Virginity Taken

[ErosWired]

Note: For comments on views about feelings about taking someone’s virginity, please see the related topic Taking Virginity.

Losing one’s virginity is usually a watershed moment in life. Sometimes for the better, sometimes decidedly not. Like most major life events, the whole trajectory of a person’s life may bend one way or the other depending on what happens, when, and with whom. I can never know, but I have a strong sense that if I had been introduced to male sex in high school or early college my life would bear no resemblance to the way it looks now.

Do you consider the loss of your virginity, under its circumstances, a net positive, or net negative? To what degree do you think it shaped the person you became? How do you feel about the person who “took” your virginity? Was it a taking, or a giving? (GIFTERS/CHASERS - DON’T EVEN START.)

 I realize that for far too many on this site the event I’m asking about took place at an age long before it should have; numerous brave narratives on these boards attest to that. Your views would be especially valued. I would ask that all those responding to the question respect the genuine trauma that they may have endured and may still endure, and not pollute the thread with fantasy posts about how your father, uncle, and all your brothers, etc. turned you out when you were 8 and you loved every minute of it.

[tallslenderguy]

i had just turned 21, and it was given to another virgin... a woman. my story is all over BZ, conservative religious conditioning influenced my decision to marry a woman. Even though i knew i am attracted to males from an early age, i was conditioned to believe/feel that i was "sick, broken," and that hetero was the only acceptable form of sex.

So, i lost my virginity with a woman. if she had had any questions about whether i was virgin, our first wedding night experience would have pretty much confirmed my virginity. 

i missed the first time.  Yep, totally missed. I.e., i literally didn't get my penis in her vagina lol. It was dark, we were under covers and i was lying on top of her. Didn't take me long to orgasm, but essentially, i humped her. i remember thinking it didn't feel like i thought it would.  She gently explained after that i had not gotten in, and she ended up on top for the first real sex between us. Which was probably a good thing since i was ignorant and didn't realize she needed to be opened, she was virgin and my girth is a bit more than average. 

Six years later, i had my first sex with a Man... i sucked Him off and swallowed every drop of His seed. After that, there was no putting the proverbial cat back in the bag, though i tried. 

Enough details to fill a book, and i'll spare BZ that ponderous tome.  But i do not think that had i had 'lost my virginity' with a Man first, that i would have gone a different way. my conditioning that being attracted to Men was both "sick and sinful"  was so strong and pervasive, i think i would have just felt ashamed and guilty and still tried to be straight. i honestly did not think/feel/believe gay was a real/honest option.  After my first experience just sucking cock, which happened while i was married, i went home a told my wife (third time revealing this) that "i am gay and we need to separate."  And we did, for 5 months or so, but it didn't stick. Guilt and shame on my part got us back together.  It took me half my life to get free of the religious conditioning and accept who and how i am. i was having anonymous sex on the DL the entire time, fighting it the whole time. i was miserable with the lies and deception, but thought i was missing something, the 'key' to being able to resist my desires for a Man, that i was just a failure.

Sex with Men didn't alter the conditioned response of guilt and shame. What did, was finally realizing that my beliefs were not in line with reality, that it wasn't me who was 'wrong' but my beliefs.  i suspect had i had sex prior, and just made my decision to be with Men based on that, i would never have processed and seen through the religious conditioning... i would have just been sort of rebelling against it without understanding.  Even though it seemed to take way to long for me to 'get it,'  once i did, it was complete and thorough.  It was instant peace after a lifetime of torture, and that has not changed to this day.  i don't know if it's better this way, since i didn't go about it the other way, but i tend to feel the cost was worth the understanding i got out of it. 

[tighthole64]

I'd say overall a net positive.  I was a "late bloomer" and never had sex with either a man or a woman even in my college days.  I grew up in a small conservative Midwestern town of 600.  I was and still am a big guy still conscious of my body.

Things changed when I moved to Florida and started to "explore." Back then voice personal ads in the back of "fag rags" were popular.  My first gay experience with one was with another "newbie" to the gay scene.  We became best of friends, and suck buds.  We were both bottoms and had no desire to fuck each other, but inspired each other to get fucked.  

He was the first to get fucked by someone and said it was amazing.  This led me to fond a top.  My experience with the first top wasn't as great as his apparently was.  I drove over an hour to hook up with someone who had a very nice boat.  If you've ever had sex below the deck of a boat, you know it's pretty cramped.  Especially as I'm 6-5! 

My second issue was I didn't know how to properly clean out, and it was a bit messy.  He was understanding and we showered on the boat, which again if you haven't done that, its interesting! He bought me a nice dinner, and suggested we go back to his home, and he and his husband would teach me how to properly clean, and try again.

I was willing to learn, so agreed.  They taught me to properly clean, and my only regret was that his husband fucked me after, and had a huge thick cock, and fucked like an animal.  He ended up making my ass bleed, which worried me.

All in all a positive experience though. Was just a hell of a way to have my cherry popped. 

[austin_submale]

Cool people sharing their stories!

 

[tighthole64]

10 minutes ago, austin_submale said:

Cool people sharing their stories!

 

I think it's important!  So many live a fantasy life.  Important to share REAL stories, both good and bad!

[austin_submale]

11 minutes ago, tighthole64 said:

I think it's important!  So many live a fantasy life.  Important to share REAL stories, both good and bad!

I agree completely!

 

[Bibttmmiami]

For me it was 17 with a girl. Gave it to my girlfriend for her birthday. With a guy I was 26. Neither even was all that stellar, but the follow ups to both were much better. 

[NWUSHorny]

I lost my virginity with a girl just before my 14th birthday in a relationship that lasted less than 2 months. I lost my gay oral (both) virginity at 19 with a guy in the university library washroom. The 1st guy I fucked was the same guy I lost my gay virginity to, but nearly a year later. When I lost my own anal virginity at 21, it started by getting fingered by a really hung black guy under the stall wall in the university library, I was afraid to take him, so I watched him fuck the guy under the next stall wall. The next day, I hooked up with a guy who wasn't hung like a donkey, so took him home and pretty much begged him to take my alal virginity. Two days later I hooked up with a different hung but nut not as big, black guy who managed to make me cum at the exact same moment he filled the condom in my ass (it was 1991), the next day he and I hooked up again and I had my first flip fuck. About 2 weeks later I took the really hung guy under the stall wall. I developed fuckbud relationships with all of those first 3 guys that lasted until the end of the semester (all 3 of us were Seniors). I had my 1st group experience with the 1st and 2nd guys to fuck me plus a versatile guy from Australia (uncut, so one of my first experiences with an uncut dick that wasn't my own), 3 out of 4 us were versatile and had a really long and enjoyable session.

Edited April 9, 2023 by NWUSHorny

[ErosWired]

This is interesting - hearing a distinction made between ‘oral virginity’ and ‘anal virginity’. Technically, my first gay experience was oral, but I don’t count it as losing my (gay) virginity because, for me, probably because I have no Topping instinct whatsoever, I consider my first time as being the time I was first penetrated. In my prior oral experience, he sucked me off. (Head has never done much for me, so that first experience was very meh anyway.) But it’s interesting that some might consider they have two, or even three, gay virginities to lose, if they count their first penetrative act as distinct from receptive.

[onlyraw]

Well taking ErosWired’s concept into account that gay men have multiple virginities to lose (oral active/passive and then fucking active/passive)

My anal passive was in college- sophomore year- it was tge mid 70’s and I went to a small coeducational college in a small town in New England- so not a Lot of choices or opportunities 

fortunately I did manage to find a few (3) other guys and we came out to each other - long story short- I don’t remember all of the details- but the guy ( not one of the three) who I had a huge crush on told me about losing his virginity to a female friend of ours - and somehow that gave me the courage to get one of the three (Robby, a senior and far more experienced) to have sex - he was a top

spent the night in his room (basic college single bed) a little high face down with him on top - he fucked me 4 or 5 times before I left in the morning - I remember the first few times really hurting- - and I can’t remember if I came at all during the night- I assume I did

not sure why - we never did it again 

Summer after I graduated, while back home for the summer,  I dated a guy - and was always the bottom- always anal

That fall after college,  I moved to Boston- the hay day of gay bars - so managed to get lucky a few times- always a bottom 

Then I started dating this guy (Tony) who turned out to be a total bottom- kind of surprised me that HE expected to be tge one getting fucked so I did 

it was at my apartment- I can still see the bedroom- queen size box spring and mattress on the floor- took up most of the bedroom - and that was the night I discovered that as much as I liked getting fucked - I really loved to fuck too

while those two times are still vivid (or as vivid as a 40 - 45 year old memory can be)

I have no real memory of the first time I got sucked off to completion- nor the first time I sucked someone off

while I love tge taste of cum - I am not really into sucking guys off - and I have always (except at a bookstore through a glory hole) had trouble cumming while getting sucked off ( I am sure a shrink would have lots of ideas about that!)

I view both events as very positive events 

really glad that I lost my first virginity to someone I knew and trusted and that I lost my second virginity to someone I was also involved with and comfortable with 

the first was a very key part of my cumming out to myself- that  yes - I was gay - it made clear why making out with girls never gave me a hardon 

and glad I finally hooked up with a bigger bottom than me to teach me that was really was vers 

Lost touch with both Robby and Tony long ago (long before computers and email) but I still think of them both- fondly and with gratitude 

(oh - and as losing my virginity with a woman…. Hasn’t happened yet - and I don’t think their is enough viagra to allow that to ever happen- though if I meet the right cute young ftm trans guy who is comfortable with the idea I think I would be open  to losing my fucking a vigina virginity)

[NWUSHorny]

5 hours ago, ErosWired said:

This is interesting - hearing a distinction made between ‘oral virginity’ and ‘anal virginity’. Technically, my first gay experience was oral, but I don’t count it as losing my (gay) virginity because, for me, probably because I have no Topping instinct whatsoever, I consider my first time as being the time I was first penetrated. In my prior oral experience, he sucked me off. (Head has never done much for me, so that first experience was very meh anyway.) But it’s interesting that some might consider they have two, or even three, gay virginities to lose, if they count their first penetrative act as distinct from receptive.

I generally agree with you about oral not really counting, however I don't think we are the norm. I know too many "gay" men who claim to have no interest in anal.

I do consider my topping virginity separate from bottoming. For me it was a much bigger deal to take a cock up my ass than it was to give one, and it took more than a year after I started topping to bottom. Once I did I really loved both. I still really enjoy both, and in fact did both multiple times this weekend.

 

Edited April 10, 2023 by NWUSHorny

[ErosWired]

8 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

I generally agree with you about oral not really counting, however I don't think we are the norm. I know too many "gay" men who claim to have no interest in anal.

I do consider my topping virginity separate from bottoming. For me it was a much bigger deal to take a cock up my ass than it was to give one, and it took more than a year after I started topping to bottom. Once I did I really loved both. I still really enjoy both, and in fact did both multiple times this weekend.

 

This is just a casual observation, but I think there’s a tendency in gay sex to consider multiple ‘virgin states’ - for instance, a bottom can be very well- used but still be a double-penetration virgin. I was a fisting virgin until last year. There was a time when I has never taken piss up my ass, and then I had (because I hadn’t mentioned I absolutely would not want that). But when we think of someone having his ‘cherry’ ‘popped’ or ‘taken’ (note the aggressive imagery) we generally think in terms of penile penetration.

I still sometimes think of certain acts that I have never performed in terms of me being somehow virginal to them, though by now men have used my body in so many ways the list of what they haven’t done is shorter than the list of what they have. An example: I’ve never been fucked while hanging suspended in rope bondage (admittedly an unconventional situation). Another example is being the middle of a ‘sandwich’ fuck, where I’m simultaneously penetrated and penetrating. (The difficulty in achieving this for a total bottom is obvious, as it requires vers ability by definition.) A person might not be a virgin at either penetrating or being penetrated, but never have experienced the sensation of being in both states at once.

You’re right, and because my cunt is by far my primary orifice, I do tend to lose sight of the experience and point-of-view of oral-only men. For them, that oral introduction to sex is every bit as valid a deflowering, and indeed, the fact that it was done orally might have been the catalyst that caused their sexual taste and practice to develop as it has.

[NWUSHorny]

I don't have too many "virginities" left either. I've never taken a fist or had someone piss in me, but I have no desire to do those things either. My point with the oral is, that most guys who have only sucked a cock or had their cock sucked by another guy don't consider themselves to be gay virgins, and if they are over 25 and have been actively engaging in oral for several years and are satisfied with that they are never going to be persuaded to try anal. Sadly for me they are the typical sex club goer where I live.

[PigBoyDallas]

I was 13 and it was with a bud. Some of us had been doing a circle jerk thing and in fairness I was really close with the guy who was my first and really wanted him to be my first, but didn't tell him as I didn't want it to blow up into some big thing. He came by after school one day and we started doing our JO thing and we started kissing. I whispered that I was down to do more than kiss and JO and we were off to the races right then and there. He took my virginity and I took his too. We would do it pretty regular and pretty much one by one I did the same with the other guys in the circle jerk group too. 

[LetsPOZBreed]

A net positive for me.

I was 18, and I was kind of ready for it to happen.  I knew the guy before the experience, so it wasn't a total stranger (which I think helped out).  He knew it was my first time, so was largely gentle throughout.  His cock was a bit on the bigger side, but I appreciated that he didn't jackhammer it into me.  The fucking part was okay - not a bad experience, but not one I beat off to on a lonely night.

With that experience in the bag, I feel like I really let my proverbial hair down a little bit.  Wasn't getting fucked raw back then either - I was a young guy in the mid-90's where any "safe sex" discussions did everything but imply that a single bareback encounter would result in getting pozzed.  I went from being a largely shy guy to coming out of my shell a bit more.  Not that long afterwards, I had my first experience with an "older guy" (who was in his mid-30's) and THAT was the experience that really awakened my sexual being...but that's a story for another post.