Hi.
I've been browsing the site for about 6 months now and just recently made an account. Kind of a long story for me but to make it short-ish about a year ago I went bareback with a random guy I met at Sound nightclub in LA. He dropped his load in me and as he was leaving he told me he had HIV. I was in a state of excited panic, he left and I was in bed and part of my mind was screaming at me to run to the bathroom and clean myself out, try to get it out as quickly as I could. Another part of my mind was pure thrill at what was inside me, everyone hears about the virus but here it was, inside me trying to infect me. I just stayed in bed and enjoyed the thought. Nothing ever came of it, I was still neg. I wanted that feeling again and it confused me, why I wanted something so dangerous. Googled for "why do I want HIV" and buried far down the results was this site and I've browsed it since. I've used the app hzone to find more poz partners, I've taken about a dozen poz loads since the first time, still neg however.