B&D yes… S&M no?

[PIGTONIGHT]

I am curious who is wired similarly.  I am a service oriented bottom, and the moment that i am hit, spanked, etc, my headspace is gone.

 

I am pretty much in total control of my day to day life, which probably why I dive do deep into the loss of control through Bondage and Domination

My nips aren’t wired, and my cock and balls just fade away when I am serving, so hitting them, just hurts, and pinching nipples feels the same as pinching my elbow

 

 

I have been trained and served several DOMS and MASTERS with various requirements and skills.  It take a lot for me to perform anything S&M… although, if I am hooded collared and leashed and on display in public setting, then that side kicks in a little.  I still lose my sub headspace when there’s pain deliberately 

[onlyraw]

And there is nothing wrong with that - it is just the way you are wired (my nips are not wired either so I get that - have always been jealous of the guys who are)

when I top I am the exact opposite as you. B&D doesn’t do anything for me - I like my sex to me more “interactive” between me and the bottom so having him tied up doesn’t do it for me.

On the other hand, I do really enjoy- if not quite S&M, very rough sex

it is one of the things that makes it so difficult sometimes for all of us to find the right sex partner- we have to find someone we are attracted to AND who has the same things ticked off on their into lists -wether it’s  from total vanilla or to full on kink, the search goes on.

all we can hope for is some “interesting adventures” as we carry on our hunt….

(and that some of those adventures will be posted on here for the rest of us to enjoy)

[funpozbottom]

It's interesting how everyone develops different fetishes.  Personally, I'm sort of the opposite of you: I've never had an interest in bondage (or I should say, I've never found someone that I wanted to try it with), but I do like getting whipped or spanked. For me, being restricted is not a turn on -- what I get into is submission and voluntary degradation in front of my top.

While I like getting spanked, I do agree with you about nipple play. I've never understood it's appeal. I might tolerate it from a hot top, but it doesn't turn me on, and is likely to piss me off. I've almost told someone: "If you want to play with nipples, go fuck a girl!"  I wasn't willing to say it out loud though, and risk losing his load. Instead I just suck it up and submit to being used.

[catcher4you]

I get it. You can blindfold me, restrain me, hook me up to the chains on the sling, make me submit to your needs, but the minute you strike me or intentionally hurt me, it’s over for me. My nipples do nothing for me and since I’m often doing substances when I’m playing at this level, my cock isn’t worth playing with much either. But, put something in my ass and I’m yours.

[badjujuboy]

14 hours ago, PIGTONIGHT said:

I am pretty much in total control of my day to day life, which probably why I dive do deep into the loss of control through Bondage and Domination

We're all wired differently and that's ok.  I’m similar in this respect and seek to abandon as much control as possible, hence becoming a total cuntboy and more recently just a cunt into servicing. It’s totally about that loss of control after a stressful week... the typical scenario that we’ve all heard about  Yet, I ultimately know that I do have control by allowing the experience to go forward.

Though I do enjoy the SM aspect also, it started out as an attraction to seeing a man restrained and gradually I began to crave it. I lucked out in meeting some tops who helped me explore until I met  a Daddy who took me to the next level with tit play and flogging. Though I’ve drawn the line at CBT. I had one guy step on me while I was sucking him off and I backed off from the pain. He was angry and told me to get out and let him know when I was ready to submit. My “day-to-day” persona emerged and I got up and dressed knowing full well I’d never be returning. I ran into him after that and he was surprised that my sub side was no where to be seen. Don’t get me wrong…I’m a total sub bottom sexually but don’t fuck with me cause not only do I play hard in the bedroom/dungeon, I play hard in the real world.

Edited May 30, 2022 by badjujuboy

[LetsPOZBreed]

That't the thing about BDSM...you don't have to tick every box, and that's perfectly okay.  We all have our limits and desires; other "true" BDSM mates understand this, and are much more interested in helping you acheive your kink goals without pressuring you into something you don't want to do.

Personally, what I'm into depends on the guy I'm with.  Yes, I do like various aspects of the B, the D, the S, and the M; but there has to be a special connection with my partner...a much tighter connection than a guy that I've randomly met on a website, app, or sex club.  I don't trust some rando to give me the kind of deep and intense session that these scenes lead to.  I also don't engage with guys who ask me to do these things to them without a full understanding of what he is getting himself into.

 

[ErosWired]

There need be no connection between Bondage/Domination and Sadism/Masochism. When you combine the two concepts in a description of a community’s lifestyle, you’re basically working with a Venn diagram of two discrete but overlapping circles. There are some people who incorporate both in their play, and some practices that inherently combine aspects of both, but there’s neither any rule that says they have to be practiced together, nor that it’s not normal to inhabit one circle exclusive of the other.

I’m principally Bondage//Domination oriented. I started my BDSM experience as a bondage sub. I didn’t go into it seeking pain, I just ended up encountering it because of the highly varied nature of the Dominants I served, and because my submissive nature lent itself to the kind of submission that accepted increasingly adverse Dominance. In the end, I allowed myself to suffer some significant pain, and ultimately gave my body into the physical ownership of a genuine Sadist.

But at no time was I ever a masochist in the actual sense of the word. I never enjoyed pain, never sought it. There were always levels and types pf pain that were absolutely not acceptable to me - I could take a flogging, but no way was anybody going to lash me with a singletail whip. I ultimately allowed needles through my nuts, but having my cockhead nailed to a board? Never going to happen. Sharp pain to my nipples shuts me right down. Any pain that would be so severe as to draw my mind completely out of a sexualized space and fully into a pain space was, and is, out of the question.

So there’s absolutely nothing wrong or unusual about you finding your impulses driven solely by the concepts of being constrained and Dominated, but not having a desire to be hurt. You just don’t occupy the second circle. That’s fine, because there are plenty of Dominants whose drive is to control, but not to hurt.

[hntnhole]

8 hours ago, ErosWired said:

There need be no connection between Bondage/Domination and Sadism/Masochism. When you combine the two concepts in a description of a community’s lifestyle, you’re basically working with a Venn diagram of two discrete but overlapping circles. There are some people who incorporate both in their play, and some practices that inherently combine aspects of both, but there’s neither any rule that says they have to be practiced together, nor that it’s not normal to inhabit one circle exclusive of the other.

EW is 100% correct.  These are two individual, separate practices that often do overlap with each other, but are not necessarily connected.  

Thank you for pointing this out, EW.  Often I forget that not every guy is all that familiar with these terms, and what they actually mean.

[Guest]

In my experience as a submissive bottom, I have become more and more attracted and with greater desire for Bongage and  S&M however with limits of not accepting piercing or needles and no permanent damage to my body. but accepting and even exicted about everything else. I have been with a dom who put me to the wall and spanked my ass hard to the point that i was physically crying. I find myself lately with great desires for this, craving pain, and even getting fucked publically. As not long ago I was getting fucked in a cruise aread that a stranger walked by and stopped to watch me getting fucked. i felt shame but yet pleasure as i saw the person watching was feeling himself and even getting hard it excited me  even more. i have been associating pain with pleasure and becoming more desiring of pain, and even public viewing. two areas of my submission that are turning me on more and more. So I would love to be exposed as a submissive in a large public setting and very much open to flogging and all sorts of pain and sex activities but limitting to needes and permanent damaged to my body. but open to temporary marks of a good beating or even whipping.

[mjkuhl]

7 hours ago, mikeboi1 said:

In my experience as a submissive bottom, I have become more and more attracted and with greater desire for Bongage and  S&M however with limits of not accepting piercing or needles and no permanent damage to my body. but accepting and even exicted about everything else. I have been with a dom who put me to the wall and spanked my ass hard to the point that i was physically crying. I find myself lately with great desires for this, craving pain, and even getting fucked publically. As not long ago I was getting fucked in a cruise aread that a stranger walked by and stopped to watch me getting fucked. i felt shame but yet pleasure as i saw the person watching was feeling himself and even getting hard it excited me  even more. i have been associating pain with pleasure and becoming more desiring of pain, and even public viewing. two areas of my submission that are turning me on more and more. So I would love to be exposed as a submissive in a large public setting and very much open to flogging and all sorts of pain and sex activities but limitting to needes and permanent damaged to my body. but open to temporary marks of a good beating or even whipping.

Mike, limits tend to pass with time.

[Guest]

7 hours ago, mjkuhl said:

Mike, limits tend to pass with time.

Yes you are completely right! that is what i have been experiencing in my desires. Things that I would never consider doing now i have this great desire to do them and explore and expand my horizons doing them and others never thought about. Even pain now I kind want to experience it and explore it more, bondage is more attractive to me and so want a top who will be rough and more agressive sex.

[Knightfalconer]

You certainly are not alone mister. I was most definitely at the back of the queue when sensitive nipples / nipples connected to one's cock were being handed out. Mine are not erogenous, FULL STOP. I played with a guy once, who started tweeking mine, and he wasn't hurting me with what he was doing so I let him continue. But after a few minutes, I eventually got bored and told him that he had more chance tuning me in to BBC Radio Four than he did turning me on!

Others have already said it, but I'll reaffirm. BD doesn't have to include SM. BD (control) can be exercised without SM (submission; humiliation; slavery; pain).

I have played both top and bottom. I don't like inflicting pain as a top, but will if it is requested. As a bottom, I HATE ANY FORM OF PAIN, whether that's uncomfortable restraints; use of an 'insertive type' gag to keep my jaw open (makes my jaw ache & prevents me swallowing excess saliva); use of too large a dildo or too little lube when being fucked. Pain or discomfort cuts straight through any amount of chemical assistance I may have taken (an expensive waste), instantly destroys the horny atmosphere I had felt and brings me out of my 'sub' headspace.

Its very much a question of finding the right playmates, who are experienced and willing to respect your boundaries.