How much does your Family, contribute to the homophobia in your life.

[brnbk]

In many parts of the world, the primary Torture center for a homosexual tends to be his family: demands of marriage to produce children; demands of homosexual invisibility to protect family reputation, honor; demand to follow religious prescriptions against homosexual sex; refusal to recognize the gay significant other as a spouse etc.

 

Given that Western societies especially the United States tends to be for more individual centric, how much of the "Family"  do you think was — and is — responsible for the homophobia that gay men suffer from?

[BootmanLA]

I voted for 0%, because that's the condition for my still-extant family. My sisters, their husbands, and their children are all 100% accepting of me and my partner, and farther out, the cousins I have left are all fine with it too.

Going back, my parents weren't always quite perfectly comfortable with it - when I first came out to my parents, they didn't disown me or anything, but they weren't really overly welcoming to my partner at the time (though, to be fair, he frequently was an asshole, so....). They were much more friendly with my next partner, and with my current (going on 20 years), there was no question that he was part of the family from the start. That said, my mother, as a strict Roman Catholic, did voice the opinion that if we married, she thought we should keep it simple and quiet (something she didn't stress for my sisters), but we weren't planning to marry anyway. Nonetheless, when my father died, she had no objection to listing my partner in the obituary just as my sisters' husbands were.

[topblkmale]

125%
 

black families remain very homophobic

 

[foryouruse]

I probably should have said 33% instead of zero since we had three nuns in the family, but two would have been way over 100 so they are gone. The other married a Black teacher in Mississippi and they had to get out of Dodge. I’ve got a lot of Black family members and grew up in a very mixed town and I’ve got Texas and Mexican relatives and I think my partner and I got perceived  as more interesting character than a lot of Texas. I’m also the favorite uncle to the Black and Jewish nephews - even though I think my sister-in-law’s gay Jewish brother is better - except when he kvetch’s. My other sister’s husband was Black too and I’ve missed anything anti-gay for all 60 years I’ve known them. They divorced when my nephew was born and they never stopped giving the Ex grief. I never got any.

[foryouruse]

Oh, and everyone visits and wants you to come to Texas or Bucks County or Jersey, or Florida or they come en masse for Barbecues to holidays or get togethers.

[amsrat]

Sexuality as "God given". Two questions.... who is this God and what's he got to do with it?

[brnbk]

20 hours ago, amsrat said:

Sexuality as "God given". Two questions.... who is this God and what's he got to do with it?

I went with "God given", since space is limited in a poll line even though I must confess, I do not regret the use of the phrase. I would have preferred, the classical: 'gift of the gods', a term that has unfortunately become rare in English, because of WASP cultural influence, that often looks down upon the idea of gods as 'heathen' and the idea of one God as better and superior. The advantage of ascribing sexuality as a gift from the gods rather than a God is that, gods, unlike God, are more fluid; they can exist or not exist,  they can be in the Universe or outside of it — it conveniently describes all the phenomena we experience but cannot explain. Sexuality as a gift from the gods could mean many things: I am grateful to have had sex, I am having sex coz the gods made me horny, I had sex coz the gods made the  sun shine brightly and turned me into a sexual pig , I feel horny coz the moon was three quarters, last night. Sexuality that comes from something other than God or gods, could just be like dry or rough fucking — depending on one's perspective; and if you prefer that — that is perfectly fine as well. 

 

Again, apologize if your atheistic/agnostic or any other beliefs where hurt with my choice of words. I am getting better at these polls and hopefully will be able to figure out the right combo soon!

Edited February 24, 2024 by brnbk

[hntnhole]

There wasn't a choice that applied to me.  Why?

They didn't disown me, I disowned them.  I have no contact with the cousins, their children, nor any interest in them.  Their father was a pastor, and they've all tried and failed at other careers, and they're all back at the same old trough now.  The rest of the relatives are still in Sweden, and I haven't been back there since adolescence.  There are some distant relatives in MN, but I never really got to know them, nor they me, and I haven't seen/heard from them since childhood. 

That means that I got to choose my 'family', some of which have passed, and some of which are still an important part of my life - one of which is coming (with his husband of many years) to visit next week.  It'll be a lot of fun, as always. 

[seekingversatility]

my vote is 100%

seems like the only category that might include shunning and zero contact with my FFO, the johos. separation and disconnection from FFO might really belong in the other percentage category.

[viking8x6]

12 hours ago, seekingversatility said:

my vote is 100%

seems like the only category that might include shunning and zero contact with my FFO, the johos. separation and disconnection from FFO might really belong in the other percentage category.

Would you translate a bit for those of us who aren't familiar with "FFO" and "joho"? I searched on the internet and I'm still mystified.

[myDNA4u]

I was really lucky in that both of my parents were bi. After dad caught me with a neighbor boy at age 10, he sat me down and had a long talk with me. He explained that I was a "homosexual" and just what that meant. He and mom had already figured it out. He said the immediate family knew and it wasn't an issue. However being 1961 is a small Midwestern city, he warned me not to let anyone else know. At the time that was good advice.  However that didn't stop me from having a steady boyfriend all through junior and senior high school.  Of course we had to be discrete, but I'm pretty sure lots of my classmates knew.

[ellentonboy]

I grew up going to Catholic school and even though my parents were "not-practicing", they made their children go to Church.  Now I am from a blue-collar, six day a week working family who were incredibly racist and hated just about every minority.   I don't believe I ever spoke to a non-white individual until I was in my junior year of high school, and that was something they could not prevent, or in their terms "protect me" from.  Yet I never heard any kind  of homophobic remarks.  Not one.  I remember listening to their conversations from the top of our staircase, they were discussing my grandfathers's purchase of land in the Florida Keys and how  "the homosexuals" were really doing wonders for that area by opening "small hotels" (I suppose they meant guest houses) and pumping money into the economy of Key West.  

Now, maybe they had some idea of my sexual orientation and I was sexually active at a young age, and I know my father was well aware of it.  Yet, nothing was ever said.

When I finally had "the conversation" with them, they were pretty much accepting.  For them, it was all about my career.  The liked my first long term partner, because of course he was white, Catholic, college educated and a government employee like myself.  My second partner, also the same.  Invites to all family functions, my partners were always included.  

My father did not mince words.  He used ever derogatory term while I was growing up, and actually blamed African Americans for him having to close his business, as the security firm was calling the house nightly to report yet another break in to his establishment.

So I can't say my parents were homophobic, I don't know of any other extended family members that were gay.  My Dad did like to tell stories about him chasing women, and how he accidentally went into a lesbian bar in downtown Philadelphia only to be told he needed to leave.  He found it amusing, he said it was an honest mistake.  

But I never heard him say anything about gays.  Didn't seem to faze either parent....

[seekingversatility]

8 hours ago, viking8x6 said:

Would you translate a bit for those of us who aren't familiar with "FFO" and "joho"? I searched on the internet and I'm still mystified.

FFO = family & faith of origin (see also FOC = family and/or faith of choice)

johos = jehovah's witnesses

therapy shorthand is a handy way to gain distance from faces, names, trauma from public disfellowshipping and shunning

[hntnhole]

Thanks for ^ that.  I'd never heard either of those contractions before.  

[ellentonboy]

On 3/1/2024 at 7:02 PM, seekingversatility said:

FFO = family & faith of origin (see also FOC = family and/or faith of choice)

johos = jehovah's witnesses

therapy shorthand is a handy way to gain distance from faces, names, trauma from public disfellowshipping and shunning

May I ask you a question, and I know religion is a very personal topic.  Do Jehovah Witnesses dislike gays? The reason I ask you is that I am on a sports forum, and there is a member who I like quite a bit.  They make it clear the are JW, yet they continue to respond to my posts (about tennis) even though it's rather apparent I am gay.

So what is the deal. I lived in an apartment complex where an individual rented an apartment, and bought in no furniture.  Sure enough, the number of cars mounted in our complex. and he was told either the "meetings" ended or he was evicted.  He decided to leave.   The property I lived in was owned by the US Government, the Department of Agriculture, and they made it clear that it was their way, or the high way.  He left.

So, do JW individuals, as a whole, dislike gays?