Just hook up or started dating for a Triad

[CashSpreadem]

So my partner and I have been together forever... always play together and have had more 3-ways then I can count... but to make a long story short we had met a guy a few years ago and almost started a triad relationship but things didn't work out (no fault on anyone... moving and life issues) but we have always been close. Things happened and he called last month needing help and came to stay with us and we found out he was using us and is gone... however it was nice coming home to 2 guys, sharing the bed and not cruising for hook ups.

My dilemma is should I tell my partner I want a triad relationship and we should start dating to find us a new partner... or should we leave things as are and continue to have threesomes and cruising the gloryholes? The problem with option two is there are things that I love that my partner doesn't or just doesn't understand and things I have learned I liked over the last month that he just can't do no matter how loud I scream harder.

[versgeek]

You should discuss it with your partner and come to a conclusion together. Just be open to what he feels and has to say on the matter. He shouldn't be forced into it either.

[CashSpreadem]

I know my partner is fine with the hooking up with other guys... It's more do want to follow my feelings and discuss it with him about my feelings about a triad and the drama of us dating another person together and see what his feelings are or just leave things the way it was before this last month... I love hooking up but at the same time not doing it and having that 3rd person was nice... but now if we try we have to date and weed out the flakes and fakes

[pisstopper]

I think talking it over with your partner is the right thing to do. My partner and I have contemplated a triad but aren't necessarily looking to make one happen just for the sake of it. I don't think another person in the relationship would curb anyone's desire for new and different tail in the long run. New adventure has allure no matter how many cocks and asses I have ready access to at home.

I also believe it's extremely difficult to have a third party enter a pre-existing couple. I would expect a third to have the same standing as my partner, but after 18 years with him, that's an awful lot of inside history and shorthand for someone to walk into and catch up with. I think there are places for thirds in relationships - slaves, boys, pups etc. but a true triad is a very different beast and should grow naturally out of already existing relationships

[bearbandit]

I agree with pisstopper here. I've been part of an existing couple who tried to introduce a third to our relationship and, frankly, it did not go well. Similarly there's a couple who live a couple of hundred miles from me who I think the world of, but I'm grateful for the miles because they make the relationship impossible and save all three of us from getting hurt (well, in the wrong way).

[fuckboy20]

I don't know why it is but this is actually a common thing. A couple is together and months, years, or sometime down the road they open it up and play with others. Somewhere along the way one or both actually want a third. I'm part of a poly relationship it's my second one. While travelling I've met a few couples who play with others spoke of "secretly" or not so subtly wanting a third. Maybe they say it maybe they don't but it's there.

Here's another scenario. You say that you can ask your partner and talk about it and pursue a third or just go back to playing with others. But you also said you liked coming home to two (yes it's nice) I can understand that. But are you looking to find a third so that way you two don't have to go out looking for dick and you three become monogamous or if you do have a third will you still be open.

That's something you need to talk to your partner about right now. I can understand about having or needing certain things as well. We're always so damn busy but I really do miss BDSM. We're working on it though.

[CashSpreadem]

Fuckboy If it was the guy we both feel for I told both him and my partner I was happy if our relationship was closed but was willing to keep it open if we all played together and that was what they wanted.

I am burnt out on cock hunting, my partner and I had a 3some the other night and I could not get into it, I used way to much max impact and I think I faked it well but just didn't enjoy it. It took my partner to almost to rip my nipple off to get me off...something our possible third showed me I liked.

I came to the conclusion that the Triad is only with this other guy... Maybe someday down the road this accident will happen again with someone else or maybe this guy will wake up get away from his abusive addicted ex and reach out to us again and we will take it slow with him proving himself to us first but I don't think it will happen to many mean words and lies have been thrown about.

[Candlewood]

People are right that it can be a little difficult to introduce a third, but it's worked successfully for me and my boys. First, years ago I met Thomas and we spend a long time together, tried a third and it didn't work, and then Chris came into the picture, and things were good for awhile--but my relationship with Thomas was crap, and eventually we broke up. I had my eye on a boy I'd started to know, and I brought him home to live with us, and now the three of us are quite happy.

In our case, part of what made it work is that I'm the dominant of the house (they call me 'King Lion' ;3), and the choice was mine to make nearly exclusively. So, that made some things easier, and by choosing carefully and taking time to make sure Chris could meet him, and spend time with him, and then the two of us could talk alone in between, we found it to be comfortable.

I think that, if there are needs to be met that aren't, then being the guy 'cruising' for the newer partner, on your own, can be a big part of finding the right man. The foundation of trust there rests on your partner and you both knowing that, if somebody comes around that you like but they don't fit in the group, that you'll walk away.

In my experience, I've found that leaving the door open, as it were, is the most important thing in keeping a relationship fresh, honest and up-front. When somebody finds leaving unimaginable, they may do any number of things to keep things 'normal', to keep things stable--but when leaving is just as easy as can be, then telling the truth and letting worries or problems come to the surface right away becomes the only sensible thing to do, and it makes you a stronger couple for it.

I wouldn't give up just yet . . . but my focal point is, whether you do or don't, the desire to have a third can stand just on its own and that's ok.

[CashSpreadem]

Candlewood... our relationship with © feel into place 5 years ago for a few months and it felt great...we all clicked when we saw him a few months ago was still the same I think it worked because it came naturally and he told us he would come back for a longer visit... this time though all he did was cruise hook up sites and lie to us. We knew that with his last relationship he had to lie to see his friends and got into drugs and him coming up was to help him...The last week he was here we all joked that I was the alpha outside, my partner was in the house but he was in the bedroom which I liked. When he went back to get his things becomes confusing and I think his ex and we will call him a roommate lied to us and him about what was being said and now he feels that we hurt him but wont let us explain our side.

I do like your idea that if we do want it to try having a third that maybe I should look for someone that meets both our needs since I am the one that feels like a little bit is missing from the bedroom after © has been here and him showing me things I like I didn't really know I did... I love my nipples played with but the amount of pain and pleasure he gave me was like nothing I had before... and after him restraining me to the bed with robe ties and him and my partner using me was amazing... but these are things my partner just doesn't do. I think I will need to bring this up to my partner and see what he says.... Thanks

Edited December 21, 2013 by PDXPozCumDump

[Jake Wetmore]

I've been in a triad for 6 years now, my married partner and I have been together for 11 years and we were always poly-amorous. We are a family of men, we all three live together and function as one unit. I think adding a third works best when it happens naturally for both men in the original coupling and both are into the idea. Sexually, there is a ebb and flow in our relationship, but there are two key things that keep us going. No long-term jealousy (everyone has moments of jealous, but you move past it) and being open and honest. All three of us have other men in and out of our lives and bedrooms. Some we play with together, some 2 on 1 and some just one on one. I have a boy on top of my triad relationship (love you mindtrip) who fits perfectly because he too understands the difference between love and fucking another pig. Insecurities and jealousies are hard on a couple, but they will absolutely destroy a triad.

[CashSpreadem]

I've been in a triad for 6 years now, my married partner and I have been together for 11 years and we were always poly-amorous. We are a family of men, we all three live together and function as one unit. I think adding a third works best when it happens naturally for both men in the original coupling and both are into the idea. Sexually, there is a ebb and flow in our relationship, but there are two key things that keep us going. No long-term jealousy (everyone has moments of jealous, but you move past it) and being open and honest. All three of us have other men in and out of our lives and bedrooms. Some we play with together, some 2 on 1 and some just one on one. I have a boy on top of my triad relationship (love you mindtrip) who fits perfectly because he too understands the difference between love and fucking another pig. Insecurities and jealousies are hard on a couple, but they will absolutely destroy a triad.

My partner of 15 doesn't see a difference between love and sex (or fucking) he also doesn't believe men can be monogamous and that is why we play together so we don't have the urge to cheat on each other... not that I don't have the urge to take a trip to the bathhouse by myself since he hates them but I don't.

Thank you Jake...BTW LOVE your picture DAMN!

[not_sure_bb]

i will always prefer strange, for that i say stick with the random 3somes

[Jake Wetmore]

you bet PDX...men are pigs...trying to deny it just causes all sorts of problems!