Have You Been Raped as a Child and Became Attracted to Men like your Rapist?

[negPOZlover]

I disagree. My father raped me as long as I can remember. But I truly did love it.

[vrsbbltn]

We are born gay. No one becomes gay for being raped, maybe raped ones discover something deep inside themselves that makes them realize they are gay.

[AgentColby]

Reading many of these posts, it is amazing how many guys here are full of shit.

In being serious, I myself was raped when I was 13. My mom enrolled me into our local YMCA to have something to do after school. The men's locker room was divided into one for those 18+ and those under. At that age, I knew I liked boys but wasn't aware yet that I was gay. Anywho, I always tried to sneak into the 18+ locker room as I was intrigued by seeing men naked.

For several months that's what I did. One particular day an older arabic gentleman noticed I was staring at him and other men. I went into the steam room to chill out and he soon followed me. One thing led to another we were touching each other's dick, which was ok and I kind of liked it.

It went too far when he tried to penetrate me. At that age, I did not know a thing about sex and didn't even know how gay men had sex. As he was trying to get his cock in me, he was holding my arms still and I was just telling him "NO NO STOP STOP" and he was ignoring me. He got his dick in and I remember screaming in pain. That was when he let go and I just ran out of that steam room and quickly put my clothes on and ran out of that locker room. I ran home crying my eyes out. My parents weren't home yet and I just sat in my room in complete silence b/c I was in disbelief as to what happened. I was completely speechless. Last thing I remembered was that I went into the bathroom and took a hot shower and vigorously scrubbing myself.

That experience really had an effect on me and I was depressed for weeks. I remember my parents asking me what's wrong and I kept saying "nothing" but I was just in shock and disbelief of what happened. I felt dirty and just violated. I never went back to that YMCA again even as my mom yelled at me for making her spend the $$$ to buy me a membership.

So as guys write made up story about being raped and liking it: BULL SHIT. The violation the experience leaves you with forever changes you, especially when you are a young kid who doesn't know anything.

[vrsbbltn]

Reading many of these posts, it is amazing how many guys here are full of shit.

In being serious, I myself was raped when I was 13. My mom enrolled me into our local YMCA to have something to do after school. The men's locker room was divided into one for those 18+ and those under. At that age, I knew I liked boys but wasn't aware yet that I was gay. Anywho, I always tried to sneak into the 18+ locker room as I was intrigued by seeing men naked.

For several months that's what I did. One particular day an older arabic gentleman noticed I was staring at him and other men. I went into the steam room to chill out and he soon followed me. One thing led to another we were touching each other's dick, which was ok and I kind of liked it.

It went too far when he tried to penetrate me. At that age, I did not know a thing about sex and didn't even know how gay men had sex. As he was trying to get his cock in me, he was holding my arms still and I was just telling him "NO NO STOP STOP" and he was ignoring me. He got his dick in and I remember screaming in pain. That was when he let go and I just ran out of that steam room and quickly put my clothes on and ran out of that locker room. I ran home crying my eyes out. My parents weren't home yet and I just sat in my room in complete silence b/c I was in disbelief as to what happened. I was completely speechless. Last thing I remembered was that I went into the bathroom and took a hot shower and vigorously scrubbing myself.

That experience really had an effect on me and I was depressed for weeks. I remember my parents asking me what's wrong and I kept saying "nothing" but I was just in shock and disbelief of what happened. I felt dirty and just violated. I never went back to that YMCA again even as my mom yelled at me for making her spend the $$$ to buy me a membership.

So as guys write made up story about being raped and liking it: BULL SHIT. The violation the experience leaves you with forever changes you, especially when you are a young kid who doesn't know anything.

Well said. I wasn't raped when I was a kid, nor I want to as an adult, but I'm convinced it's one of the most disturbing things that could happen to any child.

I think it's nice to make fun of things, write fake stories and say the nastiest things on earth makes us horny, etc. It's nice to relieve everyday stress. But I also feel that we must be serious with certain topics like this one.

Many times I just ignore stupid comments and give my POV, or I just decide to not post in many threads because of the same issue, as I don't want to get banned. But believe me, if I posted what was in my mind after reading so many absurd responses to this thread, I'd created a lot of controversy among those who live in a fantasy world where the traumatic is exciting and correct and desirable.

[rawTOP]

So as guys write made up story about being raped and liking it: BULL SHIT. The violation the experience leaves you with forever changes you, especially when you are a young kid who doesn't know anything.

I think the issue is that there's rape and there's statutory rape. For the guys who enjoyed the experience it was only statutory rape. The problem is both are called "rape". In your case age had little to do with it. You could have been 23, not 13, and had the same reaction if you weren't prepared for sex and didn't feel in control of the situation.

[vrsbbltn]

Statutory (legal terms) vs true (involuntary) rape makes sense.

I feel true rapists need therapy, specially those into under-aged. No one has the right to do such things to youngsters who don't really know what they are doing, nor have an idea of the possible consequences.

I am a pig, the things I do are seen by most people like I deserve hell, but, I am an adult, and I do things with other consenting adults. My acts affect no one. I only enjoy and make other enjoy as well.

So regarding this, I'm an extremist, anyone who rapes a child deserves 30 years in prison plus chemical castration. BTW, in courts you can't go with the "he is 13 yo but he acts like an adult" bs excuse.

[bearbandit]

A difficult question to which I hope I can offer an alternative view. I was raped when I was 19 (only just out, and according to the law of the UK at the time under the age of consent). The first thing that stopped me from doing anything about it in terms of police etc, is that I, the victim, would have been charged with gross indecency, whatever the rapist was charged with. To this day, over thirty years later, there's no way I could engage physically or socially with someone who resembled the guy who raped me. My problem: UK law just exacerbated it.

Time passed and a few years later I'm learning about bondage, piss and all those other fun things. I'd switched roles several times though I think my favourite was when my partner was another top (anything you can hurt I can hurt better - or fuck help the guy we pick up tonight). It wasn't till about fifteen years later when I was going through a definite bottom stage that the Boss (who bore no resemblance at all to the guy who raped me) made me start use stop words: he knew my history and needed the reassurance that he was heading in the right direction - hence using the traffic lights. Left to myself, the more I liked it, the more it hurt, the more I'd use the word "no".

The Boss died a few years ago and I'm back to switching. I still have the need to check that the boy's alright via the traffic lights: I don't give a damn about "yes" and "no". Same when I've gone bottom: more of a turn-on to beg it doesn't happen: only the traffic lights are constant.

[Jimmy1212]

No matter how much a boy/young man thinks he consented or enjoyed it ...

I realize I'm replying to an ancient post, but I've only read it for the first time and am so disgusted that I had to comment.

This is the biggest pile of shite I've ever read. A blatant attempt by a member of the abuse industry to create victims where none existed. I would never trivialize or minimize the very real crime of rape--i.e. sexual assault-- but I deplore efforts like this to convince those who were willing and enthusiastic participants to statutory rape (or even underage instigators, as I once was) that they should feel shame and embrace their victimhood. Fuck that. I'll save my concern for real victims.

[markmyballs]

I have been kind of afraid to post anything here because I feel that a lot of people will judge and have a bad reaction. I was raped when I was 8 years old by a guy that was 32. Even though my first experience with him was horrible, I went back everyday to his house knowing exactly what was going to happen. I never remember asking him to stop. Our relationship lasted until I was 15 and he passed away in a car accident. I am 19 now, and I miss him everyday. I would go back to that point in time in a heartbeat and redo it all.

[whoai]

I have been kind of afraid to post anything here because I feel that a lot of people will judge and have a bad reaction. I was raped when I was 8 years old by a guy that was 32. Even though my first experience with him was horrible, I went back everyday to his house knowing exactly what was going to happen. I never remember asking him to stop. Our relationship lasted until I was 15 and he passed away in a car accident. I am 19 now, and I miss him everyday. I would go back to that point in time in a heartbeat and redo it all.

I don't think anyone should judge you. This was your *personal* experience. Nobody has the right to tell you how to feel about this. Someone else mentioned "abuse industry" in here. I agree with that thought, to some extent at least. You did say your first experience was horrible but you went back. Do you know if you went back because you enjoyed the attention he was paying to you or because of the actual sex acts becoming more fun? I'm not questioning your motivations, just curious.

Nothing sexual ever happened to me as a young kid. I am pretty sure I would've enjoyed some things when I was as young as 10 or so. I don't think I would've enjoyed getting fucked (still not a bottom today), but if an attractive guy in, say, his 20s would've wanted to kiss and make out and do oral, I would've loved it. I mean I looked at gay porn as soon as I could get my hands on any. LOL. I have a friend who had sex with his uncle when he was a young teen. He still relishes the experience and he doesn't feel abused in any way. It hasn't made him into a predator or pedophile either (in fact, he's a bear-lovin' bear). So, everyone's experience is different.

That all said, I don't think we can conclude from this that age-of-consent laws need to just be abolished. Their reasoning should be that children don't have the capacity to give informed consent to being sexual with an adult. I will disagree with anyone who says otherwise. I mean, this is a forum with a lot of discussions about HIV and other sexually-transmitted diseases. Far be it from me to tell an adult he can't be an informed-consent bug chaser, but does anyone honestly believe a 9 (or 10 or 11)-year-old has the capacity to decide it's OK to have sex and, for example, take the risk of contracting an STD?

Again, I don't want to tell anyone who has a sexual experience with an adult when they were a kid that they were abused if they themselves don't feel that way. Far from it. There is too much misery in the world, why artificially create more? But, just because some people had a good experience doesn't invalidate the whole idea of consent.

[negPOZlover]

my father starte raping me young. i am attached to my father. i am a good son for him and take his loads daily. i love my daddy and will do ANYTHING for him

[MRA]

I chose the "yes, but..." option because I'm really the only reason it ever happened. I pursued them.

I started looking for guys to hook up with online when I was like 12. It was all AOL Gay Chat Rooms and PlanetOut and Gay.com back then, so I did the best I could.

At first I met up with other boys my age. We'd go to their house, if it was empty that was a plus, but otherwise they'd pass me off as a friend from school to their parents and we'd go to their room. I sucked my first dicks, made out, and explored another boy's body for the first time this way. Sometimes I met them in public because it was the only option we had and we were both young and totally scared, so we'd have to fool around in the back of a movie theater or bathroom stall.

This was all good, but I quickly got tired of "boys". I wanted men, like the men I saw in all the porn I was jerking off to.

My real world options were limited. This ain't some erotic fiction about how I met a construction workers outside my house, or my scoutmaster, or some other crap. This was real life! I was an only child, living in the city, and I was horny as hell and knew what I wanted. I didn't live in a neighborhood with ANY "gay scene" it was all working class and macho, and I didn't feel comfortable traveling to gay neighborhoods on my own to cruise for guys on the street, because I was too scared and thought that was too dangerous.

So my only option was finding them online and getting them to come to my house, because I thought it was safer and I knew it better than they did so I'd have the upper hand if shit hit the fan. Even back then when I was like 14-15, I was no dummy. If a guy was coming over, I'd hide all mail, wallets, cash, cover expensive stuff with blankets or papers, and I'd also hide knives around in different spots that I could get to if things got ugly. I knew not EVERY older guy meeting a young guy was going to be Mr. Nice Guy.

I found all the men I played with on Gay.com chat rooms. My dad had a job at the time that had him leaving for work at Midnight. I would pretend to be asleep until he left, and then jump on the computer and get to work! His being going was a guaranteed HOURS of the house to myself, and no calls from him because he thought I was asleep.

I always told guys online that I was 18 even thought I was only 14. When they got here, I know they must have known. To this day I look very young and don't look my age, so at 14 I still looked like a baby, and was trying to pass myself off as older! So none of the guys technically thought they were fucking around with a boy, but if they really thought about it they must have known. But whatever.

I was so happy. The first few guys I invited over we just made out, jerked, swapped oral. One guy wanted to fuck my smooth hairless thighs and ass cheeks, so I let him but it was really weird. A lot of them wanted ME to fuck them, which I did happily (a condom never came up). One guy showered with me and we made out, then we went to the living room and I fucked him raw on the couch. Another came from me fucking him without touching himself.

I was prepared for the worst, but the worst thing to happen was the one guy (Mr. Thighs & Ass Cheeks Fucker) afterwards wouldn't stop touching me, saying how nice I was, how he wanted to see me again. I was trying to push him out the door, because we were done, helloooo, get the hell out of here! (ahaha even back then once loads were blown I was like "get the fuck out") and I had to practically push him out as he was touching my arms, stroking my hair, saying how nice I was, creepy.

The only for sure known perv I met was this one guy. I went out to his car and blew him late at night (my idea not his) and afterwards I confessed to him that I was only 15. He didn't care, but was actually super turned on by the idea. The next time he came over, we did it inside my house, and he got on all 4's and made me rim him and finger him. He then told me that if I could get "any of my friends" to come fuck around too, especially younger than me, he would let me fuck him and even give me money. "Total fucking pedo" I thought and never contacted him ever again and ignored his attempts to do so.

Sometimes I'd have the house to myself after school, and I'd use this to my advantage too. I'd find a lot of married guys around that time. My favorite was a guy in his 40s who worked a few blocks away. He was very tall and husky, football build, but totally smooth. He'd show up in his office clothes and climb on my bed, kick off his shoes and pants, and lay back. He was very direct in what he wanted. He told me to be a good boy and smell his ripe man crotch, put his balls on my nose, bury my face in his ripe ass and lick it deep and hard. He came quick when I got to actually sucking his dick, so he was all about being worshipped in other ways. He'd tell me to put my hands up his dress shirt and undershirt and rub his chest, his nipples, to kiss his belly and thighs. He would also put his big sweaty feet in sweaty dress socks in my face and tell me to sniff them, then peel them off and rub his feet all over my face and make me suck his toes. He had a big thick dick and would only tell me to suck it last minute because he would cum in like 30 seconds and made me swallow it all.

I lost my anal virginity to a man in his 30s when I was 15. I wanted to get fucked for so long, and I had only topped before then. I was already shoving sharpies and other objects around the house in my hole, and fingering myself. One night I decided this was it and I wanted someone to fuck me now Now NOW. He seemed like a nice guy, profile seemed legit, had a 7 inch dick, cute, so I invited him over.

I advertised myself as a virgin, and Mr. 30s drove all the way across the city at like 2AM to my house just to take my cherry. He rolled up in an Infinity SUV, was well dressed, smelled good, looked like a business type. He was very dominant. Made me suck him, held and fucked my face, threw me around, and then threw my legs on his shoulders and fucked me raw. He didn't come in my though, he pulled out and told me to sit up and stood over my face and coated my face in cum. Afterwards when he got dressed, he told me I should always fuck with a condom because you never know what a guy would say and I was too young to be stupid. Good advice I thought. But he just fucked me raw! How could I trust him?

This same song and dance went on all through high school, but I quickly realized after that that I was a top. I continued to fuck guys for years until I graduated, no condoms in sight. For years after during college I was too scared to get tested because I was sure I was poz, how could I not be, so this just made me be sluttier, and I would cruise the bathrooms on campus and all over the city, taking and giving loads, and hooking up with guys my age all I could.

Finally after college I got really sick, the sickest I've ever been in my life, mystery viral infection, so I went to the doctor. Could barely walk, not eating, lymph nodes in my neck swollen like golf balls. He asked if I have sex with men and if I ever had an HIV test and I said no, so he ordered one up. 2 weeks later for the follow up he told me I was fine, even after all that...neg.

10 years of fucking what I'm sure was a mix of slutty, neg, poz, married, and all sorts of men since I was 13 and somehow I was okay. I never asked about status once with any of them. I felt more guilty about that than I did about seducing grown men. I thought why was I spared when so many make one mistake and are screwed? But it was also a growing experience, and taught me that life is not fair, it's chaos, and there's no telling when or how things happen, they just do.

I actually told a lot of the guys after the fact (if they contacted me again) my real age, and most did not care. Some freaked, but most just said "Well you're not gonna tell anyone are you?" and of course I wasn't. This was all my idea! And I lied to them after all, saying I was 18 and sending them photos of my smooth boy body (oh how I miss being smooth and young lol not anymore) to seduce them. I sometimes think what would have happened if the authorities found out or my parents. Those guys lives would have been over. They'd had been arrested, charged, be in jail, labeled rapists, perverts, and more for the rest of their lives. Everyone would tell me I didn't know what I was doing, that I was the victim and taken advantage of, even though it was all me. I was a sexual being at that age and I knew exactly what I wanted, and I used them, not the other way around. I always say "it's only illegal if you get caught" and I use my entire sexual adolescence as an example. It's for this reason that I think Age of Consent laws are not a one size fits all option. Not everyone is a baby that needs to be protected until they're 18. And not everyone who gets turned on by someone under 18 is a pervert. If a boy like me who was 13 knows exactly what he wants, has a clear head, and goes out and gets it, who is being harmed? Likewise, what's magic about the number 18? Does it suddenly become okay to be attracted to a body once the stroke of midnight hits and they're suddenly 18? Of course not, which is why 18 year olds (or younger) who can also pass for much much younger, are so popular. If you're fucking an 18 year old who looks 13 it may be legal, but is it any different than wanting to fuck an actual 13 year old? You may feel better about it, but I say no.

In answer to the other part of this question, oh yes I am still VERY turned on by the men who "raped" (ugh) me. I still jerk off thinking about those experiences to this day, and I often search out similar men in hopes of recreating them. I am still in my early 20s, but I kind of can't wait until I am older someday and can be pursued by young guys too just like I did. I'll be a big happy daddy making boys happy, but only if they find me, and I can guarantee they are of age! Whip out that I.D. boys, I was young once too!

[timo39]

Lost my cherry at 14yo to a 40yo guy who made me feel wanted .A insecure person like me then was made to feel important , lack of love from family a abusive father and a brother who treated me badly. A breath of fresh air , even though I don't think it was rape .In to days rules it would be .A 14yo being bugged by a 40yo .I've taken ever since and like the control of a fatherly figure .

To this point in my life I like the point of older fucking younger this all relates to your up bringing , lack of love in the family unit

[wow4761]

Well, thought about this for a while but didn't want to, as I'm in denial of having been raped.

I was raped on and off when I was 2-3 years old by my father's brother when he was in his 20s (I obviously don't remember it, but he confessed it to me as I suspected he did something to me ... not sure how it's possible but I had "body" and "muscle" memories. I'd touch parts of my body and have flashbacks of pain and suffering)

I was raped again when I was 14 by an army guy I ran across at a McDonalds. He asked if I wanted to chill; said yes. Later, he got me to agree to suck his dick. Suddenly he flipped me over, spat on my ass, and just raped me bareback until he came. I clearly remember this and still am horrified by it.

I have been raped by my first two boyfriends. The first bf did it similar to the army guy. The second boyfriend violently raped me as I slept. Even when I told him to stop he refused. My current boyfriend hasn't done anything against my will yet.

I was raped yet again when in college by an older guy with a big dick. He was there visiting someone else, saw me staring at his crotch while in the hallway. As I entered my dorm room he pushed me in, forcefully pushed me face down on my futon, pulled down my pants and just rammed his cock in me in one thrust. He didn't stop even as I pleaded. He held me down by putting his weight on his arm that was on my back. He finished by basically strangling me with his arm as he forced me to take his load in my ass.

So I agree with those that call out BULLSHIT to those that claim they were raped and liked it. It's a horrifying experience and to this day I struggle immensely socializing and sustaining healthy relationships. I desperately want to get over the trauma and issues my rapes have caused, but I can't. I've attempted suicide more times than I can count; I came close a few times but miraculously someone popped up to save me in time.

Sorry for long post but to answer question, yes, I am for some reason drawn to guys that are like my rapists. I think it's a victim's subconscious way of legitimizing a rape experience. I for some reason unintentionally find myself with highly aggressive, possessive, and sexually violent men.

[wow4761]

Come to think if it, I never had bareback sex until I was raped at the age of 14.

Since the , even though I don't want it bareback, I let it happen. Ugh.

I don't wish ill on anyone, but karma is a bitch. I know of at least one of my rapists death; he died of AIDS a few years after raping me.