Is it alright to ask for proof?

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, partying.hard said:

I’m sorry.  If you think I was rude, then I apologize. That was not my intent. If you’re familiar with the concept I referenced, “am I the asshole” then you would know it’s not meant as a rude reply.

The point I was trying to make is that if you are concerned about HIV and your sexual safety, you need to take control and protect yourself without relying on others to do so or on others honesty.

Again, I apologize.

Im sorry too, I did not know the website until researching. Indeed English is not my first language, but all is well no hard feelings. 
 

I agree about the protecting yourself part though. I will first try to get on prep before playing with some dudes. 

[partying.hard]

5 minutes ago, frank86 said:

Im sorry too, I did not know the website until researching. Indeed English is not my first language, but all is well no hard feelings. 
 

I agree about the protecting yourself part though. I will first try to get on prep before playing with some dudes. 

I also have sent a message to you.

[Kayne]

Gonna step out on qa limb here. As it seems I am in the minority, but one can only best speak from his personal experiences so Here Goes.

Do I think you were in the right to ask? Yes.

Do I think he was an qsshole for breaking contact and blocking you? No.

You are not Obligated to Fuck Anyone And You are Not obligated to Lower your Standards, or Violate Your Boundaries. You have every right to walk away from.qn encounter that makes you feel Uncomfortable or unsafe 

There's just one thing...

Human Relationships are a TWO way street. Just as you are not obligated to do anyone the above, your potential partner is similarly not Obligated.

You are free to make the choices that work for you,  But so is he.

This is where compromise comes into play.

 You give a little. you get a little in return

As others have said,  At the end of the day  you can only look after yourself. Test results can be faked.  He can Straight up  lie. He could walk away.. You have no way of knowing.

There is risk in everything,  but if you wanna play the game, you can mitigate those risks. You can play safe. but since you're here on a barebackers forum, I'm gonna say that it's off the table.  You can Use PrEP. just remember PrEP doesn't prevent everything.

I  dated a college professor for a little over three months. he hid that he was a meth addict. He hid that he was poz and that he wasn't on meds. I found this out one night. 

We were having a night in with "friend" of his. We drank,we wound up playing I showered after, and while cleaning up I found out the truth. He welcomed me "to the club" When I hit the roof he said something to me that stuck.

"If you're Fuckin' You Gotta Assume Everyone is PoZ".

So Do what makes YOU Feel Safe, just remember, Your right to reject a partner is also his right to reject you. 

[Close2MyBro]

You should do what you're comfortable doing, but understand he has the same right to do what he's comfortable doing. No harm no foul on either end, but keep in mind this is a hookup, not a marriage proposal.

I get turned off by people who ask for anything I don't believe they're entitled to know or are out of context for where we are in the conversation. For example, if we're talking about a quick fuck, someone asking me what I do for a living right away is a bad sign for me. What I get from that question is that they're broke and/or desperate and want to see what they can get from me. Who cares what I do for work if we're just going to fuck? I'm not going to care what you do. You can ask, doesn't mean I'm obligated to answer, and doesn't mean I'm obligated to continue to talk to you either. I have free will and so do you.

[Kayne]

49 minutes ago, Close2MyBro said:

You should do what you're comfortable doing, but understand he has the same right to do what he's comfortable doing. No harm no foul on either end, but keep in mind this is a hookup, not a marriage proposal.

I get turned off by people who ask for anything I don't believe they're entitled to know or are out of context for where we are in the conversation. For example, if we're talking about a quick fuck, someone asking me what I do for a living right away is a bad sign for me. What I get from that question is that they're broke and/or desperate and want to see what they can get from me. Who cares what I do for work if we're just going to fuck? I'm not going to care what you do. You can ask, doesn't mean I'm obligated to answer, and doesn't mean I'm obligated to continue to talk to you either. I have free will and so do you.

We think along the same lines. Thpugh I might enquire about your profession, and it would have nothing to do with anything financial gain , go getting anything from you besides sex.

I have a massive uniform kink So, such a thing ma be offensive to you, and that is completely valid, but there is a valid reason to ask.  Military Man, Cop, Fireman, Milk Man, Priest. Business Suits,,  Football [ American ]It may be worth asking..

[Spunkinmyarse]

As a seasoned bare backer, I get wary as soon as someone asks me anything about my sexual health. I do everything I can to mitigate the risks to my own well-being, and in general I only want to play with others who do the same.

It took me a long time to come to terms with the risks of being a cumdump, and I’m not really comfortable having sex with guys who haven’t reached that place yet. Not because I view them as inferior in any way, but because at any given point in time, I absolutely cannot guarantee they won’t catch something from me.

If they’re asking me the question “Clean?” or “Are you STD free?”, it simply shows that they don’t really have a proper understanding of how STD’s work, and that basically no-one who has bareback sex more than once every 6 months or so can possibly answer that question with 100 percent accuracy. The only truthful answer is “I don’t know”, which is not what they want to hear… and to them, it just sounds like you don’t bother to take proper care of yourself. I don’t want them to think that of me, but neither do I feel like I have a responsibility to educate them further in the matter- so generally I just cease to engage.

Also, I just don’t want it on my back if they do catch something from me, because I was in that place once and for most people their first STD is traumatic. Whereas if I give something to another player, it’s just a question of “Hey-ho, occupational hazard, etc” and we both just get on with our lives.

[Spunkinmyarse]

Ah- so glad I’ve joined the club… I’ve been downvoted by @dmvnewbietoo!

@dmvnewbie, would you mind explaining your reasoning behind all these downvotes? Many contributors in this thread have gone to the effort of setting out their opinions thoughtfully and at length, including myself. Your own contribution amounts to 6 words. It’s obviously a subject you feel very strongly about, but you need to justify all those downvotes with more than just that. 

We wait with bated breath, so that we too may be given the right to reply to your own arguments on the matter.

[sleazebugga]

If you play raw with multiple partners, the only thing you can truthfully tell them is 'I am on prep and take it as directed' (if you do) and ' I was neg last test' (if you were).

The same for them, except you can't know they are telling the truth. I may be lucky, but I must say that most of the guys I have hooked up with over the year have been decent and upfront about status if it was discussed. Usually it wasn't, but I didn't mind being asked as long as I didn't get a lecture about my choices which were clearly stated on hook up profiles. I never went on prep, but that was my choice as the risk turned me on. If you want to BB but don't want to convert, prep would seem the option.

[Marlin]

I'm poz, undetectable, and totally adherent on my meds and I never use condom. I don't disclose my status on my apps. When hooking up I find most guys don't ask my status but if they do I disclose. I've had some guys insist on a condom at which point I decline, I've had some guys ghost me, block me or just say no to sex, but {'m finding more and more guys are ok with it as they are on PrEP or they understand U=U. If someone were to ask for proof of my meds or lab results, I immediately end conversation

[pussyboy82]

You are ultimately responsible for protecting yourself. That's it. You shouldn't really be asking in this day and age as it's discrimination. 

No one is forcing you to change your current situation of only going bareback with regular partners but even that is very fool Hardy.

It's very crazy to think everyone is honest and that you can trust anyone these days. 

I'd suggest you start living in the real world. 

You can protect yourself by taking prep or using condoms. Don't think there's any other solution available as there isn't. 

[pussyboy82]

Dmvnewbie is clearly a troll just ignore them. Has their own definition of "Due diligence".

[DLMarried]

On 11/12/2022 at 4:36 AM, frank86 said:

Had some good communication going with a dude I met online. He answered my ad in which I’m searching a long term fuck buddy if the first hookup works out.

He insisted on everything being bare, telling me he’s on prep.  I told him I’m ok with that, but for bare I would like some sort of evidence he really is on it. I told him I can provide recent test results of mine.

He then told me no and proceeded to block me. 
 

So did I dodge a bullet, or was I in the wrong for asking for too much?

 

There is nothing wrong with asking for proof. I saw some guys say he would think you are calling him a liar. Well guess what, most of us are liars. 
I have lied to many people about my status. The one advise I always give guys is don’t ask for status, just assume they have something. 
Rather than asking his status, protect yourself. Do not take anyone at their word. 

[drscorpio]

PrEP is designed to protect the person taking it from contracting HIV. It follows from that that it gives some protection to your partners because it is keeping you negative, but that is just a beneficial side effect. If you fuck bare with multiple partners and want to stay negative, you need to be on PrEP yourself not asking guys who are to prove it - especially because as has been pointed out above you really have no way to verify the proof they provide you. The fact that he has a bottle of Truvada or Descovy doesn't prove he takes it every day. I set of test results from a doctor can easily be faked. 

[PozTalkAuthor]

I'd behave the same way -blocking the contact who asks me "give me proof". I would consider it as a negative approach towards me; you can't assume others are liars and, overall, that others must take care of you! If you're not on Prep, you know the risks and trust is not a prevention method, it does not work as a condom. This is the distorted culture we grew up into, yes trusting people we meet is the ideal condition but you cannot assume that everyone is untrustful. You want to verify that person is worthy of your trust? Well, assuming they're liars is not the appropriate approach as you're telling them "I don't trust you from the beginning. It's your duty to change my mind". It places you in a sort of "superior" position that makes you rude. 

 

[Close2MyBro]

6 hours ago, Kayne said:

We think along the same lines. Thpugh I might enquire about your profession, and it would have nothing to do with anything financial gain , go getting anything from you besides sex.

I have a massive uniform kink So, such a thing ma be offensive to you, and that is completely valid, but there is a valid reason to ask.  Military Man, Cop, Fireman, Milk Man, Priest. Business Suits,,  Football [ American ]It may be worth asking..

I can see that, but a lot of times I see cops fireman, military, etc., bragging about it in their profile, because they know it draws attention to them. You don't get much attention being an accountant unless someone needs help with their taxes....lol.