Van Rubenheim's diary

[Sharp-edge]

Part 1

Van Rubenheim was a man of great ambition. What he wanted was what he always got. In his late 30s he was one of the richest men of his country. Half of his money passed to him  from his parent but his ambition and lack of any morals made him make a fortune soon enough. And while many things he had, there was one that he deeply craved. He loved controlling men of taste  but with his money. He was a sexy man no, doubt. Money can buy lots of things, nice teeth, a personal  trainer to  work out and a skilled chef to cook  healthy and tasty meals. He could get one of the so called "slaves" or "subs" but he deeply believed that ther devotion was a lie. Deep inside them these guys were the one in charge. They wanted someone  to mistreat them or anything similar and they would search for the guy. So from his point of view the roles were inversed. The dominant was the sub.  He wanted something different. He  wanted to  use his money and gain control of someone he would never had otherwise. A straight man that he would hire and the straight man would be obedient because that would be his job. Willing or not he would obey because of the money. Even in things that a sub would not tolerate. 

So from time to time he would go hunting. Whether he saw someone on a restaurant, let's say a cute waiter or a random guy at the beach. This time it was a guy on one of these "facebook-clothe-selling-pages'. He was brown haired with blue eyes and an intriguing face. He looked like one of these "bad boys" that would make most girls -and most gays no doubt- horny. Each time this incidence occurred he only had to do one thing. Mail the picture with a brief text "find everything". 

The recipient of this email was one of his closest men. He was in charge of many things, related to his "leisure time hobby" and his safety.  He closed his laptop and he went back to work. When he returned he had what  he wanted.

"Bartender, occasionally  working as a model for cheap clothe companies. Straight, 28. He even had a call for collaboration on IG.

Van Rubenheim smiled. He had just found his prey. 

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Hope you liked the story, tell me what you think about it and if you're interested to make the next parts.

[FuckMeHarderNow]

Not really chemsex related fiction for this particular forum. A good story so far but probably better suited and showcased on a more basic forum. Just my opinion as you asked for comments...

[pozpopperpig]

Nice start!  Am sure the chem sex comes with he makes them submit to him.

[ConversionPiglet]

Snore alert and why do folks only write a small section of a story and then post it?  Why not literally write the complete story then post if first.  You can always write additional chapters if the original story receives interest.  Micro chapters or these teaser chapters is annoying and major boner killers and turn-off folks like me from reading or posting anything.  Just my opinion so no need to spam nasty comments if anyone disagrees please.

 

[drscorpio]

1 hour ago, ConversionPiglet said:

Snore alert and why do folks only write a small section of a story and then post it?  Why not literally write the complete story then post if first.  You can always write additional chapters if the original story receives interest.  Micro chapters or these teaser chapters is annoying and major boner killers and turn-off folks like me from reading or posting anything.  Just my opinion so no need to spam nasty comments if anyone disagrees please.

 

Writing stories in small chapters gets you many more comments and tons more upvotes.

[shinelover]

Interesting start -I'm curious to see where it goes. I'm sure there is plenty of time to introduce the chems to the story.

[Sfmike64]

8 hours ago, ConversionPiglet said:

Snore alert and why do folks only write a small section of a story and then post it?  Why not literally write the complete story then post if first.  You can always write additional chapters if the original story receives interest.  Micro chapters or these teaser chapters is annoying and major boner killers and turn-off folks like me from reading or posting anything.  Just my opinion so no need to spam nasty comments if anyone disagrees please.

 

It’s also difficult ...... cut people Some slack....they’re doing you a favor.

[Hotcumrod]

11 hours ago, ConversionPiglet said:

Snore alert and why do folks only write a small section of a story and then post it?  Why not literally write the complete story then post if first.  You can always write additional chapters if the original story receives interest.  Micro chapters or these teaser chapters is annoying and major boner killers and turn-off folks like me from reading or posting anything.  Just my opinion so no need to spam nasty comments if anyone disagrees please.

 

This has making of a hot story patience is sometimes necessary to build good story

[Gymguy8]

I’ve got to vote with ConversionPiglet here. This is barely a plot treatment, and it’s hard for me to tell where the story is going. It might get interesting, it might not, but it’s too short to make any guesses right now. Now, I’m hardly one to throw stones around a story that gets off to a slow start, but I’m not sure this even got started.

Is English your first language? There are some spelling / grammar mistakes, and I know it’s really hard to write in a second language. (And if English is a second language, run with it — create a character where the broken English is part of the charm.)

[TTFN]

On 5/16/2020 at 2:55 PM, ConversionPiglet said:

Snore alert and why do folks only write a small section of a story and then post it?  Why not literally write the complete story then post if first.  You can always write additional chapters if the original story receives interest.  Micro chapters or these teaser chapters is annoying and major boner killers and turn-off folks like me from reading or posting anything.  Just my opinion so no need to spam nasty comments if anyone disagrees please.

 

Maybe try writing a story before you comment on others writing ability

[PartyFFPig]

@Sharp-edge, please don’t be put off by people who complain.  This story sounds like it has great potential.  I look forward to reading it when you’ve got it written.

[Shotsfired]

On May 17, 2020 at 11:26 AM, Gymguy8 said:

I’ve got to vote with ConversionPiglet here. This is barely a plot treatment, and it’s hard for me to tell where the story is going. It might get interesting, it might not, but it’s too short to make any guesses right now. Now, I’m hardly one to throw stones around a story that gets off to a slow start, but I’m not sure this even got started.

Is English your first language? There are some spelling / grammar mistakes, and I know it’s really hard to write in a second language. (And if English is a second language, run with it — create a character where the broken English is part of the charm.)

Wow. What an entitled couple of cunts you two are?! 

First, I've read an epic fuck ton of stories here. There are soooooo much worse. Oh, and since both of you smug little assholes have comments to make about the free story on the free website, you could present a story each?

What say the rest of you good breeding brothers? You both will write  a story about a jerk who gets a comeuppance, or maybe you get voted out of the Brotherhoood?

If this were my site, and I depended on the good will of amateur writers to fill my empty space, I would incite this very rule or something similar. If you pay for an erotica collection at Amazon and it sucks, gripe away.  If its free in a community space be thankful, constructive or shut the fuck up and move on.

If I was the writer I would tell you both to suck a fart out of my ass. Your comments weren't constructive, and came with no intention except to hurt a stranger you know jack shit about. Uncouth people like you are tearIng this country a part and you should be ashamed.

[drscorpio]

Moderator's Note: At this point, @ConversionPiglet and @Gymguy8 have had their say, and @Shotsfiredhas had his rebuttal. Let's give the hostility a rest. 

[Botsub]

I think it is a great start and I'm looking forward to reading more. 😉

[bipigboy05]

2 hours ago, drscorpio said:

Moderator's Note: At this point, @ConversionPiglet and @Gymguy8 have had their say, and @Shotsfiredhas had his rebuttal. Let's give the hostility a rest. 

here, here