Have you ever been raped?

[shaved_thong_lover]

I was raped unfortunately at about 22 or 23.  In NY at Jones beach there is a gay area with dunes in the back.  I liked to tan in a thong and had no idea about the dunes.  But was curious seeing guys go back there. Once I went back there I realized guys would cruise.  That was when I learned about cruising for sex.  I went a few times that summer and a few anonymous guys fucked me.  Then one weekend two guys gave me some poppers, and then started to film me, next thing I know they were strangling me and fucking me.  Unfortunately I woke up with blood in the sand and paramedics around me putting me on a stretcher.  I had emergency surgery to remove the Corona bottle they left inside me.

But, I agree. What is screwed up, is that I became more of a bareback cumslut after that whereas before I always had protected sex.   Figure I deserved it for being so promiscuous prancing around the beach in a gstring.  And I guess thats why I chase intermittently now... Again..  figure I deserve it.  In the end... Being gay isn't compatible with life... So despite the desire to be a bottom and be with men... I figure, in the end, we will all be punished for being this way one way or another.  But that's another conversation.

[ErosWired]

4 hours ago, shaved_thong_lover said:

 Figure I deserved it for being so promiscuous prancing around the beach in a gstring. 

No. You didn’t deserve that. I know that when something that horrible happens there can be a great need to try to find some way to make a chaotic, random, brutal act of violence make sense, and one explanation that offers itself in the absence of any other reason is that the victim is himself the cause. But that’s not the truth. 

Nor is it true that you ultimately deserve to be punished or destroyed for living life as a gay man. I hope for you that you will be able to eventually see the terrible thing done to you as just that - something that affected you from outside, not from within yourself. I hope you will be able to heal from it, and then leave it behind you, and live fully and richly. And if that includes wearing a thong on the beach, then more power to you.

[manux32ccs]

11 hours ago, ErosWired said:

No. You didn’t deserve that. I know that when something that horrible happens there can be a great need to try to find some way to make a chaotic, random, brutal act of violence make sense, and one explanation that offers itself in the absence of any other reason is that the victim is himself the cause. But that’s not the truth. 

Nor is it true that you ultimately deserve to be punished or destroyed for living life as a gay man. I hope for you that you will be able to eventually see the terrible thing done to you as just that - something that affected you from outside, not from within yourself. I hope you will be able to heal from it, and then leave it behind you, and live fully and richly. And if that includes wearing a thong on the beach, then more power to you.

I totally agree, rape is a negative fact, it is traumatic and a crime. Then perhaps personal experiences vary, some may repress themselves, feel morally destroyed, even never have sex again in a normal way (even if they have undergone therapy), while others transform that "disgust" into a personal revenge towards themselves or transform that fact at the beginning of a promiscuous life.

The cases that I know of are horrendous of how priests abused altar boys, going over everything from the legal to the religious. On the other hand, incest is the most common when it comes to rapes. Few speak that in adulthood rapes usually occur within couples, those forced to have sex with someone you no longer love.

in my case I have had two experiences of "rape" in cruising and bathouse, but instead of despairing I adapted to the situation with these men (I am top, and I do not like that they use my ass). There was a third time that I was so grossed out that I had to ask for help which luckily I got.

[Ctgaydave]

I was violently raped but it didn't change me or my attitude towards sex.

I'm a cum dump submissive bottom and I will always love feeling a man breed me. There was no need to rape someone like me who will willingly give myself to anyone. I don't mind being used rough, being choked out and used like a piece of trash... But it is still my choice to give myself away like that... I hope that makes some sense

[GermanFucker]

On 1/8/2021 at 9:48 PM, LetsPOZBreed said:

I've always been relatively introverted, but I pretty much retreated into myself.  I felt I couldn't go out to the local gay bar anymore for fear of running into him, or seeing that group of guys he was hanging around with.  I completely lost my sex drive altogether, and it was months before it came back in even a marginal way.  I actually became a total top for a while, as even the hint of bottoming triggered a reaction.  Also, because I didn't really know this guy very well and had clearly been seeded by him, I became paranoid about getting pozzed.  I did get tested (quite a few times) after that, and all came back negative, but there was always this fear in the back of my mind.  I could bring myself to talk about it - not even to my closest friends.  I just put the whole situation on block as much as I could.  It would be a few years before I let a guy fuck me again.   I became suspicious of large groups of men, and this led me to retreat from places where that was common.  I wasn't going to gay clubs; I wasn't attending pride parades; none of that.  I grew up feeling that I could potentially be attacked by some homophobic redneck from my part of the US; instead, it turned out that the most heinous act done to me happened at the hands of someone in my own community.  I couldn't trust gay men any longer.  

By then, I went from being an occasional alcoholic to a heavy drinker.  I had no self-confidence.  When I did get back into bottoming, I turned into a barebacker.  Not because I specifically enjoyed it, but instead lived with a fear that a guy on top of me is just going to take what he wants, however he wants it.  I was a barebacker because I felt worthless.  Eventually, my lack of confidence led me to darker and darker places over the years, culminating in a period of drug use that would be what led to my conversion.  The drug use stopped at that point, but the alcoholism coninued on.  A little over 4 years ago, I finally decided to completely sober up - and part of that process of addressing the underlying issues of my drinking was confronting that horrible evening 15 years ago. 

I'm in a much better place now.  I no longer think of the "what ifs" and instead live my life for the blessing it is, but there is a part of me that was changed forever. 

Not this is a description I actually believe:

- self-isolation due to post-traumatic stress.

- loss of enjoyment of sex.

- trust issues in general

- depression and substance abuse

With some other stories here; I'm not so sure.

I personally never was in such situation. I once had a guy try to flip me over (at 6'8" and 300 pounds of pure muscle he was actually taller than me) and stick his dick in me. He wasn't trying to rape me, we just hadn't discussed roles before and it seemed like a fun idea to him at that moment. However he happened to catch me unawares, I suddenly just acted on instinct and almost broke his neck.

 

 

[Alias]

On 1/8/2021 at 10:58 PM, Blatinobttm said:

Believe it or not it actually happened to me st a sex club. I wanted to get fucked but not by him. I said no to the guy. I was certain that I wasn’t interested and he kept trying to pull my pants down and I kept pulling them up he eventually pinned me ( he was very over weight)down over a bench and other guys grabbed my hands and told me to relax or it was going to be worse. There was a crowd watching.I fought for a little while and even squeezed my ass cheeks together but he kept poking and I couldn’t move. I eventually stopped resisting and let him fuck me(thankfully he had a small dick). The guys who were helping him hold me down seem to enjoy what was happening to me. I felt terrible and turned on at the same time. I still wonder if this really was rape given the fact that I was at a sex club. Did the guys just think it was part of some scene. He also made me suck some other guys dicks that I wasn’t interested in (he slapped me in the face until I did).One guy even said he was sorry. To this day I don’t know what to make of it. I know that getting fucked rough turns me on even though I have this trauma associated with it. Anyone out there with similar feelings?

There are LOTS of people with similar feelings and experiences. 

I actually did some therapy for this last year and it has been somewhat helpful. I confronted an ex about it and for a pederast who had sex with me as a teen I filed a police report just so he'd be on their radar. 

Victims have a tendency to eroticize sexual trauma. I'm sure that is what's happening with a lot of the stories on this site. It's definitely part of what attracts me to rough sex and I've talked with other guys who had similar experiences who readily admit that's why they have the sexual hang ups they do (including promiscuity, PNP settings conducive to  sexual assault, etc).

I freely admit that that stuff gets me off. I also know that guys who don't have those experiences don't seek it out nearly as much. 

[Mrversa1982]

I was 13 when I went to bunkers in the dunes with an older neighbor kid (17). I went there often with friends, but always in the first 2 bunkers and not in the others. The friend took me to the others, but I was naive and followed him. We chilled out for a while, but just before dark we heard voices and we tried to hide but they already seen me. There were 3 guys late 20' till 40 and they grabbed my arm, took all my cloth of and forced me on my knees. Then they forced me to do oral and after a couple of minutes they started to fuck me. The threatend me to be quitte and I was very scared and cried. They filmed all of it and warned me that they would release it if I talked about it. When they finished they took me to my bike and brought me home. They ordered me to return in the weekend and so I did because I was scared. They always fucked bare and after a couple of times started to like it and thats when I started at parkings. 

But I never returned to the bunkers ever again.

 

[barefootboy]

On 1/8/2021 at 10:58 PM, Blatinobttm said:

Believe it or not it actually happened to me st a sex club. I wanted to get fucked but not by him. I said no to the guy. I was certain that I wasn’t interested and he kept trying to pull my pants down and I kept pulling them up he eventually pinned me ( he was very over weight)down over a bench and other guys grabbed my hands and told me to relax or it was going to be worse. There was a crowd watching.I fought for a little while and even squeezed my ass cheeks together but he kept poking and I couldn’t move. I eventually stopped resisting and let him fuck me(thankfully he had a small dick). The guys who were helping him hold me down seem to enjoy what was happening to me. I felt terrible and turned on at the same time. I still wonder if this really was rape given the fact that I was at a sex club. Did the guys just think it was part of some scene. He also made me suck some other guys dicks that I wasn’t interested in (he slapped me in the face until I did).One guy even said he was sorry. To this day I don’t know what to make of it. I know that getting fucked rough turns me on even though I have this trauma associated with it. Anyone out there with similar feelings?

I was also raped in a similar environment, at Flex in Atlanta years ago. Raped by a guy who insisted on fucking  with a condom of all things.   I had just gone on PrEP and was there to take loads but it’s up to me to decide who fucks me, but not that day. Three hot Latin guys approached me and I thought they would take turns loading me. It was a concrete area near the main area where the snack machines are.  One asked me to fuck but he wanted the condom. I politely said more than once that I was bb only. That’s when  he pushed down on the concrete (hurt like hell) and his two friends grabbed my legs, held my arms and covered my mouth. The guy put on the condom and rough fucked me. When he was done and I was able to get up, I started yelling and cursing at him. They just laughed and went on their way.  They knew it would be hard for me to explain how I was raped while whoring myself in a bathhouse. That seems like an oxymoron but NO should have meant NO. I have not suffered any emotional effects from that experience except for a lot of anger at the guys.  I did continue to go back from time to time but didn’t run into them again. 

[Blatinobttm]

1 hour ago, barefootboy said:

I was also raped in a similar environment, at Flex in Atlanta years ago. Raped by a guy who insisted on fucking  with a condom of all things.   I had just gone on PrEP and was there to take loads but it’s up to me to decide who fucks me, but not that day. Three hot Latin guys approached me and I thought they would take turns loading me. It was a concrete area near the main area where the snack machines are.  One asked me to fuck but he wanted the condom. I politely said more than once that I was bb only. That’s when  he pushed down on the concrete (hurt like hell) and his two friends grabbed my legs, held my arms and covered my mouth. The guy put on the condom and rough fucked me. When he was done and I was able to get up, I started yelling and cursing at him. They just laughed and went on their way.  They knew it would be hard for me to explain how I was raped while whoring myself in a bathhouse. That seems like an oxymoron but NO should have meant NO. I have not suffered any emotional effects from that experience except for a lot of anger at the guys.  I did continue to go back from time to time but didn’t run into them again. 

I appreciate guys who have shared similar experiences st sex venues/clubs. Seeing this thread actually got me to become a member. It’s been years since my  particular incident but I have always felt like I was asking for it or of the mindset that well....I’m at a sex club I guess that’s how it goes sometimes. What was and is still hard to process is that so many guys watched it and helped it happen and they seem to be more than OK with it even th ‘apologetic’ one. It is a real mind fuck! 

[barefootboy]

1 hour ago, Blatinobttm said:

I appreciate guys who have shared similar experiences st sex venues/clubs. Seeing this thread actually got me to become a member. It’s been years since my  particular incident but I have always felt like I was asking for it or of the mindset that well....I’m at a sex club I guess that’s how it goes sometimes. What was and is still hard to process is that so many guys watched it and helped it happen and they seem to be more than OK with it even th ‘apologetic’ one. It is a real mind fuck! 

You did not ask for it any more than I did.  As I said, no means no and if someone went ahead anyway, it’s rape regardless of what we were doing in a sex club or bathhouse. I also believe we are not alone and that it happens more than anyone realizes. 

[DenverBtmDude]

I was raped about 15 yrs ago in my condo.  I live a few blocks away from my local pub, which is a straight bar.  I had a great time and got really beer buzzed with friends....about closing time the bartender said to everyone , finish your drinks, time to close up... I always give my keys to the bartender if I know I might overdrink....she said to me, I know you live just a few blocks away.....I'm Keeping your keys, you will have to hoof it home tonight....I said damn, its starting to rain.....she said you better drink up and hit the road....There was a small guy at the bar, shaved head and fit....said to me, I'll drop you off, i'm going that way anyway... (I had never met him) He asked the bartender if we could have a shot for the road since he was driving and not drunk....He orded us a double shot of Patron....We slammed them down and went to his car....I was very buzzed....When we got to my condo, he said, can I come up and  take a piss before I jet out of here....I said sure bro, come on up.....When we got inside, I showed him the bathroom and let him do his thing, when he came out, I thanked him for the ride and he said to  me. I've seen you online, yer gay arn't ya ..... I was kinda surprised and on the DL at the time, I said, well are you sure you want to ask me that question.... He said I know your a faggot and I need an ass to fuck tonight. I said, well I don't fuck on the first date dude, you need to get the fuck out of my house..... I was kinda stumbling at that point, He said come on dude I know you want a dick in your ass... He then pushed me over the back of my sofa and pined me in place over the sofa, I could feel him reaching around and unbuckle my belt and yank my levis down, I said dude, what the fuck are you doing, I heard him unzip his levi's and he kicked my legs apart as I heard him spit into his hand, I said no fucker get off me...he said, its going to be ok, you'll like it and his dick found my hole and started penetrating me, it hurt like hell and I let out a scream....he said shut up faggot and take it...At that point I was so wasted, that i let him thrust in me, must have been 20 times or so and he went faster and faster still he screamed and busted his nut in me balls deep... He pulled out and zipped up and said thanks for the ass faggot and walked out the door...He left me with his load and my blood  streaming down the side of my leg.... I have never forgot this experience and think about it and I truely feel that its a hot thing and prob wouldn't mind another date rape.... I love being a sub btm now and always will! I never saw this dude again.... When I went back to the bar, I asked the bar tender if she had ever seen that dude that gave me a lift home and she said that he was a stranger to the bar and had never seen him back in there again.....true story guys.....

[Guest]

My first real sex (if you don't count someone jerking you off or sucking you once) was a rape. I was 21 and still naive, thought I like both guys and girls and hooked up for a meeting with this guy over internet chat/dating site. I was also searching for my first place to stay and the guy was offering a room in apartment he shared with other (as it turned out gay) guys.

He was in his thirties, wanted to meet me at his flat, but I told him that we can meet in the city. There was something strange about him, so I wanted to get rid of him by going to a LGBT community movie screaming.

The guy started to force fondle and kiss me in the dark, no one saying anything and me being too scared from that to think clearly. I rushed out of there mid screening, but the guy was following me to the other part of the town, saying sorry through the whole walk. 

Then he told me he will show me the flat (which happened to be in that part of town) and promised he will be cool and won't touch me any more, that he will be leaving the flat, is looking for someone to replace him and that I won't hear from him anymore if I take it.

However, once in the flat, he looked the entrance door behind us, I started to panic and wanted to go out, but he was stronger, told me that he knew I want it, started struggling with me, subdued me by choking me, pushed me to his room, made me undress as he was throwing me around, threw me to his bed, took his pants off and took me bare, my first time with a guy, despite my pleas that I don't want it and so that he at least put on a condom. He just grabbed me by my hair, shook me from my hands with one of his and fucked me bare. Shortly after he came, two of his friends came to the place, he threatened me not to tell anything and that I wanted it.

I was scared shitless when I realized he came into me and was bleeding and  ashamed, so I just shoot for the toilet and tried to get it out as quickly as possible, while he was joking with the guys that he found himself a new date and fucked me hard and it was very good fuck. I just came to his room, collected my things and was about to leave as the key was in the lock, but he came there, asked me if I want the room, laughing, I just said no, almost crying, he came with me to the main entrance of the building, made me thank him before unlocking and told me I can give him a call whenever I want.

I was scared of HIV and STDs for months to come, didn't know a thing about PEP and couldn't cope seeing gay guys for months even after the HIV tests turned negative.

After some time and some better experiences, I was sure I liked both guys and girls, even started to like bottoming with guys, but never ever wanted to take a cock in my mouth.

Later on, I found out BDSM turns me on as well, but only as an consensual activity. I think the few sessions made me re-live some of the things that happened during the rape, but since it was all controlled and respecting my boundaries, made me feel in control again, despite not having it during the session, if that makes any sense.

It made me also more alert among guys and made me more red-flag reacting, as was the case of my quitting the bartender job once I tried working at a gay bar and there were some older dudes trying to grope me, touch my butt, etc.

 

[Ctgaydave]

On 1/24/2021 at 10:54 AM, Blatinobttm said:

I wonder if being sexually assaulted makes some individuals more promiscuous. I personally am all conflicted about the whole thing. When it was happening I felt absolutely violated and not in a hot way. After it was done immediately was turned on and wanted more violent/aggressive sexual encounters and have been drawn to that. Isn’t that fucked up?

My first time was forced, and it definitely made me the cum slut I became. I was repeatedly raped as a child, and once as an adult. Very mixed emotions after each experience.

[bisexualguy1978]

Raped four times between 13 & 17, two rapes to a point I thought i wouldn't survive. Looking back I sort of created the situations myself (looking for sex from a young age, through advers and internet). Eventhough I rather forget the memories, I do think these experiences made me the horny slut I'm today.

I'm sure it changed something in my mind & behavior and although i enjoy being a horny slut I feel my live would have turned out much more 'normal' if this wouldn't have happend.
Mixed emotions here as well.

[BreedingTop71]

I was 15 and was already hairy and muscular and full of hormones. I was a pest in school always teasing this one feminine guy and calling him a fag. 
 

one day after PE I had taken a shower, staying a little longer cause I wanted to JO in the locker room and wanted to be alone. We had company that week and I was sharing my room with family. 
 

low and behold the same kid I was bullying was also staying late, for different reasons, I suspect he didn’t want anyone to see him naked. He saw me semi-hard and I noticed he checked me out so I got out of the shower and started teasing him. Before I knew it I forced my dick inside him as he kept saying no, to please stop. 
 

I came in about 10 seconds and it felt awesome. that was my first time. 
 

he ran away and in spite of him saying no that time he always found a way to stay behind with me in the locker rooms. I am happy to say he took good care of my dick growing up. 
 

I always took him rough. I didn’t know any better so I just rammed it in. I put spit on my dick not to avoid hurting him but to avoid scratching my dick. I always came quickly so I don’t think it was too painful for him. 
 

but it marked me. I am into bondage now. Not sure if that has anything to do with anything but I enjoy being a slave owner and enforce some serious discipline. 
 

I also workout a lot so I have been lucky in that none of the faggots I have used have ever really said NO to me. They have always come back for more