Do Older Men really want Younger Guys?

[NastyRigPig]

So, I’ll play with younger guys, but I personally don’t want one for a partner.  55 to 25 is doable, but that’s a lot different when it’s 85 to 55.

[fillmyholeftl]

I like a younger TOP... But definitely one who has been around the block a bit.  I like to be a little submissive and do role play. But they definitely have to be SKILLED in fucking. thats a must

[Read1]

Earlier there was a question - where to meet gay guys in a non-sexual setting. The following places come to mind - gay meetups (meetup.com), gay book clubs, gay restaurants and bars, the symphony or other music concerts, Home Depot/Lowe’s, the theatre to see plays or movies, museums, art galleries, etc. Anything to do with culture, home renovation, travel, even sporting events, you’ll find gay men there!

Edited February 20, 2020 by Read1
Spellcheck

[Guest takingdeepanal]

20 hours ago, Sunovabesh said:

A real life example of this is recently. Now, I'm a 24 year old Vers Top who basically went on a trip just to fuck an older bottom (yes, I went on a trip... For that ass.... Though, he did pay for the ride, but it was his idea). Went there to pound him, give him kisses, attention, rim jobs and so on so forth - but NOPE. He just was radio silent, and didn't want me to have my cock anywhere near him. Now, mind you he was busy with work, and I get that. But, no passion even in the pecks we gave each other, no glances at my naked body, or anything. We knew each other for a while now, and talked on the phone everyday, with him wanting to get fucked by multiple younger guys. But, here comes a 6ft. lean pretty boy with a cock ready to fuck him raw, and recently tested all clear - and here he is not wanting to talk to me, but messaging other guys - guys his own age/slightly younger.

Without wishing to seem blunt/rude, did you ever consider that he might have something like Asperger's? It's not uncommon for them to have "radio static" in their minds occasionally - and to build things up just to seemingly let them all go to ruin when faced with the reality of their desires.

[Guest takingdeepanal]

8 hours ago, find91 said:

There's baggage then theirs damaged personalities. Had a few relationships with older guys and I find the ones that have never accepted the ageing process to be a lot like how @Sunovabesh describes. They either fetshize you for your youth, treating you like a trophy or bimbo, or they play fucked up games to see how much you "like" them, which just makes you get turned off from the chase. Gay society is very youth focused and once you get older the abuse starts to increase, but these guy bitch about being treated bad all the while doing the same thing that they bitch about or worse inviting abuse by running after every fuck boy that shakes is ass in close proximity.

I'd never play games with you, Sir.

[Sunovabesh]

My Heart Reactions ran out.

But, thank you all for your comments! They're very important perspectives that I would love to reply individually. And I am sorry if my post was offensive to anyone here. I don't intend on making anyone feel discouraged or unfavorable by the question. That being said, I wanna say I'm sorry that there's no poll - and I'm kinda embarrassed about that. 

 

That being said, these comments have really helped me. I accept all of these, and really appreciate you guys willing to take time to respond so thoughtfully! Thank you!

[blackrobe]

On 2/19/2020 at 6:36 PM, Sunovabesh said:

There are 3 main problems I tend to see with older guys who claim to want younger guys, but end up not doing anything to keep the ball rolling. 

SCENARIO 1: FALSE SEXUAL DESIRE

This may sound weird, but the amount of Older Men/Daddies who kind of exaggerate their need for sex is really amazing. Top Daddies will say they wanna fuck for hours, and go multiple times... But, all that happens is they just stay still, do nothing, throw in the dick, pump, then just pretend the sex never happened.
[...]
This scenario usually comes as the older guy wanting the idea of sex, but not wanting the reality of it, nor desiring it. And this happens the most.

SCENARIO 2:  DEPENDENCE ON EMOTIONAL VALIDITY

It is true that older men are judged by ageist means in the gay community. However, the amount of older men wanting me to be their source of sexual validity, and means of a therapist is rather off putting to say the least. 
[...]
An example of this was one guy demanded I showed up at his place to fuck his hole. So, being horny as hell and a bit tired of studying - off I went. And as soon as I showed up, cock ready at hand, he just kinda off-handily told me to put it away and started talking about why he feels unlucky about life, and why no one attractive wants to have sex with him...... Nice. By then asking me to marry him (sure, that's a good segment) he then went to his kitchen/living room to jerk off to Daddy solo's and didn't even notice me leave. Nice.

SCENARIO 3: YOU FIX YOURSELF TO MEET MY STANDARDS

The rule in any relationship is to understand and help your partner - not blind yourself with their excuses, and fix them. As someone who has dated older men, who claim to be blunt - not caring about feelings - all about the facts....... They're just kinda..... Passive aggressive and shit. Now, look, I'll admit, I hate conflict - I'll avoid it by any costs. But, I will address the issue in the room. Politely, probably too nicely - but, it's addressed clearly and properly. The men I dated (51 (18 at the time), 39 (18), 26(19), 49 (19), 54 (20), and 49 (23)) just kind of did the same thing - which was act like everything was fine and dandy, but then out of nowhere started to yell and accuse me of things I never did. And these issues, well... I guess if I did enough mental gymnastics, I can see where they're coming from. But, it all amounts to them saying the same shit: "You're too horny, you're too naive, and you're too stupid/unable to take anything seriously."..... Um, honey... I'm 19 or so lol
[...]
But what do you guys think? You think older men want younger guys? Do you think it's possible? No? Or think I should have a brick to the head because I'm culturally appropriating drag queen culture? 

I'm 56, so in general I fall into the definition of older guys you're using. I don't have any specific hardcore preference for younger guys, so I may not be the right demographic to address your questions, but I'll take a swing at it just the same.

For context, I'm interested in guys I connect with regardless of their age, I don't seek a specific age group. I've been fucked and bred by men from 20-something year olds to 70-something year olds and have found good sexual chemistry, friendship, and the potential of a larger relationship in men from early 30s to early 60s. I'm going to address each of your scenarios in turn...

Scenario 1 - "False Sexual Desire"
I can understand older men whose sexual appetites might be writing checks their libido's and bodies can't cash. As we age, we all want to hold on to who we've been and what we've been able to do. That said, I've learned from multi-cumming tops who have fucked my cunt that many bottoms of *all ages* either overestimate their skills or don't disclose their are only able to take dick in their cunts a short time, or until they cum. This results in a pool of long-fucking, multi-cumming tops who are dissatisfied at not having their needs met to fuck a long time and breed until they are sated. I've discovered this through comments from men who've fucked my cunt and reacted with surprise and pleasure that I'm encouraging them to keep fucking and breeding as long as they want. That's when these stories of bottoms of *all ages* who are "one and done" started to surface. I'm not sure why these older bottoms are overpromising and underdelivering, or why they are setting themselves up for failure in the eyes of these younger virile tops.

Regarding the older man you went on vacation with, I can think of several situations to explain his sex-avoiding behavior. Stress in his work, feeling tired from travel, etc. but it's also true that sex is a stress reliever so it cuts both ways. His seeking connection from other men near his age during the trip could be fear of not measuring up for you, or a way of unconsciously lowering expectations of himself sexually in being with men closer to his own age. I can't imagine not at least laying down and making out to relax and see what develops. It's difficult to know for sure what was in his mind. What I do know is that there are older bottoms out there who genuinely want young virile dick and seed in their cunts and who will enthusiastically encourage them to continue after they've fucked in the first few of their loads. Chemistry can be tricky. I've been with tops who didn't connect with me and it's hard to be responsive when you don't feel it. I've also been with tops who delighted in finding out that pinching my nipples, whispering filth, and manhandling me made me growl and buck into them unconsciously demanding a more intense fuck. Focus on getting a read on the sexual chemistry up front. Kissing and making out is your chance to see how responsive they can be to your sexual ques and needs.

Scenario 2 "Dependence on emotional validity"
Ageism in the gay community is brutal. Agism alone isn't that hard to handle. I look at it as a self-winnowing - the men incompatible with you are just removing themselves from the breeding pool. What makes it rough to deal with is the lack of courtesy and rudeness that so often comes with it. Being told "Hey, I don't think we're a match. Good hunting to you." by a younger guy after sharing stats and face pics is just polite garden-variety rejection. It's being ghosted, ignored, or worse, insulted for being older, that can make it soul-wearying and set up the need for validation that you're talking about. Its especially bad if the young guy was very hot and heavy and demanding access to your cunt. That said, the men you're describing don't seem very centered or accepting of themselves as they are. I may be wrong, but my sense is the more narcissistic a person is, the more traumatic they find aging and losing their youth and appeal. 

We all have ideas about where we should be and how we should feel at certain times in our lives. I can understand the desire to have the relationship box checked. People can also use relationships as a shield or distraction from dealing with their own issues. Ignoring you when you are with them, and pining for you when you are absent don't make sense to me, but I can see how it might be another of these checkboxes that stave off judging their lives somehow wanting. My sense is that these men are not mentally healthy or well adjusted, and I don't see that as your problem to deal with. You want someone comfortable with who they are, and with only twinges in reaction to the inevitable agism in our community. Those men are out there.

Scenario 3 "You fix yourself to meet my standards."
What you are describing is a dynamic I've seen regardless of the ages of the men involved. It fairly common for people to hold something inside until it builds up pressure and explodes into a likely irrational outburst. The fixer-upper dynamic isn't limited in ages or in gender, either. The rejoinder from these older men saying you are too naive and such, is just a handy trope for someone to latch onto when there is any form of disagreement. I suspect in every relationship something similar happens falling back onto the most obvious fault-line when there is disagreement. While it might be true that more life experience dramatically changes how you react to situations, there are many cases where that isn't so. What is true, is that many older men at this time in our history are dealing with survivors guilt and a sense that younger gay men today don't viscerally understand what they went through watching friends die. Many of these older men watched friends, lovers, and acquaintances cut down all around them in the flower of their youth. You can understand why they might have some strong feelings about younger generations. That doesn't mean their value judgements are valid or correct, just that they experienced a form of mass trauma and some compassion for the lingering effects on them is called for. 

When it comes down to it, we need to meet each other where we are. Younger men are different to older men, and relationships across generations need those in them to accept and enjoy the differences in age, perspective, and experience and look to learn from each other. The same is true of relationships between men of different races, and doubtless many other human divides.

 

Research has shown that as we age, our tastes can become fixed. We're all still engaged in the music that was around us as we grew from kids into adulthood. The same is true of other forms of entertainment. I think what you might be looking for is someone with what's called a "growth mindset". They tend to be curious, eager to learn, and experimental in how they approach the world. They are still going to like what they liked, but they'll be open to learning and experiencing what you like, and get to know how you see the world.

TL;DR - Much of what you've observed is more universal than specific to older men, and there are lots of very horny, fairly well-adjusted older men out there looking for a young guy like you. Don't despair.

[ErosWired]

17 hours ago, takingdeepanal said:

Without wishing to seem blunt/rude, did you ever consider that he might have something like Asperger's? It's not uncommon for them to have "radio static" in their minds occasionally - and to build things up just to seemingly let them all go to ruin when faced with the reality of their desires.

I have Asperger’s, and that is NOT what goes on in our heads. I don’t know what you think you’re talking about, but that’s a load of rubbish. Without wishing to seem blunt/rude, did you ever consider that it might not be a good idea to make blanket statements about a group of “them” when you are not one of “them”?

[Sunovabesh]

I will try to reply individually for each point later on. Sorry, just trying to catch up from everything. 

[funpozbottom]

While I agree with the points you made and most of the comments made in replies, I do have one thing to add:  the same things you said about older guys could be said about any age group.  I have always liked younger guys and I'm drawn toward twinkish college boys. Over the years I've met guys with all sorts of personalities. Some are all about looks and status and judge whether someone is boyfriend material by the car he drives and designer label he wears. I've gone out with guys who are young and cute and ... can't stop talking about their "ex". I've chatted with guys who say they love doing a particular fetish, but when you actually meet they admit that they've never done it before and aren't very interested in it. I had a bed buddy that I fucked for several years until he graduated college and moved away. We had fun when we fucked (and we fucked a lot) but there was absolutely no conversation and no connection when we were out of bed. At another time I had a boyfriend who had similar interests to mine. We got along great but once he moved in with me, he lost interest in sex and would just jack off to porn. He wanted to have a boyfriend, but not someone close. 

Those are just a few examples but if you look at them and compare them to your own scenarios, you can probably see the directions they are heading. Older guys don't simply appear with odd little foibles ... (Foibles. There's an old guy word for you.)  ... they follow patterns they started when they were young.  Being aware of these patterns doesn't stop me from lusting after my attractions, but it does give me a little bit of awareness and understanding of people and an unwillingness to put up with shit when some guy flake out. It is, after all, his problem, not mine.

 

So to end this, I have a question for you.  That drink you were drinking .... was it piss?

Edited February 22, 2020 by funpozbottom
To make it more betterer

[Hornyone]

Well I am an older guy 54 and I definitely love younger! I really don’t see myself in any of those scenarios, if I invite someone over to fuck me I definitely want him to fuck me! I don’t play mind games either I am always very honest and open about what I want and what my feelings are. I have been with several younger guys, yes some in a sugardaddy relationship but always had a great time sex wise and non sex wise.

 I find the older I get the less baggage I have, because I just can’t be bothered with drama!

 

 I am currently visiting Thailand and next week I will meet up with a guy who I met here 2 years ago he is 28. The last time I spent two weeks with him and had a blast, so much so that I will spend a month with him this time! We were chatting today and I warned him he better be ready because I am super horny and we will fuck like rabbits! 😂

So I guess what I am trying to say is not all old guys are the same! So keep hunting until you find a good one!

[Guest takingdeepanal]

On 2/22/2020 at 4:26 AM, ErosWired said:

I have Asperger’s, and that is NOT what goes on in our heads. I don’t know what you think you’re talking about, but that’s a load of rubbish. Without wishing to seem blunt/rude, did you ever consider that it might not be a good idea to make blanket statements about a group of “them” when you are not one of “them”?

Actually, so do I ...

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, takingdeepanal said:

Actually, so do I ...

In that case, perhaps we should take this side-conversation to messaging. And not tangent further from the OP’s thread.

[cumfillme]

Nope. Older tops know2 what they are doing when fucking, not just pounding away

[Kayne]

I can only speak from Experience. 

and Inam.setting aside the portion of my experience when I couldnt consent or understand and just focus on when I knew what I wanted/ liked and actively siught it out / legality not withstanding.

 

When Inwas a lad. I tried messing around with guys in my Peer group to varying degrees of frustration with minimal amounts of satisfaction. But I found that even guys just a couple years older were more my speed. I found that my pleasure was increased and for whatever reason, depending on the age gap,  I had an over all. etter experience.

I developed my taste for older men because they were more often patient  generous ( not entirely in financial nor material ways) and just plain better at sex.

In the End, I fit better into the "Daddy" Role in my Peer group  afterwards.  

I still like older Guys Now that I have 40 Summers under my belt But... I see the appeal of younger guys. 

Also I like the feeling of graduating into the place I once coveted and admired for guys who dont necessairly gel with Queer dudes his own age. 

It has very little to do with me feeling like a Top with younger dudes. But poundingbout a younger Dude's Kunt and loading him up does feel kinda right. 

just my 2 bits