Guy Asks About Status Two Weeks After The Sex

[VersatileBreeder]

Got a little issue that I'm dealing with now. Wondering if any guys have been in this situation and what I should do...

About two and a half weeks ago, I posted an ad on Craigslist, looking for a bottom that wanted to get fucked. A guy responded, hot as hell, toned muscular 24 year old with an insanely hot ass. Throughout our e-mails, he never asked my status. He talked about how much he wanted me to breed him.

(Just as a reference point, I have been poz for about two years. Been on Stribild for almost that entire time- March 2014 is when I went on it. Every doctor visit after that has shown undetectable VL and high CD4 count. Take meds everyday and I never miss a day).

Anyway, dude comes over, I fuck him, shoot a big load in him and he leaves. Again, when he was over, he never mentioned status. My assumption was he was either poz already or just didn't care either way.

Fast forward to today, I get texts from him asking if I'm "clean." I told him that I'm poz but undetectable for almost the last two years. He is now freaking out. He thinks he is having fuck flu, but it turns out his only symptoms are a stuffy nose and a cough (no other symptoms that are associated with ARS- no fever, rash, lymph node swelling, etc).

I told him what it means to be undetectable and how his risk is extremely low. I told him that him getting fucked by me that night would have been a safer choice than if he had gone out and been fucked by some guy who just claims to be neg (but could be poz and not even know it). I told him if this were a concern to him, he should have asked BEFORE the sex. He is saying I should have told him regardless. He is saying that he's trying to get into the Marines, that he has a serious girlfriend he wants to propose to, and if he's poz, his life is over and it's all my fault.

I still stand by that he should have asked if he was concerned, but now I am going to feel really bad if he turns poz. It's always been my belief based on studies done like the Partner Study, that if a guy is consistently undetectable, the risk is nearly zero for infection.

Have any guys here been in a similar situation? If so, what did you do/say to mitigate the problem?

Am I wrong about all the studies done? I thought that undetectable guys were virtually non-infectious.

What are the chances that this guy might really be poz? I am trying not to worry but now he's got me so worked up about it that I just don't know anymore.

Is my worrying unfounded? Should I be feeling bad?

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

[evilqueerpig]

Any barebacking bottom knows the risks and odd are, you're probably not the only top he's had this scenario with.  You take your meds regularly and with your numbers, the risk is zero at best and minimal at worst.  There's no need for you to worry or feel bad and if he's freaking out, it's his own fault.

[not_sure_bb]

if he was so worried he should have asked in text or when you two met up. dont feel bad. hes an idiot

[drscorpio]

There is a chance he might be poz because I don't believe for a moment yours is the only load that whore has taken. A guy who will take a load from a Craigslist random without even discussing status is not doing anything to protect himself from HIV. 

 

Did he get it from you? No, he had a better chance of winning the big Powerball a couple of weeks back than catching HIV from a top who has been reliably undetectable for two years. 

 

Please note that I am not judging him for being a whore. I took more random Craigslist loads than I can count for years, and I never asked about their status. I never tried to blame anyone for my choices though.

[Bttm2go]

Totally agree with both comments above.

[topstud127]

I think mentioning your status is the honorable thing to do, but you're not wrong for not mentioning it since you are on meds. Now, if you had a high viral load and were certain to be contagious, that's a whole other fucked up scenario.

 

Like mentioned above, he should take responsibility for his own health, ESPECIALLY if he's leading a double hetero life. It's not your responsibility. I'd point him in the direction of PrEp or stop taking random loads, at least for the sake of his girlfriend. If she catches something, he's responsible.

Edited January 29, 2016 by topstud127

[Guest SBBOY]

If he was that concerned then he should have asked prior to meeting and fucking.

 

And if he has a girlfriend then he shouldn't be taking it raw up the ass because I'm pretty sure she doesn't know about it

 

He knows all about the risks if he thinks he's got fuck flu. I bet he has done this with other guys. 

[whorepig]

If he was that concerned and had a girlfriend and is 24 years of age , he should know better.  I always tell up front, not that I get that much action these days but when I was diagnosed I always told, it was much easier and I never had to worry about anyone coming after me.

[seaguy]

A good article but it is from 2000 however it talks about the CA laws specifically http://www.thebody.com/content/art32643.html

 

He's not telling the whole story what is a dude planning to marry a girl doing taking loads from dudes he meets on CL?  Closet case maybe?

[breederboy]

My take is that if he was hunting for sex on Craigslist & wanting bred, and didn't ask your status beforehand, then it's totally his responsibility. Don't feel bad, no reason for you to! People have to take responsibility for themselves. If he was looking to be bred, then he should have assumed there would be a risk. He knew the risks, and if he didn't then he's just dumb. He should get educated about it, as you say, being undetectable is an extremely low risk of transmission anyway, as I often explain to guys. often wonder about this too. Like on Grindr, where it's not always assumed by guys that you might be poz, unlike say BBRTS or a poz-friendly site. Since you're undetectable, like me, there's no way that you could have given him "fuck flu" if that's what he calls it. The guy has some issues clearly. He's probably slept with a ton of other guys & is just paranoid.

 

The reality is that many guys still are ignorant about hiv. Being undetectable and healthy is a much lower risk of transmission than a high viral load. Personally, I hate when a guy asks if I'm "clean". If a potential hookup asks that during chat, I stop chatting with him, because it's rude. You can ask, are you hiv poz, and I'm happy to discuss it, but being hiv positive does not make you "unclean". Also, hiv is a chronic, manageable condition now, not some deadly disease, with treatment. It's not the 1980s anymore. Guys like that really need to get with the times & learn what undetectable is. Being poz today means you can live a long full healthy life with treatment. 

 

Here's where I come down with regards to hooking up as a total top poz man. If the guy point blank asks me, like on grindr, I tell them, I'm not going to lie. If they're open, great, if not, oh well, I wouldn't want to breed someone that shallow & uninformed anyway, & at least I can sleep well at night, & besides, plenty more fish in the sea. If they don't ask at all, then I don't feel obligated to tell them or bring it up. Although, on sites like bbrts which is poz-friendly anyway, or a4a, I state my status as undetetcable. But on Grindr, I don't tell unless they ask me directly. That approach has served me well.

Edited January 31, 2016 by breederboy

[tallslenderguy]

Ditto to most of the responses to this thread.

 

The guy responded to a CL ad to get bred, that all by itself should be enough said. You didn't rape the guy or have sex with him against his will. We are all responsible for our own bodies. I went for years not getting sucked because it seemed every time I got sucked, I got chlamydia. My choice, either way.

 

This guy has some big problems he's going to have to work through. He is taking anonymous loads on CL and wants to marry a woman who likely doesn't know he's bi. I wouldn't wish that cheating and lying scenario on anyone. At some point he needs to grow up and come to terms with who he is.

[Locomotion]

One thing that is certain, the "side effects" of barebacking are not reversible.  While someone may chose to go back to safe sex (or avoid gay sex all together) anything that happened while play raw is largely set in stone.  I sounds like this guy got horned up, got laid and realized what he had done.  i certainly have no issue with folks chasing----i am a chaser myself----IF....and that is a big if.....they understand the consequences of their action.  i fully believe we all have a right...and responsibility for our own path in life.....my eventual infection will be my own choice...not an accident.   this guy (the dude with the worries) is playing in a league well beyond his skill and experience.   

[Alaric]

Suggest he gets tested and then worry if he's poz

[seaguy]

Some people are really clueless about HIV/AIDS.  Someone asked a barebak porn star if he worried about getting AIDS doing all the bareback fucking he does in porn.  I was like umm you don't just get AIDS idiot you get HIV get it right.  See that kind of shit allot.

[dadecounty]

What an idiot!

 

I've always assumed guys are poz, regardless of what they say. People can lie. Which is why I always practiced safe sex, until a couple years ago. I got on PrEP and sort of went hog wild. I got educated about HIV. And from then till now, (and in the future), my health will always be my responsibility--not someone else's.