I'm 19 and ready to be Poz.

[Hotload84]

I had to think about this one, and after reflection I've voted no, not because PreP doesn't work, and not because there aren't viable courses of treatment when one seroconverts, but because the complications of getting medical treatment can, depending on the vicissitudes of one's situation, be complicated, and I don't wish such complications on anyone.

[Kenywi]

I read a lot of things on this site that glamorize being poz. Being Poz is NOT glamorous! Some of you may have read my story <still working on it> and it is listed under bug chaser/gift giving. But for the most part my story ISN'T a bug chaser story. Its a romance and the one of the characters happens to be poz. I was stealthed back in the late 90's and went on meds as soon as I was diagnosed. At the time I was 10 t-cells over being diagnosed full blown AIDS. It took me 6 months to get healthy and get t-cells up and viral load down. Now I don't have any problems with the HIV. BUT I do have problems from what the HIV did to my body. I now have chronic IBS, I have ITP, and other health issues that are the result of contracting HIV. I'm on disability, single, live with my parents, cant find a date I go for years without getting the touch of another man, and let me tell you I wouldn't be having these issues if I were Neg. Don't DO IT!

[SFNegMuscleBottomForPoz]

No. Dont get poz, i agree with everyone else who says no.

Dude! Go on Prep and take all the poz cum you want but then you stay Neg. you can have the thrill of taking poz loads while on Prep Truvada - 1 pill a day - but you do not have any of the hastles of getting poz and sick. Have you ever had the flu really bad and felt fucking miserable and uncomfortable? Why would you want that when you can take Prep, stayNeg and ass gobble up all the poz cum you want without the new side effects.

You are lucky to be 19 and even have the luxury of the choice to take Prep! This is cutting edge on new technology to take Truvada Prep, play bareback, stay Neg and pig out! this has only been around 2-3 years. It is so old school to just choose to poz up instead of taking Prep and staying Neg and pigging out!

In 5 years, in 10 years you will absolutely be so fucking happy you decided on Prep!

[hungry_hole]

I read a lot of things on this site that glamorize being poz. Being Poz is NOT glamorous! ...Don't DO IT!

I agree because no illness can be good. Last week I saw a doctor for some issue in one of my wrists and I was SO happy of being HIV-negative and not have to bring up the issue of being poz as one lists the medications one is taking. I find that little things like a visit to a doctor gets complicated with HIV.

No. Dont get poz,...You are lucky to be 19 and even have the luxury of the choice to take Prep! This is cutting edge on new technology to take Truvada Prep, play bareback, stay Neg and pig out! this has only been around 2-3 years. It is so old school to just choose to poz up instead of taking Prep and staying Neg and pigging out!

In 5 years, in 10 years you will absolutely be so fucking happy you decided on Prep!

I'm facing the same dilemma that many men who bareback face, fucking bareback but not wanting to infect with HIV or any other STI. So I see the potential of PrEP but at the same time a part of me tells me that PrEP is playing with fire. I would not use it even if it were available in my area.

Can we find any other way men can enjoy free sex with other men without having to risk infections? That would be a real solution.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

Well to be honest, I have to explain Truvada to my other health care providers. New enough that providers who are not familiar with HIV treatment here in rural Wisconsin USA aren't sure what to make of it. I find myself having to educate them. But indeed, for me real freedom to take any load with no HIV infection is amazing. As I went through the entire AIDS epidemic and lost dozens of buddies, I have to tell you PrEP is truly amazing. And yet ten years from now we may view it in similar frame of reference as we view AZT now. If we want to appreciate and honor our brothers who went before us, we would kill the idiot romanticizing of HIV. There is nothing cool about becoming poz. At the same time there is nothing shameful about being poz. It is a virus not a lifestyle.

[fskn]

So that others who read this in the future won't worry unnecessarily...

Major purchase often require that you buy disability insurance **1. Disability insurance usually has a few health questions. Policies with health questions usually specifically mention HIV as one their preexisting conditions.

In the United States, there is no requirement to obtain disability or life insurance when taking out a home mortgage on normal, commercial terms. Commercial lenders cannot make you buy those add-on products.

In the United States, subject to the Homeowners Protection Act of 1998,[5] a borrower who provides less than 20% down payment up front may be required to pay for private mortgage insurance until the outstanding mortgage is less than 80% of the value of the property"

PMI in the United States is a specialized insurance product that is most certainly not disability or life insurance. Pricing is based on your creditworthiness, and has nothing to with your health. PMI doesn't even cover you, as the borrower! It covers your mortgage lender, paying the lender if your home is foreclosed and sold at auction, and the auction price doesn't doesn't cover the remaining debt.

In the US, HIV-Positive people may face discrimination in some facets of life, but access to credit is not one of them.

HIV is a disability under the ADA, which makes job discrimination illegal. Nevertheless, in a country where almost all private employment is at-will (you can be fired at any time, and no reason need be given), discrimination is very hard to prove. Employers don't know initially that you have HIV. Rather, your risk comes from being gay, living in a conservative state, and living in a suburban or rural area.

Housing discrimination is a possibility, but here again, your risk comes from being gay and living in a backward area. Whereas a small employer with an internally-administered, self-insured health plan could infer your HIV status from your health insurance claims, and whereas you might tell an employer of any size when you request a disability leave or a workplace accommodation, a landlord really has no way to know.

[Rayne]

To the OP (JoseDelRey)

I don't think I've really seen anyone truly in the middle on this. I'll give you my take on this, which will be my attempt at being as unbiased as possible (we all have bias, it's how much we admit to be biased that fucks us up).

While I don't think anyone is ever "ready" to be poz, I think you can be mentally prepared. Now, this doesn't mean you are not going to regret your decision, or even enjoy it, once the bug starts to kick your arse; what this means is that you can be mentally ready for the simple act of being bred and taking a poz load with the intent of being converted. That's all that means. Will you regret your choice? It's definitely possible, but that all depends on your reasoning for wanting to convert. Now, personally, I've come to terms with HIV as a virus. I'm willing to risk infection, and I'll even take a poz load with the top's intent to convert me, without medication. Why? Well, let's just say that I'm willing to accept life as it comes to me. While it's true I have a few ulterior motives, I am mentally capable of knowing when I'm doing something that I find morally wrong. To me, getting infected isn't morally wrong, it's just reckless; and, personally, I'm okay with being reckless. We're all reckless in our own ways, so maybe this is something you might happen to find morally okay as well? I'm not here to judge anyone, just make them question themselves.

Do I think you're ready to be poz? Well, I can't know that; only you can know that. NONE of us on this forum can know whether or not you are ready. So, the only real reason you should be asking us our opinion is because you're looking for absolution, confirmation, or you're wanting someone to be your conscience. From there, the only thing I can say to you is that you're the one who's going to be making your decisions. You're legally old enough to do things without a guardian's consent, so you're likely trying to take advantage of that; you're taking your life into your own hands for once, and I'll applaud you for that. I will not applaud how you're doing it, just that you're taking control. The thing you may not be considering is what this virus will actually do for you. As strange as it sounds, that's what I'm going to say you're not thinking about. Why? Because you're probably not realising that getting a virus will do nothing for you. If you ask me, being poz is more of a mentality than an actual illness. Ever notice that chronically ill patients have a different mindset than those who are always healthy? Being poz is basically a constant reminder of your mortality, among other things; and if you're not ready to face mortality, you're going to be in more pain than your body can ever give you. While this virus does have its physical properties, the psychological effects can be brutal to those who handle the situation wrong. You need to figure out whether you're ready for that.

From what I gather, those who are poz seem to live fairly normal lives. While some feel liberated by the virus, others feel hindered by it. While you may be rejected by many from the public knowledge of you being poz, someone like me wouldn't suffer so much socially, as I don't really socialise to begin with. You may find that anonymous sex is easier, but intimacy with the most people will be difficult, as the majority are poorly educated (at best) about HIV and the transmission of it. My uncle has the bug, and he's living a fairly happy and healthy life on medications. He doesn't enjoy the fact that he's on medications, but he takes it in stride; he is not going to let the bug hold him back. That kind of mentality is what a lot of poz people lack: not letting a virus control your life. If you just want to get the infection part of anonymous sex out of the way, and you're not going to let it define or control your life, then have at it. If you're unsure about what it will do to you, think about it for a while.

Now, for those who talk about having a shorter life... that's somewhat short-sighted thinking. While life expectations may not be increasing right now, we can't say that anyone will actually have a shortened lifespan because of the virus; especially if they are on medication. Yes, it is a virus; yes it can kill you. NO, we do NOT actually know how long our life will be with/without a virus like HIV. While we love to think that we will live long lives by treating ourselves right, we forget just how easy it is to die every day; we deny this so much we actually deny death until we face our mortality. I can count on one hand how many people I've met, under forty, who actually could come to terms with dying tomorrow if they were to have an anvil land on there head. A piano HAS been dropped on someone before... shit happens. The fact that we deny mortality until we are forced to face it head on is a problem, and you may need to deal with that before seriously considering a deliberate conversion into the poz "brotherhood."

Then again, it's very likely you'll gloss over this, like most people, and make your own selfish decision of A or B. My advice? Face your mortality before you're forced to face it unprepared; whether that's because of a virus or anything else.

Edited March 21, 2014 by Rayne

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

I can count on one hand how many people I've met, under forty, who actually could come to terms with dying tomorrow if they were to have an anvil land on their head. A piano HAS been dropped on someone before... shit happens.

Rayne another thoughtful post. Thanks. To the extracted quote from your post, you can count on no hands. Sudden death is sudden. Nothing to come to terms with. I believe the challenge chronically ill have to grapple with are the living with challenges. Death releases us from all that. True many, maybe most find it hard to wrap our emotions around the notion of being dead. But there really nothing to come to terms with... We can tell someone has worked through mortality when they stop saying "if I die..." Life realities though is that between birth and death we will experience strength, pain, joy, grief... Our choices contribute to that experience albeit others choices also will affect us. So from my POV prepared to be poz means prepared to accept the side effects.

[pigskintop]

Nice ass for cum. Hope you get some hot loads.

[Rayne]

Rayne another thoughtful post. Thanks. To the extracted quote from your post, you can count on no hands. Sudden death is sudden. Nothing to come to terms with.

Well thank you. And I didn't write that exactly the way I meant it. I was getting at whether people would be able to come to terms with it if they saw the anvil dropping. Kind of that cliché "life flashing before your eyes" deal, but in a "well, it's my time. I enjoyed life," way. If you're staring death in the face, most people couldn't handle that; most would reject the reality. But I kind of think you knew that lol.

And I will agree with you as well, you can definitely tell someone is okay with their mortality when they stop saying "if I die," which I hear all too often. The only time I'm okay with hearing that is when someone is dictating their will to me.

[bbrawboi]

Rayne, your post was quite a good read.

OP, I would honestly have to say no, you might not think about it now - but what about having a monogamous partner and perhaps settling down to have kids of your own? Sure you can adopt, but what about producing your own flesh and blood?

I can understand if none of these are appealing to you, but having a virus is no gift, no matter what people say... Yes being 'poz' means you can fuck/ed without the worry of catching HIV, because you already have it, but I don't see the real benefit to it overall.

Guys will play this because its a 'taboo' and that makes the sex more intense/satisfying, but after that's all finished for the day , you go home and think "was it really all worth it?"

The end of the day , it's your life and what the majority of people say should only be an insight, not "forcing you" to do X outcome instead of Y. etc etc

Just my 2 cents.

[Bigrooster]

I suggest you speak to a gay doctor before making a stupid decision that will last the rest of your life. I vote no

[rawTOP]

I suggest you speak to a gay doctor before making a stupid decision that will last the rest of your life. I vote no

If it's thought through with care, then it's not a stupid decision - no matter what he decides.

[hawwkfan]

If you were say 29 instead of 19, then I would say you should know by now what you want. Don't seek it just to have it. Don't ask, don't tell and let the chips fall where they may.

19 is too young to have hindsight in past decisions. I can think of all the stuff I did at that age that I wish I could change. Grow up a bit and you will know if your ready instead of asking us.

[NLbear]

If it's thought through with care, then it's not a stupid decision - no matter what he decides.

He is 19......how much life experience do you have (normally) at that age to make a decision like this? I agree with hawwkfan. At 29, or 39? Yes, maybe, not at 19. But that is my opnion and I know others here disagree. At 19 you still have a whole life in front of you. What if you are pozzed at 19 and come to regret it at 22/23/24/25 because you see the world in a more experienced/more mature way? At a later age you will (hopefully) have finished your education, have a job, and life is totally different by then. Just my few cents (again).