norefusal

i know a few couples that one left to be with one of the random "guest stars" from a 3way. all of them describe their previously relationships as flawed or unhappy so my takeaway is you can't break up a happy home. i myself had a somewhat similar but different experience and all i can say is this 3rd party saw a crack in our foundation and took the opportunity to drive a wedge in. is he an evil queen? yes. but was our marriage perfect at the time he showed up? no. for all i know he just speed up the inevitable. in my case it was more a riff over drug use than sex. today im sober and my ex last i heard was homeless and wanted by the police. so.... i guess my advice is be more worried about chem sex than open relationships

it's only fear in the way it's fun to watch horror movies and scare yourself although it's all fake. i often host blindfolded door open for anon and thrilling yes, fearful, no. the only times i can ever recall feeling fear were a few seconds when i was young: like the time i was sleeping and suddenly a huge stranger jumped in my bed. within seconds my roommate was at the door saying "wrong room! come'on follow me" and it was over. another time i decided to go home w a guy from a bar who was a tad bit weird. inside his bldg but before we reached his apt he made a "joke" about being a serial killer. haha. only it wasn't funny. i got weirded out, said i changed my mind and left asap. fear isn't sexy. but "dangerous" rollplay is, kinda like a haunted house at halloween

there's your first mistake. 😜nowadays, the only time a top sees my junk is when he forcefully yanks my jock or thong off. even then he's doing it more to dom me than to get a look. i also tend to bottom for str8 guys a lot so that helps. i hit up every profile that comes right out and says in their profile "don't send dic pics i ain't interested". i also tend to avoid vers guys for nsa hook ups as they tend to be bottoms in denial. 😜

i think if u understand how grooming happens you get why people are getting their hair up a bit about the subject. in a way, im the perfect "good grooming" story as many guys over the years used emotional manipulation in order to get me to do things i actually ended up enjoying. (m2m sex, BB, sub/dom kink, chem sex) I've used these tools to at least manipulate hesitant guys into BB for me when i topped, but the very reason i don't frequently do it is it can make you feel very icky because even if nothing bad happens it's still coercion. in a nutshell, it involves being very charming, and gas lighting your victim into believing this is actually what he wants deep down, you're just here to help. help him get over his fears and finally realize his true self. the reason why it works on guys like me, is because it's how our parents raised us - utilizing gentle abuse. abusing us while convincing us it was true love only they could give. when you're primed like that, it's easy to adjust the dynamic to include sex. and it's very prevalent in the gay community. most str8 treat me like i'm just another guy. but as soon as i entered my first gay bar, there was a guy convincing me i was an obvious sub bottom secretly tearing to be owned. he could just tell. when this is repeated over and over and over it's starts to feel more and more real.

yes, the sex on offer has definitely changed due to our relationship with HIV and societal norms etc. Back in the 90s guys got gay bashed on the street regularly so if a trick called me faggot and slapped me, i'd run out that door so fast! today? if he's not choking me and calling me bitch, i'm not enjoying myself 😜 but i also realize all the ways ive changed to. 1980s i was str8 and on DL. forget kink, i was barely having sex 😜 1990s i was so obsessed w being one of "the good gays" - model minority syndrome- that although i dabbled in kink i couldn't sustain interest in anything more than trophy husband hunting. 00-20 i was off the market married to my ex and fairly vanilla 21-25 the pendulum has slung fully. pig sex w nameless strangers or im not interested. Men will only break your heart so better to just use them for sex and then walk away.

porn has changed so dramatically over the decades in terms of medium, distribution, accessibility etc it's crazy i was a least a decade into print media porn b4 i ever saw a film/video. as a kid my cousin would show me his older brothers playboy stash. it was all pretty tame. i was about 11 or 12 when my friends and i found a hard core porn mag. and this started a disconnect i still experience. the women were like russian hookers: so unreal and unlike any of the women i knew in RL. this made sex w women seem almost like an alien autopsy. lol the men fucking them: they looked just like men i knew in RL. and the hard dicks? just like the hard dicks id eventually suck.

i find all of these seemingly contradictory experiences to be true: - there are way more "bi-curious" guys now than there was back during the AIDS crisis. i've had so much gay sex w str8 guys in recent years it's crazy - i don't know what happened to all the gays, but they don't seem to go out as much as they used to. Bars, ABS, bathhouses, cruising parks: they're all "dead" compared to how things were in 80s/90s - the Apps are literally a free-for-all junk-drawer for everything from sex addicts to celibate rubberneckers - pre-prep every tom dick or harry was a total top -post-prep every man is america is somehow an insatible cum/dump keepin score of how many loads he can take in one night. load counting has literally replaced sex as no one seems to be able to live in the moment and enjoy the actual fucking - younger guys are experiencing much greater acceptance and freedom that we did - younger guys seem to think porn is regular sex. if you're not getting choked of being shit on, are you even fucking? - guys self identify as "goons". i'm trying not to yuck other people's yums but if i was content to just jerk off to porn alone all day i'd see it as a wake-up call - we used to move to big cities so we can live surrounded by other fags. today, the apps tell you which of your neighbors are gay, but none of them will talk to you. nobody wants to shit where they eat so they send DMs to guys on the other side of the country - everybody hooks up w strangers on trips. fresh meat meets noncommittal sex. you don't have to pretend you don't recognize him if you actually left town 😜

this! my biggest speed bump in daddy/son hook-ups is not actually looks/taste but time frame. i'm embarrassed to admit how many hot encounters i missed because i fell asleep before he texted back🤣bars seem to really get hopping just as im heading out the door. this is just about the only thing that hasn't changed over the years. younger me wouldn't be caught dead out before 11pm. older me is craving cocoa n slippers by 11p as much as i'm craving cock. im this close to asking the bathhouse if they have an early bird special 😜

same. i'd get spun and stay up all night worshiping a dom master's cock. it's like i lived in a parallel universe and makes me more frustrated when sober i gag after like 5 min 😜

🤣 so you inspired me look up the definition, and of course it's all over the fucking place like ask 10 people and youll get 10 different answers, including "one who prefers men with large bodies" 😮that was a new one for me. i've always understood it to mean guys who will only sleep w guys with big dicks. i've had guys tell me of hook ups that throw them out because they're not hung. but if we're defining it as guys who given the choice, prefer the bigger ones, than yeah, size queen guilty. 😜it's a preference, not a requirement.

it's the perfect marriage of praise and degradation you're shared because you're just that good, but you're passed around like an object they talk openly about how hot you are, but not to you, in front of you, to each other, like you're not even there but its not shameful because you're just living your truth, you're a shameless slut

i've been very lucky i'm very average and my BFs have always been similar or bigger. a few of them were much bigger. 1 was like crazy huge! ive certainly slept w guys with noticeably smaller dicks, i'm not a size queen per se, ive just never fallen for a small dicked man. my ex husband was not huge, maybe 6.5 to my 6 but much fatter.

i had a very similar experience. people can try and simplify it all they want and pretend we are saying we're attracted to ALL black men like we can't tell the difference from one to another, because that fits their woke agenda of scolding two consenting adults who just enjoyed sex. the first BF i really fell in love with was a muscled, big-dicked ginger. after that id sometimes hook up w similar guys and really enjoy the sex w the added bonus of nostalgia. but nobody's going to slut shame me for that or any of the other preferences we all talk about openly here. but there's a special fun i suppose in being a liberal white guy and condescendingly mansplaining to other liberal white guys that they are toxic on behalf of a disenfranchised minority like black guys need a white savior to speak up for them. every black guy who sticks his dick in my ass does so by free choice so maybe we just accept that it's mutually beneficial sex between two consenting adults.

you say "different", i say "better" 😜

lol i know what u mean: i do a lot of blindfolded, masked, face down/door open etc and a big part of the excitement is u really don't know who's fucking you. but u can tell in ways big n small: often these guys send dic pics when trying to hook up. also its seems weird to say in 2025 but white guys and black guys often do talk different, use different words etc. and last but not least, these dark room nsa for anon hook ups tend to attract a lot of black guys on the DL where as all those NPNC guys are almost always white.

i've done it but always with guys with similar tastes (no pun intended) count me amongst those who would consider scat a dealbreaker. im less surprised by guys who don't wanna clean a cock off than by guys who don't want their cocks cleaned off. one top even said "ew no it's dirty!" and pulled away when i tried to suck his dick.

i think ALL men have pig potential as it built into our DNA. it seems more nature to me. to act upon it or not act upon it seems more nurture to me. lonliness, slut shaming, guilt, all seem more like things society invented rather than intuition. it does appear that men are more naturally piggy than women, and certainly societal norms and sexist roll play exaggerate this. so it's not surprising to me that men often turn to other men for guilt free pig play even if they don't self identify as gay. then there's context: i came of age during the scary aids crisis years so it not surprising to me that everyone seemed much less slutty back then. it does seem some people are more drawn to it as a lifestyle but i'm always shocked to meet young pigs. for me i definitely got piggier and piggier as i got older. at this age it's like vanilla just does nothing for me i might as well just not bother. 😜 i can't remember the last time i met a married couple who weren't open. but then again, i was monogamously gay married for years and we rarely left the house even to non-sexually socialize. i lost all but 1 of my gay friends while married. so maybe non-piggy gays are all home netflix and chilling and i meet a lot of pigs looking for group action because they actually left the house 🤣

it can be frustrating i know. like everything else it takes time and often success happens suddenly by chance not by design. the only advice i can give is just keep trying. statistically the more you put yourself out there the higher the likelihood of finding a match. luckily you don't have to be out to enjoy kink. it's not really part of the out gay culture per se and most of the parties and hook up sites for kink are private and discrete. going to a FF party hosted at a bathhouse is not like marching in a pride parade: your coworkers aren't going to all "i saw you on the news!" come monday 😜

oh gays and their obsessive classifications lol im neither surprised by the "no, CNC is a very specific rollplay exercise with strict rules" responses that read more like "if it's not from the Champagne region of France, all you had was cheap bubbly wine dear" 😜 nor the "that's just generic gay sex honey" from people who have been so conditioned to normalize trauma that this forum often reads like "so i was fucked by my father at 6 years old, as we all were" 🤣 even bdsm sessions come w a certain amount of pre-negotiation i've seen guys who like rough sex put right up front in their bio "like to fuck dry no lube not even spit" so what do you label it when there's no pre- consent or agreement but you're just lucky that you were in the mood for it? cause i've been having rough sex for a long time and this wasn't generic rough sex. i was there.

i feel like you guys will get this. i just had a buddy come over to fuck and i don't know how to explain it cause if i describe the nuts and bolts of it it sounds like rape but it def wasn't cause i fucking loved every minute of it. if anything i'm surprised how well i could take it 😜 this guy is a 40ish beefy latino str8 guy on DL with a fat uncut cock. we've hooked up a few times and he has gotten a bit rougher each time pushing the boundaries. he asked to come over and i readily said yes. i waited on the couch smoking some 420 and chilling in a leather harness, used jock and gym socks. he arrived just as the buzz was starting to hit. i offered him some and he started smoking before sitting down so i noticed he was already raging hard under his shorts. i got on my knees, pulled his pants down and started sucking while he smoked but then he put the pipe down, grabbed my head and really started throat fucking me fast n deep, calling me bitch etc recently a buddy referred to me as a throat goat at a sex party but it's all comparative: i'm often disappointed how quickly i gag. but i guess the 420 had me relaxed because not only did i last longer but i could really just be in the moment and enjoy the feeling of getting deep throated. eventually i did gag and came up for air, he immediately said " come'on im gonna fuck you" i bent over the sofa and was surprised that he just shoved the whole fat thing in dry without even spitting on my hole. but what really surprised me was that it didnt hurt even a bit. he just went straight to pounding me hard and i fucking loved it. he pulled out the poppers and would take breaks sliding in slow and soft but then grab my harness and fucking drill me like a wild man. my moans we're loud and gutteral. so different than during a long session. i guess he was really pent up cause when he came it went on for a long time with him shouting 4 letter words like one does when the orgasm is super intense. other than a few quick pleasantries he was dressed quickly and out the door. and even though i'd been used like cheap rag doll, i was just sittin there panting in ecstasy because it felt great. 🐷 have i reached full fledged pig status? 😈

i go by a case by case situation. i def would have said no to the above as it seems u had plenty of dick to choose from. i usually only say yes on those nights your online for hrs and nothing is working out and youre down to get fucked w condom or not get fucked at all as your choice's. which tbh rolling over and going to sleep untucked sometimes is my choice depending on my mood.

lol i suspect you don't want those big behinds to be acting very "str8" tho 😜

i don't know what ur history is but this is my experience: i started out fucking women, not random hook up but GFs. sex always included a lot of foreplay, making out, mutual oral etc so by the time i was penetrating they were all wet n ready. my ass is far more like a cunt than i realized. my first top was a lovely, hot guy and by the time he stuck his big d up my virgin ass we'd been talking/flirting and fooling around for a while so it just slid right in as i wanted it bad by that point. in my experience, it only hurts if a guy walks in and just goes right at fucking 0 to 60 with not even a hello first. so no amount of lubed dildo play is gonna do it if your cherry-busting plan is to host door open ass up for anon. i can do it now, but that's after decades of being a shameless whore 😜

same but we're all different. i know i have very negative knee jerk reaction to "paying for sex" and to me this falls under that category. i will on occasion pay to enter a sex party or a bathhouse, etc but that's a lot different than having ongoing monthly costs to a for-profit organization that just lists which of your neighbors are up for it. 😜

MS was a big room w multiple heads off of poles in the middle of the room. HS was a u shaped corridor w heads on both walls and we filed thru single file like cars in a car wash. we basically just rinsed off- no soap