Is It Okay Not To Tip?

[BlackDude]

So we have this bartender at a local gay dive bar who apparently decided it’s okay to add a “surcharge” to certain patrons drinks. I don’t think it’s racially motivated, I just think it’s the typical above average gay guy who thinks being a dick somehow elevates him. I try to avoid his shifts, but sometimes he’s there coving for another bartender.

Regardless of his intentions, rather than confront him, I’ve just decided to not tip him. A friend of mine says if it bothered me that much, I should complain to the manager. I doubt the manager or owner would do anything, and could say I was a trouble maker. so this is my “passive aggressive” way to handle it.

Any advice or antidotes would be great!

[Guest]

I wouldn't tip and I'd say something to the manager about what he is doing. He's a piece of shit and needs to either be straightened out or fired.

[SpectreAgent]

 I think those of us not from the States are already bemused by the tipping culture without an added complication. I love the States  and adore New York - I’m back there in a few weeks - but visits are usually tinged with a worry about tipping: is it enough? What’s 20% of that bill? Should it be more…? 😬

Seriously, I’m not sure what to advise though I’m minded to think I’d probably handle it the same way and not tip if I felt it was unfair or gratuitous. 

Edited March 30 by NoFucksGiven

[ejaculaTe]

If you feel that tipping is an obligation, set out by social norms, then the expected behavior is that you'll tip. If you view it to be more of a choice, usually to express appreciation for exceptional service, then you don't need to tip. The bar context, especially if you're regularly go there, is going to set an expectation that you'll tip. Tips can be a significant percentage of one's income, and bar patrons can feel obligated to help support the bar staff. That element of support may be even more important nowadays given the drop in the number of bars over the last decade. 

I'd leave a 10% tip. If anyone comments on the amount, remind them that the cost of living has gone up and you need to watch the nickels 

[TaKinGDeePanal]

39 minutes ago, NoFucksGiven said:

 I think those of us not from the States are already bemused by the tipping culture without an added complication. I love the States  and adore New York - I’m back there in a few weeks - but visits are usually tinged with a worry about tipping: is it enough? What’s 20% of that bill? Should it be more…? 😬

Seriously, I’m not sure what to advise though I’m minded to think I’d probably handle it the same way and not tip if I felt it was unfair or gratuitous. 

As a fellow non-American, I leave a minimum of 20% where possible as I appreciate that workers in the service industry are paid atrocious wages (and that it's not their fault). Depending on the cost of the bill - and depending upon the service provided - I'll go up to 35% (plus rounding up to the nearest dollar if I don't want to carry excess change). Exceptions are fast food chains which I don't go to anyway, as it is primarily supposed to be pocket money for teens learning what it's like to have a job.

Edited March 30 by TaKinGDeePanal

[SpectreAgent]

Just now, TaKinGDeePanal said:

As a fellow non-American, I leave a minimum of 20%. Depending on the cost of the bill - and depending upon the service provided - I'll go up to 35% (plus rounding up to the nearest dollar if I don't want to carry excess change).

I always adopt a “when in Rome” attitude while I’m in the States. I probably err on the side of caution and tip a bit too generously, to be honest. 😂

[Guest]

If the guy's that much of an asshole make sure that not only do YOU not tip him but tip other people off to the fact that he does that with proof if possible and get THEM to not tip him either. Or better yet see if you can get others to avoid being there when he's there. Sure, the chance that it would do anything other than cost him tip money is small but it's worth it.

[TaKinGDeePanal]

2 hours ago, BlackDude said:

So we have this bartender at a local gay dive bar who apparently decided it’s okay to add a “surcharge” to certain patrons drinks. I don’t think it’s racially motivated, I just think it’s the typical above average gay guy who thinks being a dick somehow elevates him. I try to avoid his shifts, but sometimes he’s there coving for another bartender.

Regardless of his intentions, rather than confront him, I’ve just decided to not tip him. A friend of mine says if it bothered me that much, I should complain to the manager. I doubt the manager or owner would do anything, and could say I was a trouble maker. so this is my “passive aggressive” way to handle it.

Any advice or antidotes would be great!

I realise that I haven't addressed the OP. I wouldn't tip, either, in this case.

[viking8x6]

Fellow American here. Normal tip is 18-20%, possibly slightly more at a bar if it's only 1 or 2 drinks (because the amounts are small).

If the bartender were to, er, "adjust" the price of the drinks arbitrarily? Sudden EVAPORATION of the tip. Seriously. Alcohol is ALREADY an enormous markup item with a GIANT profit margin. Most restaurants make their real money on the bar tab. This is common knowledge. Bartender dude is apparently not only an asshole but a stupid one (or at least arrogant enough to believe that everyone else is completely ignorant).

 

[AlwaysOpen]

So, from the OP, I am reading between the lines that the bartender in question is a racist, and does the tip up on racial groups he wants to feel superior to. FUCK HIM !! As a gay man, he should be overly sensitive to what discrimination is like, to practice it upon another gay man is shit, but also a reflection of his character.

You absolutely should approach the bar OWNER, and lay it out to him that you are not happy being treated like that in a business that is for the gay community and supposedly a safe place. Based then on the owners reaction, you can accept his reply, whatever it may be, and have to keep avoiding the bar on days that douche is working ( but why should you have to??) if he does nothing. If he fires the guy, then you can go whenever you want, but is this guy like the alpha bartender- or do the other guys hate him? If he was the alpha, I would stick to bottled beers for a while, and avoid the chance of half pour shots when buying a cocktail.  And if they all hated the guy ( he likely was not just a douche to certain customers; but to his co-workers as well)  you might be the hero of the month, with some even showing their appreciation with a free drink or an after the bar closes hook up lol

But no matter- let the owner know. If they call you the problem, then do you really want to support that business? If it means not going back to that bar, so be it. But spread the word to friends and fucks you know about what the deal is in that bar- 

[Hotrawbutt4u]

When I use to hit the bars, it was the same ones and the group I was with had a rep of tipping really good. As a result they worked to make sure if it was mixed drinks or shots they were strong or very full. I remember on one of my birthdays the bartenders found out it was my BD, when someone ordered a shot it was a triple, to say the least I was wasted in a short time. I use to reff soccer games and was flush with cash on the weekends and I usually only got one beer each night and left a huge tip, even if I bought others drinks, including the bartender, the tips were sometimes 200% +. Not sure about now or where, but the bartenders lived on the tips more than the pay from the owners. 

There isn't any real reason that a bartender should do what you say, in that case not leaving a tip would be ok, in my opinion. A bartender or anyone that pulls that stuff needs to find another way of life

Edited March 31 by Hotrawbutt4u

[wh0rehole]

Is there a line item on the receipt that says "service charge" or is he just arbitrarily increasing the price for certain individuals?

Either way, a service charge is a tip, potaytoe potahtoe. So if he's added a service charge, the tip was already paid and you wouldn't tip on top of that unless the service was phenomenal, which doesn't appear to be the case in this situation.

Taking it up with the owner is probably not going to get you anywhere. 

[hntnhole]

Interesting issue, and some interesting replies.

There are two possibilities afoot here, as I understand the issue. 

Number 1:  the guy is a dick, and he's trying to intimidate guys he thinks he can.  

Number 2:  the guy is trying to make ends meet, is behind on his bills, all of that, and trying to scrape together whatever he can to make ends meet - and also a dick.  

What to do?  

1.  Be sure to know what the ligit price is for whatever you drink.  In the bars here, we order a drink, and pay when it's handed to us.  Have the proper percentage (as determined by you, based on the actual price of the drink) of the tip ready, 

2.  If the bartender in question tries to charge you an overage, pay him only exactly what you owe him (plus whatever the standard tip is in your area), and let him know that tips/gratuities are determined by the customer, not by the server.  Say it nicely - with the most vague smile you can conjure up - and stare him right in the eye while you say it.  In other words, let him know - in a passive, non-confrontational way, that you're not going to play his game.  Pick up your drink, turn on your heel, and move away.  This will put the onus of pursuing the issue squarely on him, and if he makes trouble, that will also be on him.  

3.  By all means, let the owner know what happened, that it's not appreciated. The owner most likely already knows about the issue, since the bartender will have tried to pull this bullshit on other guys too, so no need to belabor the point: just let the owner know that you too are not pleased with the grift.  

Around here, it's even worse:  the cash-registers automatically ask if you want to leave a tip when you pay, with 10%, 20% ready to click on !!!  As you may guess - I don't tip employees who only put whatever it is in a bag and give it to me. 

The definition of a tip, a "gratuity", is an "appreciation of good service" - not a "street-tax". 

Good Luck !!

[PozBearWI]

If I don't tip, it is for a reason.  But for me it applies to the whole place, not just the server.  Traditionally restaurants locally pay minimum wage; or worse, wait staff works for tips.  So if I am satisfied; reasonably friendly and no fuck ups; I tip 20%.  Easy math in my head; and many restaurants have a tip chart on their receipt.  If it was more of a Just OK, did the job but a pedestrian overall experience; we tip 15.  If the server was an utter asshole; food sucked; we got shot; (pick your bad experience);, we tip a penny.  Our favorite place has consistently excellent food; pays their staff well, and the service is excellent all the time, and patrons like us still tip 20%.  

The server is the front man but all the elements of the establishment count.  Oh, um; yeah I guess that is front person....  ugh...  🙂

[Hotrawbutt4u]

I guess my math background comes into pay with tips. Easy way i figure tips is $1 for every $5 on the bill. I can usually figure out the tip easily, I saw a " Service charge one time but it was noted that this was the gratuity calculated in advance, I quickly figured it was around 18%, one of my friends used the Calc on his phone and laughed with his answer, I was on the mark. My friends use to put money down and ask me what the percentage was. I usually got very close. 

This said I usuall opt out of the " suggested " tip and figure my own and leave cash. The servers usually appreciate it more, and if everything was bad they notice a small up. If you dont leave a tip they either figure yout the ' dick' or you forgot.