Bf Poz, Sexdrive Down

[ensign]

Hello buddies,

 

four weeks ago my bf got a positive HIV test result. He was taking the initial test for starting the PrEP. I am on PrEP and we wanted him to get it too. The test was a huge shock for both of us because I am sure that he always had safe sex - he was even more precautious then me. As his VL was very low the doctor assumed that either he is a good controller or the infection had occured recently.

 

As mentioned this test was a big shock and somehow I can't really believe it till now. I also took two test (even for RNA) because we had bb sex since I had started the PrEP. But I am negative.

I won't tell you how hard the following days were, but I think we found our way through this rough phase. He is going to work again and now we are waiting for the second tests to see how the infection develops.

 

Besides of asking you guys in which way I can support him without clucking him I realized that my sex drive has driven down to nearly zero. So has his. Even though I'm on PrEP he doesn't want to have Sex at the moment, not with me, not with others. (This is heartbreaking because I know how much he loves cocks.)

 

I wanted to take to PrEP to have uninhibited BB sex. But now, everytime some guy asks me for an encounter, I feel blocked. In a crazy way his infection feels like a punishment for me for wanting too much. A huge point is that he wasn't chasing or such thing, I believe him that he always used protection. So he wasn't a tempted barebacking candidate. That's why I think this is so unfair he got it. So how shall I enjoy (BB) sex when he got infected by not even barebacking?

I know it sounds crazy but talking a crazy idea out of the mind usually doesn't bring back the boner.

 

Maybe I am moving too fast and when things settle down a little the drive will return, but it's been four weeks now and I wonder how long this will take?

I would really appriciate if someone shares his thoughts on this...

 

BTW: We are a couple for nine years now, living together and loving each other.

[hungry_hole]

...because I am sure that he always had safe sex - he was even more precautious then me.

... I believe him that he always used protection. So he wasn't a tempted barebacking candidate. That's why I think this is so unfair he got it. So how shall I enjoy (BB) sex when he got infected by not even barebacking?

 

It really doesn't matter how he got infected but at the same time you should contemplate the possibility that you bf was indeed barebacking and it may be the reason for the infection. I mention this because if it is true he may be dealing with big guilt issues which can be very debilitating emotionally and he would have trouble telling you. He will feel the guilt one way or another but more extreme guilt if he was actually putting himself at a higher risk by barebacking with strangers.

[breedbaltimore]

I would suggest that both of you find therapists to talk to.  this can be a big blow to the mental state of both of you, and sex is not jsut physical but mental so that is why you have zero drive.  I hope you both can work through all of this and be stronger on the other side.

[ensign]

Thank you so much for your thoughts. It's really helpful to talk to others. Really like the approach of the community here.

And I think talking to a therapist is a good idea. We already had very good support from a local HIV support centre. They offer counseling for couples too. I think we will start with this...

So thank you very much.

[drscorpio]

Also realize that you both have not had a lot of time to process this. Hopefully, it will get better with time. Seeing a counselor should help speed up the process. 

[chasejake666]

You might need to take a break from each other for a while. It's entirely possible he's not been telling you the truth about other stuff if this comes as such a shock. I'm not saying he must be lying about everything, but its something to keep in mind, but its probably something he won't admit to until he's ready.