ErosWired

You’re making the assumption that the majority of people are critical thinkers who employ reason. Any given news cycle will supply an overabundance of evidence that the majority absolutely do not.

Perhaps not, but within Breedingzone, this one forum is specifically health-care focused. Sometimes it takes some effort to ensure that it stays that way so that it can serve as a badly needed source of plain and reliable information to guide men in making healthy decisions for their own lives.

There is, potentially, a rationale that a man who does not wish to become positive might entertain in his mind for not using PrEP, and that is the fact that PrEP is not harmless. Some individuals may find the side effects not tolerable, and even if the short-term side effects pose no difficulty, long-term, consistent use of the medication in the way required to maintain an effective barrier to infection can potentially have adverse consequences for kidney, liver and some cardiovascular function, particularly if there are other complicating factors like smoking and obesity. I can see a man weighing the relative risk in his mind, given the frequency of his personal sexual activity, between a risk of slowly systematically essentially ‘poisoning’ himself with a harsh medication and rolling the dice on the chance of catching the virus, given its real-world probability of transmission. I can see a guy running the numbers and making a personal decision about his own risk. Which, in the end, is what every one of us does - only some do so on the basis of reality and some do so on the basis of fantasy and hype. Kimberley is apparently asking what reasons men base their decision to stop PrEP on other than simply wanting to be positive. I understand the question a little better, but from reading these boards for the last four years I’m still pretty convinced that just about any answer that would pop up would beg a response just like the first one I gave. Because it’s too hard for me to get PrEP/can’t afford it/doctor won’t prescribe it/my parents would find out Yeah. And all that’s going to be so much easier when it’s ART instead, right? Logical fail, especially when there are solutions to all these sorts of issues. Because I can just take PEP/TasP instead Get an education. TasP (Treatment as Prevention) is when you’ve already got HIV and are taking your ART to protect others. PEP (Post-Exposure Prophylaxis) is approached by the medical community as an emergency intervention. It has to be administered within 72 hours of exposure and then you have to take it for 28 consecutive days or it may be ineffective. The medical standard is that it’s for incidental, isolated emergency use, not a pattern of risky behavior - your insurance might cover it the first time, but good luck after that. It ain’t cheap. I just take it when I need it Then it’s not going to be in your body holding off the virus when you need it. You have to take it regularly, not sometimes. You can’t skip around and expect it to work. It’s not a condom in pill form. I don’t like taking medicine/don’t trust doctors Your choice doesn’t make sense then, because, sooner or later, you stand a significant chance of spending a lot of time in a hospital and then taking pills every day from then on. If I’m going to get it, I’m going to get it - there’s no arguing with Fate. I may as well fuck without worrying about something I can’t change Oh, a fatalist, are we? So the King, standing on the battlements of the castle with his soldiers, sees the barbarian horde surging across the plain. “Sire!” says his Captain of Guard, “They bring battle. We must close the castle gate and secure the surround!” “Nay,” says the King, “the Fates have spun the cloth of each of our lives already; if it is fated we should die by heathen spear, then die we shall. Why die in futile effort closing gates? Come, let us go in and enjoy our feast.” The Captain of Guard hears the King, looks again at the bristling line of spears, says, “Fuck that,” and tips the King over the wall. He shouts to his men below. “Close the Goddamn gate, and be quick about it!” Because only an idiot leaves the gate open for the fucking barbarians. My Alpha/Dom/Master/Sir/Owner won’t let me Okay, brother, let’s get really real here. I know what you’re saying, because a man owned my physical body for six years and did what he liked, right down to running needles through my nuts, so I get submission. And you and I both know, deep down, that that guy doesn’t actually have the right to decide that. It doesn’t matter what you agreed to, doesn’t matter what your “contract” is, he doesn’t ever get to decide to put your life at risk. Play is play. Don’t get it twisted. And I’m saying that as someone for whom it’s gotten pretty fucking twisted. There may be more “reasons” like these why non-chasers might rationalize giving up taking advantage of the miracle of modern science that has liberated us from the Dark Years when an HIV diagnosis was a death sentence and blithely live and fuck as though AIDS is something “nobody dies from anymore” (try telling that to Africa). But I absolutely defy anyone to produce a credible reason that doesn’t require him to put his life on the line to make that decision, and any reason that doesn’t give death its due cannot call itself a product of reason.

I understood your question. It’s the fact that you asked it on the HIV/AIDS & Sexual Health board that prompted me to reply, because your question not only implies that a choice to consciously contract HIV can have a reasonable basis, but opens up a platform for bugchaser and pozzing apologists to make misguided and ill-informed arguments that may lead real people to make real decisions that will cause real consequences in their lives and bring about real suffering. My reply was intended not so much to provide you with an answer as to address its underlying assumptions before they blossomed into something that would cause this thread to have to be moved to the bugchasing forum, as has happened recently. If you want to dig into the minds and motivations of men predisposed to catching sexually transmitted diseases, I would suggest the more suitable location for inquiry - and where you’re likely to get more robust response of the type you’re looking for - would be in the Backroom.

I couldn’t even vote on a poll like this with so few options when such a creative canvas is available to you. You could do so much with this. Think of it as any advertising space - consider audience, what you’re ‘selling’, and the message. Do you want to be blunt? Cheeky (no pun intended)? Subtle? Seductive? Witty? Are you going to go with describing the product (“CUMDUMP”) or provide instructions (“FUCK ME”)? Whatever you decide, be careful what you ask for - you might get it. 😉 SLUT ENTRANCE IN REAR 🔽 (simple arrow) HOLY 🔽 GRAIL DEVIANT WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR IT’S NOT GOING TO FUCK ITSELF BOTTOMLESS INSATIABLE INCORRIGIBLE JUST DO IT (Nike swoosh optional) I could do this all day.

Here’s the difference. With PrEP, you don’t end up with a reservoir of the Human Immunodeficiency Virus in your body trying constantly, every minute of every day, to turn the cells of your body into more copies of itself. When you “let it happen naturally”, you do, and although you may then take ART every day for the rest of your life after that, you will never be able to get rid of that reservoir inside your body. But so what, right? PrEP’s the same medicine as ART, and nowadays, if you take ART it’s like you don’t even have HIV, right? Plus, now you don’t have to worry about catching it and can fuck like pigs! Bonus So. Wrong. Just before I read your post, I had just finished reading several articles about studies on living with HIV, its effect on life expectancy, and its impact on the rates of developing comorbid illness. You might hear the news that thanks to ART, a guy with HIV can now expect to live to be the same age as a guy without HIV... If he was 21 when diagnosed, caught the infection early, began ART before his CD4 levels dropped below 500, and was totally compliant taking his medication. If he was older, caught the infection later, didn’t start ART until his CD4 had tanked, or skipped his meds, that life expectancy doesn’t measure up. More good news: Even if you live just about as long as Neg Dude, you’re not going to have as many healthy years as he is. On the average, you’re going to run almost double the risk of certain cardiovascular illnesses, non-AIDS cancers, kidney and liver disease, bone loss, and a whole slew of other bodily breakdowns because the virus is in you, your body is in a constant state of inflammation, 24/7/365. But you want to know about why it matters whether you take PrEP vs. ART, and here’s the big difference, and the teal kick in the teeth in all this - and read this very carefully, because it matters: If you get HIV your body’s immune system will be destroyed and you will die of other diseases. If you do not take ART, take it consistently, and take it for the rest of your life, you will die. You have no choice. Even if you do, the virus’ constant assault on your body will wear down your organs and your systems and cause early illness. But what’s worse is that your ART, the very medication that keeps you from dying, is also causing some of that deterioration in your organs because of its side-effects, and you cannot stop taking it. On the other hand, you could take PrEP, take it as directed, fuck responsibly, never get the disease at all... and be able to stop taking the medicine without committing suicide. This is so important. The difference between taking PrEP and taking ART is that there is a difference between the sexual pozzing fetish that turns you on, and the cold, hard reality of suffering that is HIV. You must learn to recognize where the line between them lies, and where you need to stop before you cross it. You may think you want to be HIV positive, but this isn’t one of those ‘hey, it’s a personal choice’ things - it’s not a question about personal style or philosophy - no, really - really, really - You Do Not Want This. No sane human being would want this.

I don’t usually identify with celebrities, let alone porn stars. But I have to say, watching Dawson in 20-Load Weekend had an effect on me when I first saw it. Near the end, there’s a shot where the camera zooms in close on his totally gaping hole, and inside you see a lake of white. That image always runs through my mind when I think of the times I’ve taken 20 or more loads - if someone had zoomed a camera in on me, would I have looked like that? Would I have looked like Dawson inside? I like to imagine that, yes, I would. I like to think that, yes, I will. I’m certainly going to try. But didn’t Dawson make a 50-Load Weekend? Note to self: Buy more lube.

I apologize if my response made it seem that I thought your post silly or in any way seemed condescending - that was not my intent. I very much understand the sort of outlook you have on these matters as a man who has heretofore only been with women but has discovered later in life a same-sex desire and the simultaneously scary and exhilarating sensation that comes from contemplating actually doing the things you imagine - and then actually doing those things. I understand because 17 years ago, I was basically you. It’s because I was there in relatively recently terms that I felt drawn to speak to you from, as it were, 17 years in the future. I absolutely get what you mean about it feeling hard-core - “hard-core” is definitely a relative concept and a sliding scale. You would consider things I’ve had done to me beyond hard-core while I would think of them as commonplace; but there’s shit out there that I still think is hard-core, and some of it I would kind of like to do just to see what happened and some of it I wouldn’t allow to happen under any circumstances. Hard-core to you is hard-core to you, and that’s fine. I just wanted in my earlier post to indicate that you might be on a different wavelength than a lot of the other posters on the forum in terms of how you characterize the things you’re interested in. I do stand by my advice regarding attempting to set up the kind of scenario you described, however - it doesn’t matter how modern a year it is, you’re never going to be able to get that to work. First of all, what you describe is logistically impossible - you simply cannot obtain test results that rapidly, and no amount of persistence is going to alter that fact. As to the rest, let’s just say that 17 years of arranging hookups with men for sex has given me a fairly representative sense of what you can and cannot get men to do... and you’re never going to get men to do that. Sorry. It’s a nice idea, but men are fuckers. You could, if you were irrationally stubborn, decide you were going to be ‘persistent’ and keep holding out hope any repeatedly trying and failing to make this perfecto-multi-hookup happen, and suddenly look up one day and realize you’ve wasted years trying in frustration to do the impossible when you could have been having perfectly mind-blowing sex with slightly less stringent expectations. Remember: The perfect is the enemy of the good.

Try ‘Happy Hole-y Days’.

Parked. (Guys who get head whilst driving are a menace on the public roads.)

If you use the search function on “words for cum” you’ll find that this question was discussed rather exhaustively between 2019 and 2020. The answers you seek are here:

Wow. He was born almost exactly a year before I was, and worked as a copy writer. In college I worked as a copy editor. I’ve always had the feeling that it would only have taken one encounter at a certain point to have sent my life down a path that could have resembled that. There but for the grace of God...

In the absence of any conversation, if the bottom willingly accepts bare, I agree that internal insemination is a reasonable assumption - it is, in fact, how the entire system is designed to work. Where it becomes problematic is when the parameters of that natural system begin to become less distinct in the minds of some men, especially whilst heavily engaged. If it’s reasonable that a Top should cum inside while barebacking, to a certain sort of mind it’s not that great a step to rationalize that pissing into the guy would be just as reasonable - they’re both natural functions, they both feel good, they both come out of the same cock, and doing one often brings on a desire to do the other. Put that way, it almost seems like a logical progression, and why doesn’t everybody do this all the time? And so he does. The reason why, of course, is that it’s human waste, and a significant enough proportion of fucktargets would object to being flooded with it that one couldn’t reliably assume acceptance. I’ve only been piss-fucked once, because I’m usually pretty up-front about my very, very few hard limits, urine being one of them. In this one case, I didn’t mention it because the play was straight-up vanilla fucking (with a cherry on top - he had a full 9 inches) and I had no reason to think anything out if the ordinary would happen. He told me as soon as he did it, and I immediately got up and emptied myself. I didn’t say a word to him about it, and I didn’t get upset at him. He shouldn’t have assumed - filling another person’s insides full of what you flush down the toilet is kind of a radical thing to just pull on somebody - but I let my guard down and couldn’t blame him for not knowing just how wrong he got it with me. I didn’t warn him. Now, in the case where a Top pisses in the bottom for the humiliation value, that’s another matter. There’s no way that gets rationalized as reasonable alongside cumming inside in a natural sense. To get to the point where that’s a reasonable expectation, you have to subscribe to a certain view that bottoms only exist to be degraded by Tops, and I don’t. (My view as a submissive is a different rabbit hole...)

@BareLover666 - Thank you for sharing your valuable perspective on this. The thing that makes it so important is that it helps readers begin to understand the way that such experiences can be complex questions for the person who experienced them, not always defined in black-and-white terms, and that different people process the experiences differently, and can sometimes come to view the same event in terms both positive and negative. You are correct that cases of sexual assault and rape have been found to not be driven by sexual desire, but rather by anger, hatred, or a desire for power or control. Sexual abuse, however, may sometimes be a result of an individual’s acting on his prurient impulses - paedophilia comes to mind as an immediate example, but a man might act on sexual impulse in an inappropriate way and, having once crossed that inhibitory threshold, do it again until it becomes a repetitive offense. He may either not realize the harm - or potential harm - he does to the underage person, or he may face a psychological conundrum in which his conscience comes into direct conflict with his strong sexual urge, the urge triumphs, and he then resolves the conundrum by psychologically manufacturing a rationale under which he persuades himself he is doing no wrong or no harm. Your point about a young person having the ability to discover sexuality at his or her own pace, when he or she is ready, is well taken, and firm age markers are not always helpful. A number of posters on this forum have indicated they were eager and ready for that stage of development as pre-teens. I was decidedly not. I bloomed extraordinarily late, and am absolutely certain that an adverse sexual intervention at an early age would have severely traumatized me; I was unequipped to understand or cope with such a thing then. It would have radically altered the trajectory of my life going forward. Even now, with the benefit of an adult’s mind and life experience, and years of work building cognitive rational thinking, I still find it difficult to understand why the men who have sexually assaulted me as an adult have done so. Childhood is a vital period of development that shapes the whole person to come, and you only get one shot at it. That’s why I tend to err on the side of zero tolerance for adult advances toward young people. I can only say that, as a father of two who have successfully reached the threshold of adulthood unmolested, had any man made such an attempt, he would not have been able to make a second - the weight of six feet of cold clay on top of him would have made it impossible.

@blackrobe - While your analysis above likely has some merit, your discussion assumes that the narratives being related, and reacted to, all have their origin in the lived experience of the tellers, who are sharing their true stories so as to help others as well as themselves contextualize the experience. But this overlooks the fact that some of the material we see is outright fiction, posted by its originators for no more purpose than base titillation and a taste for what they consider deviant behavior. They do not post out of an understanding of such an experience, and certainly not with any consideration or sensitivity to the potential impact their salacious pseudo-testimonials might have on other members here who have actually had to contend with the real thing. The difficulty lies in our inability to readily separate the false narratives from the real ones. The true stories have a legitimate telling here regardless of whether the poster views his experience as positive or negative; indeed, it is only through these variegated lenses of experience that we can begin to understand the reality that underlies the phenomenon. Calls to remove authentic material are misplaced and should be rejected. But umbrage over false accounts intended merely to thicken the atmosphere of smuttiness on the site is, in my opinion, entirely justified, at least on the open boards. We may be a randy, libertine bunch of fuckers here, but we have scruples (at least some of us do) and not every behavior is an acceptable behavior. The fact that some individuals have not been seriously damaged by the sexual abuse they experienced in childhood does not mean that people need to chill out about it because it can be a good thing - it means those individuals were fortunate that they were not devastated as others have been. It isn’t necessary for the average person on the street to go to a website to understand that sexual abuse traumatizes children; our society already has that very real concept baked in, which is why we have strict laws codified against it. You’re right, we absolutely don’t want to be wantonly silencing people’s voices. But when many of those voices are false narratives celebrating something this potentially harmful, people of conscience have an obligation to protest.

To what degree this is typical, I can’t say, but my own experience was this: I was hospitalized for a week in the late fall of 2011 for a severe flu-like viral infection. I was tested for HIV, but the test came back negative. (Note that, it’s important.) The doctors were never able to determine the viral cause, but my symptoms cleared in a week and they sent me home, shrugged their shoulders and wrote it off as an anomaly. Over the next three years, I got tested periodically for HIV after hookups; the results always came back negative. My routine checkups at my doctor’s office, however, kept turning up inexplicable anemia and low levels of B12, among other things my GP couldn’t explain. Then, in late July 2014 I got pneumonia. I got through it by early August, but then developed it again within another week, followed by an unbelievable headache that finally sent me to the hospital, where I was found to have fungal meningitis along with the pneumonia. This time, the HIV test came back positive - along with a diagnosis of full-blown AIDS. EverY HIV test I had taken from my seroconversion in 2011 for the next three years had returned a false negative. Had my GP been more familiar with the signs of early HIV infection, the anemia, low B12 and other factors might have been a sign, but he wasn’t, and missed it all until I got AIDS right under his nose in the course of three years. So, how many licks does it take to get to the center of the lollipop? One - two - three. Three years. But only if you’re really, really unlucky and you and/or your doctor don’t know what the signs look like.

The first time I ever went to a bathhouse the clerk who checked me in found me and fucked me at the end of his shift. As to ABS clerks, I can tell you this: For some of them, it’s just a retail job like any other and they aren’t looking to hook up with the customers who are constantly angling at them. I know this because my nephew was one for a while. Not a glamorous gig. He tells about how at one point this dude comes in and buys a huge dildo with a suction cup base, goes out to where his car is parked in full view of the interstate highway, strips naked, plants that dildo on the hood of the car and starts riding it balls deep. Well, naturally, the cops show up eventually and haul the guy’s ass off, but they tell my nephew he needs to come get rid of the dildo. It’s not his problem, of course, since the guy paid for it and took it out of the store, but the car was still in the parking lot, so rather than argue with the local cops, he just put on a pair of gloves, pulled the dildo off the car and threw it into the bushes. It’s that sort of thing that makes hooking up with random customers maybe not so appealing to some. When they’re random, they can be really random,

I daresay you do imagine that. Bottoms imagine that Tops think all kinds of things, but since they’re not Tops, they don’t know what Tops actually think, which is the actual question. Which is why I very specifically asked bottoms not to answer.

Since we can’t seem to get rid of the fucking term, how about we repurpose it - from now on, any time I see someone use the term ‘BBC’ I’m going to assume he means ‘Bigger-than-Big-Cock’ or ‘Beyond Big Cock’ or ‘Butt-Bruising Cock’ or something of that nature, because that’s what it amounts to anyway. (I came up with those because it’s kind of hard to imagine shoving the British Broadcasting Corporation up your ass.) If someone has a need to specify the skin color of the cock’s owner, he’s just going to have to be explicit - and he’d better have a damn good reason. As for the Op’s actual question, first of all, realize that the anatomy in question isn’t made for what you’re using it for. The anus is supposed to be an outward-only orifice, and the material it passes is normally of a size and consistency that fits the specifications. When you take a huge cock, you’re absolutely violating the manufacturer’s warranty, so it’s no surprise that it doesn’t work well. It comes down to practice, stretching, learning how your insides react to certain positions, and how to manipulate all of these to best effect. It also includes mental conditioning so that you can force yourself to breathe when you need to breathe, relax when you must relax, and control your body when it feels a sudden urge to seize up. In short, you must train your body and mind to accept what is in essence a physical assault against its natural structure and order, and depending on how the fuck is performed, that assault can be a matter of blunt force. If you learn to relax and condition your tissues to adapt to the violation, the assault on them need not result in trauma. Also, lube. Lots of lube. Poppers help too, used judiciously. Lastly, not enough can be said of the value of communication with the Top both before and during the act. Verbally and non-verbally, let him know how things are going, and if he can make adjustments that will improve the experience for you both. The last time I took a truly BeyondBigCock, the Top was particularly skilled at penetration and he and I kept looking each other right in the eye as he entered me - he held my hips and thrusted; I felt his angle and tilted; he followed my lead and pulled my pelvis into position, and slid that monster straight past my second sphincter like it had been lined up for him.

Seriously - This question is intended to reveal something about the workings of the minds of Tops, and only Tops can answer it. As much as I admire my fellow bottoms’ experience, I ask that you refrain from replying, even to relate what a Top has said to you - you may have heard what he said, buy you didn’t think what he thought. On to the question - Tops - When you reach the goal, and deliver your load inside the body of the man you’re fucking, does having made that transfer alter the way you think of that man in any way? We sometimes hear the act described in terms that suggest it makes a permanent change in the receiver, a thing that can’t be undone - “he’s fucked now”; “he’s been cunted”. Or we hear terms that imply a possessive or territorial interest - “you’re mine now”, “he made him his bitch”. I have seen Alphas express in no uncertain terms a sense that inseminating a man places their exclusive mark on him (or they would like to think so) and sometimes act accordingly. I feel sure that the other extreme is also true, that there are Tops who feel that the fact that a man allowed himself to be seeded by them makes him worthless and discardable. But in both cases, the sense exists that the act of insemination in some way marks the receiver. I’m sure that there is a spectrum of views on this among Tops; I find myself thinking back from time to time about the largest gangbang I ever took, back at camp. That day, the greater majority of the men in that camp fucked me to completion. The next day, we were all still there, and I knew that any one of them who walked by me might be thinking: I fucked him. I left my load in him. He’s _________. But I could never finish that thought because I could never decide what a Top might think. If a man were to fuck and seed his best friend for the first time, it would almost certainly change in the relationship (unless reciprocated). I think there is still some of the same dynamic at work even in casual encounters. When you leave your load in a man, does it feel like something is now permanently different between you? Does it give you a sense of accomplishment? Pride? Victory? Possession? Do you feel that you’ve left your mark on him? Do you feel like you’ve established an entitlement to access to him? Do you just feel like you have bragging rights? Do you feel like you’ve left a physical part of you in him and become a part of him? You may feel none of this, or something quite different. Whatever you feel about it, I would very much appreciate anyone’s willingness to share his thoughts. So very, very many men have bred me - and so many more are going to - and I really would like to have an idea of what they think when they finish.

He just left. While he was doing it, I was thinking kind of stream-of-consciousness Damn, loves eating ass, doesn’t he, whoa he’s got a tight grip on my cock is he trying to make me cum before he fucks me? oh well if he does it doesn’t make any difference I’m getting fucked anyway-unh-finger in deep, yeah, he’s looking for my p-spot / oop! yeah, found it [long stretch of less thinking than feeling the rush of him working on me] oh-that’s his cock at my hole and...fucking... This sequence kind of repeated itself three times before he finally picked up the pace of thrusting and said, “You want this fucking load?” I may have said yes, I may have just made a noise; what difference did it make? It was a rhetorical question anyway. He slapped my ass and left.

I’m thinking it right now - He’s coming. He always comes. He’s come so many times I’ve lost count. He’s going to come in and and eat my ass, and finger my cunt deep like hr always does, and then he’s going to breed me and leave another load inside me. How much of his seed have I taken already? How much his personal bitch am I to him? He’s young, he loves it He’s here.

That’s an interesting perspective. For me, it’s quite the opposite. The feeling that I could be falling for someone is always attended with a sort of creeping horror that the feeling I allow to build, amplify, and entrench itself in me will be unrequited, and will turn back inside-out on itself and self-annihilate like some antimatter of the soul, leaving nothing but an emptiness that can’t be filled. At least, that has been my personal experience in life, so that now, if I were to sense such a feeling coming on in such a circumstance, I would instantly smother it. But mine is the point-of-view of the emotional ascetic; yours, the romantic. Some people have hearts that bend, and stretch, and bounce, while others shatter beyond mending. Only the OP can judge what sort he has, and what his risk may be. (Myself, this isn’t the sort of thing I like to observe; I find train wrecks poor entertainment.)

? According to my calendar, it’s Thursday, at least in this part of the world? But hey, I have always found Thursday nights to be the most productive night of the week when I host, easily. I plan my outings around Thursdays. As to what I think about... Just before he walks in the door the thought usually goes though my head: He’s coming. He’ll be here any second and when he comes in he’s going to fuck me. He’s going to touch my cunt and put himself inside me and use me for his own pleasure. He’s going to breed me, and there’s nothing I can do to prevent it now because he’s practically here. And then he comes in, and does all of that. But while he’s doing it, my thoughts actually become quite technical: Is this the best angle for my hips for him? Maybe a slight tilt upward will give better friction How is he responding to the sound I’m making? Is this guy one who gets off on grunting or whimpering? Does he want to compete, conquer, or breed? (I could end up in any state by the time he’s done with me, but it helps to get an idea of what flips his switch) Is he getting close? Check his hip action - is it time to start rhythmic contractions to help enhance his orgasm? Or is he enjoying the free play of a loose cunt to much to risk it? And, on very, very rare occasions, when the Top is such a masterful fucksmith that he overwhelms me, I allow myself not to analyze at all and just absorb the sensation: ohhhhhhh myyyyyyy ffuuuuucckkkkinggg cuuuunnnnntttt- — Please. Please. Don’t. Ever. Stop. I. Beg. You. To. Fuck. Me. Like. This. Just. Like. This. Forever.

I think what suggests to those reading here that you may be fantasizing somewhat are expressions like “we almost slept together”. That implies a whole raft of possibilities, but to the outside observer, what you actually describe is simply you falling asleep and him leaving you very much alone. Indeed, we understand that he would have actually departed without waking you if it had been possible for him to lock your door. Conflating that into “we almost slept together” smacks of wishful thinking. I understand that you very much want something to be there, but there simply isn’t any evidence of it.