Confidence and Marketing Yourself

[Shotsfired]

I read a lot of profiles on many different personals sites. As someone who has a marketing background, I have had some recurring thoughts about the pitfalls I see people make all the time. 

Hell. I've made some of these errors myself.

In job interviews,  the most important person you need to be pleasant to is the assistant or secretary to the interviewer. And in theatre you are always auditioning,  meaning as long as you are in the theatre be nice and don't talk shit. 

Something similar occurs on personals sites.  I don't know how many times I've been someone's type,  but the way they abruptly,  rudely,  or insensitively dismiss whole groups of people turned me off.  When I get that ping or message, I politely decline.  This is for three reasons,  two of which are red flags. 1. Cruelty isn't sexy. 2. (RF 1) Are they going to be dismissive like that to my friends/family? 3. (RF 2) This person lacks empathy and will probably turn on me at some point. 

Its a good practice to talk about what you are seeking and let people read between the lines about what you aren't seeking. 

For example.No fats. No fems. No old dudes.

Instead say: I'm really atttacted to guys around my age give or take 5 years who are active with a swimmers physiqu, extra points if he's a tough guy with a great sense of humor. 

In the example above I am clearly stating what I desire in a way that doesn't spotlight certain groups. Everyone should feel welcome to seek love, a fuck, a friend, or to fuck a friend.

I have been pleasantly surprised in my life to have found someone attractive in every male category.  The problem with absolutes is that they will fuck you every time. "Between the ages of 20-30 only." And the next profile is the hottest 45- year- old you have ever seen. 

Don't be a Debbie Downer.  Most sites have problems. Men looking for sex can be flaky. And yes, there are a ton of dick pic seekers and bots.

However, you will never gain points by complaining about a site or its members. At best, it looks like sour grapea, and other users may take offense,  think your a pessimist,  or want sympathy.  And you don't want the guys who pray on the sympathy profiles. 

You have 15 seconds to grab someone's attention. Use an attention grabbing headline.  Be clear about what you are looking for,  and tell the viewer about your positive qualities, and don't be afraid to say your attractive,  sexy, experienced, or that you can out maneuver a Dyson vacuum.  Don't put yourself down,  say that you'll never find anyone, or highlight your age, weight or other attributes as undesirable.  

In job interviews, it's amazing how many people will do the interviewers job for them.  Let the person viewing your profile decide for themselves whether you are "too something." Because, truth be told,  everyone is has a range of people they are attracted to and those they are not attracted to.  And that's okay.  People are not always gonna find us attractive.  Its okay.  We don't find everyone attractive either.  But to some people we are their idea of hot sexy cuddly fuckableness.

When we look at personal ads, we need to know 1. are they attractive to me,  2. are  we sexually compatible.  3. are they a crazy person who is going to disrupt my life. It should go without saying, but avoid terrifying profile images like clowns,  serial killers, etc.  Your profile picture should be clear and it should be you looking presentable.  Clean clothes,  not drunk,  or asleep.

Also if you write a novel at best people will think you're eccentric and quirky.  Mostly it gives off the impression that you might be high maintenence,  self centered,  writing a manifesto,  paranoid or trying too hard. Its not a resume.  It's a snap shot about who you are as a potential date,  fuck, or fwb.

Last but not least, even though you should be recognizable from profile to profile,  know your demographic and audience.  Like on social. Pretty pictures go on Instagram,  puppy pics go on Facebook, irate rants go on Twitter.

Grindr is a meat market with a lot of closet cases,  marrieds, etc. Its best to keep it meat and potatoes. Leave the punch fishing for asspig, relationship stuff to Scruff,  bareback to BBRT, and heavy kink to Recon or NKP.

Just some thoughts. Take as you will. 

[ellentonboy]

Question to @Shotsfired - at what point, on any site, do you cut a guy off after he has asked and you have answered twenty or thirty questions.  I know people's evenings and free time are valuable, but so is  my time and  fielding questions that won't end up in a hook up just make me go nuts. I try to make my profiles clear and direct, I invite people to say hello and I don't list "Absolute No's" in the general area of my profile.  However, I have had individuals ask me 20 or 25 questions, acting as if they are looking for sex at that time, only to be told they are interested in getting together "sometime next week".  This kind of behavior drives me bonkers, I don't engage with people on hook up sites unless I am looking for sex that afternoon or evening - not next Thursday.  So what's your feeling on the subject?  

 

[BootmanLA]

10 hours ago, ellentonboy said:

Question to @Shotsfired - at what point, on any site, do you cut a guy off after he has asked and you have answered twenty or thirty questions.  I know people's evenings and free time are valuable, but so is  my time and  fielding questions that won't end up in a hook up just make me go nuts. I try to make my profiles clear and direct, I invite people to say hello and I don't list "Absolute No's" in the general area of my profile.  However, I have had individuals ask me 20 or 25 questions, acting as if they are looking for sex at that time, only to be told they are interested in getting together "sometime next week".  This kind of behavior drives me bonkers, I don't engage with people on hook up sites unless I am looking for sex that afternoon or evening - not next Thursday.  So what's your feeling on the subject?  

You asked this of @Shotsfired but if you'll allow another perspective: 

I'd look at what he wrote regarding saying what you're looking for up front, in your profile. If you only get onto an app or site to find a hookup that afternoon or evening, say that! If you don't want to engage in conversations that aren't going to lead to a hookup (now OR later), then say that too. After that, it's on the other guy to read and comprehend, and if he doesn't, there's no reason you can't be blunt: "My profile says I'm looking for now/today/tonight. If that's not you, thanks, but I really don't want to get into a long discussion." Polite, to the point, but firm.

If you do already have that restriction in your profile, I would ask by about the third question he asks: "Not that I mind answering questions about myself, but let's be clear: I'm looking for [name activity] [timeframe: now/today/tonight]. If you're interested in that, great; if not, get back with me when you're ready."

[Shotsfired]

10 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

You asked this of @Shotsfired but if you'll allow another perspective: 

I'd look at what he wrote regarding saying what you're looking for up front, in your profile. If you only get onto an app or site to find a hookup that afternoon or evening, say that! If you don't want to engage in conversations that aren't going to lead to a hookup (now OR later), then say that too. After that, it's on the other guy to read and comprehend, and if he doesn't, there's no reason you can't be blunt: "My profile says I'm looking for now/today/tonight. If that's not you, thanks, but I really don't want to get into a long discussion." Polite, to the point, but firm.

If you do already have that restriction in your profile, I would ask by about the third question he asks: "Not that I mind answering questions about myself, but let's be clear: I'm looking for [name activity] [timeframe: now/today/tonight]. If you're interested in that, great; if not, get back with me when you're ready."

I think this is absolutely correct advice.  I mean,  it should be obvious on some sites that hooking up is the prime objective, but its good to clearly state that in the profile,  and then refer back to it as needed.  

 

I really liked how @BootmanLA used polite yet clear and concise language to let the  responder know that its time to act or close out the the dialogue. I always like to add "Have a good night" to put an extra bit of polite finality to it. 

[blackrobe]

2 minutes ago, Shotsfired said:

I really liked how @BootmanLA used polite yet clear and concise language to let the  responder know that its time to act or close out the the dialogue. I always like to add "Have a good night" to put an extra bit of polite finality to it. 

When I or he determines that we are not a fit or that the timing doesn't work, I close the conversation with "Good hunting to you" to show there's no hard feelings.

Its always surprising to me how much negative vs. positive content is in profiles on hook up sites. To @BootmanLA's point, on one site I kept getting guys wanting to stroke and suck my dick and do nothing else. To deal with that I added "Getting fucked is important for me, so if it's not high on your agenda we're not a match." Neutral, truthful, and helpful. I get less contacts, but the ones I do get are from horny tops who want a bottom who loves getting fucked. In marketing and sales terms it's about getting well qualified leads. 

[Shotsfired]

10 minutes ago, blackrobe said:

When I or he determines that we are not a fit or that the timing doesn't work, I close the conversation with "Good hunting to you" to show there's no hard feelings.

Its always surprising to me how much negative vs. positive content is in profiles on hook up sites. To @BootmanLA's point, on one site I kept getting guys wanting to stroke and suck my dick and do nothing else. To deal with that I added "Getting fucked is important for me, so if it's not high on your agenda we're not a match." Neutral, truthful, and helpful. I get less contacts, but the ones I do get are from horny tops who want a bottom who loves getting fucked. In marketing and sales terms it's about getting well qualified leads. 

Absolutely. 

I like "good hunting to you."

 

[phukhole]

Good points.  I make it very clear what I'm looking for.  Sometimes I get hit up by someone who's profile says "i like twinks and femmes".  Great, but that's not me.  So, I have to ask him what he's looking for since I don't fit his profile.  Usually, they say something like "Oh, yeah, I should update that...."  Profiles can be useful filters. I wish more people would use them correctly.

[tallslenderguy]

Thank you @Shotsfired.   i'm guilty of some of this stuff, long profiles especially.  i often go back and edit, parse it  down, but then it grows again.  i reason that i'm trying to attract someone who is interested in the things i put out there, but that's not going to happen if they don't read it because it's a ponderous tome lol. 

If we try and use a profile to mimic IRL, how often do people on the street try and engage based on a long speech?  Typically, we are attracted a thing they say, or the way they look, or a quick impression, not because we just finished  reading their autobiography.  

Lots of great stuff, thanks again  for your salient post. 

 

 

[ErosWired]

On 6/28/2023 at 11:01 AM, Shotsfired said:

Also if you write a novel at best people will think you're eccentric and quirky.  Mostly it gives off the impression that you might be high maintenence,  self centered,  writing a manifesto,  paranoid or trying too hard. Its not a resume.  It's a snap shot about who you are as a potential date,  fuck, or fwb.

Although your post has some very good observations, I’m afraid I don’t agree with this one, at least not as something universally applicable. Personally, I gravitate toward a profile where the guy has taken the time to tell me about himself. It doesn’t say ‘eccentric’ or ‘quirky’ to me, it says there’s a brain in there, which is my number one criteria if I’m the one doing the hunting.

I don’t make selections on the basis of ‘snapshots’ if I can help it. I want to know as much as possible about the guy before I open the conversation so I know whether it’s likely to be worth my time. The more he tells me, the more I can deduce.

Now, what I can agree with is that if someone wants to write a longer profile, he’d better have the chops to make it something you enjoy reading. If he’s going to write a novel, it needs to be a good novel.

But I don’t agree that we all have to pander to the shortest attention spans and lowest reading levels out there. In the end we’ll just end up grunting and grabbing our crotches at each other (and we’re well on the way to that).

[FunCheerSlut]

On 6/30/2023 at 5:00 PM, ErosWired said:

But I don’t agree that we all have to pander to the shortest attention spans and lowest reading levels out there. In the end we’ll just end up grunting and grabbing our crotches at each other (and we’re well on the way to that).

I agree with @ErosWired that pandering to the shortest attention span and lowest reading levels is not for everyone.

Sadly, I wonder if this will ultimately limit or severely reduce the type of quality interaction(s) I would hopefully like to have. After all, we are interacting with another human being. I realize that some men lose all of their manners when they are "horny" and become singularly focused on getting off...

My favourite expression is that "context is everything"...

If anonymous encounters is your game, perhaps the short simple let's fuck now approach is okay...

However, any other scenario probably requires more interaction and some level of back and forth. So...MARKETING ourselves should be an exercise of knowing what you want or what you would accept and then clearly articulating that. Right?

[ErosWired]

2 hours ago, FunCheerSlut said:

If anonymous encounters is your game, perhaps the short simple let's fuck now approach is okay...

The irony of it is that there are so many game-players and fuck-fantasy-fappers out there that I feel I have to go to some length to convince or demonstrate that I am, in fact, actually down to fuck, actually available with my cunt up, actually do take anon cocks without discriminating, and am not just another ‘maybe’. If I could post a profile that simply said “cumdump ass taking all loads, no one refused” and know that men would take my post at face value and act on it, I would stop at that, but that’s what so many do, and don’t follow through, or tap out, or flake, and I have to go that bit farther to seem genuine. The fact that I take the time and effort to underscore that I’m on the level does seem to help close the deal many times.

There’s also the fact that a cumdump is often up against others competing for the same pool of Tops, and most of them just throw out a “ass-up cumdump anon pump-n-go” ad, and you have to find some way to stand out from those if you want to be the one chosen to serve. You have to spice it up some, add some marketing, otherwise it doesn’t matter if you’ve got the best ass in a 100-mile radius, they’re not going to give it a try.