for gay couples: what do you answer about roles?

[PozTalkAuthor]

This is for couples: open, closed, no matter.

When some hetero relative or friend asks you "who's the man, who's the woman?" what do you reply?

They generally would like to investigate who's the receiver (bottom) in order to judge him negatively.

During my very first experiences I felt very offended and angry, with the only result to feed their inappropriate curiosity even more. But I've learnt it with time passing by and experience, getting angry causes them the perception as the "guilty dog" who barks the loudest. 

So, my current standard reply is: "we are both men, but as you question us, we assumed you could be the woman. There's the whole house to clean, dishes to wash, clothes to iron, etc".

Sexist as it is, but it's the only answer which succeeds sending them back to their places. At least for me.

No one of us both looks as the stereotype gay, no one of us paints his nails or has female-like tone, so...

And lately I am always excited knowing that the most inappropriate stereotyped straight asking those questions, still guesses that my man is the alpha and I'm the one "who takes it" because his cliché-driven mind thinks that writing and playing piano is for women. LOL.

What he doesn't know is that my guy's penis has been locked since October 1st and stays this way till he decides to stop - for me it's October 31st but it could be sooner, or LATER if he gets tired.

Former alpha LOL

 

[PozBearWI]

I am never offended by the question.  Sometimes my mate is a bit put off as his tendency is to simply start ignoring guys who ask that.  And TBH, if a fellow is of voting age and still holds the view that some work is "womens work"; then how the heck to they manage self care alone?  There is no reason any of us can't become fully functioning adults, able to handle any of our personal and physical needs on our own.  

I try to be a bit more forgiving because asking that question that way at least gives me clues into their current bias; and hopefully I can say something to expand their worldview a bit.  Ditto when I am asked "am I clean".  My response is, "how do you mean that"?  Besides I am poz and not on meds, (although my genetics are doing a bang up job at controlling the virus within me).  So if I can respond in a way that expands their world view a bit; all the better.  And if they simply go away; awesome.  Glad they found their comfortable place....

[MuscledHorse]

I answer "neither, or we've got this whole gay thing wrong." There is no corresponding template to the hetero arrangement. My husband and I are both versabottoms though I am way more promiscuous than he is. We've fisted each other. We each do our own laundry. He cooks (he's a foodie and i'm a culinary philistine that just wants his chicken breast, pasta and baked potato/brown rice) but I do the cleaning. He's also the gear head of the household and I've helped him do the brakes on his pick-up truck. We both own motorcycles. There is just no equivalent that divides up the house into those 1950's stereotyped roles for the husband and wife.

[PozTalkAuthor]

They are biased, with a mindset locked into the fascism era, I try to reason but it's not always so easy; let alone if I would share the matter of "side", I mean, not necessarily rely on penis to obtain physical body pleasure.

I feel pity for those caged people as they have explored nothing in their life! My man was hetero before me and says I made him discover a whole new world!

Being side-versatile with not defined roles, makes sex life very balanced and reciprocated. And as for house roles, we both have our own places and know how to manage them.

 

[Poz50something]

When I was with Greg, strangely enough, the question never came up. I think asking the question would have meant they would have had to acknowledge that we were a couple.  That said, who was the man? We both were. Who was the top? We both were. Who was the bottom? We both were. It’s been to the point where I met people who were tops or bottoms exclusively. That’s cool, but I much prefer having a versatile guy. 

[PozTalkAuthor]

The best sex is when you give and receive. My ass your load, your ass my load.

Or even using tongue, fingers, all our body can be a transmitter or receiver for pleasure.

 

Those biased people make comparisons between us and their own couple dynamics because they associate some behaviours to men and some others to women, not admitting what makes them curious is just sex; one of them just said "you or your man must necessarily be the woman, or you both engage in a virile sword fight?" Imagining who knows what kind of play with our mutual members.

Caged. They assume a human body is like a puzzle where pieces must go one inside the other.

 

[ktopper]

Just tell them you are all man and ask them if they want to try you out.

[PozBearWI]

5 hours ago, PozTalkAuthor said:

The best sex is when you give and receive. My ass your load, your ass my load.

Or even using tongue, fingers, all our body can be a transmitter or receiver for pleasure.

 

Those biased people make comparisons between us and their own couple dynamics because they associate some behaviours to men and some others to women, not admitting what makes them curious is just sex; one of them just said "you or your man must necessarily be the woman, or you both engage in a virile sword fight?" Imagining who knows what kind of play with our mutual members.

Caged. They assume a human body is like a puzzle where pieces must go one inside the other.

 

Certainly shows a lack of imagination on their part right???

[partying.hard]

I assume this would come from strangers or acquaintances. People who don’t know me. The cause amongst my friends, I’m very open about, and accord of, anything that needs to be done around the home. They also know that I am very proudly 50-50 versatile. 

ive never been asked the question in regards to non-sexual activities.  Cleaning house, shopping, laundry.  It’s an Anama to me that anyone would even ask that. I assumed that any question about roles in relationship would be sexual in nature. And again, I’m very comfortable being versatile. I’ve got a big dick and love to fuck. I’ve got a hungry hole that loves to get stuff. And I learned a very long time ago that makes me no less of a man to take things up my ass. 

[anonCUMtainer]

This happened to me at WORK circa 2010...

My colleague basically asked the same question....word for word. Who's the "woman" in the relationship? is the gist of this question. Who "takes it"?

AND IT IS OFFENSIVE

The amount of bottom shaming baked into modern day society is endless. Poor women. I feel sorry for them.

PS It was a woman who asked this question of me.

 

[DenverBtmDude]

I really think its important for the Top Role of a man to be straight forward and to the point and is very persistant untill he reaches his goal! Sly devious tops that know how to seduce his way into your ass, esp if the btm is masculine and straight acting... the chase and getting conquered is a big part of the thrill experience!

[phukhole]

My standard response is "Why?  Which one do YOU want to be?  I'm sure we can accommodate you."

[norefusal]

luckily this question pops up less and less as the years pass.

my answer was usually some version of "one of the benefits of being gay is we don't have to follow all those weird restrictive rules of gender conduct that stifles you straight people so much. we can make up our own rules."