Just lost my first BB top

[BredByJ]

I met him almost two years ago and refused to let him fuck me because he insisted on fucking me raw. We talked for over a year, never acknowledging the constant refusals. He was hot, 6'4 blonde, with blue eyes and a nice big dick, but had a lifelong heart problem. Finally, I said fuck it at the beginning of the year and let him fuck me raw for the first time and never stopped until he died three weeks ago. I am lost without him right now. A couple of months ago he started saying he had never taken a cock in his ass and wanted me to breed him at some point, even though I'm very small. We simulated it a few times and he let me fuck him with my fingers the last few times but never got to put it in him. He needed me to be smooth and kind of fem when we first started fucking, which I did for him, even dressed, but in the end, he wanted me as a guy and would say don't shave your face and stuff like that. I've been approached a few times since he died, but can't even bare the thought of another guy's hands on me, even though I need it more than anything right now.

[Diesel]

Very sorry to hear about your tremendously sad loss. Hopefully you can take some consolation from the time you were able to spend together, and finally grant his wish.

Giving yourself some space from other encounters, might be the right approach just now, but in time you will probably want to reconsider this.

[barebackbro]

I'm so sorry, @BredByJ. What a terrible blow.

I hope you can take some comfort from all the pleasure you gave him this year.

[FunCheerSlut]

Very sorry to hear of your loss!! xoxo

[Zeke17043]

So sorry for your loss.

[shinelover]

My heart is breaking for you. I think we all have a tendency these days to see each other as inanimate objects, just 'a pole and a hole', but sometimes we can't help but form a connection with someone. It's a terrible loss.

[Calgarybugchaser]

So sorry for your loss, he sounds like an amazing man. 🤗 

[Pigforcum]

Sorry for your loss

[BredByJ]

Thank you all. He was a great guy and I will miss him for the rest of my life. My only regret is not starting this when we first met, but even during that time I have great memories. He was used to getting his way and was the man of many firsts. Rest in peace, John.

[tallslenderguy]

i'm feel sorry for Your loss. 

Personally, i do not think sex is ever 'just sex.'  i think any and every time a Man leaves His seed in me, has pleasure penetrating me, a part of Him remains inside of me and a puts His permanent signature on me. His signature may be tiny, and in the corner of my soul, but it is there. It may eventually become obscured by all the other signatures, but His mark is still there. 

i think it's some kind of wonderful that you eulogize this important and valuable Man  in this community. 

[BredByJ]

I didn’t give John my phone number the first time we met in 2020, only an email I used for guys I was not comfortable giving my phone number to and he emailed me shortly after. This is what was said. I knew I needed to let him do whatever he needed from me because of what he said to me at that restaurant we met and from his second response to in email. He told me there were hundreds before me, possibly even more than that and it turned me on so much that he refused to take no for an answer and was used to getting his way. This is how the conversation went for over a year before fucking.

John:  Need a bottom host to use and breed. (Sends along with a picture of his dick next to a glade air freshener can)

Me:  So tempting, your cock is just beautiful, but never did raw and not planning on doing it. Sorry

John:  I’m looking for a regular sub bottom to suck me, lick my balls, and take my load

Me:  I don’t do raw

John:  We could try mutual oral 69 if you want to cum too or just be my bitch to knock up

Me:  You are smooth

John:  I need to cum and find a regular hole to fill

Me:  That would be amazing but I’m not doing that with you or anyone else. It’s been a while and would definitely get ripped by a dick like that. Too risky for me.

John:  Let me slide in you doggy style and pump a load into you while you reach back and massage my balls

Me:  Are you 100% sure you're clean? I want to get fucked raw so bad, I am just afraid to.  

John:  109% sure I’m clean and need to stay that way too

Me:  This is something I have to really think about

3 hours later

John:  are you still looking to let me breed you

Next day

John:  You still looking to be fucked and bred

Me:  When did I say I was ready to do that?

John:  Send me some photos of my cum dumpster

Me:  Okay

John:  You want to get knocked up doggy style or missionary

Me: Doggy might be easier at first with a cock like that but I’m not letting you fuck me without a condom.

John:  You submissive just want to please your man? i need a sub bottom craving to feel my cock shoot my load in them

[Tanbbottom]

I'm so sorry there is not a 'care' or 'hug' emoji on this site. 

I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you are surrounded by loving family and friends as you navigate your way through this understandable grief. 

[hntnhole]

Allow me to add my condolences as well.  I consider it a "gift" when we find someone to love, and who loves us in return.  I'm happy for you that you got to experience it; some never do.  That doesn't make it any easier though.  You've suffered a loss; give yourself time to heal, and keep your heart open to new possibilities in the future.

Best wishes .... 

[Jimmi]

Thinking of you as you navigate your grief.  A big virtual hug to you. 

[ellentonboy]

16 hours ago, BredByJ said:

I didn’t give John my phone number the first time we met in 2020, only an email I used for guys I was not comfortable giving my phone number to and he emailed me shortly after. This is what was said. I knew I needed to let him do whatever he needed from me because of what he said to me at that restaurant we met and from his second response to in email. He told me there were hundreds before me, possibly even more than that and it turned me on so much that he refused to take no for an answer and was used to getting his way. This is how the conversation went for over a year before fucking.

John:  Need a bottom host to use and breed. (Sends along with a picture of his dick next to a glade air freshener can)

Me:  So tempting, your cock is just beautiful, but never did raw and not planning on doing it. Sorry

John:  I’m looking for a regular sub bottom to suck me, lick my balls, and take my load

Me:  I don’t do raw

John:  We could try mutual oral 69 if you want to cum too or just be my bitch to knock up

Me:  You are smooth

John:  I need to cum and find a regular hole to fill

Me:  That would be amazing but I’m not doing that with you or anyone else. It’s been a while and would definitely get ripped by a dick like that. Too risky for me.

John:  Let me slide in you doggy style and pump a load into you while you reach back and massage my balls

Me:  Are you 100% sure you're clean? I want to get fucked raw so bad, I am just afraid to.  

John:  109% sure I’m clean and need to stay that way too

Me:  This is something I have to really think about

3 hours later

John:  are you still looking to let me breed you

Next day

John:  You still looking to be fucked and bred

Me:  When did I say I was ready to do that?

John:  Send me some photos of my cum dumpster

Me:  Okay

John:  You want to get knocked up doggy style or missionary

Me: Doggy might be easier at first with a cock like that but I’m not letting you fuck me without a condom.

John:  You submissive just want to please your man? i need a sub bottom craving to feel my cock shoot my load in them

Very very sorry for your loss.

Edited October 13, 2022 by ellentonboy
inappropriate or unsympathetic post, sorry.