Tell Me Your Thoughts On Hookup Sites/Apps & Finding Sex

[PozToxVersPig]

reposting , not sure what happened

Edited yesterday at 02:59 AM by PozToxVersPig

[Poz50something]

On 1/2/2026 at 2:53 PM, PozBearWI said:

@Pozguyinchi I have much the same experience.  And odd as poz guys on meds are our safest playmates.

The slogan U=U does seem to get lost on people. I am amazed that people who play bare think that someone who writes his status  as negative actually is…I mean….and there were a few Poz guys (sunken cheeks and all) who said they didn’t like playing with Poz guys because they weren’t Poz and didn’t want to catch anything. Unreal! 

[versamarried]

Location 1 - A net positive (haha) for non-cis, non-hetero persons and for the society they live in is simply letting them be themselves and enjoy what physical pleasures that implies (excluding anything non-consensual).
Location 2 - A non-cis, non-hetero person living in a society where hetero sex is considered default will seek out physical pleasures that appeal to them on the downlow, that would be using apps, special meeting areas etc.

Anecdotally -
As a bi married cheater previously in Location 2 and now living  in Location 1 I originally thought with a more persmissive attitude hooking up would be inifitely easier but now realize why that is not the case at all. The pool of people who are looking for the same pleasures can do so without having to cheat or to hide so the use of apps are more relegated to finding actual long term partners and minimmally those who just want sex can always go to any sex club in the area without any worries.

[Pozguyinchi]

18 hours ago, PozBearWI said:

And even then, if the poz guy wants to risk his own health, he will have to take a med holiday for several weeks to build up a viral load.  

Yes and I have said this before. I have been Poz since I was 19. I know many many Poz men and NONE of them will go off meds just to be toxic and breed. I am sure someone on here will say they know someone but I am just stating in my many many years of being Poz I have never found that to be something a man would do.

[hntnhole]

22 hours ago, bareback-flipflop said:

(let me steal it @hntnhole, because I never heard it and really like it)

Absolutely !!!   You can "steal" whatever you want from me 😇

[PozToxVersPig]

I might annoy some people, but here goes - I'm gonna make a few posts.   I wrote up a response to this and then somehow it got erased - I even researched some about this (I still can't have sex so I've got too much energy to spend on this).   So, I'm gonna write and post some separate thoughts.  @PhoenixGeoff I really think you did a great job on this and I loved your posts.

Plenty of other great points too...

ISSUE:  Action Oriented versus Profile Oriented
The reason Craigslist worked so well back in the day was that it was clear as shit (when people used it well) what people were looking for, where and when that occurred, and key states that might matter.  E.g. here is a posting from 2005 I found in my inbox:

Headline:    BB Neg Cumdump, Want Loads, Hosting, POZ friendly (Queen Anne, Seattle) - M4M
Body:        Anon pump & dump okay, poz ok, pnp okay; will be blindfolded ass up, come in and breed, door unlocked

This is one of the reasons I think the sites DO NOT work effectively for hooking up the way Craiglist did.  Craiglist gave you what you needed to know to take action.  With BBRT, by comparison, I unreliably know if someone is engaged in the site at all, I don't know when they last indicated they were interested in WHATEVER, and while I can filter by people based on attribute (poz/neg, top/bottom, kinks), they may or may not be honest about it so that too is unreliable.  Does everyone that likes WS actually check that box?

Also, CL adds were ephemeral - after you got what you wanted; you didn't have an identity tied to the ad.  Comparatively, profiles attach you to ALWAYS being that profile - so even though I may like WS, that doesn't mean I need it every time!   Quick connect and similar ads on BBRT and other sites do NOT fit the need for REAL TIME indication of looking/want.

 

[PozToxVersPig]

ISSUE:  We're having technical challenges...

There are several key technology gaps that create issues:

1. Accurate Online Status:  This has been discussed already, but it's not unreasonable to "auto log" people off after certain period of time.  For many (incl. myself) that would be preferred.  Some apps, so impossible to kill, have me signed on 24x7.  This would clear out some.
2. Current "Need" Declaration:  A dialog box when you logged back in that asked "Whatcha here for?" where you had to choose "Sex, Now" "Jerk to Content" or "Discover new people" or "Chat" or "Not sure yet" (just e.g.) could help filter further.  The default could be "not sure yet" so people who ARE interested in other things would benefit from declaring they are interested in more.
3. File Sharing / Messaging:  Every single platform makes it harder than anything current day to share pics and videos.  It's just cumbersome.  Messaging is crappy - and assuming you want to stay on platform, using it as a real time or "email-like communication" system doesn't work (hence why everyone jumps to Telegram).  Lack of real "chat" capability or chat rooms doesn't allow for connecting without siphoning off.
4. Profile "Update":  If a photo has been there for X years, perhaps a quarterly reminder to "update your profile / pics" could help reinforce the message that a real profile is valuable.  Like what you get on other sites.  Maybe listing below the photo "last updated" on each photo, or on the profile overall.  This could help with a "credibility score" type concept.

Just a few things I thought of RE: this.  I got more.

[PozToxVersPig]

ISSUE: Matching intent with your response...

What are individuals here for AND does your intent match the other persons?  @PHOENIXGEOFF talks about this in his #3 bullet.

• "CONNECT" (hookup, find FBs) - ~30% maybe? - they want to find people to fuck around with, now or in the future
• "INDULGE" (fantasy, masturbate, chat) - 60% maybe? - they come here for content that stimulates them, or chats based on their fantasies
• "EXPLORE" (learn more?) - 10% maybe? - they are interested in gay stuff, or kink stuff, etc. and are exploring

I don't know if this breakout is accurate, just my guess.  But, you need to figure out a strategy to figure out who's who when they start engaging.  I've gotten really good at knowing very quickly what a "chaser" really was interested in when they contact.  And I've gotten good at respectfully saying "yeah, I'm not interested in that, but I wish you the best."  

Every site has a "canned reply" like feature - write up something nice that gently says "not for me, wish you well" and send people off.

I think it would ALSO be great to be able to take NOTES about different profiles.  E.g. some dudes hit me up from other cities and I travel to and I'd like to keep that pot warm.  It'd be helpful to be able to separate people that way...

[WorkJack]

On 1/17/2026 at 9:24 AM, hntnhole said:

Most of us have figured out that the fuckapps are fading in viability,

I heard a possible explanation of why popular apps are trash now:

A guy I met cursing at the park who explained it: He said that since he turned 40, he has been filtered out of the apps. He said, he thinks that the popular apps in our city have too many filters, age, height, weight etc., so he gets filtered out by age, he can see other users, but they don't see, or reply to him because he aged out of the 30s. People don't what to reply because they use their limited number of free messages, or profile views.

The guys on the free tier of the app, don't reply or look at profiles that are not their super specific fantasy guy, so the app has lost the ability of anyone to broadly appeal to anyone. Also all the central city people seem to just sit on the apps all day, chatting but don't seem to  meet anyone, except their super specific fantasy - time wasters. 

I mostly use the apps where I can say I will be out cruising, and then just meet whoever is there.

I also meet the guys that have 15 year old photos - disappointing, or photos that are just some other person they found on the internet. I have seen so many profiles with photos of what look to be several different people. 

I get messaged by people who have, basically, no profile, no photos, no interests or desires. They mostly just ask for photos.

[bareback-flipflop]

I agree with you posted above and let me add two more perspectives. 
 

One is the catastrophic communication skills and habits. People don’t read my profile carefully. For example, I said there being in an open relationship and look for only sex. He texts me that he wants a friend or more (boyfriend) 🤷🏻‍♂️

Another is who text me Hi or Hello maybe added how are you or what are you up to.  Come on read my fucking profile. Or if I respond, he is not able to continue a proper conversation. 
In worse cases, although we continue the conversation it leads nowhere (see the masturbation element).

Therefore, I prefer to have sex already known people (let me say regulars) or going to cruising spots, bars, saunas where people choose seeing each other, reflecting on the chemistry etc. There are no lies, filters, fake profiles  

 

[NordicBtm]

50 minutes ago, PozToxVersPig said:

I might annoy some people, but here goes - I'm gonna make a few posts.   I wrote up a response to this and then somehow it got erased - I even researched some about this (I still can't have sex so I've got too much energy to spend on this).   So, I'm gonna write and post some separate thoughts.  @PhoenixGeoff I really think you did a great job on this and I loved your posts.

Plenty of other great points too...

ISSUE:  Action Oriented versus Profile Oriented
The reason Craigslist worked so well back in the day was that it was clear as shit (when people used it well) what people were looking for, where and when that occurred, and key states that might matter.  E.g. here is a posting from 2005 I found in my inbox:

Headline:    BB Neg Cumdump, Want Loads, Hosting, POZ friendly (Queen Anne, Seattle) - M4M
Body:        Anon pump & dump okay, poz ok, pnp okay; will be blindfolded ass up, come in and breed, door unlocked

This is one of the reasons I think the sites DO NOT work effectively for hooking up the way Craiglist did.  Craiglist gave you what you needed to know to take action.  With BBRT, by comparison, I unreliably know if someone is engaged in the site at all, I don't know when they last indicated they were interested in WHATEVER, and while I can filter by people based on attribute (poz/neg, top/bottom, kinks), they may or may not be honest about it so that too is unreliable.  Does everyone that likes WS actually check that box?

Also, CL adds were ephemeral - after you got what you wanted; you didn't have an identity tied to the ad.  Comparatively, profiles attach you to ALWAYS being that profile - so even though I may like WS, that doesn't mean I need it every time!   Quick connect and similar ads on BBRT and other sites do NOT fit the need for REAL TIME indication of looking/want.

 

LOL yes you might have too much time on your hands!

I used Craigslist a bit in my early days. I scored some of my first anon bb loads (followed by weeks of panic and getting tested lol). I also got some bad experiences like getting a visit from a tweaker - I had no idea back then but in hindsight that guy was probably on his 3rd day of doing drugs out of his mind and sweating like a pig randomly yelling at the sky.

As an aside, the Apps in general work ok for me. It’s not as direct for sure but I just always state my purpose and intention and it tends to get resolved with a fuck or non interest. The main problem of course is mostly time spent there and all the useless conversations initiated…

[PozToxVersPig]

5 minutes ago, NordicBtm said:

LOL yes you might have too much time on your hands!

I used Craigslist a bit in my early days. I scored some of my first anon bb loads (followed by weeks of panic and getting tested lol). I also got some bad experiences like getting a visit from a tweaker - I had no idea back then but in hindsight that guy was probably on his 3rd day of doing drugs out of his mind and sweating like a pig randomly yelling at the sky.

As an aside, the Apps in general work ok for me. It’s not as direct for sure but I just always state my purpose and intention and it tends to get resolved with a fuck or non interest. The main problem of course is mostly time spent there and all the useless conversations initiated…

Or I'm analytic, a system analytical thinker and problem solver.  You should see the white paper I wrote about universal chargers and file types and the economic and ecological costs we incur because they don't exist 🙂

[NordicBtm]

9 minutes ago, PozToxVersPig said:

Or I'm analytic, a system analytical thinker and problem solver.  You should see the white paper I wrote about universal chargers and file types and the economic and ecological costs we incur because they don't exist 🙂

I see a lot of myself in you. You overly analytical overthinking horny pig 😈🐽😹

[Dondick127]

i like the subject it being in the right space for getting your desired freak on

it hard finding for me in philly try to a good cocksucker but in midwest cities

a lot of good one ?

[bareback-flipflop]

21 minutes ago, NordicBtm said:

LOL yes you might have too much time on your hands!

I used Craigslist a bit in my early days. I scored some of my first anon bb loads (followed by weeks of panic and getting tested lol). I also got some bad experiences like getting a visit from a tweaker - I had no idea back then but in hindsight that guy was probably on his 3rd day of doing drugs out of his mind and sweating like a pig randomly yelling at the sky.

As an aside, the Apps in general work ok for me. It’s not as direct for sure but I just always state my purpose and intention and it tends to get resolved with a fuck or non interest. The main problem of course is mostly time spent there and all the useless conversations initiated…

I saw you in action in a couple of times on field. LoL, you don’t really need apps. 😜