Newly pozzed bottom cut off married fuck buddy upon diagnosis. Now wants him back.

[TigerMilner]

As soon as I tested positive I slammed the breaks on my sex life. I had basically affairs going with two married men who I had been seeing for over 4 years each. They were both bisexual and were young men still able to bang their wives cunts regularly. And becuase they never once wore a condom with me, I always felt an obligation to stay as clean as possible so they didnt take anything home to their wives. I'm a decent guy/whore that their husband is fucking.

My Dilemma now is that they don't care now that I am undetectable. The favorite one, 6'4" 38 year old countryclub tennis champion who is handsome and hung and is really nice to me. He's a very successful business man and I love how he struts his sucess. It makes him feel manly. One day he comes over in a $3000 suit and the next time he's wearing jeans, a t-shirt, a $2000 sport coat and $1600 cowboy boots. I like a man who is proud of himself and who indulges himself. I am one of his indulgences. We will call him Bryan. I told him I couldn't see him anymore and I told about contracting HIV. He was awesome and offered me money to help out, a shoulder to cry on, the works. I didn't encourage him as I felt it was done. I didn't want to be a part of potentially changing his and his wife's lives. So i resigned myself to letting him go. My favorite fuck buddy.

I've been undetectable for 6 months and I feel I have this undercontrol. He is always the top so his risk is cut even further. I have bled after his fuckings because his dick is like a tennis ball can. It is big. He's an agressive fuck. Like a straight man. I WANT HIM BACK.

Should I email him and just lay that all out? Let him decide if he wants to fuck me again bad enough to take that small insignificant risk. He loves our sex. It has always had an air of "us getting away with something together'. It was hot. And I keep cumming back to his big German cock. I love that cock. And his huge balls flood my ass and my throat with ungodly amounts of his Aryan seed. I want him back.

Should I leave well enough alone that I got out of it with no one getting hurt and he and I still friends, or should I tell him I want to be his whore-again. I haven't been fucked in his new Audi A8 yet damnit. Sometimes we fuck in his car cause it is another symbol of his success, and thus his manliness. I buy into it all. I want him back! Opinion? Advise? and don't bother with "if he fucks you it's his problem what he might take home....." Cliche, heard it already. Plus, I'm just not like that.

Having an ongoing affair with a married man is actually a responsibility. Besides not giving him STI's, keeping our secret is as important to me as him. His lovely wife is also a tennis champion at their country club and if it got out that bryan was cheating with another man, alot of people could be hurt. Lives woudl be altered. So, I am trying to do the right thing, not what I want to do.

[seaguy]

Email him. For all you know he could be turning to someone other guy to fuck now and that guy might not be as honest and upstanding as you.

[GermanFucker]

  TigerMilner said:

Should I email him and just lay that all out? Let him decide if he wants to fuck me again bad enough to take that small insignificant risk. He loves our sex. It has always had an air of "us getting away with something together'.

As you weren't exclusive with him, there had always been a small risk (of HIV or any other sneaky STI not diagnosed in time).

In the end, it is completely up to you. If I understand you correctly, both of you are a good with each other and at friendly terms right now, and your main fear is that this will change?

In that case my advice would be: Let him be in control. Lay out the facts. Tell him that you miss the sex and would like to go back to getting fucked by him. Explain that it is his decision, that he can take his time with it and that you are fine, even if he doesn't feel like he can do it. Tell him that you value him as a friend and will continue to do so as well as being discreet, but that you just had to be honest about your feelings and urges. Because if there is a chance he feels the same and is up for it, you wouldn't want to have missed that.

Prepare your reactions (emotionally and rhetorically), if he should decline or suddenly start asking condoms.

I believe your moral obligation here is to be honest. If you had a high viral load and met a guy who's bugchasing behind his wife's back, that would be different. In that case I'd say run as fast as you can. But here the risk is absolutely minimal and you already put the guy at some risk before. You've got to do what feels right and what you can live with. Even if that means walking away from this one.

[not_sure_bb]

what germanfucker said

[TigerMilner]

Oh man, I've got to stop taking Ambien and getting online. I can't believe I put this out there! lol. I read this this morning and didn't remember posting it. Oh well, it is true. And I appreciate the feedback. We are on excellent terms. There was never a break up scenario. Sometimes we have gone months in between seeing each other as he retreats back into his heterosexual life. I have never phoned or texted him in nearly five years. It is always up to him. Last year I last fucked with him three weeks before I was infected. I got sick in two and half weeks so by the next time I heard from Bryan, I knew I was HIV positive. And not on meds til four months later. But by then it was summer, and we never see each other during the summer so I got to keep putting off telling him. But it hung over my head-the disclosure. I was kinda touched when on the very first day of school, which is the end of the summer, I got a text from him. Anyway, I managed to put him off. I didn't want to tell him this in an email or a text, or even a phone call. I wanted to tell him in person. But I was also afraid of putting us in an awkward situation by doing it in person. No way I was going to give his name to the Health Department to notify anonymously. So I emailed him what had happened about a month later.

I am torn now between do I take this as my way out of a situation that really has gone on too long anyway, or do as GermanFucker said and lay it out how I feel and probably start up something again. I could easily fall in love with this man (if I haven't already) and that will lead to nothing but pain. His cock is amazing but he is also a great guy, physically attractive, charming, successful, funny and I like how he makes me feel with i am with him.

I really do want him again. Thanks for the input guys. I think I probably just need to get fucked by a really big cock really soon. lol

Edited January 31, 2013 by TigerMilner

[DivertirMe]

I was in a similar situation once before and I would have to say that GermanFucker's comments and thoughts are worth thinking over slowly.

Years ago I had a long term fuck buddy who was married. I met him when I was 19 or just turned 20. We started fucking bare when I was about 21 and our sexual relationship continued off and on for almost 10 years. I knew when I tested poz and told him of my diagnosis that it would be the end of our sexual so I put off doing it because I didn't want to face that reality. Eventually there came a day when we were both online goofing off and he says that he's horny and wants some head. I've never turned him down when I had time on my hands, so I went over, but in the back of my head I was anxious and nervous because sucking a hard dick leads to fucking and... well I'd want his cock raw, but knew I shouldn't because I was poz and at that point not yet on meds. I went over, sucked his dick, and bent over when he said he wanted my ass, but that was the first and last time I desired a condom in my ass.

I have never felt so relieved to have a guy wear a rubber. I'd have felt pushed to say something in the moment if he'd wanted to fuck raw that day, but fortunately he got a condom without prompting. I'm kinda glad it worked out the way it did because I got to feel his dick one last time, but it was not the best sex either because I was not relaxed. So I guess I'm back to what I wrote before, lay it all out with him so he knows your situation and how you feel.

[einathens]

this is a sore spot for me. if you were truly worried about doing the right thing, you wouldn't be having sex, unprotected or otherwise, with married men.

[iamwhatiam84]

  einathens said:

this is a sore spot for me. If you were truly worried about doing the right thing, you wouldn't be having sex, unprotected or otherwise, with married men.

this^...........