ErosWired

What you describe is a rather specific kind of CBT, and not necessarily the first thing that comes to mind on the subject. It can be as subtle as an excruciating hours-long edging (it was done to me (twice) with a feather and I would have agreed to do nearly anything to make it stop before the end) to having your testicles run through with needles (I’ve had that too - I also have a picture somewhere of my cock with 13 needles through it). Electrostim at high levels, ball-crushers that will flatten your nuts to mere millimeters thickness, deep and large-gauge sounding, masturbation with IcyHot or capsaicin-laced lube, cock-whipping and cock-caning, ball kicking/punching/busting, devices specifically designed for CBT like Kali’s Teeth, ball stretchers and ball weights - the list is limited only by the boundaries of the Sadist’s imagination. The point being, not all, most, or even many CBT practices result in what most people would consider intense-yet-pleasurable stimulation. Most result in pain, some agonizingly so, and the rewards from them are appreciated truly only by men with a masochistic bent to their psyche that is able to convert that pain to a different feeling. My personal experience of CBT has been… comprehensive. This has been the result of my tendency to attract and submit to certain types of Dominants, rather than a personal taste for CBT. I don’t go out of my way to seek out CBT (or any other form of torture) and am careful with negotiations when it is requested if me. I will not perform it on any other person. But for the most part I’m talking about the more serious end of the array than the practice you describe, which is relatively benign as long as you monitor blood flow and don’t leave the constriction in place for too long.

How loaded is ‘loaded’? At levels of initial intoxication, alcohol is a vasodilator, expanding blood vessels and lowering blood pressure, which is what poppers are essentially used for. But at higher levels, alcohol becomes a vasoconstrictor, doing the exact opposite, and basically becoming an anti-popper as far as loosening up your ass. I would suggest trying to do without the booze so you can get a better read on your body as you go. The real key to consistent performance is consistent practice, and there really is no good shortcut to the time it takes to condition an ass for use.

This thread chaps my ass and I’ll tell you why - When I ask myself why I survived a brush with death from AIDS when so very many have not, I believe it’s so that I can take my experience and share it with others so that they can avoid the same fate. You’ll find me doing a lot of that here. Yet in this thread we have a dude who wants to co-opt the real-life HIV experience of me and others like me to do exactly the opposite - to try and encourage and facilitate men getting and spreading HIV. And he’s taking us for fools as well. I could answer his question, definitively. But I’ll be goddamned if I do. The more of this unmitigated bullshit I read about a “brotherhood”, the angrier I get. I’ve been as Poz as you get without being dead, and I condemn their “poz brotherhood”.

Well, that was new and different. Last night I answered a summons from my local Top to submit my ass for his use for the umpteenth time. He’s seeded me so many times now I’ve lost count, and I try to switch things up a bit to keep the experience fresh for him. This time I said, “I’ve brought something to show you.” I brought my Collins speculum. For those unfamiliar, a speculum is a medical mechanical device, usually made of steel, used for manually opening the vagina for visual internal inspection and direct access. There are different types, with different methods of action, and anal speculums exist as well. I have a couple of different regular speculums and an anal one, all of which I’ve used for stretching. This time, I brought the collins because it opens my hole wide and gaping. I wanted to give him a good look inside me, maybe let him feel around a little. It’s a strange feeling to have a part of you that deep inside suddenly touched without feeling anything ahead of it. Intense. He touched me deep a couple of times with his finger and then said, “I’ve got to put my cock in you.” I hadn’t expected him to try to fuck me with the speculum in me. But that’s exactly what he did, bypassing my anus and digging straight into my depths. Stretched and held open by the steel, I had no way to use my inner muscles to restrain him - he penetrated my second hole deeply and repeatedly with ease, and soon we could both hear loud squelching noises from inside as his cock slid through the wetness. The whole thing was so intense I couldn’t close my mouth. He finally decided to carry on his fuck in the usual way and we removed the speculum, but I’m betting he asks for it again. Do any of you have any experience using them? What kind do you have?

Well. The site just notified me that Congratulations! You just increased your rank to Grandmaster! I’m not quite sure how to take this. Grandmaster is a title applied to people at the pinnacle of ability in Chess. I suck at Chess. I mean, why wouldn’t I? I’m a complete submissive and play a completely defensive game strategy, which is a guaranteed loser. Don’t believe me? Try keeping a determined cock out of your ass without going on the offensive - you’re getting fucked. So there’s that out of the way. More broadly, “grand master” is taken to mean a person of the highest level or ability in a particular field. In this case, it only appears to mean I’ve mouthed off more than most. What sets me back on my heels a bit though, is the fact that I would end up reaching such a bar here. There was a time in my life when I would have been horrified, aghast at the idea that I could be so involved in things having to do with sex, let alone sex with men, let alone depraved sexual acts with men. Horrified that I could have enough life experience with such things - and their consequences - to have enough to say to propel me to this point. Yet here we are. I dislike the thought that anyone might look at such a label and assume that I hold such a view of my sexual ability (that I “let it go to my ass” so to speak) - I may have been put on Earth to service Tops, but I certainly don’t consider myself a master at my craft. I can’t in good conscience make such a claim when my cocksucking is so plainly below gold standard. Even with my ass I won’t feel accomplished until I finally manage to take a fist. Grandmaster slut? Hardly. But if I ever do reach a point, however high (or low) that is, where I’m truly at the highest level or ability as a sexual utility for men, I would suggest a minor alteration to the title when applied to men like me: Grandmasster.

I gained 30 pounds on Atripla. Plus, diabetes. It’s taken years to get that weight down to where I was pre-diagnosis, and my diabetic numbers have only just returned to the non-diabetic range. I don’t know whether the diabetes was med-induced, weight-induced or what. I do eat healthier now, as a result. Chasers take note - HIV = forced lifestyle changes. Yep.

The guy who just finished breeding me would fuck me for a bit, pull out, eat my ass for a bit, then plug back in and fuck some more. Every time he pulled out he slapped my ass. I don’t think it was a “thank you” so much as an “mmm that’s good”. Or, he could have just been making sure I didn’t forget that he thinks I’m a whore. Could be that. Or both, even.

I was thinking the very same thing. Gaysexpositions.guide is interesting, though I question the fine distinction between some of their positions, but inspired nomenclature is not their forte.

If you don’t mind my asking, what was your CD4 count when you began treatment, and what level have you been able to maintain across medications? I started at an abysmal 49 and have gone up and down between 200 and 400 for the last seven years. None of the meds has been consistent in keeping the counts up - two tests ago my CD4 on Biktarvy tanked to 204 (that’s 4 points above AIDS diagnostic) but as of Monday’s result I’m back to 334. So go figure.

Yeah, I started with Atripla too, so I was the same as you except I took a Genvoya detour along the way, lol. I actually didn’t take Triumeq very long, less than a year.

I went Triumeq > Genvoya > Biktarvy. Triumeq didn’t do me much good; Genvoya was better, but my doctor wanted me on Biktarvy because it was the next development and had a reduced side effect profile. I just got my latest numbers on Monday - CD4 up by nearly 100 this time, and still Undetectable. The Biktarvy must be doing something.

The results of the poll at the top of this topic are shocking. Appalling. It makes a damning and chilling statement about our community that nearly 43% of those who answered - 75 members of this site - are so cavalier about others’ wellbeing that they knowingly fuck other people while infected with an STD. It’s stunning that just a bit under half of us are actively undermining the health and safety of the other half. I would like to be able to chalk part of that abysmal number down to men voting yes not because they actually do it but because it feels hot to fantasize about fucking toxic (a fetish I simply cannot wrap my head around), but the comments here and elsewhere tell us that no, there really are men among us here who lack the ethical underpinnings to take responsibility for the harm they do, and they don’t care. (These are among the diagnostic markers of psychopathy, by the way. Just saying.) Actually, judging by comments here and elsewhere, some of them do care, after a fashion - they feel a little guilty. They know it’s wrong, but they do it anyway because loads. Because asshungry. Which, in some ways, is worse. Yes, I know. There’s Bleeding-heart ErosWired, bleating another of his pollyanna goody-two-shoes sermons that nobody cares about or wants to hear, like that crazy dude who stands on a box on the streetcorner hollering about the Second Coming. tl;dr Fine. Guilty. But I’m right. This community needs to take a good, hard look at itself.

You know, you might be onto something here more effective than the proofs you’re talking about. Women have employed sex strikes successfully for centuries. They’ve used them to stop entire wars. It’s even a point in the classical Greek play Lysistrata, where women engage in a sex strike to put an end to the Peloponnesian War. Here’s an interesting article on the history of sex strikes: [think before following links] https://qz.com/958346/history-shows-that-sex-strikes-are-a-surprisingly-effective-strategy-for-political-change/ Of course, any blockade or boycott is only effective if it’s a barrier not easily breached, and in this case we’re dealing in some cases with men with such unrestrained sexual lusts that not even the threat of deadly disease deters them. Also, a gay sex strike would have to overcome the problem of rising male horniness over the passage of the siege; the wall would suffer from growing weakness within as well as growing pressure from without. And, a gay sex strike against STD irresponsibility couldn’t just be bottoms closing asses, because Tops aren’t the sole source of spread. It would end up being a case of those who are responsible fuckers boycotting those who are irresponsible fuckers. The question is, could it have any effect? On the one hand it might, if a man experienced enough rejections on account of his attitude toward disease, do the math and decide that failing to stay healthy and safe isn’t worth the loss of those fucks. On the other hand, just look at the results of the poll at the top of this topic - almost 43% of respondents here say they still fuck while carrying an active STD. So there’s a high likelihood that that group would simply turn to one another and simply multiply and concentrate the disease reservoir, making it that much more likely to spread when the strike ends. And, how would the strikers know when to stop? Gonorrhea isn’t going to sign a peace treaty and declare an end to hostilities. How would we know when enough people had gotten tested and treated to make the community safe? Everyone would probably have to have some kind of proof of testing… And we’re back where we started. 🤷🏼‍♂️

There are governments that take the view that if the population will not take their responsibilities seriously in order to enjoy their freedoms, then they simply should not have those freedoms. Or any freedoms, because human beings in general aren’t really very good at being responsible. Be careful what you ask for. The collective society (usually the majority in rule) may well decide that them taking over your responsibility for ensuring that STDs aren’t spread among males having sex means criminalizing bareback gay sex altogether. If a total prohibition against barebacking in gay sex would address the issue, a total prohibition against all gay sex would do it even more so, and stamp out all that “unnatural” behavior in the process, right? And thus, so much for your freedom. Don’t imagine this couldn’t happen. There are countries in the world today where this is the reality.

I wonder about this, though - to a strongly Alpha type, almost every other male is subordinate to him, so he’s naturally going to assume, in his worldview, that the other men around him are targets for penetration to some degree. Add to this the general trend we see on these boards demonstrating a roughly 66% demographic of bottoms, and the Alpha’s impressions are strongly reinforced by his experience that he’s usually right - just not for the reasons he thinks. Looked at from the other direction, a bottom may be more quick to respond to the more confident, overt, aggressive advances of an Alpha type, and by ‘tipping his hand’ more easily, make it appear that the Alpha could see something about him, when in fact all he did was reveal himself to the Alpha voluntarily.

The difficulty with this is the relative ease with which proof can be falsified. There are be multiple cases that have appeared in recent news reports of individuals - including some healthcare providers whose job is supposed to be the first line of defense against disease - providing forged immunization cards for the unvaccinated. If you can’t trust some of the proof to be actual proof, then none of it is any proof at all. A QR code would have to be keyed to a governmental vaccination registry of some kind, and there are very good reasons why populations in free societies do not want their governments listing them in registries. I’m not arguing against the idea of people being required to demonstrate vaccination status in principle, but the application would not be a simple affair. To be effective, such a program would require identification created under greater scrutiny and controls.

I don’t actually believe he has some bottom-sensing superpower, and I don’t believe anyone does. But I do believe that some people are extremely keen observers of other people and are able to detect subtle clues that might go unnoticed by the average person. As an autistic person who doesn’t naturally pick up on body language and facial expressions, I’ve had to train myself to observe people very closely to get the kind of information about a person’s mood that most people can tell at a glance. I can imagine how a similar observational skill directed at subtle sexuality cues might reveal much to a person able to understand what they reveal.

I just asked my local Top, who has fucked many, many holes about this, and he says that he can usually tell by looking not only whether a man is a gay Top or bottom, but whether a straight guy likes his ass played with. I asked him if I give off any sort of vibe and he said that if he didn’t know me and saw me on the street he would know that I like to bottom. That’s an amazing ability.

This. Pornography has a director who’s doing his work while not in the middle of coitus. Trying to direct and star in your own porn never turns out well. Just look at all the vids out there where the Top keeps looking at the camera/monitor to see how he looks on camera. It’s immediately obvious he’s not into that fuck or that bottom in the visceral way that makes for compelling viewing. And a bottom whose vocals are plainly playing for the camera is just annoying. I think the advice above is good not only if you’re being filmed, but also if you know that other people are watching you being fucked. One night at camp when I was being publicly fucked on a picnic table, a small group of men had gathered to watch. I knew they were there, and I was very conscious of how I must have appeared because I was taking a pretty thorough cunting, but after a few minutes I thought, You know what, fuck it and just forgot all about them and surrendered myself completely to that Top’s pleasure. I know those watchers got a much more satisfying spectacle out of watching my real, raw, unvarnished sexual response play out before them than if I had tried to embellish the experience for show. Is it wrong that I love being fucked in front of a crowd so much? I would do it given any opportunity, in a heartbeat.

You know, I have absolutely no idea whether people who look at me can see or sense anything about my sexuality. No one ever makes any sort of open move or comment on me outside of a bathhouse, male or female. Not that that’s particularly surprising - I’ve got a face made for radio, and it’s a wonder anyone can look at it at all for any length of time, let alone study it for clues. But on the other hand, I doubt I would notice if someone did make a pass at me - I don’t have the ability to pick up on social cues. It would actually be a great relief if anyone with an interest would be as overt about it as @Sub-Cocksucker’s trucker above; that way I would be sure I wasn’t overlooking anything and could just respond honestly. As if. Chances are I’m not missing any advances on me because there aren’t any advances on me to miss.

As a fellow bathhouse cumdump, I frankly don’t appreciate this kind of statement. You’re expressing a personal fetish as though it were a universal truth, and there are sick fucks out there who somehow think it’s fine to intentionally infect other people who will read your comment and use it as justification to say that all cumdumps actually want it. If you doubt that, just look at the first reply to your post, which says, “hell yeah, who the fuck cares about these faggots?” You just reinforced the antisocial attitude of one asshole who may now feel more emboldened to go to a bathhouse and infect someone like me who doesn’t share your idea that getting infected with STDs is hot. So thank you so very much not for that. All of us absolutely fucking do not want it, and most of us absolutely do not think it’s one of the hottest things about the service we provide. Instead, it’s a risk we unnecessarily have to face because of the inhumanity of some of our fellow men - and because men like you go out of your way to empower them. Your outlook toward yourself and your cumdumping is always over-the-top in its portrayal that you see yourself as worthless, trashy, and deserving of abuse by other men. It’s obviously intentional and for effect, and that’s your (and your therapist’s) business. Just don’t ever get confused and imagine that you speak for the rest of us, or that your persona - real or imagined - represents what all, or even most, cumdumps actually are. Your voice…uniquely…applies only to you. And all you men out there who read that and think, “hell yeah, who cares about these faggots” - you’re on notice - don’t read this caricature of a description of a bathhouse cumdump and assume that you’ve learned anything about us or that it gives you any firmer ground on which to stand. It does not.

The only contact I’ve ever had from it was the day after I posted my entry. Some asshole from 300 miles away trolled me just to see if I would actually reply. Since then, nothing whatsoever.

I’m not sure I entirely agree. The premise that the bottom must give the Top an opportunity to lie absolves the Top of any responsibility for the knowledge that he has of his own condition. He approaches the transaction from an advantaged position - he has information the other man lacks about a condition that would a) pose risks to the other man and b) potentially predispose the other man negatively toward the Top. Given these things, the Top would seem to have the ethical obligation not to withhold the information simply because he isn’t positively asked for it. But look at it a different way - let’s say I walk down a street one evening and a man is lurking in a side alley. As I pass, he doesn’t announce himself, but slinks up behind me and mugs me for my wallet. He has achieved his goal and taken what he wanted by stealth. I don’t see that as greatly different in spirit from a man with an untreated STD who fucks another man without telling him of the danger. When I was in Atlanta, one young Top fucked me, inseminated me, and then said, “Now you got my toxic load.” I consider myself stealthed by him because he knew exactly what he was doing, every bit as though he had mugged me on the street. Do you suggest that I had no right to expect him not to do it because I didn’t ask him if he was infectious? Would I have no right to complain about a mugging if I didn’t ask the mugger if he was about to mug me? We are each affirmatively responsible for the evil we do and the harm we cause.

There is the distinction, though, in the situation where a man knows that he is a potentially infectious carrier of disease and fucks another man anyway without disclosing that fact. On the one hand, he may have no malicious intent and is simply (irresponsibly) hoping for the best while he gets his fuck, but he isn’t approaching the situation with the idea if surreptitiously infecting the other person. Calling this stealthing seems uncertain to me. On the other hand, you have the infected and infectious Top who does the same thing, no questions asked, except he has it in mind that he is going to expose the bottom to his disease in hopes of transmission. This, I would easily call stealthing. It’s not a question of letting chips fall where they may - the infected Top already knows which way the chips are likely to fall and does his best to see that they do. It’s not no-harm-no-foul, it’s very much a case of intentional harm, and is unconscionable due to its malice.

I’m not sure that the issues of disclosure/nondisclosure are as universally associated with stealthing as an act. On the one hand, you have a very specific matter of whether a condom was or was not worn as understood and/or agreed. Expanding the definition of stealthing to encompass acts performed under the false pretense of falsifying one’s HIV status, however, begins to make the definition pliable to the point that uncertainty arises as to its absolute ethical standing. For instance, we may agree that falsely answering a question about whether you pose a health risk in order to get your fuck is stealthing by this definition; but what do we make of a man who has been durably Undetectable for a number of years, who answers the question “Are you poz” with “I’m safe”? It could be argued that he has misled the bottom into believing that he’s Neg, which would implicate stealthing, but he has also told the truth, and he does not pose a risk to that bottom from his fuck. Has he stealthed him? He didn’t lie - he just answered in a way subject to interpretation. Does all nondisclosure amount to stealthing? What if the question isn’t asked? There’s a lot of talk on here about how bottoms who don’t ask any questions should expect to get stealth-bred by men with disease. While doing so is indisputably heinous on the part of the Top who does it, is it stealthing per se if there is no expressed consent to be violated? Do we adopt the position (as one would hope) that the default for consent in sexual relations is that the recipient does not agree to be knowingly infected with disease? Or do we create a standard in which affirmative consent must be expressed for any act, on the basis of true information, and therefore anything that happens under color of deceit is stealthing? If I host ass-up for an evening and take half a dozen anonymous cocks and no conversation is ever had with any of those men about my Positive status, have I strealth-bottomed all of them? Some would shrug their shoulders and say ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ as though that were some kind of answer, but that doesn’t address whether I met my ethical obligations. Now, what I do is make sure that my status is clearly posted in every profile - I’m not hiding anything. If I’m asked, I answer truthfully and in detail. But if I feel another man’s penis enter my body and I do not know whether he is aware of my status, does my allowing him to continue possibly unaware mean that I’m stealthing him? I know that I’m Undetectable or I wouldn’t be in that room with my ass up in the first place. As anyone can tell by my previous posts on the subject, I have firm views on the utter dickishness of stealthing, as it has been heretofore more narrowly defined, and I take an extremely dim view of any practice that risks harm to another person. Yet it seems to me the vagaries of sexual interaction are too complex to be simplified to a sense that anything dishonest, by lie or by omission, is “stealthing”.