Does sex matter without the load?

[ErosWired]

I think there are two different kinds of bottom on this regard, and the difference between them is stark. What I read over and over in the responses here is:

1. “I’m in it for the load” (i.e., the sex is about what I get)

2. “I had better end up with a load” (i.e., the Top owes me a load)

3. “I feel disappointed/cheated if I don’t get a load” (i.e., I didn’t receive what I was entitled to)

4. “It’s like a drug...a dose of his seed...I’m addicted” (i.e., the chemical effects of the contents of the load are a motivator)

I read these replies, and I understand what you say... but as fellow bottoms I don’t understand you at all. We stand on opposite sides of a philosophical chasm when it comes to this. It doesn’t matter to me whether I end up with a load after a Man fucks me. This is why:

1. I don’t approach sex thinking about what I’m going to get. I offer my sex hoping that I’ll be able to give. If that giving means the Top is so pleasured that he climaxes inside me, mission accomplished. If he’s so pleasured that he fucks me in half for an hour without cumming but leaves with a smile, mission accomplished.

2. If the Top inseminates me, I am humbled - he has given me a gift. First, he gave me the gift of his intimacy, and his trust, and then the exquisite gift of his semen. And It is his load, a physical part of him that he has chosen to share with me personally, and to leave with me as a mark of his joining his flesh to mine.

3. If the Top does not inseminate me, I do not feel cheated or disappointed that I did not receive something due me. The load isn’t mine, it’s his, to give or not give at his pleasure. He doesn’t ever, ever owe me his load. Now, if he fails to cum and leaves dissatisfied, then I will feel disappointment, but it will be a deep disappointment with myself for having failed him, not with him for having failed me.

4. Like you, when I am bred and his liquid enters my system, my body responds to the chemicals in his semen that give a sense of pleasure and well-being. With each load I take, I want more. It’s potent stuff. But for me, the glow I feel after a long fuck, load or no load, has nothing to do with that - it’s the pleasure of knowing that I did a good thing and did it very well, and made someone else happy, even if just for a little while.

To you, all this may make me sound crazy, or self-deluded, or naïve, but it’s the way I actually do sex. And the only time I end up disappointed is when there’s no fucking at all.

 I only know that the surest way to deal with the problem of disappointment is to change your own expectations. If you can find a way to for sex to be rewarding every time regardless of the load - a thing you will never be in control of - then you will seldom be disappointed.

[Bokkierob]

If I meet a bottom off Grindr or BBRT then I will always breed him. Pulling out before I seed him is not an option. If I'm part of a group or in a sauna I will fuck as many men as I want before I select the one I'm gunna breed

[SFSloppyAznBottom]

Sex to me is about pleasuring the top with my body (mostly my hole).

if the top doesn’t want to cum I have no say as a bottom boy toy. 

[Guest Xtraglazedonuthole]

1 hour ago, ErosWired said:

I think there are two different kinds of bottom on this regard, and the difference between them is stark. What I read over and over in the responses here is:

1. “I’m in it for the load” (i.e., the sex is about what I get)

2. “I had better end up with a load” (i.e., the Top owes me a load)

3. “I feel disappointed/cheated if I don’t get a load” (i.e., I didn’t receive what I was entitled to)

4. “It’s like a drug...a dose of his seed...I’m addicted” (i.e., the chemical effects of the contents of the load are a motivator)

I read these replies, and I understand what you say... but as fellow bottoms I don’t understand you at all. We stand on opposite sides of a philosophical chasm when it comes to this. It doesn’t matter to me whether I end up with a load after a Man fucks me. This is why:

1. I don’t approach sex thinking about what I’m going to get. I offer my sex hoping that I’ll be able to give. If that giving means the Top is so pleasured that he climaxes inside me, mission accomplished. If he’s so pleasured that he fucks me in half for an hour without cumming but leaves with a smile, mission accomplished.

2. If the Top inseminates me, I am humbled - he has given me a gift. First, he gave me the gift of his intimacy, and his trust, and then the exquisite gift of his semen. And It is his load, a physical part of him that he has chosen to share with me personally, and to leave with me as a mark of his joining his flesh to mine.

3. If the Top does not inseminate me, I do not feel cheated or disappointed that I did not receive something due me. The load isn’t mine, it’s his, to give or not give at his pleasure. He doesn’t ever, ever owe me his load. Now, if he fails to cum and leaves dissatisfied, then I will feel disappointment, but it will be a deep disappointment with myself for having failed him, not with him for having failed me.

4. Like you, when I am bred and his liquid enters my system, my body responds to the chemicals in his semen that give a sense of pleasure and well-being. With each load I take, I want more. It’s potent stuff. But for me, the glow I feel after a long fuck, load or no load, has nothing to do with that - it’s the pleasure of knowing that I did a good thing and did it very well, and made someone else happy, even if just for a little while.

To you, all this may make me sound crazy, or self-deluded, or naïve, but it’s the way I actually do sex. And the only time I end up disappointed is when there’s no fucking at all.

 I only know that the surest way to deal with the problem of disappointment is to change your own expectations. If you can find a way to for sex to be rewarding every time regardless of the load - a thing you will never be in control of - then you will seldom be disappointed.

I don't think what your saying is crazy at all, that's just your philosophy when it comes to bottoming. The sub element and the pleasure of the top is  number one priority to you. I like to please a top but the situation is more transactional for me and less "whatever he wants." I enter into it with expectation that I'm a hole to be filled🤷🏾‍♂️. A guy asked a question about that earlier in the thread as far as "what kindve bttm are you" and I've been giving it alot of thought. But I'm definitely not the kind that has no needs or requirements. 

[blackrobe]

3 hours ago, ErosWired said:

I think there are two different kinds of bottom on this regard, and the difference between them is stark. What I read over and over in the responses here is:

1. “I’m in it for the load” (i.e., the sex is about what I get)

2. “I had better end up with a load” (i.e., the Top owes me a load)

3. “I feel disappointed/cheated if I don’t get a load” (i.e., I didn’t receive what I was entitled to)

4. “It’s like a drug...a dose of his seed...I’m addicted” (i.e., the chemical effects of the contents of the load are a motivator)

I really appreciate the time and effort @ErosWired took to try and tease apart and differentiate the drive of bottoms here.

(TL:DR: The sex *and* the load matter.)

I can't help but think, though, that the value of earning a man's seed as a de facto measure of having pleased him to a well understood standard is being glossed over somewhat. I agree that for many of us pleasing and serving is large component of our satisfaction. I think it's also true that without telepathy there's no perfect way to understand whether we have sufficiently achieved that goal (given that most breeders who talk while fucking *are not* doing a performance review). 

All that said, earning a breeders seed inside us is a clear and fairly uniform standard we can use to measure whether we have done well. If a breeder doesn't release their seed inside me, I feel like I haven't done enough to please him. When a breeder does release his seed in me I feel like I have pleased him and that brings a set of physiological and psychological responses in me that I'm not in conscious control of. 

I think the kind, quality, and depth of the connection between breeder and bred is also a big factor in whether this seed-based standard is even relevant. There are some breeders who signal their satisfaction clearly by things like flooding your cunt with precum, to grinning and smiling or deeply groaning and grunting as they fuck into you. When you have a strong or long-standing connection, those kind of signals can become the measure of their experience better than the convenient shorthand of hopefully well-earned seed.

I don't think we can universally cast the desire to earn a man's seed in our cunts as a purely selfish drive that's not deeply intertwined with our need to bring our breeders profound pleasure.

Edited September 18, 2021 by blackrobe

[ErosWired]

4 hours ago, blackrobe said:

I don't think we can universally cast the desire to earn a man's seed in our cunts as a purely selfish drive that's not deeply intertwined with our need to bring our breeders profound pleasure.

Universally certainly not, but there are bottoms out there who are unabashedly in it for themselves alone. We read their comments in various topics here - they’ll say things like, “I just want his load and then I’m ready for him to be gone - Next!” That guy has no thought in his head about pleasing anyone. It’s I want, I need, me-me-me.

It’s the same mindset that sabotages another bottom at a bathhouse because “he’s going to get my loads.” I was once at a bathhouse in Indy, and had just gotten bred, and no sooner had the Top walked out - WHAM! A guy’s face plunged into my ass with so much force that my head slammed into the wall, and he had his tongue frantically up inside me before I could even get turned around. When he came for air, he said, “I had been watching that guy for a while, but you got my load from him and now I got it.”

 I told him to get the fuck out of my room. What do they mean, “my load”? How arrogant, presumptuous and entitled can you be? Get it straight, brother - the only load that’s yours is the one in your own balls.

And even if he’s fortunate enough to be among the fraction of bottoms selected for fucking by the limited number of available Tops, even if he does get to receive a load inside him it still isn’t his load.

Often when I host another bottom will ask if he can join me and eat the loads out of me after the tops finish fucking me. I always refuse. Not because they are “my loads”, and I want them all for myself, but because they are the Tops’ loads, and it would show a great disrespect and ingratitude toward their for their gift to me if I treated it in such a cavalier way.

The term “greedy bottom” didn’t come out of nowhere. It was coined to describe something that needed a description.

[Kimberley]

I see a sperm load as a award for doing my ''job''. giving him the pleasure to enter my bare ass to fuck me and empty his balls into me. when he do not cum it's just not feeling complete. maybe i'm a greedy bottom for that.. luckily it's very rare a guy doesn't cum into me

[trebor]

1 hour ago, Kimberley said:

I see a sperm load as a award for doing my ''job''. giving him the pleasure to enter my bare ass to fuck me and empty his balls into me. when he do not cum it's just not feeling complete. maybe i'm a greedy bottom for that.. luckily it's very rare a guy doesn't cum into me

No better feeling than dumping my load is his ass.

[Pozguyinchi]

I have mixed feelings on this. Personally it does not count as sex to me but I know my sole purpose in life is to please men so I know just getting fucked brings them pleasure. I am sure all the bottom pigs can relate to going to the bath house and having a man use you and not cum. No matter how good the pussy a man does not want to cum and walk around for a couple of hours after. They try to spread it out over the whole time they are there. That’s why I feel it truely is a gift when a man cums inside me. He chose my pussy to impregnate. But most of the time they fuck me for a while and move on. 

Edited September 18, 2021 by Pozguyinchi

[raw773]

15 hours ago, ErosWired said:

I offer my sex hoping that I’ll be able to give. If that giving means the Top is so pleasured that he climaxes inside me, mission accomplished. If he’s so pleasured that he fucks me in half for an hour without cumming but leaves with a smile, mission accomplished.

I just want to say this is really hot, and I hope I get to fuck you someday. You have the right attitude. And you sound fun.

[blackrobe]

8 hours ago, ErosWired said:

Universally certainly not, but there are bottoms out there who are unabashedly in it for themselves alone. We read their comments in various topics here - they’ll say things like, “I just want his load and then I’m ready for him to be gone - Next!” That guy has no thought in his head about pleasing anyone. It’s I want, I need, me-me-me.

[...]

The term “greedy bottom” didn’t come out of nowhere. It was coined to describe something that needed a description.

Selfish and entitled bottoms certainly exist, I just don't think that the small number of them justifies framing all other bottom's behavior as likewise selfish and entitled.

[funpozbottom]

Does sex matter without the load?

To which I reply: Does cake matter without the frosting?

I like cake. There are sooo many different types of cakes. Some are really good all on their own, like brownies for instance. A good brownie can be rich and fulfilling all by itself. (Yes, you could argue whether brownies are really cake, however I've been craving them so I'm sticking with my opinion.)

On the other hand, some cakes simply aren't complete until the frosting has been slathered over the top and sides, and through the middle. 

While both frosted and un-frosted cake can be good, the situation in which they are served can influence your expectations and satisfaction with the outcome. If, for example, Ms. Manners invites you to tea and serves a Bundt cake, you probably won't be surprised that it is not frosted. (There may be some sugar glaze but that barely counts as precum and definitely doesn't count as frosting.)  Compare that to a birthday cake. At a birthday, you'll probably expect a piece of cake topped with icing, and a few random bits of wax from the candles, and, if you don't get it and somehow end up with a bare-bones piece of sponge, you'll probably be disappointed. In that situation, you can only do two things: first, try to drop your expectations and just enjoy the party, and second, make sure the next party is hosted by someone who knows how to bake. 

I have to say that the worst cake I ever had was when I thought I was going to be served a nice big frosted piece but just at the last moment this guy pulled it back, scooped the icing off and drizzled it on the floor beside me. "Why -- oh why --  would you do that," I cried inside. It was the type of situation that makes you want to get down on all fours and and lick the frosting from the floor.

On the other hand the best cake I've had was at a buffet where guys were going around sampling different types of cake. I was enjoying a nice piece of a bare brownie but suddenly a can of whipped cream appeared. It was, to use a phrase, "The icing on the cake." 

[Guest]

Honestly it’s not worth it without the load. My hole just feels empty and hungry and wanting more. You just can’t beat that messy and cummy feeling after someone has unloaded their balls into you. 

[ErosWired]

5 hours ago, raw773 said:

I just want to say this is really hot, and I hope I get to fuck you someday. You have the right attitude. And you sound fun.

You have the right to fuck me at your pleasure, and it will be my privilege to serve you. When I eventually make my way to your city to perform my duties - and I will do so sooner than later - I will make sure you are aware of the opportunity. 🙂

——

You mention attitude, by the way - I do think the attitude a bottom expresses toward a Top during an encounter is extremely important in determining how the encounter will play out, and I think bottoms who express an expectation of a load can sometimes be self-defeating. Being a Top isn’t easy. The performance pressure is enormous, and coaxing his body to a climax while trying to cope with a concern that he’s not doing it right for you, or worse, might not cum as you expect, can sabotage the whole system with performance anxiety.

Bottoms, often have you had a Top fuck you and then finish bringing himself to climax with his hand so he can finish in you? I’m always humiliated when this happens - I don’t feel like I failed him, I know I failed him. I didn’t just fail to use my ass right, I failed to make him comfortable and know that there were no expectations, that he didn’t need to do anything fo me - that I was there for him, and this was about him.

My goal for every Top who cunts me is total sexual abandon. I want him to understand - and, if at no other time, at least for the time that he is in my room - he is allowed to be sexually everything he wants to be, everything he can be. I want him to understand and accept that he has entered a place intended for no other purpose than for him to find ecstatic physical bliss.

You might be surprised how difficult that is to sell. Guys can’t seem to let go of the idea that they have some kind of obligation.

Granted, what I’m offering is a little outside what they usually encounter. Most healthy sexual relationships are based on mutual meeting of sexual needs and desires, and an unspoken contract binds committed lovers to mutual obligation. Even casual sex is usually transactional by definition in the most basic way of need being swapped for need (like barter but wetter). I guess I shouldn’t be surprised if most of them say, “So...what’s the catch?” (*sigh* There is no catch. Just the free all-you-can-fuck buffet served at my ass. Really. Really. The all-you-can-fuck dessert tray is complimentary also.)

But even if a bottom isn’t duty-motivated like me, I think there’s still some pragmatism to not putting pressure on the Too to perform because it’s been made too obvious that the load is expected.

[kinkyguy666]

The only time I refuse to cum is when I want to keep the sex going on for as long as possible. But even during that time I am just building up a huge load for an explosive orgasm. When a bottom guy surrenders to me he deserves at least two loads, one shot in his mouth and the other deeply shot in his fuckhole. If the climax does not happen it will be a disappointing sex session for both.

Edited September 19, 2021 by kinkyguy666