Is fucking with a married guy (married to a woman) that bad?

[Sharp-edge]

Once it was a fantasy of many. Now you get to hear nasty comments that he's a cheater and whatever and blah blah.

But in my mind, he's just a horny guy who needs another horny guy to take good care of him. Is it thad bad?

[NordicBtm]

10 hours ago, Sharp-edge said:

Once it was a fantasy of many. Now you get to hear nasty comments that he's a cheater and whatever and blah blah.

But in my mind, he's just a horny guy who needs another horny guy to take good care of him. Is it thad bad?

I don’t mind it 😅😉 I couldn’t live like it myself but I can’t judge others for it.

[BootmanLA]

10 hours ago, Sharp-edge said:

Once it was a fantasy of many. Now you get to hear nasty comments that he's a cheater and whatever and blah blah.

But in my mind, he's just a horny guy who needs another horny guy to take good care of him. Is it thad bad?

Part of the shift, I suspect, is that for ages, gay people couldn't get married. We had long-term relationships (sometimes) but there was generally no "vows", certainly not ones recognized by society as a whole, and even when there was some sort of commitment ceremony, I don't recall many same-sex couples pledging to "forsake all others".

In other words, LGBTQ+ couples, when we got to eat, only ate on paper plates or at best Corelle, while opposite-sex couples got to use the fine china. And while we aspired to being allowed to use the fine china, we weren't particularly respectful of it at the time, since we didn't have access to it.

Now, we can get married, and for some of us, at least, we recognize that there's a level of commitment that we kind of ought to honor. We've come to recognize, some of us, that when we're in a committed relationship, it hurts to be cheated on, and those same some of us kind of look askance at someone else doing to their spouse what we'd hate to have done to us.

At the same time, though, we've also come to understand the nuances that come with those commitments. Sometimes the married straight couple (MSC) has an understanding where one or both partners can seek outside sex. Some MSCs are polyamorous, and can seek not only outside sex, but additional relationships. Some MSCs have one partner who is no longer interested in sex and doesn't want to know whether, or when, or if, the other partner has sex with someone else, as long as it doesn't interfere with the relationship at home. And sometimes MSCs have one partner who refuses to have sex and refuses to give even tacit permission to the partner to have outside sex, and those people are left with the choice of going completely without or cheating. Those are the ones for whom, as the saying goes, cheating is the least bad option.

Then there are those men who just want more sex, or more variety in sex (ie with other men), than with their partner, and are determined to get it, lying about it to their spouse. Those are the ones where I'd say it's wrong. 

The thing about LGBTQ+ relationships is that in theory, we should be able to handle more variations on the traditional "one man one woman forever" model beyond just swapping out the woman for a man or the man for a woman. And many of us do, in my experience. Unfortunately, not nearly as many MSCs do.

[Heir2012]

The hot answer is that it's two guys fucking, having fun, fulfilling needs! 

But, there is the reality that someone (the wife) is being betrayed and hurt. There's no getting around that.

Unless it's an open marriage situation. 

It's complicated. 

[Hewantsmepoz]

Some people get off on the act of cheating and I’ve seen str8 and gay have that fetish. I prefer married tops for a variety of reasons - 

- they fuck me like a pussy and for a long time bc that’s what they are brain washed to do 

- I give them the ass they really want and don’t get at home or not enough of and I give it up as good as I can and since I keep it very discreet I’m more likely to get repeats that nobody else is getting 

- sorry wifey - should be taking better care of your guy - but hey, you should be happy bc I’m not trying to steal him, no pregnancy scares and I’m doing what you don’t want  to 

 

[Warmnsalty]

Married to F here, we're open both bi, so not a cheating situation. That being said, I've always preferred playing with married/attached guys. There are plenty of closeted guys needing cock. I used to travel a lot on biz, and loved posting an ad .... nothing attracts horny married guys like a discreet hotel hook up. I've always looked at it differently, it's not an affair, there's no emotions just sex. I don't see it any differently than a married guy jerking off... but rather than doing it alone he's using my mouth or ass to get off. I wish more "str8" married guys would realize how good us bi/gay guys suck ... they're always bitching they don't get enough head. There are a lot of us guys looking to suck... give it a try. Sit back, close your eyes and enjoy LOL We'll both get what we want and no one gets hurt. LOL 

[Hungryforbbc]

My longest run with a top was over 20 years and he was married and had kids. Not a problem for me lol 

[plymsleazebear]

Have played with a few married guy, not an issue for me.  One even invited me back to his home while his wife was away & fucked me in his marital bed, while I fisted him in return.  He's also poz undetectable but his wife doesn't know.  We still chat occasionally but he's a bit more wary about having people over now when she's away.

[Bimarried001]

As a married man I get off on playing with other married men. I am not responsible for their marriage and they are not responsible for mine. 

[topblkmale]

 

Married men aren't emotionally available.

Fucking a single guy is usually way more intense.

 

[tallslenderguy]

To the original question, to me it depends on several factors. 

Social evolution has sex attached to all sorts of moral questions.  For instance, a lot of religions promote that sex should only happen monogamously, and then only after marriage. That notion got rooted in tradition and general culture.  Whether one is religious or not, were effected by it, consciously and unconsciously i believe.  i think asking the question is evidence of that? 

i do not think sex needs to be a moral fact of life.  i believe sex is a human need and appetite. We don't moralize eating, another human need, another human need/appetite. We don't saddle eating with contracts and tax breaks.  Of course, eating and sex are not the same thing, but i think they share a lot of similarities, though some have managed to combine the two appetites... another topic for discussion, eh?

For me individually, i see sex as an intrinsic and intimate  part of who and how we are.  Sex for me is about connecting to another man at a deep, vulnerable level of need and desire.  i see all of those as key elements. i don't think sex is ever 'just physical.'   Though i think many guys are pretty expert at avoiding or hiding from the some of the emotional aspects of sex (dare i use the word "spiritual?"), i still think we are all affected on those levels, whether we are aware or not.

To me, "cheating" is about hiding a part of our essential self from another. "Cheating" in an intimate relationship contradicts the notion of intimacy.  To me, if one aspires to have a committed  (goes by a lot of names) relationship to another, one of the central reasons is to actually be known and accepted ('loved') for who and how we are.  Hiding from someone who we are supposedly in an intimate relationship with, to me, makes the relationship itself sort of a farce.   

 

[BootmanLA]

10 hours ago, Hewantsmepoz said:

- sorry wifey - should be taking better care of your guy - but hey, you should be happy bc I’m not trying to steal him, no pregnancy scares and I’m doing what you don’t want  to 

I would only note that I know any number of cheating guys whose wife/husband/girlfriend/partner is willing to "take care" of their guy, but the guy is just a cheating slime who, as you note, gets off on the cheating. There's no amount of "taking better care" of a sleazeball who actually enjoys the cheating, as opposed to simply not "doing what you don't want to".

And I would also note that while you're not trying to steal him and there are no pregnancy scares, you ARE putting him (and by extension, her) at risk for sexually transmitted infections. So I wouldn't pretend to be noble if I were you.

[BootmanLA]

7 hours ago, Warmnsalty said:

We'll both get what we want and no one gets hurt. LOL 

Except, of course, the wife who gets the STI or HIV from the cheating husband. Or just the emotional devastation from finding out her husband is cheating on her. 

[SomewhereonNeptune]

9 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

...we've also come to understand the nuances that come with those commitments. Sometimes the married straight couple (MSC) has an understanding where one or both partners can seek outside sex. Some MSCs are polyamorous, and can seek not only outside sex, but additional relationships. Some MSCs have one partner who is no longer interested in sex and doesn't want to know whether, or when, or if, the other partner has sex with someone else, as long as it doesn't interfere with the relationship at home. And sometimes MSCs have one partner who refuses to have sex and refuses to give even tacit permission to the partner to have outside sex, and those people are left with the choice of going completely without or cheating. Those are the ones for whom, as the saying goes, cheating is the least bad option.

This happens a lot more than you think it does. The guy at the adult book/movie store. The older fellow cruising. The guy that looks straight and wears a wedding band. For them, it may be an understanding between partners, one partners no longer having an interest, or the couple who realize that they're more compatible as intimate friends without sex and seek that outside of their relationship. Hell, the apps are full of guys who want 'discreet' situations or 'cannot host', clear signs that there could be such an understanding in place ('could be' as the operative term). You're spot on in that cheating could be the least bad option if everything else is in order, and I know a few in that situation.

Unfortunately, there's still a huge bias between men being bisexual being accepted versus acceptance of bisexual women. So coming out might be honest but not the best option.

[BootmanLA]

1 hour ago, tallslenderguy said:

i do not think sex needs to be a moral fact of life.

Need to be? Of course not. But the fact remains that it IS a moral fact, or practice, or condition, for an awful lot of people. I'm all in favor of open relationships, open marriages, whatever. But be on the same page as your other half.

1 hour ago, tallslenderguy said:

For me individually, i see sex as an intrinsic and intimate  part of who and how we are.  Sex for me is about connecting to another man at a deep, vulnerable level of need and desire.  i see all of those as key elements. i don't think sex is ever 'just physical.'   Though i think many guys are pretty expert at avoiding or hiding from the some of the emotional aspects of sex (dare i use the word "spiritual?"), i still think we are all affected on those levels, whether we are aware or not.

Maybe, maybe not. You are (I perceive) an introspective man, and I don't doubt that this is how you view sex. But the term "navel gazing" exists for a reason; we can't project our biases onto everyone else and assume that if sex is never "just physical" for you, it can never be "just physical" for others. I know some guys for whom sex is never anything BUT "just physical." And I know others for whom it's "just physical" with some partners and "something more" with others. 

1 hour ago, tallslenderguy said:

To me, "cheating" is about hiding a part of our essential self from another. "Cheating" in an intimate relationship contradicts the notion of intimacy.  To me, if one aspires to have a committed  (goes by a lot of names) relationship to another, one of the central reasons is to actually be known and accepted ('loved') for who and how we are.  Hiding from someone who we are supposedly in an intimate relationship with, to me, makes the relationship itself sort of a farce. 

That's certainly an aspect worth exploring in some relationships. To me, though, it's simpler: cheating in a relationship is like cheating in a board or card game. It's breaking the rules that the participants have agreed to. Those rules don't have to be the same for every game, or for every grouping of players; games like Monopoly, for instance, have alternative sets of rules available right in the rule book to make games more or less challenging. There are so many variations of poker and solitaire that you could fill a small town public library with publications on different sets of rules. But the important thing is that they all DO have rules, and it's pretty crappy to be playing by one set of rules and find out that the other player(s) are using an entirely different rulebook. Especially when they KNOW which rules everyone agreed to, up front, but just don't give a damn if it means winning.