Kylan

They said the car would arrive in 7 minutes, but it's feeling more like two months!!! 🙂 More of this great story, please....

Add pl. @kylan22

@kylan22

I;m enjoying newtumbl.com more than bdsmlr.com. works better, more content

Well, I have to chime in with the suggestion that if you assume that aging as a top and aging as a bottom are both bad things but just want to figure out which is "worse" then you've already started down a bad road. What's "worse" is focusing on the fact that you aren't 25 anymore -- bottom or top. Aging is changing and learning. Aging is becoming different. I think there's a terrible tendency in men (straight, bi and gay) to assume that the sexual life and sexual behavior pattern you had when you were young is some sort of ideal. People confuse the excitement of discovering one's sexuality with a misguided belief that youthful (by which I think most of us mean some combination of "frequent, multiple partnered, experimental, anonymous/emotionally unconnected") sex is some standard to hold to as long as possible. I'm certainly not saying that sex when you're a young stud isn't fun and thrilling -- it sure as hell is. But as we get older having that sort of sex life on an "every weekend and twice during the week" is something that takes a physical and sexual energy level that has started to wane and, frankly, a mental point of view that starts to get a little dull (or requires, for some, increasing consumption of "additives" to get you as interested and engaged as you were 20+ years earlier --- and I say that not meaning any criticism of people who like to use "additives." But I believe that a lot of the problems some people experience using them stems from a reluctance to accept that physically and mentally you are a different - not better or worse but different - person than you used to be.) For me, interesting sex is something that, like many things in life, changes and goes in directions I never would have expected when I was young. I'm not saying that I don't think back to some crazy nights in years gone by or that I don't occasionally manage a crazy night from time to time today. But being open to all of those changes, rather than interpreting them as yet another bad or negative part of aging, feels like an approach that leaves me less angry/distressed/resentful, etc. about growing older than striving to imitate and compare my sex life now to my sex life then.

Obviously safety is important. But being out in public is being out in public and there are always risks and business operators are not necessarily the right people to be trying to distinguish who might be a true, serious risk to their customers - even the so-called police and terrorism experts are unable to prevent bad things from happening. Also, I always worry that "security" measures at gay locales can very easily be a cover for, or evolve into, racist, ageist, look-ist discriminatory door policies. For instance, being "an obvious drunk" is a standard that is often very much in the eye of the beholder...I think it's fair to guess that in many cases a 23 year old white frat boy and a 45 year old balding Asian chub, both with the exact same blood alcohol level, may find themselves treated very differently by the door staff at a place that has started to pick and choose its potential customers for "security reasons." (And, for that matter, while some drunk guys can be a pain to deal with do they really represent "security" risks?) At 2:30 am on Sunday morning after the bars have closed, it's probably fair to assume that at least 2/3 of your customers are showing up after a night of drinking. Besides, over the years, I've had some fun times (including at Steamworks) with men who were not in the most sober state of mind. While we all want to feel safe where we play, we need to understand that when we are out in public -- whether physically on the street or in a bath or in a sex club, or electronically in a chat room or a hook up site -- that we are in a riskier place than if we were staying home reading a book and that the responsibility for taking care lies primarily with ourselves -- not with the business operators and service provides we are patronizing.

We all suffer through the "everyone look and dress and act the same" terrorism of our teens and twenties. And for gay men that terrorism is worse. I was always a fat kid and felt picked on and ostracized for that long before I got to the gay hookup time of life. BUT, as I have gotten older and fatter and lost more hair I have found that it is EASIER for me to find guys (often younger ones too, to my surprise) to hook up with. I think this is because over time I stopped being traumatized and frozen when I come across one of those idiots who thinks that his 3rd grade recess social skills are still a good approach to the world when he's 40. This group of trouble people is actually very small, but if you encounter one it feels like you are right back at the time when being picked on seemed like the whole world rejecting you. And it can instantly make u withdraw, close down and stop any looking and reaching out for some other normal person to hook up with -- so you miss all those opportunities while you are hiding from the nut case. When it happens, take a deep breath, take a moment to remind youself that a sad, broken person just ran into you for a second and go on with your own life and just go on to the next guy -- there are MILLIONS of cocks out there getting hard and looking for a slutty pig hole to stick it in right now and lots of them will be happy to drive it into your fat hungry ass!

Another example of men working too hard to have sex with someone they don't actually like. A lesson we all have to learn when young is that you will meet lots of guys who you find physically attractive but who don't actually have the personality that your cock was imagining when it told you to go get them. This isn't usually a problem for your alley blowjob or bathhouse trick...but anything more than that, anything that involves having to interact with the actual person and not just your cock's inaccurate fantasy, is unlikely to be worth the effort to make it happen. The problem is not that he is "fem" or that he seems to be more into some phone fantasy stuff than actually hooking up. Everyone is entitled to be themselves. The actual problem is that you are trying to make something happen with a guy who you aren't actually into. Stop wasting your time and move on.

An essential element in running a successful relationship is really accepting the truth of the old " you can't change what other people do; at best you can only maybe change how YOU react to their actions." If your bf likes to be a partypig, then he is going to be a partypig. If that fact annoys you, then you are going to be annoyed. It sounds like he may be showing you some respect and courtesy by not trying to party when he's having sex with you, If I were him I would be a little annoyed that you complain about me being repressed, but criticize me for partying to get un-repressed. BUT since I'm not your bf, I can admit that there are certainly a number of potentially serious issues involved in regular drug use and those issues are easier to brush off if you are the drug user, while they tend to be bright, flashing warnings if you are the bf of a drug user. My point is, if each of you can't find a way to accept the way your partner behaves, then maybe you are better off not being together. More important I just clicked on you and saw that you have posted about you bf demeaning and emotionally abusign you. I think we have all already told you to walk out on this one. You don't need to find 6 different reasons to leave. Stop posting and start packing.

Jonny Quest

If you are watching porn and thinking about what does and does not actually make sense about what is happening then you need to turn off the video and find a better one or finish yourself off vid free.

Given that you already have a history of falling in with a guy who was controlling and damaging you need to be extra sensitive to watching out for similar creeps, oddballs and liars. You may find that being cautious about these things is difficult for you, which is not a flaw, but just a characteristic to talk into account, like knowing that you are allergic to peanuts or that living in a noisy environment is bad for you. One way to address your sensitivity is to have some simple tests you can apply that you know will tell you when there is a problem. For instance, does the guy make you feel bad about yourself? Ignoring your emotional or sexual attraction to him, do you feel uneasy about dealing with him? I.e., is your gut a little quesy? In your case, a simple test might be to consider the following statement: "Real guys interested in real relationships are not sketchy." This is a true fact. If you don't believe it intuitively, just accept it as something that is true because people who AREN'T suffereing your allergies have said it to you. Repeat it like mantra. If you are after a guy who is sketchy, he is not interested in a real relationhip.

If your "bf" does things that make you unhappy or if you find yourself saying that he is not a nice guy or if you feel insecure and unwanted by him then he is not a person with whom you should be spending (I'd say 'wasting') your time. It doesn't even matter whether or not he is objectively a "bully" or whether or not other people think he is a good guy or a bad guy. What matters is that he makes you feel bad and unhappy which means, even if he's the most handsome man alive, a hot lover and fabulously wealthy to boot and is also dream husband of all you friends, he is the wrong person for you. Unless you want to have it out with him (and it doesn't sound to me like you do or that you need to) this is a relatively easy break up. All you need to do is tell him "thanks, this isn't really working any more for me, have a nice life" and walk away. If he asks for an explanation and you want something general, you can just say " Sorry, but I've realized that I'm not happy and need to move on" or "I'm just feeling like I need something different, sorry. good luck to you." And (this is important) if he starts to be rude, nasty or hurtful to you, then just walk away fast -- leave or hang up or stop communicating -- you 've broken up and there's no reason to put up with being upset by him further.

It's a site run by people who really enjoy having lots of rules about things that are silly (and some not, but still a pain). No mentioning other sites -- incl. skype or zoom And the rules were written by amateur software guys so they are inconsistent. Plus there's a text monitoring program that removes anything referencing possibly illegal sex or drugs (!) (this on a site where one section is full of slam vids). I get that they are trying to cover their ass. But it's over inclusive to the point where it is as funny as it is annoying. For instance, if u try to type a word like "gram" or "pill" or "slam" "hit' or "bump" or "kid" or "ped" the system just ignores it and nothing appears. But this also means that if you try to write "It was Kelsey Grammar yelling shit, cause he sped up outrun some bumpkin took a spill, and slammed his head" it'll come out as "It was Kelsey mar yelling s cause he s up to outrun some kin, took a s and med his head." And then they send warning notes, threating to close your account cause u mentioned a "bump"y ride or something. If you put your head down and write an little apology and "so sorry, forgot your wonderful rules, wont do it again." they back off but I just got so annoyed at how they were nitpicking their customers I stopped subscribing. The site is okay though so I get why some guys put up with the bullshit. sorry "bulls "

This is more fantasy than the prior stories, but I have a brother who is about 2 years younger than I am. When he was around 10-15 he was a blond, tight, round-assed angel.(in looks, in reality he was sort of an asshole, which probably made him seem more attractive.) Either he was completely my type, or my type was completely based on my brother. But he was very straight. Once we were staying at a relatives and he was on a cot next to mine asleep and I actually dared to pull his underwear down to stroke his smooth butt while I jacked. And I used to fantasize all the time about forceably mounting him. Unlike most (?) other guys, I have NEVER had a wet dream, BUT the only two times when i had dreams that were achingly close to wet dreams were both about raping my brother's ass. I woke and shot off huge loads with like 3 strokes. As he reached adulthood, all the hotness vanished. But there are still some photos around that I enjoy from time to time.

Lots of good advice. The only think I would add is to remember that while you may feel some sense of insecurity or rejection whenever someone seems to "window shop" then move one, you need remember that the "shoppers" - even when they seem to sort of be in charge of making the buying decision -- are also actual real people under all the posing that happens and that many of them are also trying to reduce the amount of rejection they experience during a few hours at the baths. So even the guy who you consider prime meat may have moved on because he didn't get whatever signals or sense he needed from you to make his move or to consider you more seriously. So,as someone said, being a little bit welcoming -- a smile or "hey" -- even when it might not fit with whatever character you are trying to project, may help to get more takers, or even just to give you a moment of connection that makes him moving feel friendlier. Baths are fun but they also can be full of a lot of raw emotional stuff that usually doesn't come up when we are meeting strangers. It can help to keep that in mind a little bit.

I agree with what Dan Savage has said, as summarized above. No one is 100%. But there are many (not a lot, normally, but many) men who will meet enough of the things your soul needs to become a possible lifetime mate. And for some of them you will the that person for them. And you hope you meet at the time when you are both open to a possible relationship. Sometimes that sounds like impossible odds when your are single and looking but enough people, gay and straight, end up in content to very happy relationships that we know that it reasonably possible. I met my husband at point when I was completely (okay 95%) content by myself with a family of friends. The surprising thing you find is that the essential factors you are trying to "match" to 70 -85% probably AREN'T what you think they are. Certainly all the superficial stuff -- looks, career, education, taste --- is less important then people think, especially when young. It's more about a similar way of looking at the world, of how you like to spend a free day, or how much time you need alone, of how you fight and how you resolve fights, or the importance (or not) of family and whether or not you make each other laugh and can enjoy each other's company during a 12 hour layover in New York, or stuck in traffic for 3 hours. The hardest thing, I think, is to try to stay open to the possibility of something happening as much as possible so you don't miss good candidates along the way. As for monogamy -- what I say is that I must have EMOTIONAL monogamy. He should make new friends and may flirt, but I need to trust that my husband is not out there carelessly letting any new romantic primary relationships start to take shape. But personally I don't know any long-term (say 5 years plus) gay male couples who haven't come to some acceptable agreement between them that allows some sex with other people. I think men aren't well designed for monogamy and chafe under a rule that requires it. If you both have been upfront about it and figured out any rules you need to be comfortable (which also can change over time) , there is little more relationship risk involved in one of you having sex with someone else than there is to you having dinner with someone else.

Yeah, definitely liked they fact that the guys didn't all look like identical indistinguishable gym clones. Plus I sort of disagree about the plots. They were always stupid, quickly abandoned and very very very poorly acted, but many times they gave a little context to the sex that made the scene hotter -- I'd get off from the idea that the two guys had just been cruising each other in their freshman biology class, or that one of them just delivered a pizza to the frat house, or they met hanging out on Santa Monica Blvd in WeHo or that they were roommates where one was secretly gay and the other just got home from a date with a girl who wouldn't put out, etc etc etc. It just offered something extra beyond the "hey we're both half naked and start having sex right away."

This is a terrific question! Personally, though, I can't come up with any specific regrets worth reporting (which isn't to say there weren't plenty of moments I would go back and change - they just aren't interesting enough to write down.) Of course I have the regret that most of us have about our teens and early 20s - that we weren't more aggressively sexual earlier. But whenever I feel that way I also have to contend with the fact that I was in NYC then and it would have been just the wrong time (late 70s/early 80s) to be whoring around more without vastly increasing the odds that I would have been dead of AIDS by 1990.

Nope, which sometimes feels a little lonely. Had some hope when my nephews were born, but now that they are late teens, I'm pretty sure they are straight.

Not to be pedantic, but if you're writing a story with "dirty seed" and a guy with a biohazard tat maybe the first paragraph needs to start "It was the 80's...." (or even the 90's) rather than "It was the 70's ...."

As a top, I find the best way to teach a bottom to swallow is with a swift hard hand across the mouth whenever he doesn't.

How about unconscious as a top? A few years ago I was with a FB for a couple of days. One night we played around (no drugs or liquor), then went to bed. I woke up a few hours later on top of him with my cock up his ass, obviously in the middle of fucking him. I finished what I was doing, but after I talked with him about it and told him I'd been, well - I guess "sleep fucking." He said he woke to me aggressively playing with him and then I mounted him sort of insistently but he hadn't realized I was asleep. One of the weird things was that I've never had any other "sleep walking" experiences.

Deciding to go to therapy is a very positive and self-caring step to take in your life. Good for you. I've been through three different "bouts" of therapy and found each of them to be very helpful in sorting out various things going on with me at the time. (Frankly, I sort of think everyone would benefit from having some therapy. ) And while it may occasionally be emotional, therapy doesn't hurt or and it doesn't take huge amounts of time, so why not? The thing about therapy is that it is mostly a chance for YOU to talk. The benefit is that you get to talk with someone who is only there to help you sort out what you need and want and feel. Therapists don't have opinions about what you should do and aarent there to advise you on decisions. What therapists do is LISTEN very careful so that they can remind you when, for instance, something you say today about your boyfriend is similar to something you said a while ago about your Mom. Or when you are hating something today, they can remind you that you were praising it last month. That doesn't tell you what to do, but it helps to FOCUS and BALANCE your sense of how you think and feel about emotional things. So you are in a better place to make choices and decisions without the sense of being overwhelmed. Or to understand why you feel certain ways sometimes. It doesnt solve everything, but you should feel less rocky. Finally, once in a while, a patient doesn't connect with the therapist. If you feel like that, talk to the therapist about it, it isn't a criticism or sin. And then feel free to look for someone else and/or ask for a reference to another therapist.