Poz Guys - Do You Like Being Poz?

[PozTalkAuthor]

"Do you like to be poz?" The instant, rude answer is NO. Being able to decide in a different way, I'd have decided to stay neg! But Prep was not that accessible yet, then. And most monogamous couples make condomless love. Risky? Yes, but no one can blame people for this as no one thinks to have a ltr with a serial cheater. 

I like my life for what it is NOW! Being Undetectable Untransmittable, having a wonderful boyfriend and job, having had no relevant stigma events from people I came out with... Yes, life (even sex life) is much better and more comfortable than 10 years ago but I'd lie to the world telling that it's thanks to my virus. 

Satisfaction and happiness I have now, come from a very hard journey which includes also depression, self-stigma, even suicide thoughts, and an abusive relationship lasted till a year ago too. Years where my status was the first fact I considered whenever I decided to make a new friend, for example. Fuckbuddy or not; I assumed monogamy was a closed chapter, then... 

I have taken wrong decision due to my self-stigma, and how my abusive ex manipulated my mind... thanks to my status, again. And our mutual poz fetish. 

The guilt I felt when it was dealing with "undetectable untransmittable" experimented on my ex's life and mine, relief after his neg tests, when he insisted on making me stop meds, my fake acceptance (i just changed timetable and meds place) as he thought a conversion could seal a deteriorating relationship, that was the boost I needed to finally decide "have a little more respect on yourself and send this rubbish away". 

From a medical perspective, HIV has not been a big issue, I can say it; but socially and psychologically it's been a real mess which I won't wish to anyone. 

Other people say they've no regrets, they are happy of it and looked for it, yes. It's possible because reaction depends on your own journey! Although I'd never tell anyone "go out and get pozzed to set yourself free" without saying what the disadvantages are. I just say, be aware of everything and decide for yourself, NEVER allow others to decide for your life.

[ErosWired]

2 hours ago, PozTalkAuthor said:

"Do you like to be poz?" The instant, rude answer is NO.

How is ‘no’ a rude answer to the question? On balance, if I were not poz and had read your post, I would still have come to the conclusion that it’s something nobody would ever want.

[muscmtl]

41 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

How is ‘no’ a rude answer to the question? On balance, if I were not poz and had read your post, I would still have come to the conclusion that it’s something nobody would ever want.

It s the age old don't knock it till you try it.

Been poz for 39 yrs.. fukn solid gift for me

[Kayne]

A Dumb Jock POV

I grew up during the worst of it. I remembe being scared of HIV/AIDS just like I was scared of those Mini Comic Christian Tracks  that littered city streets when I was a kid. For as far back as I remember I was convinced that I wouldn't make it to 20. This in the mind of a kid being g used by some twisted people.

As I got older. that voice in my head kept saying I was gonna be infected and die well before my Dad did. The fear i was trying to bury got stronger when I realized I only wanted Men  and that I couldn't control it and I liked what I was doing. 

The progression into my teens saw me taking more risks. getting diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue syndrome  and anxiety and seeing friends and relations deal with the gift made me feel I could cope. When I was exposed in the hospital, my only fear was I'd die leaving my mom alone since everyone in her live had already succumbed. 

I didn't test for yearscafter a string of false positives  My sex life diminished with my mom's greater need for care until I am where zi am today.

Right Now, All I really have left is the kink that grew out of fear and acceptance. I like being POZ  because its part of who I am. But being PozIs not my Identity.  Bei g Poz is a small part of being the man I am. and the fears that I had being neg or unaware  have gone.

But just like everything in this world. there is a price.  While I haven't been rejected by my found family  I still get rejected.  I hat the meds. I hate the judgment of medical people. I hate how much my situation boosts me in health related costs

 and I'm afraid of the day I won't be able to afford my health care.

Freedom from. one thing chained me down with another. But I can make the best of it. I will take the joy i can find. But that's just what a big dumb jock thinks 

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, muscmtl said:

It s the age old don't knock it till you try it.

Except HIV isn’t something you can try to find out if you like it, and then drop if you don’t. If you don’t, it’s a curse that keeps on cursing. Suggesting that people give it a try assumes a hell of a lot, and I wouldn’t want it on my conscience that I’d given that advice to anyone.

[ErosWired]

All of you here singing full-throated praise of HIV, what a boon it’s been for you, what an unmitigated blessing, let me ask you this:

On the day the cure comes - and the cure will come - are you going to get it, and abandon your coveted Poz status?

If, today, it were within your power to wave a wand and eradicate HIV forever from the planet, would you?

If the answer to either of these questions is ‘No’, I can see no reason to listen to another word you say.

[Bimarried001]

2 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

All of you here singing full-throated praise of HIV, what a boon it’s been for you, what an unmitigated blessing, let me ask you this:

On the day the cure comes - and the cure will come - are you going to get it, and abandon your coveted Poz status?

If, today, it were within your power to wave a wand and eradicate HIV forever from the planet, would you?

If the answer to either of these questions is ‘No’, I can see no reason to listen to another word you say.

I am not an advocate for HIV. I am an advocate for raw sex. Right now raw sex comes with risks. 
If I could wave a magic wand and remove those risks I would. Yes I’d take the cure but could I get reinfected if I keep fucking raw?

All my initial diagnosis did was remove the worries of getting it. Once I had it I just made the best (in my opinion) of it. 

[drscorpio]

Moderator's Note: Some posts were removed because of abusive language (or quoting of that language). It seems people are getting pretty heated here. If you do not think you can keep your temper when someone disagrees with you, please avoid this thread. 

[muscmtl]

1 minute ago, drscorpio said:

Moderator's Note: Some posts were removed because of abusive language (or quoting of that language). It seems people are getting pretty heated here. If you do not think you can keep your temper when someone disagrees with you, please avoid this thread. 

Darn... But I love abusive language😏

[NWUSHorny]

6 hours ago, ErosWired said:

On the day the cure comes - and the cure will come - are you going to get it, and abandon your coveted Poz status?

There already is a cure, the problem is it involves completely killing your immune system and undergoing a stem cell transplant, which carries even more risk than treating the disease itself.

Since I have been told that if I ever have a recurrence of the particular cancer I suffered my best option would be a stem cell transplant. If it ever comes to that point I will jump at the chance to have a cure for this disease.

[SpectreAgent]

Everyone’s experience is different. No one is right or wrong on this question. Speaking for myself, I largely ignore it. I take my pills each morning and then forget about it. It’s just part of  who I am. I suffer from severe hayfever, too. And I take medication for that daily in the season. Of the two, I find the hayfever the more troublesome. And that’s not me being flippant.

HIV doesn’t impact on me financially because here in the UK I don’t pay for my meds. As someone who’s always tried to turn a negative into a positive (although in this case it’s more a positive into a positive) I resolved on diagnosis to exercise regularly and eat as well as I can. The result is that, ironically, I’m fitter than I’ve ever been in my life. 

[hairyone]

22 hours ago, TotalTop said:

So what happens when you get infected with new strains of HIV and the meds fail, or when you get drug resistant bacterial infections or other STI's?

I can tell you what happens in one possible scenario.  Happened to my best friend.  He was positive for over 30 years.  Meds failed. He got sicker and sicker. Went in the hospital with Hodgkins Lymphoma and other issues for several weeks.  This was during Covid lockdown so no one could visit him in the hospital. Not even his husband. He died. In pain. Alone.

Similar things happen to members of this board, too.  You didn't hear about?  Oh, yeah.  They post regularly and then suddenly stop.  Know why?  They died.

[Kayne]

8 hours ago, ErosWired said:

All of you here singing full-throated praise of HIV, what a boon it’s been for you, what an unmitigated blessing,

... This might be a case of " If the show fits..." But I want to be clear. I am able to put my kink in the back burner.  I thought I had made it clear that I was aware that I had traded one prison, for another. I traded Freedom from my fear for the consequences of the Actual hard Reality I experience now that I Am so Gifted"

Dating can be a nightmare.

And I got exposed due to medical negligence. which is the worst part of my experience. I'm sorry if I was less than clear.

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, Kayne said:

And I got exposed due to medical negligence. which is the worst part of my experience.

I am very sorry to hear that. I can relate, after a fashion. I wasn’t exposed medically, but when my GP hospitalized me for my original seroconversion illness, their testing failed to detect my HIV (!) si they wrote it off as an unidentified virus and sent me home when the symptoms eased. Then, for the next three years, the same doctor, who evidently had no familiarity with HIV, let me develop full-blown AIDS right under his nose, in his care, because he did not know how to read the signs. Had he been more competent, my infection would have been caught early enough to save my immune function - and spare me the worst of what came after.

[ErosWired]

3 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

There already is a cure, the problem is it involves completely killing your immune system

Which, of course, is the brutal irony of the thing. By the time I was diagnosed, I had almost no immune system left. Parts of my immunity had literally become extinct, and had to be reconstructed (I very much hope) through extensive re-vaccination. A lifetime worth of earned immunity through exposure - gone. For the first six months, I had to take prophylaxis just so another infection didn’t come finish me off.

Sir, you have a disease that could kill you by destroying your immune system. We need to destroy your immune system before the disease has a chance to kill you.