norefusal
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Everything posted by norefusal
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i've never been in this situation because for me when things go wrong it is primarily due to the emotions and not the sex. my first attempt at a OR went south not because we were fucking other guys but because my BF increasingly started making them the priority over me. they were easy and didn't expect emotions from him like i did. my second attempt was probably too little too late w my ex husband. i was happy when he agreed to open things up but once the suggestion by a hook up that we do a 3 way repulsed me i realized that i was way more angry w my husband then i even realized and that the relationship was damaged way beyond "im bored w monogamy".
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attracting tops as a straight-looking man...
norefusal replied to profwhtforhung's topic in General Discussion
two pieces of advice come to mind: 1. try to accept that it might not even be about you. cruising areas always have a % of nervous guys who are either newbies or jaded and feel something about you reminds them of the cop who did arrest them in this very spot last year 2. lean in and work it. if you give off a str8 cop vibe, most gays will be on you like flies on shit. work that porn rollplay angle and they'll be nice to officer friendly before you make them do "hard time" 😈 -
to me this is 3 separate things. crabs came first but to me that's not an sti/std as i once got them from sleeping shirtless between the sheets in a "no-tell motel" 😜plus anything you easily Rid yourself of w over the counter stuff is not the same thing imo also, it's kinda a blast from the past for me. years ago when i was a newly out youngster freshly moved to a gay metropolis sleeping w tons of other guys in the same situation like a bunch of kids w a new toy it's no wonder we just seemed to be spreading the same craps over and over again amongst ourselves as it was in retrospect a "small" group of young horny just out guys and degree of separation between us was a lot less than 6! 😜 it took over a decade before my first sti chlamydia - but that was a direct result of "condom fatigue" and the increased risks i was taking w frequent BB sex. it's a whole other ballpark imo from the seriousness of the illness, to the more intrusive cure, to the having to go "public" w the news and make a dr apt and talk face to face w someone etc vs a quick trip to walgreens w jackie o shades on. 😜 still neg but this really is a whole nother ballpark imo vs chlamydia which was 10 days of pills and then like it never even happened. there's no do over w hiv. whenever people bring up the negative effect of regular prep usage i say "yeah. you know what else really fucks your body up too? hiv" there's no such thing as free lunch, just personal choices
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it's the law of burt backarak 😜 "what do you get when you kiss a guy? you get enough germs to catch pneumonia. then when you do, he'll never phone ya!"
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slightly off topic but i don't know how coincidental getting sick after a hook up is. i know i often feel mild or vague "i think im coming down w something" illness particularly after a busy weekend w multiple partners. logically, sex is dirty and especially since most of the guys i do it with are as slutty as i am, it's no surprise some germs got swapped. i'm not talking sti or hiv but stick 6 random piss sticks in your mouth at the eagle and it's not rocket science that some bacteria may have made a home in your throat.
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Did you allowed "repugnant" tops to cum deep inside you?
norefusal replied to markedmucosa's topic in General Discussion
it all gets a bit meta 😜if like me, you're turned on by repugnant guys, then they're not really repugnant anymore 🤣 there's this one guy that hangs out at the eagle, i usually see him during quieter hrs, and i know that people, especially the staff, dislike him so there must be a story there. i suspect he's homeless and hits people up for cash. he's short, older, got a barrel chest/belly and barely speaks english but he's got a massive uncut dick i can't ever say no to. not that he would take no for an answer anyways as he's persistently dom w me and i've lost track of the times he's bred me in the backroom or toilet. sure, the side eye i get from others afterward is a shame thrill but how can i call him repugnant if im a norefusal hoe for his homeless hog destroying my hole as the highlight of my evening 😜 -
BBRT is definitely "dated" and in need of a refresh for better user interface. that being said, i find that a separate issue from success rate of hookups. in my experience the main problem w niche sites like recon and bbrt is distance. apparently i live in the vanilla sex capital of the world (i dont believe that but have yet to figure out why the local kink scene is so undercover) and having to cross state lines for a hook up gets old fast. at least IME bbrt has hookups. i was on recon for 2 years and never got anywhere past chats. another issue imo is that sites change focus and tone over years. i've always had a soft spot for the interface of scruff but i have noticed it's gotten far more vanilla "dating app" over the last couple of years - getting rid of a lot of the headless torso look for a face pic centric out gay look and getting rid of the search feature. and don't get me started on grindr - talk about taking a great idea and slowly ruining it!
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after 4+ decades of sex i'm almost the complete opposite
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One Partner Undetectable, One on Prep, HIV Risk?
norefusal replied to MascTop's topic in HIV Risk & Risk Reduction
most infections come w fevers. this could be anything from a bug bite to hiv from someone else. either way, this is what dr. visits r for: likely answers and suggested solutions. but if he's on prep he's probably getting regularly tested so the truth will out soon enough. either way, if you're U it's highly unlikely u infected him. long story short: you're acting responsibly: taking your meds and breeding guys who say they r on prep. anything more seems like belts and suspenders to me. -
this + that luckily the good outnumber the bad or else why would we even keep trying 😜 but i'd had plenty of experience under my belt before the apps, and then like my first dozen online hookups were each a disaster in their own way and i almost gave up. but then the good hook ups started happening. oddly, the better the guy sound online the worse the hook up and some of the best sex i've ever had is showing up blind to do god only knows what at some guy w a blank profile's hotel room and "mystery date!" a total hunk answers the door and proceeds to rock my world 🤣
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absolute natural beauty -
insect story = incestuous bugchasing ? it certainly exists in in fiction section here!
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it's frustrating to me that guys in 2025 still talk like it's 1995. a guy on scruff recently asked me if i played safe. wtf. i responded "im on prep and doxy so fuck raw as it's safe" i used to pull out upon request back in 90s, even though i was neg, just because i knew what it was like to panic and spend weeks worrying "what if he was lying" but that was back when hiv was still spreading frequently but anyone who spends more than a day on here knows, chasers can't find gifters for love or money. almost everyone is either neg on prep or u=u and in this day and age of free prep and morning after type meds, a grown man not protecting himself and then getting last minute cold feet about being bred is just a drama queen. i think black robe is probably right, he may just been rollplaying
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i know a few couples that one left to be with one of the random "guest stars" from a 3way. all of them describe their previously relationships as flawed or unhappy so my takeaway is you can't break up a happy home. i myself had a somewhat similar but different experience and all i can say is this 3rd party saw a crack in our foundation and took the opportunity to drive a wedge in. is he an evil queen? yes. but was our marriage perfect at the time he showed up? no. for all i know he just speed up the inevitable. in my case it was more a riff over drug use than sex. today im sober and my ex last i heard was homeless and wanted by the police. so.... i guess my advice is be more worried about chem sex than open relationships
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it's only fear in the way it's fun to watch horror movies and scare yourself although it's all fake. i often host blindfolded door open for anon and thrilling yes, fearful, no. the only times i can ever recall feeling fear were a few seconds when i was young: like the time i was sleeping and suddenly a huge stranger jumped in my bed. within seconds my roommate was at the door saying "wrong room! come'on follow me" and it was over. another time i decided to go home w a guy from a bar who was a tad bit weird. inside his bldg but before we reached his apt he made a "joke" about being a serial killer. haha. only it wasn't funny. i got weirded out, said i changed my mind and left asap. fear isn't sexy. but "dangerous" rollplay is, kinda like a haunted house at halloween
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there's your first mistake. 😜nowadays, the only time a top sees my junk is when he forcefully yanks my jock or thong off. even then he's doing it more to dom me than to get a look. i also tend to bottom for str8 guys a lot so that helps. i hit up every profile that comes right out and says in their profile "don't send dic pics i ain't interested". i also tend to avoid vers guys for nsa hook ups as they tend to be bottoms in denial. 😜
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i think if u understand how grooming happens you get why people are getting their hair up a bit about the subject. in a way, im the perfect "good grooming" story as many guys over the years used emotional manipulation in order to get me to do things i actually ended up enjoying. (m2m sex, BB, sub/dom kink, chem sex) I've used these tools to at least manipulate hesitant guys into BB for me when i topped, but the very reason i don't frequently do it is it can make you feel very icky because even if nothing bad happens it's still coercion. in a nutshell, it involves being very charming, and gas lighting your victim into believing this is actually what he wants deep down, you're just here to help. help him get over his fears and finally realize his true self. the reason why it works on guys like me, is because it's how our parents raised us - utilizing gentle abuse. abusing us while convincing us it was true love only they could give. when you're primed like that, it's easy to adjust the dynamic to include sex. and it's very prevalent in the gay community. most str8 treat me like i'm just another guy. but as soon as i entered my first gay bar, there was a guy convincing me i was an obvious sub bottom secretly tearing to be owned. he could just tell. when this is repeated over and over and over it's starts to feel more and more real.
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yes, the sex on offer has definitely changed due to our relationship with HIV and societal norms etc. Back in the 90s guys got gay bashed on the street regularly so if a trick called me faggot and slapped me, i'd run out that door so fast! today? if he's not choking me and calling me bitch, i'm not enjoying myself 😜 but i also realize all the ways ive changed to. 1980s i was str8 and on DL. forget kink, i was barely having sex 😜 1990s i was so obsessed w being one of "the good gays" - model minority syndrome- that although i dabbled in kink i couldn't sustain interest in anything more than trophy husband hunting. 00-20 i was off the market married to my ex and fairly vanilla 21-25 the pendulum has slung fully. pig sex w nameless strangers or im not interested. Men will only break your heart so better to just use them for sex and then walk away.
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porn has changed so dramatically over the decades in terms of medium, distribution, accessibility etc it's crazy i was a least a decade into print media porn b4 i ever saw a film/video. as a kid my cousin would show me his older brothers playboy stash. it was all pretty tame. i was about 11 or 12 when my friends and i found a hard core porn mag. and this started a disconnect i still experience. the women were like russian hookers: so unreal and unlike any of the women i knew in RL. this made sex w women seem almost like an alien autopsy. lol the men fucking them: they looked just like men i knew in RL. and the hard dicks? just like the hard dicks id eventually suck.
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i find all of these seemingly contradictory experiences to be true: - there are way more "bi-curious" guys now than there was back during the AIDS crisis. i've had so much gay sex w str8 guys in recent years it's crazy - i don't know what happened to all the gays, but they don't seem to go out as much as they used to. Bars, ABS, bathhouses, cruising parks: they're all "dead" compared to how things were in 80s/90s - the Apps are literally a free-for-all junk-drawer for everything from sex addicts to celibate rubberneckers - pre-prep every tom dick or harry was a total top -post-prep every man is america is somehow an insatible cum/dump keepin score of how many loads he can take in one night. load counting has literally replaced sex as no one seems to be able to live in the moment and enjoy the actual fucking - younger guys are experiencing much greater acceptance and freedom that we did - younger guys seem to think porn is regular sex. if you're not getting choked of being shit on, are you even fucking? - guys self identify as "goons". i'm trying not to yuck other people's yums but if i was content to just jerk off to porn alone all day i'd see it as a wake-up call - we used to move to big cities so we can live surrounded by other fags. today, the apps tell you which of your neighbors are gay, but none of them will talk to you. nobody wants to shit where they eat so they send DMs to guys on the other side of the country - everybody hooks up w strangers on trips. fresh meat meets noncommittal sex. you don't have to pretend you don't recognize him if you actually left town 😜
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this! my biggest speed bump in daddy/son hook-ups is not actually looks/taste but time frame. i'm embarrassed to admit how many hot encounters i missed because i fell asleep before he texted back🤣bars seem to really get hopping just as im heading out the door. this is just about the only thing that hasn't changed over the years. younger me wouldn't be caught dead out before 11pm. older me is craving cocoa n slippers by 11p as much as i'm craving cock. im this close to asking the bathhouse if they have an early bird special 😜
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same. i'd get spun and stay up all night worshiping a dom master's cock. it's like i lived in a parallel universe and makes me more frustrated when sober i gag after like 5 min 😜
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🤣 so you inspired me look up the definition, and of course it's all over the fucking place like ask 10 people and youll get 10 different answers, including "one who prefers men with large bodies" 😮that was a new one for me. i've always understood it to mean guys who will only sleep w guys with big dicks. i've had guys tell me of hook ups that throw them out because they're not hung. but if we're defining it as guys who given the choice, prefer the bigger ones, than yeah, size queen guilty. 😜it's a preference, not a requirement.
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Why do I like being watched and shared?
norefusal replied to Watch-me-share-me's topic in General Discussion
it's the perfect marriage of praise and degradation you're shared because you're just that good, but you're passed around like an object they talk openly about how hot you are, but not to you, in front of you, to each other, like you're not even there but its not shameful because you're just living your truth, you're a shameless slut -
i've been very lucky i'm very average and my BFs have always been similar or bigger. a few of them were much bigger. 1 was like crazy huge! ive certainly slept w guys with noticeably smaller dicks, i'm not a size queen per se, ive just never fallen for a small dicked man. my ex husband was not huge, maybe 6.5 to my 6 but much fatter.
