Bottomhole

Thanks Poz1956 and bearbandit ! I think I'd like to go on meds soon, I was diagnosed 3 weeks ago. And last week went in for my first test (cd4 vl etc) They advised me to get my hepatitis vaccine first, then they would discuss meds. Oh and I believe I was infected the end of May.

I like both, it really depends on the guy I'm with. With someone I get to meet a few times I become more comfortable with the more personal moments. I'm very tactile, so I'm happy with lots of cuddling if that's what the other guy wants, just as much as I am getting used as a human sex toy. As long as the other guy enjoys it I'm not too picky. Bearbandit: If you don't mind me asking. How does diabetes prevent you from topping? Is it purely an energy thing, I have to admit I'm not that knowledgeable when it comes to that particular condition.

Your English is good. I know the video used to be on Barebackbastards.com but haven't seen it in a long time. He also had another closer video with a different guy.

OK so Mr. Craigslist and I met another 3 or 4 times over the duration of my stay, the routine was almost the exact same every time, and I got to know him as a very nice and generous guy. However, I thought seeing as I'm in New York I should try something I never done before. Go to a gay bar. Now I wouldn't have ever considered myself part of the gay scene, I never went to a gay bar, don't dance to club music, and never listened to Liza Minnelli. Just not my thing. I also had a misconception about this being the kind of audience a gay bar caters to, shame on me. I'm not effeminate and don't look for that in a sexual partner. Every hook-up I've ever had up until this point had been organised online. Using the internet, I decided to look for any bars in the city that'd cater to my interest generally older, bear/daddy types(at least that's what it was at that time) and found Ty's. This sounds good, this'll be my first place to visit. Well, to say I was a nervous wreck would be an understatement. I must have walked past the place 3 or 4 times before I went in, I was terrified. Go figure, the guy who wasn't nervous in the slightest to meet a stranger from craigslist is scared to go into a bar full of people in a well lit street. Whatever the logic, this was the case. But I built up the courage put my head down and walked in. TY's Ty's is a small neighbourhoodly bar on Christopher's street that generally caters to older clientèle, everything about it is great. Friendly staff, customers, funny and welcoming locals and in a perfect location, Greenwich Village. I went in on a Wednesday, quite night, so it wouldn't be too over whelming. I went up to the bar where there was a free stool in between a bear and a daddy(perfect position ) The bear immediately introduced himself to me and made reference to what I was wearing, not being appropriate. I had only a jacket and it was freezing outside, it must have been the end of March, but it was cold as hell. I didn't have a big coat to pack with me because Ireland's version of hot and cold, is probably mild in America. Luckily the bar was nice and toasty, but even if it hadn't been. Mr. Bear began rubbing my arms and shoulders. "Tanks" I said dropping the (h) from "Thank You" as us Irish often do. "You're Irish?". Suddenly a few people turned away from the TV to talk to me. They noticed I was the youngest in the bar by a good few years, many began asking me questions like "Are you lost?" as well as telling me about bars where there were people more my age group. I'm 25, but I started to feel like a little kid. I was getting all this attention for the first time, never quite had it before. It was great! I engage as many people as I could in conversation but I was really being bombarded by these lovely people. "This is God's waiting room, you know that?" I laughed at this remark. It had come from the Daddy to my right. Short white hair and a grey goatee, broad but short, friendly and funny. We chatted for a while about an assortment of topics before it got to sex. We talked about what we were both into and he called himself a bit of a pig. I had a hard time picturing this because the guy I was talking to seemed quite sweet. He mentioned The Eagle as being a place to go if I was looking for sex "or there's always my apartment" he said jokingly. "Ok" I said, I could tell he was taken aback slightly. I don't think he expected me to be quite so up for sex. We finished our drinks and caught a taxi heading to his place. His apartment was big and expensive looking, near the financial district towards the south of the Island. We went into his room and he took his shirt off and to my surprise I had realised he had been hiding a rather muscular physique. I felt as if I should be doing some push-ups or something. Then after whipping his boots and socks he beckons me over "C'mere boy" his tone of voice had changed completely, no longer was he a happy-go-lucky bar goer, he sounded gravelly and ready to pounce. I walk over and knelt down in from of the bulge behind those jeans. He unzipped, takes out his cock, and I greet it with a kiss immediately. He puts one hand on the back of my neck and the other on the top of my head and begins to guide my face closer and closer, until his cock is in my throat and my nose is inside his jeans, buried in his fresh pubes. Then he starts to thrust. The callouses on his hand(presumably from lifting weights) rub against the back of my neck and make me tingle, I remember that feeling like it was yesterday. I'm forever remembering little quirks like that, those are things I tend to enjoy most. At this point he's thrusting his hips forward, I'm swallowing back spit and massaging his cock head at the same time, he seems to enjoy that. After a while of fucking my face he takes his jeans off and lies back on the bed. "Lick Daddy's ass boy" I oblige, it's one of my favourite activities, his hole smells clean but it's sweaty. I imagine him sitting on that bar stool for all those hours and me cleaning Daddy's sweat, and making him feel good. I take turns licking his ass and sucking his cock and balls, using my tongue like a blind man's stick. Never lifting it from his skin. "Yeah boy, you daddy's little pig?" I nod "Uh huh" is all I can mumble with a mouth full of dick. "Get on yer back" I lay on my back. He yanks me by both ankles so my ass is in the air and I'm all folded up "Mmm hmm" He squeezes my ass cheeks while stretching them apart, then he spits on my hole. At this point I'm in heaven, his strength really impressed me, where did this beast come from? He stand on the bed and mounts me, I hold his ankles for balance. His cock plunges down into my hole, one dip, all the way to the balls. It hurts enough to take my breath away. "Take it" I think, he's in so the worst is over. Then he transforms from a human man with sex on his mind, into a fucking jackhammer. This guy's hips had a motor in them, I'm convinced! He fucked me like he was drilling for oil, I got shivers, I felt sick, then I felt like I was going to cum. Thank God his cock was average in size, because any bigger and he'd have split me in two. After about two or three minutes of him pounding my guts, he switches my over to doggy, and continues at the same pace. He had some stamina. He hooked me in some kind of full nelson and let me have it, then noise and feeling of his balls slapping my ass was incredible. "Where do you want me to come boy?" "Where ever you want" I reply in a shallow breath. He pulled out, came on my hole, then stuffed it back in to squeeze out the last few drops. Fantastic. I fell asleep in his arms. Stonewall What an odd night this was. I had been to Ty's a few times now and was making friends with the locals. "Why don't you check out Stonewall?" says a new acquaintance. "Why not?" I thought, I had already been briefed on it's history and it's only down the street. So I go down to see what all the fuss is about. Stonewall is a lot closer to what my preconceived idea of a gay bar was, tacky music, flaming queens all that jazz. I sit up at the bar. The barman, a middle-aged very touchy, very friendly man serves me a beer, and popcorn of all things. I started chatting to a guy who tells me he's an author. If I had a dollar for every author I met in New York. He kind of looked like Val Kilmer actually. Anyway after a drink or two, the barman is pushing us closer together, forcing our heads towards each other trying to make us kiss, which we do. As we are making out the barman puts Val's hand on my cock through my jeans. "This is so odd" I thought, I had heard of barmen playing cupid, but it was as if he was looking for a show. I ask him if he want's to hook up. He tells me he can't as he has a boyfriend. I'm not fussed as he isn't really my type. He leaves. I finish my drink and think of doing the same after I head to the toilet. when I get back there are two girls beside my chair I go to pick up my jacket. One of the girls(very attractive) pinches my cheek "You're so hot, I wish you weren't gay" she says in a funny accent(they were both french canadian) "I'm not" I replied with a lightning quickness. I'm bisexual, so technically I was telling the truth, with a slight omission in order to get me laid somehow. I hit it off with these two girls and before I knew it, it was closing time. They invite me back to there hotel and tell me they have beer. YES! I'm excited to see where this goes but confused at the same time. Am I getting into a threesome here? "This'll be a good story for the boys back at home" I think. By the time we got outside to get a taxi, two guys had joined us. I have no idea where they came from, they didn't know each other, my only guess is they also met the girls at some stage in the night. One guy was skinny tanned, Italian American looking late 20's very charismatic. He lived here, the rest of us were tourists, the other guy was a clean cut Norwegian guy, who had his eye on the girl I was hitting it off with. He had no chance I thought. She was really giving me the signs. Anyway for whatever reason they were part of the group now, so we all hopped a cab back to their place. When we get to the hotel room, I'm surprised by how small it was, I didn't know they had rooms this small in Manhattan, One double bed and an en suite. "How is this going to work?" I thought, I began imagining some orgy of sorts. I start with the kissing and heavy petting of the french canuck, not concerned with what the others are doing(drinking and talking). I get tapped on the shoulder, the skinny dude(lets call him slim) wants a word with me in the bathroom. I walk in. He closes the door "Hey man, check out those girls" he says as he confidently whips out a bag of cocaine. WTF? He does a line off of the sink and offers me one. I decline. At this point the girls open the bathroom door and are livid. They tell us the party is over and kick us out. I'm in shock, the whole event happens so fast and is so bizarre. Who are these idiots and how did they come to ruin my chances. As we are leaving the hotel. Slim leans into me and says "You fuck guys too right?". What?? How did he know? What a presumptuous thing to ask. He seemed unfazed by the whole thing, maybe it was the coke. I answer "yeah"; "Cool, I know a place we can go". It got weirder. As we are walking to this place Slim spoke of, which was only a few blocks from the girl's hotel room. Our Norwegian friend(Johan) asks what we're doing, Slim turns around and tells him out straight what's happening, not only that he asks "Are you down?" "Yes sure" Johan replies! What Are you kidding me!?! Did I just go from having a potential threesome with two straight girls, to having a threesome with two guys, is this real life? What are the odds? We get to the second hotel room of a very seedy building in which Slim seems to know the guy at reception, this seems like a sex place. I wonder how many times Slim has done this. He's very coked up at this stage. The room is bigger than the girls' room, haha. Johan wants to know who has condoms, Slim says "It's fine, it's fine." I don't offer up my ass, I have a strange feeling about Slim. We all strip and Slim's cock is a piece of work, thick, long and veiny as fuck. It drew me in like a magnet, I start to suck on it. He's impressed by my deep throat skills, he has a nice thick black bush that I start to get wet. I can here him and Johan making out and I'm on cock duty. "You wanna give me that ass?" Slim says to Johan, "yeah baby" he answers. Slim turns on the TV, straight porn is playing. This is definitely a sex place. Johan gets on all fours on the bed, he's a hairless twink, def not my type, but objectionably very attractive. Slim pushes his monster cock into his asshole, as Johan sucks on my dick. It's hot to watch, but he can only accommodate just over half of the cock, I doubt I'd have been able to take much more if I'd have volunteered. Slim makes due and begins the fucking. Johan's blowjob skills aren't the best so I move to the back of Slim and begin rimming him as he's fucking Johan. He loves it! He lets out a moan and puts his arms behind his head to relax as we treat him like a king. Slim slowly pulls his cock out of Johan, it's clean as a whistle. "Come here come here" he tells us, we both start sucking and caressing his cock, and making out with each other around his dick head. "Aww fuck yeah" Slim is in heaven. It doesn't take much jerking for him to blow a thick load in my mouth, it tastes nice but I don't swallow. I look to Johan, Slim asks him "you snowball?" Unfortunately Johan refused, I was game. Slim shrugs dips two of his fingers into my open mouth then tastes his cum on them. "MMmm that's it, swallow my load" I gulp it down. We go to bed tangled up in each other, kissing every no and again before falling asleep. I awake in the morning with an arm around Johan, Slim has up and left. The place looks sleazier in the daytime than it did at night. Johan awakes and immediately without prompting start to take care of my morning wood. He does a much better job this time. I finish by jerking off into his mouth, he lets it run out of his mouth. I find it hot. We clean up leave the hotel and go our separate ways. I'm not exactly feeling good about the night before, it was just too weird, and I was really up for a threesome with those girls. But as far as consolation prizes go, this wasn't half bad. Nowhere This was another place a guy from Ty's suggested it was close enough to Union Square and are I was familiar with, so decided to see what it was all about, after all at this point I was a gay bar convert. Much bigger than Ty's but not as queeny as Stonewall and I'm thinking this place could be just right. I order a beer and head down to the pool table at the back of the bar, it's a lot darker than the previous two places and the ceiling is quite low, giving it a claustrophobic quality. After a game of pool with a nice man named Ricardo I went back up to the bar to sit and watch. And older man next to me was trying to strike up a conversation with me, however he was very drunk and I had a hard time understanding him. He seemed to speak in metaphors as if he was trying to be mysterious, but it was really missing the mark. I was getting frustrated with him until someone who was sat on his other side basically told him he's had too much too drink. A tall black man who was standing behind me made a joke about this situation, and we started talking. His name was Bruce. He was very smooth handsome, black dreadlocks(short) with a black goatee, well dressed, and very manly. We hit it off, he asked if I wanted to come outside for a smoke. I don't smoke, but joined him anyway because he was hot. I was really enjoying this new way of meeting guys, the spontaneity of it all bet scrolling the internet for a guy who might no show when you're supposed to meet. This was cool, different. "We should grab some beers and head back to my place, I'm just around the corner" That was fine with me, if he insists. He led the way. We got to his and put on some music. "You want a hit?" he said as he held up a little glass pipe with pot in it. Usually it does nothing for me, but I was in the mood to mix it with sex and see if I'd enjoy it more. This would be a nice of first incidentally. First time being with a black man, first time mixing pot and sex. Boy did it work a charm. As everything began to tingle we started to make-out for the first time that night. His tongue was thick, wet and knew its way around. So did his hands, guiding my hands to where he wanted them, his crotch, his neck, up his shirt to feel his skin. My head is feeling light at this point and his takes of my shirt and pants, rolls me back and begins to use his talented tongue on my ass. It feels delightful. He has a long tongue. My ass opened like it was taking a dick. He moans with his tongue buried in my ass, that deep moan vibrates my whole body. Is this the pot, or is this man made of silk? "Come here suck my dick for a while" Yes sir, one of my favourite activities. I pulled down his pants as he took his top off. I peel down his underwear, wow. A nice fat uncut cock, nothing surprising, but big none the less. I wrap my lips around it and breath in. There is a very strong smell of sweat from his dick and balls, very enticing. I suck it down and massage the head with my throat, I try to stick my tongue out to lick the balls at the same time, it makes me gag. "MMMMMNNNYEAH That's so fuckin hot" He likes it when I gag, knowing that makes him feel good I position his cock at an angle, so that when he pushes his dick down it hits my gag reflex. Now he's in control of when he wants to gag me. He has fun with this as I can hold my breath for quite some time. He says he want's my ass. He goes for the natural lube, simply spitting on his hand and rubbing his cock before inserting it into my hungry ass. I was expecting pain, this was another first, first time fucking without lube. To my surprise it didn't hurt one bit. Although his cock was quite large, it was soft, not flacid, but spongy. It felt amazing going in. He starts to fuck me on his couch. I'm bent over the arm of the couch while he stands, a position he dictated. He fucked good, not too fast not to slow and getting that nice pop pop pop sound on every thrust. Before long, we were both laying on the couch, on our sides, me with one leg in the air him drilling deep. The pace was picking up. I was rubbing his body all over. I like to get quite tactile, unless the guy isnt into it, then I'm just as easily happy being used like an inanimate object. He liked the touch. He were both now covered in a thin later of sweat, I was enjoying rubbing the sweat off of his body onto my face, covering myself in his scent. That strong sweat. I could feel that he was approaching climax, so I pushed against his thrusts to milk that cum from him. He grabs my hips and lets out a loud moan as he pumps one into me. We lay on the couch for a while, with his dick still in my, twitching every so often. I could lay like this for a long time. He pulls his cock out of me and jokingly pushes me off of the couch to the floor. As if to say "I'm done with you, cumdump" what he actually says is "Lets go to bed" Laying in bed I feel nicely stoned and satisfied, I'm ready to go to sleep. "Turn over" I turn over. "Stay still". Ok. He slides his dick into again. How he has the energy is beyond me. He starts to go for it, holding my hips and fucking my still body. I start to breath heavily, a few small moans and groans escape me. "Ssshh play dead, play dead" "Wow, this is hot" I think. I go limp and play dead like he says. He fucks another load into my lifeless body, much more aggressively than last time, although it doesn't hurt at all. I could fall asleep like this. If I wasn't so horny. We kiss a little before nodding off. I saw him two more times before the trip was over. If this is what gay bars were like, I've been really missing out.

I was pretty fucked up, esp after the second slam, flying! I must try oj next time. I just had Gatorade to drink.

Been with two black guys. One of them when he was fucking me would say "take that nigger dick" and "you like getting fucked by a nigger?" But never really requested I call him one.

Yeah, hopefully I've learned for next time. I was up for two days straight, and I didn't eat(despite the top insisting) Insanely good time though.

Sounds like a hot time, the one time I tried Tina, I was slammed. And christ, the come down was the worse. If I had no come down it would be unbelievable

Poppers, lube and a guy with a regular to short dick. I remember first looking through the internet for a hook-up when I was 15, some smaller membered guys advertised their dick to me as "perfect for your first fuck" It hurt me a lot the first time but not for long, and got fun real fast. Good luck

I'm positive(only recently) and haven't started meds yet. This kind of account frightens me. The lipodystrophy, blood pressure etc. It's very worrying, any time I ask my nurse about side effects of medication, she gives a vague answer about it depending on what I eventually take and about not worrying until I go on meds. Still though, it's hard not to worry. None of my friends or family know, so something like that would be a dead give-away.

Woouch, those pics make me wince. Fair play to you for being able to take that kind of pain. My cock head is so sensitive a strong gust of wind would make my eyes water lol How did you discover that do you mind me asking?

Was so close to actually having this happen to me in The Eagle in NYC a while back. But due to my own nerves and hesitation it didn't go down. A hot older black guy and a German skinhead too. Both older, the skinhead was the instigator, he asked me if I was up for it, with his "friend". I said I'm not sure if I could take it without poppers. Nobody had poppers and he left. Kicking myself.

Thanks man I certainly did. My next entry is up now. Check it out an let me know what you think(rate or comment)

After my first sexual experience in New York City with my throat fucking top, I felt a little bet up. I had been throat fucked before but never that hard and thorough, the man was a professional neck plunger. It hurt a little to swallow, which actually turned me on, because all these years of being into throat "use and abuse" I was for the first time feeling abused. Also, my top lip hurt from his pelvis pounding my mouth. The next day I got a message from him on Recon. "I hope that was what you were looking for, I know I certainly was. Def want to use you again" I ended up meeting up with him another time, which was just as good as the first. But I still wanted to be able to take dick should the opportunity arise. However, it had been a while and only a few times that I had taken a fucking. Everyone I saw cruising Recon seemed to be a little on the experienced side, which I found a little daunting, as the last thing I'd want is to disappoint an angry Top. The kind of Top i'm into is a dominant(not rude) kind of sleazy top. In terms of looks I'm not picky or judgemental, I like a guy who's older than me and the shaved head Daddy type is definitely the ideal choice. But for what I had in mind, Recon just wouldn't do. I needed a guy who would take it easy on me at first, ease me back into the anal game. I needed an advert. I went to craigslist to put up a specific request as to what I needed. Then I got distracted. The first advert I saw in the m4m section piqued my interest. 100 dollars to accompany a man to dinner in a fancy restaurant, no sex, no games. "Well" I said to myself "I could do with 100 dollars". Fuck it, this seemed to be my mentality more and more as I lived in the city, throwing caution to the wind, not thinking about serial killers, rapists, or blackmailing. I sent my face pic and a quick message. The guy replied. He was a very forward Italian American with a good sense of humour in his late 40's. We chatted a bit online and arranged to meet. This may sound strange, but I wasn't nervous in the slightest as I stood out in the cold waiting for him to come pick me up. I was actually excited, this could be my first New Yorker friend. He pulled up in his truck, he looked like an extra on the sopranos, and talked like one too. This I liked, he was almost exactly how I imagined him(he typed the exact same way he talked), he was funny and confident. We got to know each other and he took me to a nice place in Manhattan, great food. After dinner he said "let me take you to this bar", I thought why not. So as we are driving to the bar he mentions the 100 dollars for the first time. "So you gonna let me blow you for that hundred bucks?". Huh? This had me confused, the entire time we talked he was talking about women he screwed, girls he fancied. His advert was weird, but he never came across to me as gay, and what happened to "no sex"? I didn't want to mention any of this because I thought it could lead to an awkward moment or some confrontation. I just laughed nervously and said "what?". "You don't gotta do anything you don't wanna?". I was still a little confused, did I have to let him blow me in order to get the hundred, or do I get it at the end of the date? Okay, reading that back I probably sound like the biggest slut around, I'm really not, but at the same time, how many people would turn down being paid to get your dick sucked?! "It's Okay, I'm game" I said. He pulled his car up on some dark street in Rockaway. "Get in the back" "Here?" "Don't worry, get in the back" I climb into the back seat, as he leans back the front seat. I whipped my belt off and pulled down my jeans. He grabbed my cock with his mouth through my boxer-briefs and began to jerk me off with his mouth. The whole spontaneity of the situation gave me an instant erection. He then took my dick out, "Holy fuck" he must have been impressed with the size. My dick isn't huge, but it's a pretty good size, it got a lot of compliments in the U.S. It only goes inside girls though(with the exception of two guys in the past). At this point my meat was in the back of this guy's throat. He was a good cock sucker I must say. Although the idea of this older tough guy Italian American sucking my skinny Irishboy cock, wasn't exactly a fantasy of mine. Luckily I had enough drink to not over-think it and enjoy the warm wet mouth around my dick. I decided to lean back across the backseat, and he must have took this as an invitation, as he then mounts me in a 69 position. He then takes out his roughly 6 inch thick piece and jams it in my mouth. I throat it with ease, he wasn't a face fucker so he was groaning at the fact I could swallow him, which after what the first guy from Recon put me through, this I could do in my sleep. After a while of getting each other's dicks wet. He asks if I'd like to stay at his. "Sure, why not?" As we approached his nice big house, with a pool in the back(for any American, every house/apt we see looks huge in comparison to the average Irish property. In fact when people tell me they have a "little apartment" in the city, I smile) "We might have to sneak in, my brother's staying for the weekend." This made me a little on edge, what would happen if he saw us? I'm a pretty discreet guy in general. I don't want to have to witness this guy's forced coming out party to his sibling. Luckily he wasn't there. We went up to his room, he turned on the TV and I continued to suck his cock. "You're so fuckin hot baby" he said, in a way that I felt he had said to many girlfriends in the past. I could be very wrong, but I got the sense that all of this was quite new to him. Anyway we stripped down to our underwear and spooned. I was the little spoon. I thought we were going to go to sleep, he had different plans. His hand slides down my underwear to cup my ass cheek, it felt nice. "Woah, fuck yeah" he whispered. I was closing my eyes ready to hit the hay, then I hear him sit up and fumble around with something. I hear a click, like a bottle cap pop open. He then slides his hand back down my boxers, and rubs something cold between my cheeks. Holy shit is he gonna fuck me? This is not what I was expecting at all just a few hours ago. Before I could think another thought, he slides my underwear down to my knees, and I feel the warm head work it's way to my hole and force its way in. The first thrust hurt like hell! I winced in pain and let out an audible "Ouww". The second thrust knocked the air out of my lungs, the third thrust curled my toes and made me grab the sheets in pain. He fucked without any rhythm or coordination which made it really sleazy, also he sweat a lot, I could feel it dripping from his head onto my back. I thought to myself "Oh my God. I'm getting fucked in the ass for 100 dollars....and I fucking love it!" I started to push back against his thrust to try to hurt myself more. I did this in a similar way I used to enjoy twisting a loose tooth as a child in order to make it hurt so much I would become accustomed to the pain. It didn't take long for him to come. I didn't say a word. He wiped his sweat off my back with a towel, then wiped his face and dick and threw it on the floor before cuddling up to me again. After some gentle kisses to my neck he says in my ear "By the way, if you get pregnant we're keeping it" I fall asleep. The next morning he wakes me up. We sneak out of his house and he drives me back to my block. True to his word he pays me 100 bucks and asks to meet again. I walk back to my apartment with a spring in my step and cum in my ass. When I get inside I immediately go to the bathroom to push his load out, and boy oh boy did he empty his balls. Seeing how much cum he left in me gave me an instant erection and I finished myself off thinking about the night before. My ass had been broken into, was given a taste of cum, and it was craving more...

Hard to answer really. I knew I wanted dick, when I saw my best friend's dad's dick at a urinal. It seemed huge and all I could do was imagine sucking it. Knew I was bottom when watching porn and the rougher the top was the hotter I felt about it, and always for the top too. First time actually bottoming hurt like hell at first but became very enjoyable after some guidance and poppers

What a nasty thing to say. I don't have AIDS, I have Hiv. Yes I took a risk, still don't think I deserve to get ill because of it. I wouldn't give this to anyone, not even you(dont think i could be in your company for long) But thanks for trying to make me feel worse than I already do

Recently I've been diagnosed hiv positive. Very recently, the past few weeks. And although in the months up until this diagnosis I have engaged in extremely risky sexual acts, and slept with many guys in my most recent trip to NYC, it was still a surprise. "I don't want this" repeated throughout my head over and over again the day the news was revealed. I went through all the usual emotions. It's still fresh in my mind but it's something I have to deal with for the rest of my life. It got me thinking that maybe I should write some of this down, and relive the actions that got me here. Maybe some will find it sexy, or informative, maybe some will be able to relate. Maybe I'll make a few online friends through this, I certainly hope so. So here goes... I spent three months in New York City, from March to June. Think of it as a very long vacation. It left me with a lot of time on my hands. Time to get into some trouble. Just through idle searching on recon previously, I had came across a few Tops who I thought would make for some interesting meetings. The only thing was I hadn't been fucked in a while, at this point I had only bare backed around 3 or 4 times. So I was very tight and very worried about not being able to accommodate a guy and making him angry. I am naturally very submissive around men I like, and the opposite around girls. I'm bisexual by the way. A fact that was questioned many times in New York, more so by gay men than women. Guys couldn't seem to get their heads around the concept. While I'm not the most manly of men, I'm certainly not feminine or camp nor does that personality type attract me sexually. Although I did find over there they were great company, just not my thing in the bed. So with this fear in mind, I thought it would be better too seek out oral tops first and work my way to anal. Not long after I settled into the city and got my bearings(living in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn) I found myself arranging to meet a "rough throatfucking dom" sounds like my kind of guy! I absolutely love being throatfucked and he was the guy to do it. His face and dick pic matched my strict criteria(he had a face and a working penis) so soon enough I was on my way to meet him. He lived on Christopher St. in Manhattan, for anyone who doesn't know nyc. This is in the West Village a very gay area of the city, along with Chelsea, what was once the hangout spot for all the bohemian musicians of the 60's and 70's, a great area which I frequented constantly. He buzzed me into his apt building. As I climbed the stair my heart began to race. I was getting nervous, after all we didn't exactly get to know each other in our conversation online. It went like this: "Def interested in brutally throatfucking you, work your skinnyboy throat pussy like a real pussy. I'm free today after 5. Interested to see how much of a brutal face fucking you can take" What I got from that wasn't much, but I knew he turned me on, and he seemed serious about throatfucking. I made sure not to eat the entire day. Something that comes natural when knowingly meeting up with guys as nerves and excitement usually suppress my appetite. I got to his door and it opened before I could knock. "Hey" he said in his deep southern drawl. I had never found an accent sexy before, but this after all was my first american man, a country I have loved from a distance. Turns out he was from Arizona, his voice was fascinating, deep and rich, but really calm. My nerves turn to excitement immediately. "Come in." He was wearing a white wife beater, black Y-fronts and white socks. He looked very different from his profile picture, much better in fact, which made me question why he hadn't updated it in seemingly some time. I asked him if I should remove my clothes and he told me just the shoes. We then walked into the living area, which was carpeted with a leather couch. He knelled me down on the carpet in front of his bulge. He pressed my face against his cock. Then it went from 0 to 60... Once he whipped his cock out of his underwear I knew I was in for it. Holy shit, pictures did not do it justice. It was massive, about 8 inches long and curved to the right, but the girth was something else. It really thickened towards the base, with a full bush to bury my face in. No warm up with this guy, he wasn't interested in a gentle blowjob. No, he meant what he said, unlike so many guys on online hook-up sites, he was the real deal. I opened wide and he rammed it straight down my throat, the bend was very noticeable and uncomfortable in this particular position. It was pushing at my throat, like it was trying to break out. He only began to hump once the dick was fully swallowed which was a nice touch and something I think most throatfuckers should do. He had his technique. He was digging for the right spot, to him it was all about the feeling, when you watch throatfucking videos, you can tell what's for show, none of what he did was theatrical, it was all functional. He wanted his dick as deep in my throat as possible, and once he hit the right spot he would, as he said he would, fuck it like a pussy. It was painful and hot at the same time. At one point I tried to breathe as his cock was deep in my throat. This, in addition to his pubes up my nostrils, caused my to gag hard. Eyes started to water, and mouth began to produce some much needed lubricant, after this the whole experience became much more enjoyable. He didn't say much as he was reaming my tonsils only the occasional "Good, goooood!" and grunts of encouragement. He reminded me to cover my top teeth, which I did immediately, hoping I didn't scratch him. He began smashing my face with his pubic bone. He was really enjoying himself, I was trying to endure the pain, and enjoying it also. When he slowly pulled his cock out of my mouth, thick drool dribbled from his cock onto my t-shirt. Shit, I have to walk home like this! But then I looked at his dick. the shaft had a streak of blood on it. Oh no, did my stupid teeth cut him, will he freak out, am I going to get beat for this. He either didn't notice or didn't care, because he started jerking off furiously. He was having a good time, which made me very happy. He then pulled my shirt off, lay me on the couch with my head hanging over the back(the classic). And proceeded to pump my throat like the pussy he said it was. For some reason this position was much more comfortable, it seemed to work better with his curved. Before I knew it, he was about to cum, his thighs squeezed my face and drove his dick deep while cumming. No pulling out. I didn't even get to taste it. Straight down the hatch. He tapped me with a few smacks on the cheek as if to say "good job boy" then sat down on the couch, exhausted and happy. He jerked his semi for a while while I knelt at his feet and he asked me a few questions about Ireland, why I was here, small talk. He told me he really enjoyed it and would like to do it again. Yes! Validation, something I always aim for is a guy wanting to meet again, someone who has had so much fun with me that he'd repeat the session if given the chance. So far, everyone I've met has wanted to meet up again, not everyone actually has, but it's good enough for me that they want to. I asked to use his bathroom and as I was washing out my mouth I finally found out where the blood came from. I had bust my top lip while he was bashing his groin against it. Damn, my two front teeth. I thought as long as he had fun, I'm happy. I left the apartment optimistic about the rest of this trip. However I had absolutely no idea what lay ahead of me. Bathhouses, breedings, 3somes, orgies and being introduced to the strongest drug I've ever tried, crystal meth!! Okay, so this is my first blog, first time really talking about a sexual encounter. Please let me know if you liked it or not, or want to hear more about my stay in New York. It really was an experience with a lot of firsts, which feels good to be sharing with you guys. Thanks for reading. BH

Feet is the most common fetish I read. I wonder where this comes from? Weirdest thing I done with a guy was knockout(chloroform) play. I enjoyed it kind of even though it wasn't my fetish. Also slept with a guy who liked to pay.

I actually hate coming during a session. But if I do, I can keep going, ideally I'd like 30-60 seconds to just breath, but it entirely depends on the situation.

Are you allergic to latex? I'm with TigerMilner, although I could never really feel the difference unless I looked. But if you insist on no condom, just nicely tell them condoms aren't your thing. It's always good to be polite though.

Thank you guys for the advice. It was great reading about it from your perspectives. Tboyer, I didn't get that vibe from the nurse, now that I think of it she might have meant abstain from sex while I'm seroconverting, or until I got my Hepatitis vaccine. She talked a lot so I could be confused with what she meant. I got my cd4 count today and it was 650 which I was told was really good. So that cheered me up. Knowing what I know now from you guys, when I do have sex again, at least I won't have to worry about who has hiv before I sleep with them. Thanks again for the kind messages.

Yikes that's horrible. A friend of mine was held up by a junkie with a hypodermic needle once. He just wanted to rob her though. This incident is just lunacy. There are some real nasty people out there

I've only told my family doctor, and the look of sadness in his eyes, will stay with me for a long time. Made me cry immediately

I've recently become hiv positive and was wondering about strains also. My case is a little different though. I'm not yet on medication, I was told depending on my cd4 levels I might not need to start medication for a while. I was told during this period I should abstain completely from sex(which I most likely will as I'm kind of down about the whole situation) However, if I was to have bareback sex, who should I go for. I'm a bottom, so would undetectable poz guys be the best option(or would I be at risk of giving them my strain) or if I just have sex with poz guys would I be at risk of developing a stronger strain? If anyone knows, i'd really appreciate a little light on the subject. And bearbandit, on a personal note, I've been reading your posts for a while and they always seem considered and well lettered. You seem like a great guy.

Well to be honest I was pretty upset. Not angry at the guy at all, just sad that I have to deal with this now. Was into the fantasy but not really looking to get pozzed. Not on meds yet, waiting to see my cd4 count and viral load first, should know by tomorrow or Monday. I could be wrong, maybe he was just a scorpio and someone else did the deed. I didn't now about the scorpion tattoo until recently also. Anyway I'm going off topic so I should post an xtube link. Here is one top I would love to have fuck me, his videos are very sexy. I must try to meet this guy some day http://www.xtube.com/watch.php?v=q6YoJ-G270-#.VCR1RfldVS0