Bottomhole

Don't do it. Go on prep if you can. If not, the fantasy is not worth getting HIV for. Please, you're 28, be smart and have better self-esteem.

Sorry to hear that cam1972. There is no right way to process things, that's something I learned when I was diagnosed myself. From what I gather you went out of your way to try to help that man, more than you needed to. It was his own responsibility but I'm sure that doesn't help with the feeling your getting, even if you believed that. I have also very recently learned, the best way(for me) to process things and get past them, is to talk out loud with someone close. I'm usually hesitant to do this as I can feel embarrassed or even not know what to say, but once I do talk about things I tent to be able to move past them better. This is probably of no help, but my sympathies are with you, from your posts on this over the years, you seem like one of the more genuine and thoughtful people on BZ. So good luck.

I've played with cheaters(and been in awkward situations) but never cheated. In a relationship now and have no desire to have sex with anyone but my boyfriend. If I did we'd discus it. I guess for some the idea of breaking that trust is a turn on, not for me.

Thanks guys for all the nice messages. It's nearly been two weeks now and I've not felt any side effects. I go back in a month to get more tests done so we'll see how effective it is. I'm also in a monogamous relationship with a man who I really love and is supportive and caring, and has boosted my confidence and self-esteem so much. It was a resounding "Yes" Bearbandit, big celebrations in Ireland last week, great to see. Also living a more healthy lifestyle in general, (barely drink any more, no drugs) and happier for it(not that I was out of control) I may not be having slutty adventures any time soon, but I'm ok with that. Much happier in fact.

Hey guys. Today has been a great day as I've finally been put on meds to treat my HIV. I have been talking to a few guys on here and they were wondering about my treatment so I look forward to being undetectable very soon. The medication I've been put on is Eviplera. Is there anyone on this medication? If so, how are you finding it? I'm going to take my first tablet after dinner, which will be very significant for me as it's the first real step to getting back to being myself again. So let me know if you've been on it, I'l be sure to keep people who havent started treatment yet updated on what it's like.

Had mono, when I was 21. Got it from my girlfriend I guess, though she never got sick. It was pretty bad, and was pretty low energy for nearly a year after.

Being throat fucked is awesome.

I love that symbol actually. I have a biohazard t-shirt but no tattoos. Don't think I could commit to getting a tattoo. But I guess if this virus will be in my blood for life, having something on my skin for as long isn't too much of a stretch.

Would love to see a pic of that

I don't agree with that stupid part. I think when you spend a lot of time on these sites you forget what kind of minority of a minority that biohazard meaning hiv positive thing really is. I was in NYC and there was a straight dude with a Biohazard tattoo on his arm. Turns out he was a huge fan of the brooklyn band. Similar to the guy with a scorpion, who happened to be a Scorpio star sign. But if you work in porn then yes, I agree you should be aware of the tattoo meaning, outside of that it's not too well known.

Fisting. Want to be fisted, but I'm not sure it's possible with me.

I have a doctor who is young male, I kind of find it hard to open up to him about that. Prefer older/male if I'm gonna be completely open.

I dont think that's strange, I've tried drugs an sex(and really enjoyed it) but it's not a sign of being kinky or not. What hook-up sites do you find all these drug propositions? Maybe you're looking in the wrong places.

I was told about a death there a few years ago. Someone had overdosed on GHB in the toilets. I saw one guy crash on the bed area and had to be carried out as he was too wasted.

Last load was at a sex club in Berlin on Monday morning, didn't know the guy came, it was leaking from my ass all day, heavy, thick and plentiful. Good fuck too, a nice skinhead who loved atm.

The next few entries are going to cover my very recent trip to Berlin. I stayed in Schoneberg for 5 night, I'm typing this as I've just got back my ass and cock are still tender and the memories are still fresh. I fly in to Berlin during the day and get to my apartment in less than an hour, it's a nice apartment with a great price, at first I couldn't believe it but I booked through ebab(a breedingzone user's suggestion) the week before I flew to Berlin I looked through both recon and bbrt to make up a top-do fucklist, I can now say that I never met one person from that list. I decided to take it easy for the first night so I looked at some of the tamer gay restaurants and bars in schoneberg. I came across one place that had a few people scattered throughout the bar, I sit up at the bar and politely ask "Sprechen Sie Englisch?" "A liddle?" the barman replies, he is very slim twinkish type who through some conversation, learned that he was from Prague and a singer, I casually asked him about the places in the surrounding area. "Well Toms is good for drinking and sex downstairs, there's New Action, next to that is the Bull, but don't go there, it's nasty. Everyone has AIDS" I can't get across tone in text form but if you could hear the disgust in his voice when he mentioned The Bull and his facial expression it might make you as uncomfortable as I was. Here's a guy who has no idea who he is talking to in Berlin, in the gay area and he says something like that to a stranger. One of his many favourite songs come on the radio and he begins to clap dance and wave his arms about while singing alone, putting on his own little show for the uninterested patrons, who seem like they've seen it all before. I finish my drink, and leave. I walk down to Cafe Heile Welt and head inside, it's a swank fancy bar, chilled out and full of guys and girls. The bar is full but there are some seats close by. As I sip on my third beer, I look around to see what kind of folk drinks here, seems to be the kind of folk who just out of the office, not exactly people I relate to. Then some older Italian gentleman at the bar raises his glass to toast me, I raise mine in return. We start talking, and he offers me a drink. After a while he leans in and start kissing, then he works his way to my neck(which I love) I grab at his crotch and he has a fat piece, he tell me to follow him to the toilet. He gets up and leaves. I get up after him, and as I walk in he is pissing into the urinal. He looks surprised that I followed him, maybe I misheard him. He shakes the last few drops of piss from his dick, it's a nice size, and looks semi-erect. He gives me a look and then looks down at his cock. I squat down and start sucking, I can taste the few drops of beer that leak out of his slit onto my tongue, and swallow him down to the balls, he pushes my head into his groin so hard that he stumbles back a little when my weight leans forward, he pulls his cock out, the only thing connecting us is the thick string of spit from my lips to his dick. "Would you like to finish your drink and come to mine?" "Yes please" I answer. I wasnt exactly searching for sex on the first night, but hey, I was ready for it. "Do you have poppers?" "I can get some" We walk up the street and he runs into a bar called Schuene to get poppers. I wait outside, as the door swings back open I can see from a glance that the place is a lot sleazier that the bars Ive seen so far. What lay ahead? I wondered. We get back to his nice apartment, and strip off and kiss, I suck his cock some more, as it grows I realise exactly what I'm in for. Oh dear. He puts me in the doggy position, a position I've never been most comfortable being fucked in for some reason, always makes me feel like I need to pee, but I go with it. Luckily he applies lube first, then slowly pushes it in, which catches my breath. Prior to this I hadn't been fucked for a month or two. It slid in and stayed deep for a while until my ass adjusted to it's girth, then he begins to fuck. Before long my legs are over my head and he's drilling my stretched hole. No mention of a condom and I didn't even go to the Bull, so much for that barman's skewed sense of how sex works. I moan in pleasure, "Do you want poppers?" I had totally forgotten about the poppers, was having too much fun. I take a deep hit from the freshly opened bottle, woah these are strong. I feel the thumping of my heart rate increasing. He starts to drive down harder, I feel his balls slapping my ass. So hot! I grip his hips and pull him into me, and deep and hard as I can. He spins me over onto my stomach, slams his cock into me all the way, wraps one arm around my neck and opens the poppers. Holding them under my nose as he grinds away inside me. The strength of the poppers is making me foggy and I begin to fade. He slams harder and faster as I go limp, my hole finally gives away and takes his pounding with no resistance. He moans, groans, and grunts and shoots ones right up into my guts. I pass out with exhaustion and popper rush. I feel tingling in my legs and come to. He pushes his fingers up into my hole, and then his knuckles really working his cum up in there. I turn around and kiss him then squeeze the last few drops of cum from his cock into my mouth. We sleep, go for brunch the next day and exchange numbers... By the time I got back to my apartment it was nearly evening, which meant it was time to get ready for a night out on the town. I wanted to check out TOM's, so I get ready and head out at about 10PM. I enter the club, there is a bar to my right and coat check to my left, there are a handful of people sitting at the bar and one of two guys on the benches opposite. I perch myself on the barstool and grab a beer. One or two overly confident scantily dressed guys pace the bar area cruising for someone to take downstairs into the darkroom. Two Arabs sitting next to me at the bar strike up a conversation with me. They are both thin and approx early thirties. One guy takes a shine to me and tells me all about himself, I'm not too interested and try to look for some other dudes while being polite. He tells me his fetish is feet and guys stomping food and making him(as a slave) eat it from the sole of their shoe. "To each his own" I thought. It's a relatively safe fetish compared to some of the activities I've gotten up too. "Can I lick your feet please?" he asks me. "Aaah it's not really my thing, I'm more bottom" at this point I'm ready to check out another section of the bar. He keeps pleading with me to just try it, then his friend also asks. There is only so many times I can say no, so I tell him just a few minutes. His face lights up. "Ok let me take you to the dark rooms". The dark rooms in Tom's are, well, dark. A pitch black maze, with audible groans and slapping and rutting going on. This gets me hard immediately. I have no interest in the guy I'm with or the kink he's into, but my imagination is running wild with the thoughts of sex I could be having. He leads me into a seated area and I take a seat. He then squats down and grabs my right foot and takes a large lick of the sole of my boot. God only knows what I've been stepping in down here, this guy is doing something I simply couldn't. But he's really getting into it, I push my left foot against his crotch to feel a hard lump. He then pulls off my boot and smells inside, all the while pushing my other foot harder against his dick. He then presses my (white) socked foot against his face and breathes in deep, just like he is taking a hit of poppers. I start to get into it, and I'm becoming aroused. He opens up wide and swallows all of my toes, pushes on my heel to get my foot deep in his mouth and makes himself gag on my foot. The idea of wet socks for the rest of the night is loosing appeal to me. So I tell him to take them off, he does this with pleasure. I then get the most awesome tongue bath I've every had, never experienced this before but woah, it's a hot feeling. After drenching both my feet in his saliva, I'm feeling horny as fuck. So I grab his head and bury it in my crotch, grinding on his mouth and nose and just generally humping his face. Before things can get interesting, his friend finds him and complains he's bored. At this point both men start arguing in a very camp annoying way. "Fuck this" I think, I'm going to The Bull. The Bull is a 5 minute walk from TOM's, I buy a bottle of Rush from behind the bar and make my way down. I get there and it seems from the outside like a very nondescript bar. My heart starts to thump, it's a similar feeling to that I got before I entered my first gay bar in New York. How far I've come since those days, what a difference a year makes, huh? I build up the courage and enter the bar. It's a small bar, dive like, with different porn playing on each TV all bareback, all raunchy. I check my coat in and buy an energy drink. I've had enough beer and need my energy up. There was about 3 people at the bar, so I went straight ahead to the back room. It had an area where people slept, I later learned this bar stays open 24/7 so people can nap off the alcohol or whatever other chemicals were coursing through their veins. There was a fuck bench, a sling, and a benched area all around with guys sitting jerking off. I walk around the backroom advertising myself to those who look like tops. One older muscled guy see's me and calls me over, he is sitting down playing with his soft cock, fully nude. I stand in front of him and he pulls up my t-shirt and kisses my stomach. Then forces me down to his crotch and slowly positions my face in between his balls and inner thigh. I begin to kiss him. Then move to his balls, they are nicely scented low hangers, I swallow both and look up to see his face, he nods in approval then pushes his soft cock in with both balls, so his genitals are resting deep in my mouth. I fondle everything with my tongue, and feel his cock swelling, I then work his cock. He likes me swallowing it deep, which I love also. When I eventually come up for air I get a whack across the face, and he pushes my head back down on to his cock and thrusts like hell. His dick is still only semi-erect so it's easy to take down my throat, it feels nice as it's large but soft. I come up for air and met with another hard smack across the face. He speaks something in German, "Ich spreche kein deutsch" I tell him, "You like?" he asks in a deep manly voice. I nod "yes". He turns me around so I'm facing away from him, then bends me over. He pushes his semi-hard cock against my hole, I try to push out to allow him to enter me, it bends against my hole then eventually pops in. He begins to fuck his soft dick into me deep and rough. He is quite aggressive, I start to wonder if it's because of his lack of erection. His eyes seem a little spaced, I wouldn't be surprised if he had taken something. This seems like the kind of place, plus at this stage it's early morning, and all the freaks are out He pulls out and makes me suck him again. I do my very best to make him grow inside my mouth but it isn't happening. I feel two hands take me from behind as I'm working this soft cock. The person takes off all my clothes, then penetrates me with two fingers. The cock in my mouth is swelling again. He flips me around, and jams it in again, there is a large black guy in front of me wagging his cock. I swallow it down like a good boy. I try to concentrate on both giving good head and squeezing his friends cock with my hole. I get a few hard spankings from both guys as I do my thing. I take a huff from my bottle of rush. I start to realise the sleaziness of the situation, it drives me wild, I love being used, and think of the mentality of the tops using me. It turns me on further. The white guy pulls out and his cock is still only semi erect. He shoves my head down to take care of it. I then feel the black dude at my back door, his dick really hurts going in, I take another large hit, I feel his dick press against my bladder, it's uncomfortable. I'm taken away from the sitting soft German by the large black guy. He throws me in the sling. Then enters me slow. I take another hit, I feel pretty high. He grunts and groans as his dick slams against my insides. I feel like my inner organs are being shifted around, I really want him to stop but don't want to pussy out. "This is what you wanted" I tell myself, "This is why you came to Berlin, so take it!" As I'm being skewered by this big black man he sticks his fingers in my mouth and grips my jaw, like a handle, and fires off like he's about to cum. He cums, groans and collapses on top of me. He pats me on the face to indicate a job well down. As his dick leaves my holes I feel some of the cum seep out and down my back, between me and the sling. I reach under to feel some and smell it, it's a strong cummy smell. As the black guy leaves a filthy looking skinhead parks himself right at my hole at the base of the sling. He slaps my open hole with his fat cock, it's not as large as the black guys, which makes me happy, as I get a break. This guy looks fucked, jaw is gurning, glassy eyes, piercings on his face, tattoos, very sleazy, very hot. He has a large metal cock ring at the base of his cock and balls. He slides his dick in with ease. It makes me tingle, I take another hit of poppers. My heart thumps in sync with the loud dance music(I guess that's why they play it) without hesitation he penetrates me deep, pushes against my ass hard, I feel the metal ring enter me, it's so fucking hot. He fucks away, balls slapping, he's dripping sweat on me, this guy is high and loving being inside my ass, and I'm loving it too. He pulls me into him, and we make-out, he tongues me deep. He grips both hands around my throat and squeezes. I get tunnel vision, sound becomes distorted. I wake up in the sling. The skinhead is fucking me like crazy whilst pushing down hard on my stomach, I feel the stinging pain that I have to pee. He's trying to get me to piss myself. But I simply can't. I ask him to stop, he does. "Would you like to go to my apartment?" he asks me in a strong German accent. I accept the invite. I pick up my clothes from the dirty floor, and get dressed, we head out into the daylight, it's blinding, the skinhead is dressed entirely in leather, he looks like a comic book character. I'm very turned on. He brings me back to his place. The more I'm with him, the more I notice how incredibly high he is. We get back to his and I strip off, he throws me on his couch and pushes my legs behind my head. He enters me dry, no lube, no prep. Slowly pushing himself deeper into me until it reached the cold metal of his cock ring. After some fucking, he takes his dick out, and presses both of his large smooth balls against my hole, he tries sitting down so they will go in. I push out hard to open my hole, some more of the black guy's cum pours out "Oh yaaah geile!" his balls slide into my ass. The feeling is incredible, it brings me directly back to new york during the meth binge. Only I'm not on meth, and I don't want to be either, I've achieve that level of horniness without the use of drugs. He fucks me for an hour or so more, as deep and as hard as possible, my hole has totally submitted it just craves cock hard fast deep. We both collapse on the couch in a sweaty pile. "Did you cum?" I ask, expecting the answer to be no on the count of the drugs. He smiles, "Three times". Hell yeah. Just what I needed to hear. I'm tingling and exhausted, I fall asleep for a few hours and wake up covered by a blanket with him sitting next to me watching TV. What a nice dude, for such a sleaze ball(like myself lol) He gives me his PlanetRomeo handle and I get stepping, it's a surprisingly short walk back to my apartment, I'm spent. I get into the shower and push out a healthy load of cum. I'm on cloud 9, I've decided I need to be here. This was a nice introduction to The Bull but the best was yet to come. "Ich liebe Berlin!"

Hey there, I'm going to be visiting Berlin from March 4th(Wed) until the 9th. Staying in Schoneberg, and looking for as much fun as possible. Bottom looking for Tops/Vers dude who'd like to meet up, hang out, visit some of the sites, or just plain fuck. Let me know if there is any interest, you can check my profile out for pics, my blogs for what I'm into, or message me directly. Thanks

An actual Gangbang 5 or more guys, with plenty of G and poppers. I'd totally be up for it, but good luck trying to make that a reality

Wish I was in London, have a good camera and skills to film it.

Hey, when I got my HIV diagnosis I had similar reservations about sex and was a couple of months before I even considered it. I'm still taking things slow, but I can only imagine the trauma you endured. I'd strongly recommend talking about it with someone before it festers and develops into a bad spell of depression. If you need a pair of online ears, you can pm me. I was very open with the first two people I slept with since. It takes a certain amount of trust, one occasion that went bad and I got hurt, and another that went great and I've made a new friend who understands me more than most. I don't regret discussing with either person. If you have someone in mind you want to play with it might be worth discussing your mindset before hand. But definitely talking about it is a step in the right direction. Hope it turns around for you and you can start enjoying sex again. Remember there's no rush.

What works for me is the following, however it must be said it always takes time for me to ensure you are clean. Never had an accident and have been complimented on how clean I was in the past: If you know you are going to fuck you should eat fibrous foods the day before hand. Muesli, fruit, chia seeds, yoghurts, etc. I stop eating at about 6pm the day before(usually I'll eat my last meal at approx 7 in general) This is a good habit to get into anyway in terms of healthy diet and weight management. I don't use an enema kit or douche the next day, I use a large sports bottle with warm(not too warm) water. I fill myself with as much water as my body can hold(about 1.5 litres) and hold it in for as long as possible. Then release and repeat. Be sure to wait until all the water is out before refilling, or at least it feels like all the water is out, no stomach discomfort is a good indication. It usually takes about 3-4 washes which will take me a few hrs as I like to be sure. When the water comes out clear, you are cleaned out. Then I tend to wait around for an hour(do some light exercise, walking) to make sure all the water is out. I then use a butt plug as a tester. Then I'm good to go for the entire day/night next morning with no fuss. Even lasted two days straight before. This is what works for me, can be bit of a pain and time consuming, but I've always been spotless. Some people use a diarrhea blocker like Imodium after they've cleaned out, I've tried it once or twice but wouldn't recommend it as it can block you up for a few days which can cause a whole bunch of problems. Hope this helps.

For me the reasons would be: Semen Exchange and Emotional Connection The Psychology of Peer Pressure and Being turned on by the knowledge of someone cumming in my ass. Sort of a submission thing

Throat fucking is def one of my favourite activities, love to take it balls deep, and love gagging. Could do this for a long time.

Uggh that voice gave me the shivers.

Clear please. I'm happy to admit I can't drink any old piss, it's got to be beer or water or something. Had a guy drink nothing but orange squash and the piss tasted sweet, horrible, prefer salty. It was just unexpected.