Marrying a woman?

[Sharp-edge]

I experienced a terrible loss, the one of my  father. I'm deeply shocked.  And some thoughts that never occurred before knocked on my mind's door. I started to think of marrying  a woman and makind kids. I don't know why. I was always a gay guy. But being with a woman and having children sounds perfectly  reasonable to me. Even making out  with  a woman seems appealing to me. Don't know what's gotten me.

[Beardybear]

If you do marry be upfront about your gay desires.  Otherwise you may regret it and feel trapped....*insert me here*

[analluv27]

I believe it's due to the loss of a parent. It tends to make one self reflective. Now in regards to marrying a woman and having children that's all pay off throat emotions your dealing with the loss of said parent, especially if you never had such feelings or inclination. The best thing to do is to mourn so you can let go of the pain and focus on any happier memories of your father

[Sharp-edge]

Both of you guys are right I think. It's just that all these made me wanna change. I wanted to pursue an academic career, i'm 28 and still studying (phd cand here). But all these just changed the course of my life. I feel like the only thing important for me in the very end is having a family, having nice time, loving and be loved. Not spending all your  life  trying to build up your career.  Some of my professors got married  at their late 40s  with a way younger woman, they  have kids and basically these kids are growinng up  without a father. the father is super rich yet far away because he just travels all around the globe. I want none of these.

[ErosWired]

@Sharp-edge - I married a woman and have two great kids (now in their early 20s) that we both love. The marriage lasted 17 years, and the end of it nearly destroyed me. I still love her very much, though it’s not returned beyond friendship. She was unhappy, and I let her go, under the pretense that I had discovered I was gay.

Now, ‘pretense’ may seem like a puzzling choice of word from a cumdump actually trained to service men, but all of that happened after the marriage ended. Before that I was - and I remain - bisexual.

Pay no attention to those who claim that there are no real bisexuals, just confused gays - I’m not confused in the least. I like sex with ladies just fine... in the context of a loving relationship. When it’s just a question of lust and appetite, I prefer men because they seem to enjoy the meal more, and there are fare fewer ... entanglements afterward.

 I’m telling you all this to say that you need not slot yourself into a category and vow to remain there forevermore. Like the vast majority of humans on this sphere, you probably fall somewhere on the sexual spectrum in between the two extremes of totally gay and totally straight, and it’s perfectly fine for you to have an interest in females - you’re just looking at a larger menu of possible relationships.

Children, however. Children change the game completely. Once a child arrives, it doesn’t matter whether you’ve decided whether you’re gay or straight, because it’s not about you anymore and it won’t be about you again for another 20 years, at least. You’re not gay, you’re not straight, you’re Dad. And if you’re not ready for your life to devote your life to the support somebody else for a long while, my man, don’t even think about fucking a woman bare.

Of course, there are other ways to interact in positive an nurturing ways with children, such as getting involved with nonprofit educational programs, parks, summer camps, etc., and should you end up finding a same-sex partner, you can always look into adoption if the pair of you feel it’s time for the commitment.

Time - that’s the thing. You’ve still got some. Don’t rush, don’t panic, and above all spend an entire week with a 13-year-old before you make any rash decisions.

Edited June 30, 2020 by ErosWired

[jizzmboy]

I get it.. I fucked girls so I could have kids... it was a simple arrangement.... now I fuck my kids.... my daughter is looking for a pig to breed her and knock. Up... my boys have both fathered kids.... 

[ErosWired]

Note that jizzmboy, above, born the same year as me as it happens, while appearing to encourage you in a similar way, has actually written the diametrical opposite of what I told you.

 I don’t know him or anything about his family and am not here to analyze his or any other member’s choices, nor their reasons for wanting to have children. But to you, who are contemplating it, I would say this:

If any part of your mind is contemplating bringing a child into this world with the thought of carnal involvement with that child, abandon the idea of having children. Doing something of that nature to your own child would make you, by society’s standards, a criminal. Starting a new life with the intent to despoil it aforethought would make you an abomination. In either case you would be much less than a man.

[NLbear]

How about finding a lesbian (or a couple) who wants kids? You could be around as the dad, still involved in the upbringing but don't have to 'play' the family man.

[cumtaker77]

Opinions and advice are like butt holes - everyone has one. Major events in your life will always cause a person to be introspective and want to make changes in their life. Nobody can know all the aspects of your life that a particular decision will touch. You are the only one that can make those decisions. The best advice i can share with you is advice i was given recently when dealing with a major life change. Unless it's an immediate life or death matter, do not make any major decisions or changes until you've given yourself ample time to grieve and come to terms with the new circumstances of your life. You have plenty of time to make your decisions rationally and sanely.

[Sharp-edge]

I'm greatful for all your  answers.  I do feel kinda lost and making  a family came up   as a priority suddently. I just feel too weak at  this point of my life.

[drscorpio]

They say you should wait a year after a significant death before you make life-altering plans. I don’t think waiting a year would be the worst idea for you. 

[Sharp-edge]

12 minutes ago, drscorpio said:

They say you should wait a year after a significant death before you make life-altering plans. I don’t think waiting a year would be the worst idea for you. 

No  it's not the worse. It's just that when you feel stressed this puts a time-pressure upon you. Like you want everything to be done right now. I feel insecure about the family part,  about finding a job and about coping with this situation.

[Sharp-edge]

5 hours ago, ErosWired said:

Note that jizzmboy, above, born the same year as me as it happens, while appearing to encourage you in a similar way, has actually written the diametrical opposite of what I told you.

 I don’t know him or anything about his family and am not here to analyze his or any other member’s choices, nor their reasons for wanting to have children. But to you, who are contemplating it, I would say this:

If any part of your mind is contemplating bringing a child into this world with the thought of carnal involvement with that child, abandon the idea of having children. Doing something of that nature to your own child would make you, by society’s standards, a criminal. Starting a new life with the intent to despoil it aforethought would make you an abomination. In either case you would be much less than a man.

No there are no such thoughts anywhere near my mind. I  just wanna make a happy family. But i do need children. I  always thought that being just the man and the woman or maybe 2 men together is kinda depressing if there are   no kids involved.

[laguyinhou]

11 hours ago, Sharp-edge said:

Both of you guys are right I think. It's just that all these made me wanna change. I wanted to pursue an academic career, i'm 28 and still studying (phd cand here). But all these just changed the course of my life. I feel like the only thing important for me in the very end is having a family, having nice time, loving and be loved. Not spending all your  life  trying to build up your career.  Some of my professors got married  at their late 40s  with a way younger woman, they  have kids and basically these kids are growinng up  without a father. the father is super rich yet far away because he just travels all around the globe. I want none of these.

My condolences on your loss. If I can add my two cents, speak with a grief counselor. It really helps.

I was adopted. It's always an option, and I can personally tell you it makes a difference. 

[Sharp-edge]

1 hour ago, laguyinhou said:

My condolences on your loss. If I can add my two cents, speak with a grief counselor. It really helps.

I was adopted. It's always an option, and I can personally tell you it makes a difference. 

Well adopting in my country is forbidden by gay men (and I think it's out of the question for a single man). I'm very  positive towards mental health professionals, because we have psychologists in our family so always thought that visiting a professional could help. I'm not considering it right now (like for the following days) but I do consider it for the following time. And financial issues are the  worst because I have to pay off for some debts that came along with my father's loss. There are times that  I think I can make it, I  will do it, I'm optimistic. But there are times (and especially in the morning dunno why) that I  feel everything is wrong, that I am wrong  and it  just  hurts to be human (i think i  just quoted a pink song).  I do have a  temporal job (until i quit it next year  because i have to serve my military duties). But things are tough.