Turning down “Sides”

[SFCumdog]

It's one more way for people to hide what they really want, and only reveal that to those that pass muster for them, for fear of being judged by those who might see their profile. There are a ton of tops here because they think that that's the macho thing to appear to be (not that I agree), until they see your big dick and then they become total bottoms. There's also lots who say "condoms/safe only" so that their friends don't know that they Bareback. But they will hit you up when your profile says raw only and want you to breed them.

I've known plenty of hot boys who only put out there that they want guys their own age and below, but who do they come to for a real fucking when they leave their age appropriate BF's place? The older guy with the big dick who will plow them into the mattress and leave them begging for more... that's who.

I'm convinced this is just the latest dimension to the "hide your true intentions" drama. They are Sides because they don't want their friends to know that they engage in anal, but then they hit you up because they want to top or bottom. I have only ever known one singular person in all my years who did not like anal at all, and he's still like that. And still has never had a real long term boyfriend either, if that tells you anything.

[BootmanLA]

19 hours ago, blackrobe said:

Side was coined for men who have sex with men that don't have or want anal sex. I support the use of the term and them in that choice. 

People have already started confusing and diluting what side means. I see lots of profiles with "Top/Side" or some other union of buttfucker and non-buttfucker. Any profile with side on it (in any combination) I don't approach. 

I've had some conversation with "Top/side" guys who are annoyed at my passing on them because they are sides. When I point out that top means you do anal, and side means you don't, things seem to go downhill fast from there.  It's an oxymoron like "carnivore vegetarian" and "religious atheist".  

I am vehemently in favor of respecting what people want for themselves. It's not a good sign when some of them don't understand what that is or can't express it coherently.

When it's ambiguous or confused, I'm politely uninterested.

Not saying this is always or even usually the case, but people often don't know how to list "positions" in a profile. I see people all the time on the apps who say they're "top, bottom, versatile" - and I want to strangle each and every one of them and beat some sense into them: They are versatile, because they do both. There's some leeway for "top/versatile" and "bottom/versatile" because those suggest a degree of versatility with some preference for one over the other. But all three? That's horsehit.

Now, saying you're LOOKING FOR "top, bottom, or versatile" is fine - it implies you're open to any of the three for a partner (either for an hour or a lifetime or anything in between).

What you might be seeing, though, is this: sometimes a profile is shared by a couple, and one may be X and the other Y. It obviously should be spelled out that both are represented in the profile, of course, even if it's primarily used by one. But a top partnered with a side might explain some of those people - he's looking to fuck, which he doesn't get at home, so....

[NWUSHorny]

My problem is primarily with men who just want to cuddle, make out, play with your titties, or in many cases just hang out. It is fairly easy to ignore them on the hookup apps, but harder at the fuck venues. Too many of them will either waste your time trying to convince you to participate in their non-penetrative acts or lead you on for extended period of time teasing you with the idea that there may be an opportunity for a penetrative act. I don't personally consider or see the oral only men identifying themselves as sides. It reached the point long ago here in Portland where the fuck venue patrons in Portland that engage in either oral or anal penetration are in the minority.

As an aside because of this acceptance you see more men openly showing off small endowments and openly engaging in all sorts of fetishes that I've never seen outside of the PNW. 

It is highly frustrating for those of us who consider oral to be merely a warm up act for fucking, when a majority aren't even interested in sucking. It is a region of self identified "power cuddlers".

[anonCUMtainer]

I have so many thoughts about this I don't even know where to begin. Let's just say I wonder how differently my life might have turned out if this label or way of describing one's sexual desires existed back when I was dating. 

In full disclosure, I am in the population of people who are mostly only looking for penetration. So, I tend to ignore, block, and delete anyone who isn't enthusiastic about penetration; either giving or receiving.

[NWUSHorny]

I witnessed a situation in a bathhouse that led to a loud argument between a bottom and a side last weekend. The side wanted to rub his dick in the bottoms crack without putting it in, and didn't take the hint that the bottom actually wanted to get fucked and that he should move on so the bottom could try to attract someone who actually wanted to fuck him. When the bottom finally did tell him outright that he wasn't interested the side launched into a verbal tirade against the bottom. While it usually doesn't result in loud arguments these situations where sides won't take no for an answer on non-penetrative activities are sadly common in Portland bathhouses, and it is also a city where most of the patrons don't do groups so you can't entice an actual top, bottom or versatile guy to join while the side is with you.

[TallAussieBtm]

On 3/9/2024 at 4:30 AM, NWUSHorny said:

...the bottom finally did tell him outright that he wasn't interested...

Too right! Good on the bottom! 👏

[aacbln]

I have had similar experiences turning down sides. If that's their preference it's totally fine by me, we're just not a match, but I find sides can sometimes have a bit of a self-righteous attitude – 'actually, you can have a fulfilling sex life with just cuddles and jerking'. No, you can, because you're a side! I am not.

Just because it took you a while to figure out what you do/don't like, and did anal for a while only because you thought you 'should', doesn't mean the rest of us are unenlightened. We just have different preferences.

It's like vers guys who can't quite believe others aren't vers, with the whole 'why wouldn't you want the best of both worlds??' thing. My man: it's. because. I'm. not. vers 😂

Let's all do the work of finding out what we like and sharing that with people who match with us, and appreciating those who don't rather than trying to convince them they're wrong.

[anonCUMtainer]

I simply have to add that my BIGGEST "Pet Peeve" is when "SIDES" continue to use traditional penetrative roles to describe themselves.

I am sorry but if you aren't interested in anal you should stop false-advertising and creating hope for all the bottoms out there that NEED to be penetrated.

I almost want to kick "SIDES" off breeder island. LOL

[Riotboi81]

I wish we did have our own island! Seriously. I get so sick of people giving me shit just because I'm not into intercourse. Ever since I moved to Texas, its like, if you're black and hung and not a BBC top, then you're often considered worthless. People will stay so amazing shit to you! Seems like if you're any other race, you can be whatever you want to be in. It's mine, but black guys Are relegated to being human dildoes!!!!