"I only play safe the first time"

[Guest Xtraglazedonuthole]

I just want to know people's general thoughts on this. I think it's the dumbest fucking thing in the world. First of all the assumption that there'll automatically be a second time. Who agreed to that? And if you never even plan on a second time (i feel most don't), why not just say you only play safe? Second, what makes you feel better about fucking raw the second time with the exact same level of info about me? Just grinds my gears. 

[theplayerking]

We each have mental fictions and arbitrary lines in the sand to help us get through life. Many are silly and don’t hold up to logical scrutiny. Just ignore and move on. 

[PendragonSpirit]

Yeah, men are weird. I've had a number of regulars who wore a condom the first time, then went raw every single time thereafter. The only thing I can think is the top wants to make sure the bottom is good at.. ah... "prep" work? 

Still, it makes no sense. If a long-term or repeat thing happens, there's no real difference between raw-dogging from the start and playing safe the first time.

[valldelxeno]

5 hours ago, Xtraglazedonuthole said:

I just want to know people's general thoughts on this. I think it's the dumbest fucking thing in the world. First of all the assumption that there'll automatically be a second time. Who agreed to that? And if you never even plan on a second time (i feel most don't), why not just say you only play safe? Second, what makes you feel better about fucking raw the second time with the exact same level of info about me? Just grinds my gears. 

It's not logical, but then neither is serosorting, and people do it. 

[fskn]

You'd think people would want maximum pleasure, right away the first time!

The idea of using condoms at first might be something that gay men borrow from straight men (although straight couples might wait even longer to ditch the condoms).

[Davidc]

I get this a lot on line , guys who are loving my bb pics ,and want to meet but be wrapped the first time , the answer is always no

[verslut]

It's because they only want to do bareback if the sex is good. So a one time trial with condoms prevents bad bareback experiences.

[Guest Xtraglazedonuthole]

30 minutes ago, verslut said:

It's because they only want to do bareback if the sex is good. So a one time trial with condoms prevents bad bareback experiences.

Interesting hadn't thought of that

[tallslenderguy]

Prolly not one standard answer to this question? 

As i see it, people in general make most of their decisions based on emotion, not reason or evidence. i think the decision to bareback is based on desire, not rationale. i think most guys who do this are looking to satisfy an emotional desire to protect their self, not a rational one. Some guys feel they can tell if a guy has and STD by looking at him or examining him, which is not completely unrealistic, just mostly.  my feel though is most guys who use the reason "i only play safe the first time" are thinking that after the first time they will have a better sense of if that person is real, honest about their status. From a reason/logic standpoint it's ludicrous, but it's not a reasonable decision, it's an emotional one, and emotions can be all over the map... especially when injected with testosterone.

[BlackDude]

I understand the “I only play safe” or “I don’t bb until I get to know a person” comment because I feel those are folks are trying to lead what they feel is a safe sex lifestyle. 
 

But “I only play safe the first time” means two things:

1. I don’t think your hot enough to bb with 

2. I have to meet you to see how hot you are first, then decide if I’ll BB.

 

Again, totally within their rights, but let’s just call it what it is.

[funpozbottom]

Many years ago ... ( yes, I realize I should say "many, many" however vanity prevents me from doing so) ... I had this type of philosophy because I wasn't just looking for casual sex -- I was looking for a boyfriend and didn't want to risk my (or my partner's) health in a one-off situation. So, at the time, I'd always use condoms for a first encounter. If we liked each other enough to meet again, I'd default to my partner's preference. It was a strategy to reduce risk which obviously didn't work for me since I ended up poz and never got that boyfriend. But there are things we say and do to reassure ourselves and allow us to hold the fiction that we are acting responsibly, and safely.

[fskn]

5 hours ago, funpozbottom said:

...

there are things we say and do to reassure ourselves and allow us to hold the fiction that we are acting responsibly, and safely.

Very well said! Your last sentence should be required reading for all health — and especially public health — professionals.

I think our minds work this way in many health-related domains, from sex (nowadays: is an intention to use condoms sufficient, or is PrEP, with required, frequent HIV and STI testing, more reassuring?) to COVID-19 (unvaccinated people who imagine that they are protected, or can somehow protect themselves adequately) to alcohol ("just one more drink...").

Question: What are some constructive ways to help people realize the error in their logic, and motivate them to make choices that are empirically proven to be protective (again, in today's context, PrEP, COVID-19 vaccines, etc.)?

Aside: Based on your profile picture, I would have found it hard to resist going bare with you the first time. 😉

Edited July 24, 2021 by fskn
Submitted before adding key point

[PigBoyDallas]

On 7/23/2021 at 8:55 AM, tallslenderguy said:

Prolly not one standard answer to this question? 

As i see it, people in general make most of their decisions based on emotion, not reason or evidence. i think the decision to bareback is based on desire, not rationale. i think most guys who do this are looking to satisfy an emotional desire to protect their self, not a rational one. Some guys feel they can tell if a guy has and STD by looking at him or examining him, which is not completely unrealistic, just mostly.  my feel though is most guys who use the reason "i only play safe the first time" are thinking that after the first time they will have a better sense of if that person is real, honest about their status. From a reason/logic standpoint it's ludicrous, but it's not a reasonable decision, it's an emotional one, and emotions can be all over the map... especially when injected with testosterone.

Dude…you absolutely nailed it! I’ve been with quite a few guys who wanted to use condoms the first time and then go raw after. And honestly, I never even tried to argue with their logic or reasoning, I just went with it. By and large all of them came back for more and wanted it raw. Most talk about “trust” which I get  but it’s emotion not reason…but again…whatever. I figured they would flake out and never message me again, and some did just that but most hit me back wanting more and were all to eager to go raw that second time.

[CumBustion]

I call this the “One Drink” scenario. Example: a friends calls, to meet up at a bar. You have an early day tomorrow, so you tell him you’ll have to take a rain check. He then gives you the good ol’ “Aww come on man, just one drink.” Ok, that sounds reasonable. Except that one drink turns into two, then three, then shots… before you know it, you’re nursing a hangover and late for your meeting. Deep down, you really wanted to party but wanted to be equally responsible the next day. Your friend gave you an alternative that met both expectations. How it spiraled out of control is on you, even though it was one of the best nights of your life.

Guys want to fuck raw, but don’t want the possible lingering effects of unprotected sex with someone they barely know. I can’t even count the number of times that a Top was “condoms only” but ended up blasting his nut deep in me. Whether it was because the condom slipped off, broke, or he just plain got frustrated and took it off (with a lil verbal cueing from me), we want that skin to skin contact and the euphoria of giving/receiving cum. It’s my hypothesis that condoms fuck with our minds just as much, if not more, than the lack of physical sensitivity. After having discussions with my Top and hetero male friends, they all have said that just the thought of actually planting seed in someone makes it “better.” A str8 friend of mine’s told me how sex with his GF was pretty ok when they were dating and he used rubber, then it got way better when she got on birth control and he could go raw, but it got even better when she got off birth control when they were trying to conceive. He said that thought of literally breeding her made his erections harder, refractory periods shorter, and felt like he was cumming harder. The best marathon sex session he had was when he came home from work on a Friday evening to find his girl wearing lingerie and telling him, “I’m horny, I’m ovulating, and you need to fuck your baby into me right now.” He said the was game on and they fucked all weekend, to the point where he had to call in sick on Monday because he felt weak as shit.
 

All guys wanna fuck raw, sometimes they just need a “just one drink” reason to do so. Yes STDs and HIV sucks, but the biological imperative to breed hardwired into us.

[BiAggieGuy]

If it was me and he's hot and someone I'd like to play with again, I'd use a condom.  If he wanted to play safe the next time, not going to happen.

Of course, I'd do everything I could to get him to ditch the condom on the first fuck and I've found very few guys will resist the urge to go bare despite what they may say online before meeting up.