Rejection at sex clubs

[Normaldude]

I don't want you guys so think this post is superficial, but Im gonna be straightforward with the problem.

Im on my late 30's ( 37 ), I consider myself a normal straight-passing guy, not ugly, not handsome, just normal. 

My body is something that I don't like. I never really made sports in my life, so I have almost no muscles, and a belly, that I hate.

During my life and during my time living in the States, I don't remember lots of episodes of rejection, maybe, because I was meeting people on Grindr, or maybe because living in a small town in South Carolina the things work a little bit different.

But then, last year, I moved to Europe. And I started going to sex clubs and their sex parties. So for the first time I experienced what is rejection. and what is like to be invisible.

=(

I went to party in Berlin last night and there were probably 1000 guys inside, and nobody wanted to do anything with me, nobody looked at me.

It looks like everybody in that club was super young and super hot. and I feel that I was the only person there that was being totally ignored. 

I know the place is like a meat market and everybody can one day experience rejection, but it is something that really makes me sad.

well, but my questions in this post  (  and I would honestly want to  hear the opinion of my > 35 guys who are not gym rats! )

- how do you deal with rejection in sex clubs / parties?

- what should I do to improve my chances of getting laid? should I start going to the gym? is it too late for that?

- I try to always wear a t-shirt at those clubs ( I don't wanna show my body naked ), is that also a turn off for guys?

 

thank you 

 

 

[Davidc]

I’m much older than you , but generally I find that dark rooms in sex clubs and saunas are much less discriminating.

 

Good luck out there, and remember it’s a numbers game.

[BlackDude]

3 hours ago, Normaldude said:

I don't want you guys so think this post is superficial, but Im gonna be straightforward with the problem.

Im on my late 30's ( 37 ), I consider myself a normal straight-passing guy, not ugly, not handsome, just normal. 

My body is something that I don't like. I never really made sports in my life, so I have almost no muscles, and a belly, that I hate.

During my life and during my time living in the States, I don't remember lots of episodes of rejection, maybe, because I was meeting people on Grindr, or maybe because living in a small town in South Carolina the things work a little bit different.

But then, last year, I moved to Europe. And I started going to sex clubs and their sex parties. So for the first time I experienced what is rejection. and what is like to be invisible.

=(

I went to party in Berlin last night and there were probably 1000 guys inside, and nobody wanted to do anything with me, nobody looked at me.

It looks like everybody in that club was super young and super hot. and I feel that I was the only person there that was being totally ignored. 

I know the place is like a meat market and everybody can one day experience rejection, but it is something that really makes me sad.

well, but my questions in this post  (  and I would honestly want to  hear the opinion of my > 35 guys who are not gym rats! )

- how do you deal with rejection in sex clubs / parties?

- what should I do to improve my chances of getting laid? should I start going to the gym? is it too late for that?

- I try to always wear a t-shirt at those clubs ( I don't wanna show my body naked ), is that also a turn off for guys?

 

thank you 

 

 

Sometimes it does hurt when people go to other places or these big cities and we get reminded that there is another “weight class” above us. 

well, I do believe that everyone does have a type, the problem is time. You can spend your time looking for the person/crowd  that will accept you, or you can spend that time getting competitive with the rest of the guys in Berlin. 

 

[JamesL100]

Also remember those huge Berlin events are in a different league. Nobody fucks everyone, whatever they claim. But there are smaller, regular sex bars with regular guys just out for a drink, chat and to see if they get lucky. Plus bear-type clubs which usually have good reports.

[theplayerking]

I have a nice face and look great in clothes, although I don’t have a worked out body, especially in the arms. I like going to sex clubs where you can stay partially or fully dressed, like Slammers in Fort Lauderdale or the Vault in London. I find I get a lot more action that way. Of course, if you’re a power bottom that’s looking to get fucked by a dozen guys, clothing can make it awkward. I have a partner and am mainly just looking to get sucked so it works well. 

[hntnhole]

17 hours ago, JamesL100 said:

Also remember those huge Berlin events are in a different league

I agree with JamesL100 ... Berlin (and Germany in general) are known as the Standard of the World for wanton sex on a mass-scale that other cities world-wide try to challenge.  Thus, men that love having raw sex on a huge scale are drawn there, either to live or to visit/attend some of the events.  

While I'm sorry you felt ignored, maybe there's some other reason that happened?  Or, maybe there's some other reason.  In any event, sorry you were disappointed; better luck next time.

[norefusal]

22 hours ago, Normaldude said:

 

well, but my questions in this post  (  and I would honestly want to  hear the opinion of my > 35 guys who are not gym rats! )

- how do you deal with rejection in sex clubs / parties?

- what should I do to improve my chances of getting laid? should I start going to the gym? is it too late for that? 

 

here's my advice:

- yes, go to the gym because it is healthier, makes you sleep better feel better and you'll be less likely to fall over and break a hip at 80 the more you exercise now 

- in my experience, the gym was a great place to find casual sex. when i was your age, i probably had more sex in the gym locker room than i did at home in my bed 

- stfu. seriously, you are your own worst enemy. i find that being considered "hot" is a fake it till you make it situation and the single most thing that scares horny guys off is a perceived lack of confidence. if you think your body isn't up to code, so will they. horny guys are like animals, they can smell the fear and perceived weakness. be an arrogant prick, even if it's a character you play like an actor in a movie 

- accept reality. you are a new guy in a foreign land. anti american prejudice is real in europe so accept that only the more open minded guys are gonna give you a chance. try to fit in, but accept that acceptance is not going to happen overnight. have patience and keep working at it till it pays off. you're not 5 yo anymore, instant friends on the playground is a thing of the past. 

- accept reality. this isn't the local bath house. it's the world's biggest sex mart you're on broadway now baby, not in the local theatre so make sure you project so they can hear you in the back row. 

- at the end of the day rejection is more about them than it is about you. accept that's it's their loss and dwell on the victories rather than the losses. living well is the best revenge and nothing feels better than accepting yourself for who you are. 

[50latinos]

Attitude plays a large role. Sometimes I find as much dick as I can get but some other I just can't nail the guys that I like. With time I have concluded that it is what I project and try to adjust my attitude accordingly. 

[Westlonlad]

I try and look at rejection philosophically. Yes it hurts because it feels personal, someone has made a decision that they do not find you desirable.

However, a way that I've been able to process rejection is to remind myself that the individual is making a decision for them, and not for the person being rejected. Everyone has their own tastes, and what they look for in a partner so try and compartmentalize things when you feel this way.

The person that is going to make you feel like the most special person in the world IS out there. You will find them, keep putting yourself out there and have fun.

You deserve it.

 

[PozBearWI]

There are times and places where a guy in his 30's is considered OLD.  I seems you found one; from the way you described it. 

 

 

[NWUSHorny]

I've never let it bother me. I learned long ago that generally speaking, that guy's who are picky about appearance tend to be less adventurous than i am when they fuck, I tend to try to hookup with guys who are actually fucking in a club instead of who is best looking.

[PozBearWI]

Exactly @NWUSHorny

 

[bi4funstayforload]

I never understood the superficial obsession in the gay/BI community with looks during "hookups". 

Especially at saunas. It's just sex, period. With women I get it, they're superficial by design, but men looking for action. I don't understand. 

[Read1]

Normaldude, you just might find that in public these picky guys will ignore you but in a darkroom they will not hesitate to stick their cocks in your ass and/or mouth and cum in you before they have to leave the bathhouse for home. I know, this makes no sense but it can and does happen.

[topblkmale]

On 6/2/2024 at 1:46 PM, Normaldude said:

 

- how do you deal with rejection in sex clubs / parties?

- what should I do to improve my chances of getting laid? should I start going to the gym? is it too late for that?

- I try to always wear a t-shirt at those clubs ( I don't wanna show my body naked ), is that also a turn off for guys?

 

thank you 

 

 

 

Stay until 15 minutes before closing. You'll become alot more attractive and desirable.