an "adjective" when used as you attempted.  It can also be a noun, depending on usage.  This word can also be used in the context of philosophy, but let's not even consider that in this case.  

18 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

I say to myself

I wonder if anyone was listening ....

To the allusion to fraternities, et al:  I have been a member of these organizations, initially social (as you alluded to) and then professional, for many years.  While there were a number of gay guys in the social (undergrad level) fraternity I belonged to, I recall not one mention ever of any kind of group sex, let alone the crime of rape.  In the event you have attended some institution of higher learning, and experienced a fraternity-sponsored rape, you might have some basis upon which to rest your spurious claim of  "The same situation, different perspective"  Yes, there's a website called Fraternity X - which you're likely familiar with, containing totally fantasy-based productions, virtually devoid of what are called "production values" in that particular industry.  

Rape is a crime, not only against the violated person, but against humanity itself.  

 

[hungry_hole]

8 hours ago, ErosWired said:

Kink is subjective, you say? Thanks for the news flash.

All I was saying is that as I was watching the woman describe her horrible experience, I was getting turned-on by the kinky idea of being at a sauna on a public sling in a similar situation. By "kink" I mean a self-centered sexual encounter with anonymous people so that fetishes can be realized more freely.

I think that the biggest differences are between how men and women relate to "kink" and this poses a problem for "straight" men who do not get the good quality kink that only men know how to provide.

I have been advertising my private gloryhole in Doublelist and I like a type of guys that respond to my ad, many of them in relationships with women. They tell me that the anonymity turned them on and wanted to try a gloryhole. I avoid asking personal questions and the only thing I want to know is what their cock is like. 

So far I like Doublelist because I think they've become tough on their censorship. I've been very explicit in my latest ads and they have been approved. What I like the most is that many of the men who respond to my ad love the idea of totally anonymous action, but they would never go to a sauna or an ABS. Instead, they feel comfortable walking into an apartment and there's a gloryhole waiting for them.

I think that many men like having sex with men not because they like "men" but because they like "the way men have sex".

[viking8x6]

3 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

...of being at a sauna on a public sling in a similar situation...

As many have already pointed out, "being at a sauna on [sic] a public sling" is NOT A SIMILAR SITUATION.

"When you find you have gotten yourself into a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging."

[ErosWired]

5 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

All I was saying is that as I was watching the woman describe her horrible experience, I was getting turned-on

You may not have realized it as you were writing it, but most people would see that statement as “character-defining.”

5 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

I think that the biggest differences are between how men and women relate to "kink" and this poses a problem for "straight" men who do not get the good quality kink that only men know how to provide.

I’m thinking back to the blonde firecracker who pegged my ass with a strap-on in front of a small group of kinksters a while back. She served up quality kink by everybody’s measure. And the Domme who was in charge of the event? That woman could fundamentally redefine your whole understanding of kink with a feather.

Besides, if kink is subjective, how can some of it be ‘good quality’ and some not? 

[badubydo]

6 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

All I was saying is that as I was watching the woman describe her horrible experience, I was getting turned-on by the kinky idea of being at a sauna on a public sling in a similar situation. By "kink" I mean a self-centered sexual encounter with anonymous people so that fetishes can be realized more freely.

I think that the biggest differences are between how men and women relate to "kink" and this poses a problem for "straight" men who do not get the good quality kink that only men know how to provide.

I have been advertising my private gloryhole in Doublelist and I like a type of guys that respond to my ad, many of them in relationships with women. They tell me that the anonymity turned them on and wanted to try a gloryhole. I avoid asking personal questions and the only thing I want to know is what their cock is like. 

So far I like Doublelist because I think they've become tough on their censorship. I've been very explicit in my latest ads and they have been approved. What I like the most is that many of the men who respond to my ad love the idea of totally anonymous action, but they would never go to a sauna or an ABS. Instead, they feel comfortable walking into an apartment and there's a gloryhole waiting for them.

I think that many men like having sex with men not because they like "men" but because they like "the way men have sex".

Yo, what the fuck is wrong with you? 
 

CONSENTINGLY Going to a sauna and allowing multiple men to have sex with you IS NOT RAPE. Willingly lying in a sling with your legs in the air is NOT RAPE. 
 

Comparing a young woman being forcibly raped to consensual sex is fucking disgusting. 
 

You are a pitiful, disgusting human being. 

[funpozbottom]

On 5/3/2022 at 9:47 AM, hungry_hole said:

All I was saying is that as I was watching the woman describe her horrible experience, I was getting turned-on by the kinky idea of being at a sauna on a public sling in a similar situation. By "kink" I mean a self-centered sexual encounter with anonymous people so that fetishes can be realized more freely.

You took an account of a real life crime and spun it into a fantasy situation that you would enjoy. That does not make the two comparable in any way. You continue to overlook the issue of consent. You can say, "Oh, I'd love to be raped like that."  but by saying that, you have given your consent for it to occur.  Also the way you define "kink" in non-standard.  Probably, no one else would have interpreted your intent that way.

 

On 5/3/2022 at 9:47 AM, hungry_hole said:

I think that the biggest differences are between how men and women relate to "kink" and this poses a problem for "straight" men who do not get the good quality kink that only men know how to provide.

"Good quality kink that only men know how to provide?"  As Dana Carvey's Church Lady would say: "It seems that someone is feeling just a little bit superior to all of us. I wonder who could have made that happen ... "

No, actually, kink is equal opportunity and has no restrictions based on race, color, gender, sexual orientation, age, religion, political affiliation, or any other factor.  

 

On 5/3/2022 at 9:47 AM, hungry_hole said:

I have been advertising my private gloryhole in Doublelist and I like a type of guys that respond to my ad, many of them in relationships with women. They tell me that the anonymity turned them on and wanted to try a gloryhole. I avoid asking personal questions and the only thing I want to know is what their cock is like. 

So far I like Doublelist because I think they've become tough on their censorship. I've been very explicit in my latest ads and they have been approved. What I like the most is that many of the men who respond to my ad love the idea of totally anonymous action, but they would never go to a sauna or an ABS. Instead, they feel comfortable walking into an apartment and there's a gloryhole waiting for them.

I think that many men like having sex with men not because they like "men" but because they like "the way men have sex".

A problem that many people in relationships have is that they hide chunks of themselves from their partners. They feel they can't really show themselves for fear of losing them. Personally, I think if people were more open when they were dating they might ultimately find someone more compatible. Also the whole monogamy thing is sort of unrealistic -- humans are complex multi-faceted being and to think that only one person is capable of augmenting all of someone's needs, hopes, and dreams, is for many, impractical.

But that's a little off topic.

Guys who visit anonymous gloryholes are turned on by the anonymity, I think, because it gives them a way to cheat and maintain deniability.  For some guys, they feel that if it's not with another girl, it's not cheating, and if you don't see who it is you can deny having sex with a guy. Some guys will say that oral isn't really sex at all. And I'm sure it's happened to everyone that you're following the Easter bunny and when he jumps into a hole, you try to follow but the only thing that fits through is your penis. And, yes, you may have ejaculated while trying to pull it back out, but that's not the same as having sex, right? It's just a strategy to justify having sex, having more sex, having different types of sex, than may be seen as socially acceptable.

But your talk about gloryholes has nothing to do with your original example. I think you should clear up that discussion before moving to new ground.  Just admit that there were aspects that you hadn't considered that made it a poor comparison for what you were trying to say. Then, find a more appropriate example, and move on.

 

[ErosWired]

24 minutes ago, funpozbottom said:

And I'm sure it's happened to everyone that you're following the Easter bunny and when he jumps into a hole, you try to follow but the only thing that fits through is your penis. And, yes, you may have ejaculated while trying to pull it back out, but that's not the same as having sex, right?

You had sex with someone else, didn’t you? You’d better have a damn good explanation.

No, it’s just that I was following the Easter Bunny…

[LetsPOZBreed]

I read this post yesterday.  I was hoping I wasn't interpreting this correctly in my own head, but clearly I did.  I originally decided that I wasn't going to comment, but this annoys me.

Sexual assault (against ANYONE) is not a kink.  It's not a fetish.  It's not the kind of thing that needs to be condoned by anyone, and certainly not anyone on a forum such as this one.  

Sure, there may be role-play type scenarios in the kink world (think CNC, r*pe play, etc.) but this is nowhere near comparable to the original post.  Even in these actual kink and fetish scenarios, there is the concept of consent.  That consent can be withdrawn; there are appropriate safe words and signals in place; and there are (VERY LONG) discussions around limits and what is and is not acceptable.  

It's also not a gender or sexuality thing either.  I was sexually assaulted in my early 20's by another gay man.  I absolutely refuse to accept anyone referring to that kind of scenario as a "kink".  I still have the anger and emotional scars of that night close to 20 years later.  

I very rarely downvote anything, but this one will be an exception...

[gwmxyz]

ok Im going to voice an unpopular opinion.  I think the two situations may be closer than some think.

I know I am very - I mean very - turned on when guys just go ahead ignoring whether I consent or not.  Technically, it probably is a crime.  

The diifference between that and rape isn't lack of consent - it's whether there would have been consent if it had been sought.  In my case, yes, obviously.  In a rape,  obviously not. There may also be a different motive - rape done to hurt the victim; while in my case as it turns me on, it was most likely done for that reason too.   So I agree it is completely different.

It is just outwardly it does look very similar. Neither seeking consent, nor it's being a crime is the difference.

Gloryholes I agree are completely different.  Consent is obvious there - not easy to imagine how they could make it more obvious.

Also, without doing any sort of research on it, I can't help feel that more guys than women are into being fucked anon. If there is any equivalent of Hampstead Heath frequented by women, I'm not aware of it.  Though in fairness I haven't been looking either.

[LetsPOZBreed]

15 minutes ago, gwmxyz said:

ok Im going to voice an unpopular opinion.  I think the two situations may be closer than some think.

I know I am very - I mean very - turned on when guys just go ahead ignoring whether I consent or not.  Technically, it probably is a crime.  

The diifference between that and rape isn't lack of consent - it's whether there would have been consent if it had been sought.  In my case, yes, obviously.  In a rape,  obviously not. There may also be a different motive - rape done to hurt the victim; while in my case as it turns me on, it was most likely done for that reason too.   So I agree it is completely different.

It is just outwardly it does look very similar. Neither seeking consent, nor it's being a crime is the difference.

Gloryholes I agree are completely different.  Consent is obvious there - not easy to imagine how they could make it more obvious.

Also, without doing any sort of research on it, I can't help feel that more guys than women are into being fucked anon. If there is any equivalent of Hampstead Heath frequented by women, I'm not aware of it.  Though in fairness I haven't been looking either.

I'm sorry, I'm not letting this one fly either

(Note to mooderators: I promise to try to keep this civil, but advancing apologies if I cross a line - will accept the hit if it's warranted)

If you get turned on by guys violating your consent, I'm not going to judge.  But it is not just probably a crime...it IS a crime.  If you are into that kind of play where you want to give that consent up, then actually talk about that with your partner.  But what you are into is not necessarily what everyone else is into.  It does not negate the fact that there is a false equivalence in this thread between "rough sex" and rape.

The difference IS a lack of consent.  The rest of your paragraph around "would have been consent if it had been sought" is completely and totally invalid.  You are presuming the victim would have just let it happen if they would have been asked in advance.  That is offensive on so many levels that I can't even begin to list them out here.

I also fail to see how these situations look very similar.  This is also about far more than simple optics.  I'll borrow a line uttered by Marcia Cross in Melrose Place:  "It's not what it looks like!...It's WORSE!"

I'm also not sure where or why we're pulling gloryholes into this.  It's not even anywhere near the same situation and is totally irrelevant to the point at hand.  But to take your tack on it, no...consent is not obvious here.  I'm not consenting to you just ramming your cock down my throat and making me feel uncomfortable.

Finally, whether or not there's any research on who is into getting fucked anon, this is another completely irrelevant point.  It's totally off topic and (badly) attempts to make this false equivalence between male and female sexual proclivities.