Do Older Men really want Younger Guys?

[Sunovabesh]

Vent Piece, buuuuut, I'm bored and want to ignore my responsibilities. So, made a poll and shit.

 

For the past 6 years, I have been interested in older men. And, to be honest..... I'm kinda losing interest in both having sex, being intimate and even being romantic with guys in general (more particularly older men).

Here's my dilemma, and this goes into the poll: Do Older Men really want younger guys? It seems to be a dumb question. After all, we always see "Daddy Pounds Boi" on Pornhub and such, and twinks a plenty riding Daddies and such. But, do Older Men really want younger guys? By "Older" I mean men who are in their 40's and up. And, here's where my questioning comes into play:

 

There are 3 main problems I tend to see with older guys who claim to want younger guys, but end up not doing anything to keep the ball rolling. 

 

SCENARIO 1: FALSE SEXUAL DESIRE

This may sound weird, but the amount of Older Men/Daddies who kind of exaggerate their need for sex is really amazing. Top Daddies will say they wanna fuck for hours, and go multiple times... But, all that happens is they just stay still, do nothing, throw in the dick, pump, then just pretend the sex never happened. They don't want head again, they don't wanna go another round - hell, not even want to tease their cocks. They just wanna pull the card of "I'm all business" without saying anything. They promised intrigue and adventure, but all that's happened was basic handshake and awkward silence. Nothing.... Fun.

Or, hell - Older Bottoms. In this scenario, they beg for cock. Desiring the means of multiple sessions, desiring hard fucking, and so on so forth. But, take down your pants, and they can't even have the will power to suck the head longer than 1 second. What was promised as a means to be pounded and to have passionate kissing, sweat and pleasure for both, is just mindless groans of "I can't do this - it's too big, or I'm not in the mood." (6 inches is apparently too big to jerk off.... Yeah, not joking)

A real life example of this is recently. Now, I'm a 24 year old Vers Top who basically went on a trip just to fuck an older bottom (yes, I went on a trip... For that ass.... Though, he did pay for the ride, but it was his idea). Went there to pound him, give him kisses, attention, rim jobs and so on so forth - but NOPE. He just was radio silent, and didn't want me to have my cock anywhere near him. Now, mind you he was busy with work, and I get that. But, no passion even in the pecks we gave each other, no glances at my naked body, or anything. We knew each other for a while now, and talked on the phone everyday, with him wanting to get fucked by multiple younger guys. But, here comes a 6ft. lean pretty boy with a cock ready to fuck him raw, and recently tested all clear - and here he is not wanting to talk to me, but messaging other guys - guys his own age/slightly younger.

This scenario usually comes as the older guy wanting the idea of sex, but not wanting the reality of it, nor desiring it. And this happens the most.

 

SCENARIO 2:  DEPENDENCE ON EMOTIONAL VALIDITY

It is true that older men are judged by ageist means in the gay community. However, the amount of older men wanting me to be their source of sexual validity, and means of a therapist is rather off putting to say the least. When an older man sends 89 paragraphs of why they're into me, and it's mostly because they feel like they have nothing to live for, and that if they don't have a partner then they're failures, and that it's society's fault for their tooth suddenly missing - it, just..... No. The gay community is judgy, yes - but, that doesn't justify someone trying to pressure me into a relationship. Not only is pressuring bad (yes, I have to say this) , but their mind is not on my well-being or such, but rather on their means of "oh, I'm not lonely anymore, and now that I have a younger guy in my life, I can put all my emotional issues and problems on him to fix it, rather than change as a person, because look - have a relationship now." This of course (if I even entertain this notion), they don't engage in conversations, nor really want to even have sex. Just just kinda waddle in their own emotionally driven and vaguely worded filth for hours, until they just stop talking to you ever again. And, surprise surprise - they then go back to looking at older men as opposed to younger guys. When I leave, though, they'll beg for cock/ass or whatever, but, when I'm there - radio silence. 

An example of this was one guy demanded I showed up at his place to fuck his hole. So, being horny as hell and a bit tired of studying - off I went. And as soon as I showed up, cock ready at hand, he just kinda off-handily told me to put it away and started talking about why he feels unlucky about life, and why no one attractive wants to have sex with him...... Nice. By then asking me to marry him (sure, that's a good segment) he then went to his kitchen/living room to jerk off to Daddy solo's and didn't even notice me leave. Nice.

 

SCENARIO 3: YOU FIX YOURSELF TO MEET MY STANDARDS

The rule in any relationship is to understand and help your partner - not blind yourself with their excuses, and fix them. As someone who has dated older men, who claim to be blunt - not caring about feelings - all about the facts....... They're just kinda..... Passive aggressive and shit. Now, look, I'll admit, I hate conflict - I'll avoid it by any costs. But, I will address the issue in the room. Politely, probably too nicely - but, it's addressed clearly and properly. The men I dated (51 (18 at the time), 39 (18), 26(19), 49 (19), 54 (20), and 49 (23)) just kind of did the same thing - which was act like everything was fine and dandy, but then out of nowhere started to yell and accuse me of things I never did. And these issues, well... I guess if I did enough mental gymnastics, I can see where they're coming from. But, it all amounts to them saying the same shit: "You're too horny, you're too naive, and you're too stupid/unable to take anything seriously."..... Um, honey... I'm 19 or so lol

Not saying that any behavior that is toxic is justifiable by age (GOD, NO, I AM NOT SAYING THAT, CUZ' PREACH), but I'm young with hormones (supposedly), I don't know how to properly handle every sense of taxing, car work or means of credit values (I'm in college and too busy with tests about philosophy and math to ever even learn how to change my own oil) and I'm happy to be around someone I like, so, of course I'm gonna be happy - which could come off as not being "serious." Though, I'll let that one slid under the radar. 

But, every one of those complaints usually are solved by, ohhh, I don't know - dating someone who has some experience or two? it just baffles me. I'm willing to understands emotions, have very well constructed conversations, and clearly I wanna fuck like crazy, but..... It just seems that older men don't really want younger guys... Well, unless their rich, knows how to fix their own car, never make jokes, keep quiet, and be able to mentally read their mind. Also, being a 5 star therapist with an Oprah Sticker of Approval - That's a keeper, hun. 

 

So, yes, I know NOT ALL OLDER MEN ARE LIKE THIS.... But.... Gorge', I'm gonna level with you. I'm thinking of just throwing in the towel and being completely straight, or just ace. Ace is more financially stable. Who needs to be a Sugar Son for a House Daddy, when you can just be a rich twink with a 5 star fleshlight? It's Aba-dick-ian Fitch (mwah).

But, it's just kinda getting me back into my reclusive tendencies. Tendencies where I just kind of think no one really wants dick, that it's all a lie, and that there's no point in going after guys in the first place. Every compliment is a lie, every wink is tease and every gesture is a joke.... And well, my hopes are just the punchline...... Oh fuck that hurt typing that shit out. Damn...... Might actually be an artist or something, fuck, fam'. LITerature (BAM).

 

But, the thing is, I just kinda feel like older men are just kinda wanting younger guys as a means of a trophy, more so than genuinely want them. With me, I realise that there's possibly going to be a political, emotional, and mental disconnect. And, it's not because they're older than me, but because they're an individual. But, despite all that, I get familiar with older shows, music and such, and still make good jokes in person. I try to expand my horizons and means to understand them, and accept them for who they are... And well, they just seem not to want to do the same. Just be stuck on a loop.

 

But what do you guys think? You think older men want younger guys? Do you think it's possible? No? Or think I should have a brick to the head because I'm culturally appropriating drag queen culture? 

Leave your thoughts down below as I finish drinking this drink that definitely not piss..... It is most certainly not piss.... I hope the fuck it's not piss..... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, fuck. 

[ejaculaTe]

8 minutes ago, Sunovabesh said:

But, here comes a 6ft. lean pretty boy with a cock ready to fuck him raw, and recently tested all clear - and here he is not wanting to talk to me, but messaging other guys - guys his own age/slightly younger.

I admire your restraint -- aggravated assault or attempted murder would have been my first reaction, mitigated only by the fact that he paid for your travel.

 

11 minutes ago, Sunovabesh said:

This scenario usually comes as the older guy wanting the idea of sex, but not wanting the reality of it, nor desiring it. And this happens the most.

This is a specific example of the principle "watch what you ask for because you may get it." A more light-hearted phrasing is "the dog that chased the car and caught it." Down on the ground, though, it's a display of fear and self-doubt: your arrival means that if Mr. G [for "older guy"] puts much thought and effort into achieving a goal, by Gad, he can do it. So what does that mean for the last 45 or 50 years of his life? --Another example of this comes to mind -- Craigslist was famous for having M4M ads in which the writer would fervently express his desire to have a man with 8 inches or more come by and plow him like he was a prairie in the spring. No prize for guessing a frequent outcome: it's too big, I'm not ready, this is a bad time, blah, blah, blah. I don't know the fancy psych term for all of this, but the word "avoidance" is coming to mind. Actually, as I sit here typing, it sounds like a pretty good description. -- I suppose my point is that your experiences, aggravating as they are, are within well-worn patterns of human behavior. I readily admit that being in the midst of the encounter is uncomfortable at best and quickly approaches the level of "damn annoying." 

 

16 minutes ago, Sunovabesh said:

but their mind is not on my well-being or such, but rather on their means of "oh, I'm not lonely anymore, and now that I have a younger guy in my life, I can put all my emotional issues and problems on him to fix it, rather than change as a person, because look - have a relationship now."

At a bit more abstract level, the issue of loneliness among the elderly is a concern especially in the health care context -- folks who have frequent bouts of loneliness or social isolation have a higher risk of malnutrition, injuries caused by falls, heart problems, etc. But you're not required to make the world a better place just because some guy sees you as the panacea to all of his emotional and psychological woes. The catchline "make the world a better place if you can" doesn't require herculean efforts on the part of the listener, just that the listener do what he can to improve his little corner of the world. I can't adopt every dog that's in an animal shelter in the US, but I can (and did) adopt two rescue dogs -- their world is pretty good and so is mine, but I digress. Going on a date, however you want to define that term, doesn't require you to have a master's degree in social work so you can be your companion's therapist for the evening.

 

41 minutes ago, Sunovabesh said:

The men I dated (51 (18 at the time), 39 (18), 26(19), 49 (19), 54 (20), and 49 (23)) just kind of did the same thing - which was act like everything was fine and dandy, but then out of nowhere started to yell and accuse me of things I never did.

At the risk of making too broad a generalization, that's how men of that generation (hell, it's my generation also since I'm in my 60s) learned how to approach conflict. The emotional sensitivity that -- watch out for another broad generalization -- guys of your generation possess (or at least have been exposed to) was something that developed in the mid- to late-80s. By then, all of us poor saps had been molded and formed, and it could take some real god-damned effort to change. Again, at the risk of boring the reader, it took me 4 years of therapy to get myself on a better emotional path, and the emotional and psychological reactions of 50+ years ago still occasionally flare up. I'm not excusing their behavior towards you, just trying to explain it.

I don't have any other ideas, clever or otherwise, at the moment about this. I'll mention though [that damn risk of boredom again] that my boyfriend of almost 2 years is more than 20 years younger than I am. There are guys of my age who really do give a damn about younger guys and who appreciate the energy and perspective they bring. (Note that trophy spouses are a societal-wide phenomenon, and if you read enough history, you'd think that's what the societal elite is about -- who's on whose arm and getting laid that night.

A note of appreciation though (this and $3 gets you coffee somewhere in America).... thanks for raising the subject and for challenging us to look at ourselves and around us. You can modestly disavow any intent to have such an effect, but thanks for the time and effort.  

[Sunovabesh]

13 minutes ago, ejaculaTe said:

At the risk of making too broad a generalization, that's how men of that generation (hell, it's my generation also since I'm in my 60s) learned how to approach conflict. The emotional sensitivity that -- watch out for another broad generalization -- guys of your generation possess (or at least have been exposed to) was something that developed in the mid- to late-80s. By then, all of us poor saps had been molded and formed, and it could take some real god-damned effort to change. Again, at the risk of boring the reader, it took me 4 years of therapy to get myself on a better emotional path, and the emotional and psychological reactions of 50+ years ago still occasionally flare up. I'm not excusing their behavior towards you, just trying to explain it.

I don't have any other ideas, clever or otherwise, at the moment about this. I'll mention though [that damn risk of boredom again] that my boyfriend of almost 2 years is more than 20 years younger than I am. There are guys of my age who really do give a damn about younger guys and who appreciate the energy and perspective they bring. (Note that trophy spouses are a societal-wide phenomenon, and if you read enough history, you'd think that's what the societal elite is about -- who's on whose arm and getting laid that night.

A note of appreciation though (this and $3 gets you coffee somewhere in America).... thanks for raising the subject and for challenging us to look at ourselves and around us. You can modestly disavow any intent to have such an effect, but thanks for the time and effort.  

1) You didn't sound boring at all, and I appreciate you listing things out specifically in a positive perspective. Thank you.

2) I see where you're coming from, and your words have really made a positive impact for me.

 

I just am so tired of this scenario. While I acknowledge that I come from a position of privilege (being young, straight passing and skinny), I just am tired of not being appreciated but fetishized by older men. Because, I truly want to be with an older guy romantically (And sexually because I am horny 24/7), but, just too many encounters just keep making me want to quit.

[Loveitraw]

I understand your frustration.  Unfortunately there are no right answers either and that’s not just me trying to cop out.
 I’m an older (42) bottom guy although I don’t consider myself old by any means. I keep fit and see my fair share of action. The trouble is, I suspect, that a lot of guys want hook-ups without relationship stress; while those looking for more enjoy the initial contact in the hopes of triggering something lasting.  The problems seem to be when these two collide.  But then we hit generalisation.

Peoples goals and needs change.  Mostly this comes with experience.
Because of this I personally prefer guys around my age or a bit older still. Because mostly we have no illusions about what we want. I’m not interested in anything long term. Don’t need it. Happy to be some guy’s occasional relief.

Where it gets tricky is, in most of my scene dealings younger guys tend to look down on older guys. Why are they still out partying? Who do they think they are kidding? And on the other hand older guys are cagey/resentful of the “young punk” attitude while still thinking they have what it takes.

At the same time as this most of the older tops I meet want a twink for the night and most of the younger guys think I should be a top for them. Some want romance, some want a fuck. More often than not it takes longer than a brief exchange of chat to know where you stand. Like I said complicated.

You sound like you know what you want and I’m sorry the answer is you just have to keep looking and maybe. Maybe you’ll find it. It sucks but if you’re prepared to take the advice of someone twenty years down the road. Nothing happens without perseverance.  I hope you meet the guy you want; I really do. Just remember every “flake” you meet has probably had to deal with their share of poor experiences too. After a while everyone becomes a little jaded.

 

[Spunkinmyarse]

In order to help us advise you further, it may be helpful for us to know exactly what YOU want out of a relationship with an older man.

One thing is for sure, older men come with ‘baggage’,  emotional and otherwise, and usually lots of it.  Unless you live under a rock,  you just don’t get through life without accumulating baggage along the way- the older you get, the more you acquire.

It always makes me laugh when I see profiles from younger guys that specify “no dramas” or “no baggage” as if the ultimate goal in life is to sail through it looking cool in a pair of this season’s must-have shades, without anything ever happening to you, good or bad.  Btw, I’m not saying that you are like this at all @Sunovabesh- your post is thoughtful and obviously borne out deep frustration.

Also, don’t forget that a lot of older men grew up in a time when being gay was quite a lot harder than it is now, and this leaves scars.  I’m not saying that it’s all smiles and roses for young people coming out today either- but it is something to bear in mind when confronted with the neuroses of my generation.

Relationships are hard!  Don’t give up and throw in the towel just yet.  Enjoy your youth while you’ve got it- it doesn’t last long, and you’ll be joining us old boys on the bench opposite sooner than you think! 

[twoguyssssss4fun]

As i get older, it seems my thirst for younger guys are now older too.

My bestrelationships have been with younger guys

I was 33, he was 22

I was 37,he was 18

I was 43, he was 21

I was 45, hewas 34

I was 55, he was 31

I like to think I bring a little wisdom and a bigger credit limit. He brings younger ideas that help keep me young.

It's worked for me,

 

[find91]

3 hours ago, Spunkinmyarse said:

In order to help us advise you further, it may be helpful for us to know exactly what YOU want out of a relationship with an older man.

One thing is for sure, older men come with ‘baggage’,  emotional and otherwise, and usually lots of it.  Unless you live under a rock,  you just don’t get through life without accumulating baggage along the way- the older you get, the more you acquire.

It always makes me laugh when I see profiles from younger guys that specify “no dramas” or “no baggage” as if the ultimate goal in life is to sail through it looking cool in a pair of this season’s must-have shades, without anything ever happening to you, good or bad.  Btw, I’m not saying that you are like this at all @Sunovabesh- your post is thoughtful and obviously borne out deep frustration.

Also, don’t forget that a lot of older men grew up in a time when being gay was quite a lot harder than it is now, and this leaves scars.  I’m not saying that it’s all smiles and roses for young people coming out today either- but it is something to bear in mind when confronted with the neuroses of my generation.

Relationships are hard!  Don’t give up and throw in the towel just yet.  Enjoy your youth while you’ve got it- it doesn’t last long, and you’ll be joining us old boys on the bench opposite sooner than you think! 

There's baggage then theirs damaged personalities. Had a few relationships with older guys and I find the ones that have never accepted the ageing process to be a lot like how @Sunovabesh describes. They either fetshize you for your youth, treating you like a trophy or bimbo, or they play fucked up games to see how much you "like" them, which just makes you get turned off from the chase. Gay society is very youth focused and once you get older the abuse starts to increase, but these guy bitch about being treated bad all the while doing the same thing that they bitch about or worse inviting abuse by running after every fuck boy that shakes is ass in close proximity.

[Riverfk]

Yes, older guys like younger, but the two age groups can view things differently and both parties should try to understand where the other is coming from. Being older, I've learned that my FB's are valuable, they won't be around forever, and it's OK to like them without wanting to be BF's. That said, most of my FB's are younger, they often want an impersonal,  sexually-focused association, and are turned-off by friendly, G-rated interactions of any kind. They also expect me to keep-up, so it's important for older men not to inflate their prowess and make promises they can't keep, and for younger guys not to assume an older guy's friendliness is necessarily an attempt to get closer, we just know your value, sometime's we get excited about it and it shows. In my view, these are minor considerations when compared to sexual compatibility, which is what really matters.

[find91]

12 hours ago, Loveitraw said:

I understand your frustration.  Unfortunately there are no right answers either and that’s not just me trying to cop out.
 I’m an older (42) bottom guy although I don’t consider myself old by any means. I keep fit and see my fair share of action. The trouble is, I suspect, that a lot of guys want hook-ups without relationship stress; while those looking for more enjoy the initial contact in the hopes of triggering something lasting.  The problems seem to be when these two collide.  But then we hit generalisation.

Peoples goals and needs change.  Mostly this comes with experience.
Because of this I personally prefer guys around my age or a bit older still. Because mostly we have no illusions about what we want. I’m not interested in anything long term. Don’t need it. Happy to be some guy’s occasional relief.

Where it gets tricky is, in most of my scene dealings younger guys tend to look down on older guys. Why are they still out partying? Who do they think they are kidding? And on the other hand older guys are cagey/resentful of the “young punk” attitude while still thinking they have what it takes.

At the same time as this most of the older tops I meet want a twink for the night and most of the younger guys think I should be a top for them. Some want romance, some want a fuck. More often than not it takes longer than a brief exchange of chat to know where you stand. Like I said complicated.

You sound like you know what you want and I’m sorry the answer is you just have to keep looking and maybe. Maybe you’ll find it. It sucks but if you’re prepared to take the advice of someone twenty years down the road. Nothing happens without perseverance.  I hope you meet the guy you want; I really do. Just remember every “flake” you meet has probably had to deal with their share of poor experiences too. After a while everyone becomes a little jaded.

 

You sound like a kind and considerate man. I agree with most of what you're saying except for last statement. 

Would it be better to meet an older man in a non sexual setting then?

[tallslenderguy]

13 hours ago, Sunovabesh said:

Vent Piece, buuuuut, I'm bored and want to ignore my responsibilities. So, made a poll and shit.

Thank you for putting your self out here.  i'd hate to see you "losing interest in both having sex, being intimate and even being romantic with guys in general ."  

14 hours ago, Sunovabesh said:

Here's my dilemma, and this goes into the poll: Do Older Men really want younger guys? It seems to be a dumb question. After all, we always see "Daddy Pounds Boi" on Pornhub and such, and twinks a plenty riding Daddies and such. But, do Older Men really want younger guys? By "Older" I mean men who are in their 40's and up. And, here's where my questioning comes into play:

This doesn't seem a "dumb question" to me, even given the porn presentation and stereotype to the contrary.  The question is also probably double edged, i.e.: "do younger guys really want older men?"  The assertions about older men: " FALSE SEXUAL DESIRE, DEPENDENCE ON EMOTIONAL VALIDITY, YOU FIX YOURSELF TO MEET MY STANDARDS"  can also be true of younger men.  If you have only been in relationship with older guys, i can see how you'd come to associate this with age, but i think this stuff crosses age boundaries. i think this may be more a question of emotional development and maturity, not age? 

What is it about an older man that appeals to you that you cannot have in a guy closer to your age?  That's not a challenge, but a real question. Can you list the things you associate with the older man you desire.  i question (in myself) the notions i have about age.  i wonder how many of my ideas about age are associated with age or just associated with the individual?  For instance, i work in a critical care section of a hospital and many of the certified nursing assistants (CNA's) are younger, and lots of them are guys.  i am daily blown away, and often brought to tears, by their substance as human beings.  

We all know intellectually that maturity does not necessarily come with age, but that knowledge is emotionally counter intuitive lol.  i think we expect maturity, and all the stuff that comes with it, to be present and more developed the older one gets.  i think that is potentially true, but often isn't reality.  

It seems the three scenarios you listed: FALSE SEXUAL DESIRE, DEPENDENCE ON EMOTIONAL VALIDITY, YOU FIX YOURSELF TO MEET MY STANDARDS, are the negative side of what you are looking for?  I.e., you are looking for a match to your sexual desire, someone who validates you and doesn't just look to be validated, and someone who accepts you for who you are? 

And that, to me, seems the challenge of relationship.  Relationship seems to me to require a mixture of chemistry and maturity.

 

[Loveitraw]

1 hour ago, find91 said:

You sound like a kind and considerate man. I agree with most of what you're saying except for last statement. 

Would it be better to meet an older man in a non sexual setting then?

Thanks, I generally save my sincerity for other places but this seemed like it needed it.  I do genuinely believe that no one gets through life without a healthy dose of cynicism; but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  Tempered cynicism can make you wary. Too much of it and you fold away from everything like the OP said he was in danger of doing.

To your question.  If you’re looking for long term you never know how it’s going to start or where you’ll meet that ONE. That said it is a pretty safe bet that most guys at a bathhouse or cruising site are only interested in the here and now.  Perhaps there is something to be said for getting a coffee before getting naked🤷‍♂️

[garsento]

I would suggest that making sweeping questions about very large and diverse demographics is a bad way to deal with an issue.

[tallslenderguy]

3 hours ago, find91 said:

There's baggage then theirs damaged personalities. Had a few relationships with older guys and I find the ones that have never accepted the ageing process to be a lot like how @Sunovabesh describes. They either fetshize you for your youth, treating you like a trophy or bimbo, or they play fucked up games to see how much you "like" them, which just makes you get turned off from the chase. Gay society is very youth focused and once you get older the abuse starts to increase, but these guy bitch about being treated bad all the while doing the same thing that they bitch about or worse inviting abuse by running after every fuck boy that shakes is ass in close proximity.

Wow, i think you have some great insights here. 

i think we all have baggage, that it's often an apt analogy that can cover a lot of travel.  Some have unpacked and travel light, some just keep adding pieces of luggage. Some forget what they have packed, some have baggage packed by others... it's an analogy one can run with. 

i think "damaged personalites" is a good distinction, though it sounds kind of like a permanent condition to me, and i hate to think of anyone who is beyond hope or change (not saying you are saying this, just how the term strikes me).  i like your point though, and it seems the  guys you describe are part of the gay and straight world.  One of my fears when a younger guy shows interest in me is i don't want him to feel fetishized.   i would literally be embarrassed to be in a relationship where the other was considered or felt in any way like a trophy or bimbo.  i find the idea of both repellant.  i don't even approach younger guys for fear they might see me as just interested in their youth, which is so far from the truth.  i prize maturity and depth more than anything in a relationship, and that often seems to drive both young and old away.  When a anyone approaches me, i am often overly cautious trying to understand why they are interested.  More often than not, that is interpreted as insecurity, or evokes insecurity,  when it is really an attempt to get at what is there and discover if there is compatibility.  

Yet older guys wanting younger seems common enough to be a thing? i'm honest about my age, so i cannot go to a hook up site, or dating site anymore, without getting numerous guys hitting me up with exactly this (i.e., presenting as a 'bimbo' or 'trophy' right up front).  It's a formulaic approach telling me how they are "looking for the love of their life, explaining how sincere and real they are"  while their profile is empty and their profile pic is usually young and drop dead gorgeous.  But there is obviously a market of shallow guys out there who want this. It makes it harder for real guys, both younger and older, to find each other, it muddies the waters.  It bothers the hell out of me and is probably the number one reason for me 'giving up' on trying for relationship. 

i've found more of what i look for in relationship on BZ than anywhere else. Funny, eh?  But there is a great core group of honest, open and articulate guys here that give me hope.  It's not a dating or hook up site, so maybe that's why it's easier to find the elements of relationship here that seem to be missing on hookup or dating sites?

[tallslenderguy]

2 hours ago, find91 said:

Would it be better to meet an older man in a non sexual setting then?

i've thought of this... and tried it with men in general.  But where to you meet gay guys in a non sexual setting? There aren't a lot of gay venues that are non sexual?  i've tried churches that are gay, but that can really be weird... i escaped a religious background, so there's a lot of trappings that i have a low tolerance for.  

[hungry_hole]

13 hours ago, Sunovabesh said:

But, the thing is, I just kinda feel like older men are just kinda wanting younger guys as a means of a trophy, more so than genuinely want them.

I liked what you wrote but this sentence caught my attention because, in my view, it summarizes the ideas you express.

Throughout my life I've needed men (1) for sex and (2) for platonic intimacy. Keeping those needs separately has been the strategy that has worked for me.

I will start with my need for platonic intimacy. I found this concept somewhere that I really liked and that means to feel emotional intimacy without needing to touch or have sex. A nice conversation may give me this feeling, but what I've realized is that my need for platonic intimacy works much, much better with young men than with anyone else.

I don't think of myself as gay because many of the things that define gayness in men are perfectly normal behavior in women, such as platonic intimacy or enjoying the view of other beautiful women and being able to comment on them.  If I'm in a bus, especially in a route that connects with a college or university, I enjoy looking at the young men and wonder why these beautiful men would loose the sex-appeal as they grow older. No matter how gorgeous I find them, I don't want to have sex with any of these young men. Just enjoying the view.

The range of age that I like best for, call it erotic experience, is in the 20's or 30's, It doesn't mean that a 45 yr-old guy can occasionally catch my eye or an 18 yr-old. If I see a nice bulge I may wonder what their tool and ball look like. But again, the idea of fucking or sucking is not part of this particular experience. Why should I feel gay to have these experiences when women are not labelled lesbians for doing the same?

My need for sex with other men cannot be explained with "I'm gay" either. For instance I prefer to have sex with men because I like the STYLE men like having sex, unrestrained, few limits. No need for flowers or dinner invitations because most of the other men I'm hooking up with, just like me, are looking for anon NSA action. I'm sure that many good male baseball players would accept an invitation to participate in an afternoon for charity softball mixed game, with both men and women. But nothing beats the high they feel when they confront another all-male team of their same level, with the same aggressiveness, very challenging. But that doesn't make them gay.

For me the best sex is always of the anonymous kind so I prefer bathhouses and other sex-oriented venues. When I'm in the mood for raunchy sex I don't care about age or race or looks. At a bathhouse, like many guys here, I mostly bottom and I don't care if the cock is too small or the guy shoots too quickly or he's not "my type". I've never chased younger guys at bathhouses but I rather like it when a sexy young guy chooses me for anon sex. There was one bathhouse that I used to go when I was in my 40's where there was was attendant who during my time there would come to my room and quickly fuck me and breed me, trying not to me seen. He was in his early 20's, slim body but a very nice cock. But at the same time I wouldn't mind if the attendant is older, because when it comes to sex age is not part of it very much. It may be part of a sex fantasy.

Mixing platonic intimacy and sex gets complicated so I always keep them separate. It's possible to combine them but keep in mind that in terms of a relationships getting along living together and sharing spaces is vital as getting along sexually. I don't think that anybody can fulfill ALL my sexual kinks and fetishes, which is one of the reasons monogamy doesn't make much sense. 

16 hours ago, Sunovabesh said:

Here's my dilemma, and this goes into the poll: Do Older Men really want younger guys?

I hope that what I wrote answers some of your questions. Men really want younger guys? In terms of non-sexual activities and spending time together I would say yes. Older men love to relate to young men in all kinds of ways including sports.

In terms of sex I think that not all older men are fixated on young men and that some older men in fact even avoid sex with younger guys. But in terms of anonymous sex where a young 25 goes to a bathhouse he would be hounded by most of the other patrons, and in this case I would say that a high percentage of older men would prefer sex with younger men. Sometimes even older guys who mostly bottom are interested in fucking and breeding a young hole. Plus a young guy offers a body with a skin that is nice to the touch. So in terms of sex yes, there are also men who would enjoy younger men.

Young guys who prefer older men, I've met many of them, prefer them for different reasons, sexually and in terms of intimacy. One young guy once told me that he liked having sex with older guys because he would explore sexually things he would not with guys his age. Some young guys are fascinated by the sexual experience of the older guy.

Another reason young guys like older guys is the attention they get from the older guys, dinner invitations, a trip together, etc.

 

17 hours ago, Sunovabesh said:

Do Older Men really want younger guys?

I think that yes, many older men really want younger guys and that many of these relationships can be beautiful experiences. But first decide on what you are looking for.