VersatileBreeder

Oh good old Vaseline... This thread takes me back to the days when I was a young pup of say, 13 or 14 years old, and just discovered the joys of jerking off. Of course, being that young and not having access to many resources, I used to use it all the time for jerking off as it was always in the house. A little bit went a LONG way. It felt really good but I think the cons outweighed the pros with Vaseline. For one, it was a BITCH to clean off. Any fabric it touched, it stained. When my mother used to do my laundry, I got questioned quite a few times what these stains in my underwear were, lol. And then when she realized that the stash of Vaseline in the bathroom was inexplicably disappearing, she put two and two together. Hey, I was a teenage boy with raging hormones, what do you want from me, ma? For sex, I would imagine it would work quite well, but again, would be a bitch to clean off.

wood, great points. From what he's told me, he gets fucked A LOT. He's your typical one-stop uncomplicated cumdump bottom. I am not looking to accuse him of anything, but it would come as no surprise to me if he claims to be "clean" when he gets hit up by the NEG/DDF/UB2 crowd, which I'm sure he does. If he is not going to have any regard for his own body and health, how much regard is he going to have for the health of others? I'm not looking to push the issue with him, but it's just sad to see someone throw their life and health down the drain like that when he has plenty of opportunity to be healthy and save himself.

I think the main problem with him is he seems to be incredibly uneducated about HIV. I got that feeling when I talked to him about some things and he didn't even know what PrEP was. He thought that guys who have HIV and maybe advanced to AIDS, who may be gaunt and skinny were like that because of their meds. He thought meds would give him that wasted away look. I'm trying to make him realize that if he doesn't deal with this soon, he is going to suffer a demise that will be way worse than he knows. But you are right, there is only so much a person can do/say.

open hole, I had a thought about him possibly being a long-term non-progressor. The odds of that are slim and he has no way of knowing unless he goes to get bloodwork done.

Long story short- recently I met a guy on BBRT, a bottom poz dude who lives near me. We talked a lot on BBRT, then continued to talk via text/phone. We then met out a few times, haven't hooked up surprisingly that we met on BBRT, but I think that is because we've established more of a good friendship than fuck buddies. Yesterday, we were hanging out at his place just talking about random crap and the topic of being poz came up. I know he is poz based on his BBRT profile, but we never talked about it. I asked him how long he has been poz for. He said that he found out 12 years ago, when he was 19. What he told me next shocked the hell out of me. He told me that since finding out he is poz, he has never seen a doctor for it, nor gotten on meds. He said he doesn't want to deal with it and doesn't want to face reality (yes, he actually said that). He tried to change the subject to something else, but I wasn't letting him off the hook that easy. I told him that nobody wants to face the reality of being poz when they find out, but once you see a doctor regularly and go on meds, it takes a lot of the stress off being poz. I told him that he is doing himself a huge disservice by not facing being poz head on and being proactive about it. He argued that he has never been in a hospital once since finding out and has never been terribly sick. I told him that's not terribly surprising because people can go years without any symptoms, but make no mistake, that virus is going to come get you one day if you're not on meds. I saw a chill run up his spine when I said that. It's like I was making him face the reality he didn't want to face. He said that taking a pill everyday is a constant reminder of having HIV and he won't have that. I told him it does feel like that in the beginning, but it wears off to literally just being part of your daily routine. I pleaded with him to please see a doctor and get on meds. I told him 12 years is way longer than a person should wait, but going on meds now will be better than never going on meds. He smiled and said he'll think about it, but I know he's not going to. As a friend, I am actually really concerned about him. How can a person be so delusional about something so serious? He could be saving his life and he chooses not to. It's like he's made himself believe that if he doesn't worry about having HIV, it's not ever going to hurt him. I am trying to make him see otherwise. It's his life, his body and his health. I know that and I'm not trying to force him into anything, but I almost feel like I can't just sit by and watch him slowly kill himself like this. What would you guys do if you were in my shoes?

And to add a little humor to this thread, one of my favorite comics, the Australian stand-up comedian Jim Jeffries, rationalized the difference between sluts and studs in a hilarious fashion. To quote him, he once said in one of his stand up acts... "Every single time a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. But if a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called a slut. And people think this is unfair. Nah. It's completely fair. And I'll tell you why, right. Cause it's fuckin' easy to be a slut. It's fuckin' HARD to be a stud. To be a stud, you have to be witty, charming, well dressed, have nice shoes and a fake job. To be a slut, you just have to be... there. There are fat ugly sluts out there. There are no fat ugly studs. I've met slutty dwarves, I've never met a stud dwarf. Maybe in their own realm, but none that have crossed over to our world. And when I say sluts, I don't mean that as a bad word. I love sluts, I fuckin' need 'em in my life, sluts." He goes on to explain the difference between sluts and "nice girls." It's hysterical. Funny as it is though, just like with most observational comedy, there's no denying that there is definitely some truth to it...

To reply to the OP, I think women have it way worse than gay men that bottom. I've seen plenty of bottom men refer to themselves as sluts, whores, cumdumps, cumsluts, pigs, etc and have pretty much a sense of pride about it. You would never find a woman label herself in such a way. To women, it's derogatory. No woman wants to be called a slut/whore, even if they are one. The double standard takes me back to college, when I can remember any time someone's name came up and if they were notorious for being promiscuous, they were spoken about very differently, depending on if it was a guy or a girl. The girls that slept around were sluts and whores, etc. But a dude that slept around was "the man," macho, a stud, etc. Very, very much a double standard and I'm sure it still is today.

cam1972, I couldn't agree with you more. I think of all the times I would see Craigslist ads with guys claiming they are "straight" and only top. If you ask them if they bottom at all, they reply "no, I'm straight." It's actually kind of funny. Correct me if I'm wrong but the last time I checked, straight guys play with women ONLY. I don't know. Maybe I'm just old fashioned.

I would say any cock that can hit my second sphincter is considered big. Also, any cock that is thick enough to make me ask them to pull out for a minute upon initial entry so I can relax for a minute is big. I once was with a guy who had about 6 inches but was ridiculously thick. Like beer can thick. That took a bit of effort but felt SO GOOD once we got going.

It's kind of impossible for any of us to make any sort of guess as to what your boyfriend does behind your back. Fact is, we don't know anything about him that would allow us to make any kind of judgment on his character. For all we know, your guy could be slutting it up like crazy in Denver or could be a total saint. Or anything in between. Wish I had something better to give you, but regardless of anyone's opinion, there's nothing that could point our opinion in any one particular direction. If it's any consolation... If I had a boyfriend that had an ass like yours, I would do everything in my power to not fuck up the relationship ;-)

Sounds kinda like NYC to me. A million guys online on BBRT and A4A, yet it seems like the experience of actually talking to someone is rare, instead you'll probably just be "oinked" at left and right or have a hundred guys unlock pics for you out of the blue and never message you back if you message them that you like their pics. It blows my mind. Biggest city in the country, huge gay population, tons of guys on these sites and it just seems like everyone wants to play games and never actually hook up. And when you actually do talk to a guy, the littlest thing will make him flake- he can only host for another 18 minutes, he can't travel that far on the subway, etc. And in case anyone wants to tell me that I have nothing to compare NYC to, well, when I was in Barcelona last year, I hooked up twice in three days EASILY, could have hooked up more if I wanted to. Dudes were actually serious about hooking up. Also, the last time I was in Chicago, I was getting hit up left and right on BBRT with guys that were actually serious about meeting. I hooked up a few times and it was great, but given the rate at which guys were hitting me up with legit messages (yes, actual messages and not "oinks" or "member has unlocked pics for you, but has no interest in actually meeting you"), I probably could have spent my entire week in Chicago hooking up if I wanted to. I will never understand what it is about hooking up in NYC that is so difficult. Does anyone else seem to have this problem?

To your point, AgentColby, in this country in particular, there still is a lot of racial ignorance with people. I can definitely say that is true and I won't dispute that. So I am not disagreeing with you there. Europe, as I have been many times, I can say they are quite a bit more advanced when it comes to being open on race. Perfect example is London, which I have been to twice. Interracial couples EVERYWHERE. No one turns heads about it and that's the way it should be. BUT... Don't think that European countries don't have plenty of their own discriminations. England may not have as many racial issues between blacks and whites, but just ask the English how they feel about the Irish (or vice-versa). From personal experience... At a nightclub in Rome a few years ago, I was talking to a group of young Italians, who seemed like a friendly bunch. As soon as I told them my father's family hails from Sicily, you should have seen how fast they turned on me (Sicilians basically are the "blacks" of Italy). They pretty much wanted nothing to do with me after they knew I came from southerners and not the "superior" north. Throughout the rest of the trip in both Rome and Milan, I tested the waters by telling different people I met "io sono Siciliano," (Italian for "I am Sicilian") and I wasn't very popular with them either. So, in a sense, I DO know what it feels like to be discriminated based on ethnicity, something that cannot be changed. Those few days in Italy, when I made it clear I came from Sicilian blood, I was treated like the inferior race- the dirty, poor, uneducated race. Your weight vs race argument is a valid one, but keep in mind, people can't just lose their unwanted weight overnight. And when you are trying to hook up, at that moment, you are who you are- overweight. You can't change it right then and there anymore than a person could change their race at that moment. Then there are those who just can't lose the weight, period. I know a guy who has a thyroid problem and is about 80 lbs overweight because of it. No matter how much he works out, eats right, etc, it has little effect. It's so sad and I feel for him, but the fact remains he is going to always have a hard time ever hooking up with anyone because of his weight issues. And just to touch upon your point that ignorance does not = racism, well... They may not be the same thing, but I think one has A LOT to do with the other. My mother is a perfect example. Very sweet woman, but very ignorant when it comes to people outside of the white race. She swears up and down she is not racist. She was very friendly with my the mother of my best friend I referenced earlier (who is black) when I was younger. But when all of the old white people who used to live on her street started either moving to Florida or dying and their houses went up for sale, black families were buying them up left and right. All of a sudden, "the neighborhood is 'changing'," she says and she wants to move. She doesn't dislike black people, but she feels like she is outside of her "white bubble." One day after I got tired of hearing her bitch and moan to my father about wanting to move, I said, "ma, have you even met the new neighbors? Instead of sitting here feeling outcast because you're one of the few white people left on the block, would it kill you to knock on their doors and say hello?" But she wouldn't do it. Years later, she's still planning on moving and looking at houses. And though I won't label her a racist, her ignorance makes it feel pretty damn close, don't it? That's my point on ignorance and racism. They're not the same, but the two are pretty relative. Ignorance over time will feed into racism. Ignore the ignorant people. Don't get fixated on them. When I worked in banking, I had some black clients who ignorantly believed that our bank denied them for a loan not because they're credit was completely shot, but because they simply were black. And then furthered that to that I had no interest in helping them get the loan because I was white. Know what I did? Ignored them. It wasn't worth my time. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't go out of my way to help the next black client simply because the last one was using ignorant pre-conceived notions about my race against me. Just ignore the ignorants. That's all I'm saying.

AgentColby, you seem to think that white guys (just because we're white) could never understand where you are coming from as a good looking, well put together black man who gets turned down simply because you're black. Honestly, I think more white guys get it and can sympathize with you than you think. For one, I TOTALLY get it. Now, just because my race may not hurt me in the "pecking order" as you say, that doesn't mean that white guys like me haven't been turned down for other reasons. For instance, a few years ago, in my early twenties (after college), I was carrying a few extra college pounds that I didn't like all that much (about 40 lbs overweight). Thankfully, I've since lost most of that excess weight and my doctor says I'm now only about 10-15 lbs above my ideal weight. BUT, back in my early-mid twenties when I was trying to hook up, how quickly I would get shut down when I'd see an ad that clearly states, "no fat guys" or "no chubs." Or when I would converse with a guy, conversation is going good, and then show him a body pic of me, to which he'd respond, "sorry, not a match." I knew I was good looking, a nice guy and had my shit together too, but there was just that part about me that guys couldn't look past because I didn't meet their standards at the time. So, I feel your pain bro and I think a lot of us do. You state that you have come to realize that a lot of GWM are just plain ignorant. Yes, there are ignorant gay white men out there, but honestly, there are plenty of ignorant men of all races. Plenty of ignorant people in general, period. By how you state it, it seems like you believe the majority of GWM are ignorant. Again, I respectfully disagree. I think there are a lot more open-minded white men who are in interracial relationships and wouldn't turn down hooking up with a black man just because he's black. Gotta tell you, your statement "GWMs live in a white bubble with their white 'hoods, white friends, white everything that they really do not know anything about blacks" was a little overstated, I think. For example- I live in a pre-dominantly white neighborhood. I don't choose to live there because it's white, I live there just because I like the town and it's close to work and where I grew up, etc. I wouldn't be adverse to living in a mixed or even black neighborhood. Yes, I have white friends. I also have black friends. Growing up, one of my best friends was black and I practically lived at his house in my early teenage years and our families were good friends too. I appreciate black culture. I love listening to hip-hop/R&B and not because it may be trendy, but because I appreciate it for what it is. I have no problem walking into Doug E's in Harlem for chicken and waffles with friends at 3 in the morning after a night out drinking, even though I am the minority in there. And before I take this anymore off the main topic, I'll bring it back to the main point- I like hooking up with black guys just as much as white or latino, etc. I may not be the rule, but I am definitely not the exception either when it comes to these things. Your opinions seemed to go straight from "I can't stand white guys who reject us for being black" to "I can't stand white guys who love black guys for their big cocks." There is definitely a middle ground in between those two extremes that I think you just haven't found. And believe me, I know exactly what you mean with white guys and the whole Mandingo fantasy bullshit. I hate seeing profiles on BBRT or ads on Craigslist where guys are looking for "black dick only" or "only hung BBC!" It's bullshit and not even just because it objectifies black guys solely for the stereotype of their endowments or that it takes other white guys like me out of their selection pool, but also because since they have put "BBC" on such a pedestal, they seem to think that their own ass is so special that average or even fairly hung guys of other races (white, latin, etc) are just not worthy of having it. So, to wrap up, I guess all I'm saying is that maybe not in the same way, I still feel your pain. I know what rejection is. But also, you may be doing yourself a disservice by just completely cutting white guys off because you believe that we're all the same and we're all going to reject you. There may be some really cool white guys out there that you just haven't met yet, that would enjoy hooking up (or more) with you because they like YOU and not just because you might have a "BBC."

Not entirely sure if this is the best section for this post, but I'm gonna give it a shot. I had an experience today that had me wondering how hard it is for doctors and HIV counselors to deliver the news to a person if they test positive. To explain what happened earlier today that got me wondering... Last week, I had a lot of pain in random joints in my body. I wasn't sure if it was an effect of the Stribild I'm on, the Doxycycline I was on (to clear an infected pubic hair follicle) or something else (like arthritis). When I couldn't take the pain anymore (as I could barely walk), I went to an urgent care clinic. The doctor there said my foot/ankle was inflamed and looked somewhat like arthritis, but wasn't sure. They drew blood for a four-panel test. I asked what they were testing for and she said different forms of arthritis, celiac, Epstein-Barr, Lyme, thyroid and a couple others. Nothing said about HIV. I didn't disclose that I was HIV+ because I didn't think it was relevant to what was going on. This morning I got a call from the doctor. She said, "most of the tests came back okay, but there is one that I want you to come in to discuss." I asked her what it was. She paused and replied, "I really would rather discuss this in person." I thought to myself what test could have come back that is so bad? Thinking the worst, I thought "great... She's going to tell me I have arthritis." I went in right away and she took me into an office to sit down to talk. She closed the door behind us. I could sense tension in the room. She started asking me about if in addition to the joint pain if I had any fever, rash, fatigue, etc, to which I answered "no." Then she started asking about my sexual practices- multiple partners, protected/unprotected, etc. It finally hit me and I started to see where the discussion was going. She had a very sad and distressed look on her face and said, "one of the panels we ran is a variety of infectious diseases. I don't know how to say this and I am so sorry to tell you but... (pause).... one of the tests... (pause)..." I casually finished the sentence for her, "came back positive for HIV, right?" She looked at me and said, "yes, it was HIV positive. I am so sorry." I casually nodded and said, "I've already gotten that bad news months ago. I have been seeing a doctor for the past six months for HIV and on medication for the past three months." She relaxed back in her chair and I could see a rush of relief come over her that she didn't have to be the bearer of bad news. She isn't really an HIV counselor, she is a clinician for general care, so I don't imagine that she's had to break HIV positive results out very much in the past. She said she felt bad that she had me come in for nothing. I apologized that I didn't mention it in the consultation that I was HIV+, but if I had known that was one of the tests, I would have cleared that out of the way. So my question for guys who do this sort of counseling (as I know that there are a few on here that do)... As experienced as you may be in counseling and have had to deliver the bad news in the past, how hard is it to do? This doctor seemed like it was the hardest news for her to break. Also, does it get easier over time? Or is it always hard? Just curious what your experiences are/have been.

Wow Tiger, that's a conundrum. That really is a tough one. Similar situation I had a couple years ago with a new co-worker (VERY good looking guy who asserted himself to be very straight and apparently quite a ladies' man). One night cruising on Craigslist, I responded to an ad placed by a top looking for a bottom and it was HIM! He didn't see my face pic so he didn't know it was me, but I was so tempted to make a move on him but just couldn't do it. It would've made things too weird at work I felt. It sounds like things are cool the way they are right now between you and your kids, as well as their friends... I would say as tempting as it seems, you might be better off leaving it as is. But... To each his own... If you do make a move, be sure to let us know how it went!

Having been last tested in December, I would say you are definitely overdue. The good news is that based on what you've listed as your exposures, it sounds like you are very, very low risk (if any at all) for HIV. You noted a few times that you gave oral to a few guys with bumps on their penis. Bumps are not always an indicator of an STI, they can surely be something else, so I wouldn't get too hung up on that. Also, I would say that you SHOULD get tested every 3 months. I know guys that test every month. That's a bit overkill I think. 3 months should be fine.

bbzh, you make a great point here. I knew about PrEP for probably a good year before I became poz. I had considered looking into it many times, but what detracted me from doing so was dreading having "the talk" with my doctor about it. I was certain that he would push condoms on me instead of just prescribing me the PrEP, which is why I put off pursuing it. It does take a lot of courage to have that discussion with the doctor. Let's just say that I DID have that conversation with my doctor a year ago (when I was neg). Let's say that, as suspected, he DID dismiss my wishes to pursue PrEP as a tool for HIV prevention, but rather pushed condoms at me. Would I have followed his advice? Would most guys in my shoes have followed his advice? FUCK NO. We are barebackers. It's what we are and it's what we do. If I had a dollar for every time a doctor, nurse practitioner, clinician, etc, offered me condoms and tried to push them on me as a way to protect myself, I would have my own private jet right now with 24 hour standby. It never worked for me, and it is never going to work for guys who bareback. PrEP is the answer. This may sound a bit far-fetched, but I think a great way to get guys to have a comfort level to have this discussion with their doctor would be to have an online directory of doctors that are pro-PrEP. The directory can include the name/address/phone number of their practice and clinic. Then again, I might be dreaming, but if such a thing did exist, I am sure that would be the number one spot guys would go to look for a local doctor that would support them in their decision to go on PrEP.

Very interesting discussion. First, I'd like to say that I think all guys, neg or poz, should be able to voice their opinions about PrEP. An opinion is just that: an opinion. A former boss of mine always used to say, "opinions are like assholes... Everyone's got one." And it's very true. Personally, I am very pro-PrEP. My only regret about PrEP is that by the time I realized I should be on it, my next test showed that I was poz and simply too late. I try not to harp on it, but I always wonder, "what if I had just started PrEP a few months earlier..." I have been noticing on BBRT in recent weeks that there seems to be a growing number of guys whose statuses are reading "Neg + PrEP." When I see that, I think to myself, "good for you man!" It actually brings me a bit of relief to see that. "Neg + PrEP" goes a lot further as a status listed on BBRT than simply "negative." We all know how that goes. Hell, trusting one of those "negative" guys is the reason why I am positive now. I really can't understand why any guy, neg or poz, would be against PrEP. It is a means of drastically slowing the spread of HIV. Whether it is 99%, 92% or even if it were just 50% effective, it will slow down the spread of HIV. Guys are gonna bareback whether they are on it or not, just like how there are straight guys that are gonna fuck raw whether their girl is on the pill or not. The difference is if they are on PrEP, they have a greatly reduced chance of becoming infected. Condoms are tiring out in the gay world. Even guys who preach safe sex and regularly use them are gonna slip up time to time. And of course, there are going to be the guys like me who always use them and then just completely become desensitized to sex with them and give up on them completely. PrEP is the game changer we needed. I read the NY Times article. For such a big news medium, I have to say I am quite shocked that this article was even allowed to be published, simply just based on how the information in the article seems to contradict itself over and over. I actually found it frustrating to read. I'm not sure how you guys read it, but to me, in a nutshell, this is what the article said: "One-a-day pill for HIV prevention 99% effective? Don't be so sure. There were studies in which people took it and still became HIV+. Oh but wait, those people didn't take it regularly. In fact, the levels of Truvada in their blood indicated that they only took it about twice a week. Those who did take it everyday had showed no infections... Meaning for them, it was actually 100% effective! Those people were only 18% of the study, but it was still 100% effective for them! Researchers say that it may only be 92% effective, but that's only a statistical estimate. But even if it is 92% effective, combined with the low chance that someone would be infected anyway, it would be like a freak accident if a person on PrEP actually did get infected. OK, so to conclude, we just realized that we totally contradicted the point that the title of this article was trying to make and rather, proved that PrEP is actually an effective means of preventing HIV. We'll see ourselves out now." Maybe CNN will be able to publish a better article if given the chance.

Hahaha Seaguy I was thinking exactly the same thing. Almost fell off my chair when I read your response.

Taking on a monster cock can be amazing or a disaster depending on how prepared or not you are for it. Now, we all know a monster cock (say over 9 inches and thick) is a rare find, so when we do find that one, we want to rise to the challenge. The first monster cock I ever took was a 42 year old guy with a 10.5 inch and THICK cock. I couldn't believe the size of it when I saw it. I wondered how it was going to fit in me, but I was so eager to try. When he put me on all 4's, and got behind me, it felt like someone was trying to push an apple through my hole. When he finally got in, his cock felt like it was endless as it slid all the way in. Then the mounting pressure on my second sphincter almost became too much to bear. I buried my face in the pillow and said "oh fuck!" repeatedly in pain. After a few times of saying it, he said "oh fuck what?" in a slightly annoyed tone. I sensed that he probably had his share of bottoms who couldn't handle his cock. I didn't want to be one of them. I gradually just relaxed and let myself go and let him fuck me. He fucked me for almost an hour, at times he was gentle and other times, he pounded in my hole. But either way, I came to love it because I relaxed. It was one of the great fucks I won't forget. If you allow yourself to relax and you have the experience your hole needs to accommodate a monstrous cock, you should also enjoy it. I'm not sure if giving him permission to use force on you is the best idea though. You might regret that if the pain is too great for you to handle. You should let him know that you are eager to try taking his cock, but shouldn't commit to taking a pounding that might end up hurting or worse, injuring you. A very large cock can do damage.

Eh, the achy joints are still persisting. Doctor said to take the doxycycline for two more days and trash it after, he said that's potentially the culprit. We'll see...

Got the test results today... UNDETECTABLE! Big weight lifted off the shoulders. I was real happy when the doctor called me with the results, I forgot to ask him what my CD4 is, but he said everything looks fine. Thank you everyone for the support and encouragement!

"Jizz," thanks for bringing up the new decade ;-) .... I like to think I'll stay 29 for the next few years... I just find it odd that all these joints started bugging out on me at the same time. It's not just the foot. The foot just happens to be the worst one. Hopefully it all blows over soon, whatever it is.

wood, I don't think this is the doxy doing this. I woke up feeling like this three days ago before I started taking the doxy. Either way, I just hope whatever it is goes away soon and isn't major. I have a tendency to suspect the worst when these things happen. I had to blow a few friends off earlier that I was supposed to go play soccer with this afternoon. I felt like such an old man telling them my joints are messed up and cannot run today. Hopefully resolved soon.

wood, it's interesting you mention it could be an infection causing it. I didn't know infections could cause joint inflammation. I'm just getting over (with doxycycline) an infected pubic hair that the doctor declared to be folliculitis (we speculated it may have been syphilis). The folliculitis made my lymph glands in the groin area swell up. This pain started the morning before I just started the doxycycline. That could potentially be another explanation.