I think i'm fed up of bottoms

[LetsPOZBreed]

I've come full circle on this, certainly on bottom and also on the few (but increasing) instances where I top.

When I was younger, I loved the connection...cumdump sex never appealed to me then.  By my late 20's, though, as I started exclusively barebacking, I got into that scene...especially after I started regularly attending group parties and the like.  It was fun for a bit, but after a couple years I came to the realisation that something was missing.  I wasn't really enjoying it any longer, and noticed how I would gravitate to one guy at the group and just focus my efforts there.  

So, now I am back to wanting connection.  If I'm at a cruise club, I find a guy that I click with, and we find our corner and just go at it.  I'd rather spend the whole evening with one guy having amazing sex then have a parade of half-assed attempts where I may or may not get filled.

I'm more discerning on the apps, too.  I don't post for multiple loads, or look for multiple guys.  I actively seek sessions with top guys who like that I will appreciate them and not just their DNA.  On the increasing chances that I may be on top, I immediately disengage with a guy who tells me about how many loads he already has in him, or that he is clearly looking for just a pump-and-dump and nothing else.  I also disengage when my potential bottom starts to ask if I know of any other tops that I can get to use him with me (no...if I had other top mates, I'd ask them to fuck ME not YOU).  

[downtownswallow]

I've always been turned off by men that are solely focused on fucking.  That's shallow and not for me.  I'm very selective as a Bottom.  I do not do anonymous hookups or strangers in toilets or bookstores.  There's nothing attractive in it for me and the disregard for having a connection with the man with whom you're about to invite inside your body is beyond my capabilities.  To each his own.

[bbzh]

Maybe it's perhaps not the best analogy, but I kind of see quickies as microwaved junk food and longer sessions as slow-cooked meals full of flavor. For me, the longer the foreplay, the stronger my orgasm is. But reading this thread, I totally understand why some guys write in their profiles that foreplay is a must. Looking at this from the top's perspective, why should he make the effort to come to my place if I'm pushing him out the door minutes after he arrives? He's coming to enjoy a nice steak and I'm serving McDonalds burgers? Yikes. 🥴   

[NWUSHorny]

I'm of 2 minds on this. A little bit of connection is nice, but at least here in the PNW the clubs and apps are full of guys that just want foreplay, and cuddling but have absolutely no interest in actually fucking as either a bottom or top.  As a result if it a guy lists a long list of things he likes to do without even mentioning fucking, or if in person sex doesn't advance to fucking in 15 minutes, I'm done.  Another gripe I have is 2 guys taking over a fuck spot in a club and the just making out and cuddling for 2 or 3 hours. It ain't a fuck if no one gets a cock in the ass, and the fuck is the main event, period

[BootmanLA]

10 minutes ago, NWUSHorny said:

As a result if it a guy lists a long list of things he likes to do without even mentioning fucking, or if in person sex doesn't advance to fucking in 15 minutes, I'm done.

It's certainly your right to impose a time limit on foreplay, but some of us occasionally like longer lead-ups to fucking. Make it clear in your profiles that you're only interested in brief foreplay if any, and tell them you have a timer on your phone counting down till you're out the door. That should limit you to the two or three people in your metro area who don't mind being on a ticking timeclock.

13 minutes ago, NWUSHorny said:

Another gripe I have is 2 guys taking over a fuck spot in a club and the just making out and cuddling for 2 or 3 hours. It ain't a fuck if no one gets a cock in the ass, and the fuck is the main event, period

If you're talking about a sling or a fuckbench, I'm with you. If you're talking about "just taking up space along a bench" - well, sorry, but a lot of spots in a sex club are intended to be multipurpose, including foreplay (extended or not) and/or voyeurism. 

[FunCheerSlut]

I am "guilty" of being an insatiable bottom. If I am being honest, I would love to be one of the guy's in the "Fraternity X" videos who is just naked and dripping with cum roaming around the Frat house ready to service the next horny cock for however long is necessary and then getting teamed up on from time to time.

BUT that does not mean that I do not enjoy a nice one on one session. I just need to be in a different frame of mind and sometimes it's not always easy to switch from the previous mind-set to the latter. So, I just wish that there was a way to know who was into the quick and easy unload versus who wants a slightly more intimate session that provides for more of a connection.

I guess it also depends on the "headline" of my profile at the time. Often, I like to be blind-folded and ass out waiting for a hard cock to get shoved in my face so I can get it hard and wet enough for him to turn me around and shove it up into my horny hole so he can stroke out that nutt balls deep...but if you're charming I probably want more than a quick fuck anyway.

 

[hungry_hole]

On 9/26/2021 at 12:17 PM, Sharp-edge said:

a) they [bottoms] are insatiable because sex does not fill their needs. Have u ever eaten something u don't like and while you're full you want more because u didnt enjoy the meal?

Guys who bottom are insatiable because what stops horniness is the orgasm, so a bottom can stay horny until he does. 

Before the pandemic I used to go to saunas a lot. Many times I would see a guy taking over a public sling for hours. When I wanted some time on the sling all I had to do was to make the guy on the sling shoot his load, and that was it. The sling was then mine! It never failed because as soon as the guy had an orgasm he would immediately want to get off the sling.

 

 

[Guest]

13 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

It's certainly your right to impose a time limit on foreplay, but some of us occasionally like longer lead-ups to fucking. Make it clear in your profiles that you're only interested in brief foreplay if any, and tell them you have a timer on your phone counting down till you're out the door. That should limit you to the two or three people in your metro area who don't mind being on a ticking timeclock.

If you're talking about a sling or a fuckbench, I'm with you. If you're talking about "just taking up space along a bench" - well, sorry, but a lot of spots in a sex club are intended to be multipurpose, including foreplay (extended or not) and/or voyeurism. 

NWUS is right about the PNW. Hardly anyone has anal sex here. It's all cuddling and if they're extremely kinky (sarcasm) oral. Look at all the porn Twitter from Oregon and Washington and notice how many of their content is solo material. It's not due to choice, it's because hardly anyone here ever has sex. 

[YourNoLimitsBottom]

On 9/28/2021 at 2:19 PM, PupLucca said:

Change your profiles to explain exactly what you want and you’ll start get Better bottoms plus a smattering of the insatiable holes as well

As a bottom, I did this on a dating site to explicitly state what I was looking for. And I changed it as I my mood changed. Sometimes I want a hookup, sometimes I want something longer lasting. And I know as a bottom I appreciate when the top states what they are looking for and I honor those requests. I won't hound a top looking for something he isn't or make ridiculous requests, that's just a waste of everyone's time.

Meeting guys in the real world has always worked out better to get to know each other before any bedroom action, but it is nice to have a profile on a site that people go to. Keeping it up to date with what I am looking for hasn't always filtered out the requests that don't mesh, but it does knock down the time wasting messages.

[ErosWired]

On 9/27/2021 at 9:33 PM, polyglutton said:

I really think the gig economy and online shopping has conditioned guys to view arranging sexual encounters as a product and a service (free though!) with all the specifications set before meeting, rather than the spontaneous, flexible, and organic experience I believe is most natural to our species.

I think there’s something to this. It would go a long way toward explaining flaking and ghosting, because online shopping has also conditioned people that cancelling transactions is effortless, painless and harmless.

I might point out that men in general are not known for greatly protracted displays of sexual intimacy - that is to say, men tend to get down to business. Women, naturally, have been complaining of this for millennia. It is, however, understandable from the point of view of our past as animals; fiddling about prior to intercourse, in an environment in which you have to compete with other males for reproductive* rights, could cost you the opportunity to mate. It is not, in general, a practical strategy for survivability of your genes. Wild turkeys may spend time strutting about with their feathers all fanned out in competitive efforts to woo a hen, but once she makes a choice, they waste no time, and when he’s done, he’s done. (By all indications, the hens prefer it that way. And can you blame them? I mean, have you ever actually seen a turkey’s head up close?)

Personally, I am not looking for, and carefully avoid, any kind of intimacy that could encourage a Top to form an emotional attachment to me. That’s the nightmare scenario. About a year and a half ago I agreed to meet a guy for a hookup at an outdoor recreation area so he could have me in a secluded area off one of the trails. When I arrived, his last text before we actually met in person requested that I call him ‘babe’.

Red flag, alarm 🚨 

I went through with it, did as he (needily) asked, and spent the next six months repeatedly blocking him on the apps because he had attached to me like a boil.

The close intimacy you seek is not without risk - sex by its biochemical nature promotes bonding between the participants, and most men aren’t looking to get stuck. Sticky, perhaps, but not stuck. Some men, like ‘Babe’, are the fucking La Brea Tar Pits.

 I try to strike a balance. I offer my Tops warmth, compassion, and my undivided attention - when a Too chooses me for service, our time is all about him, and I never hurry anyone along, even if he needs me for hours. If a man needs to be held, I hold him. If he needs to talk, we talk (this is risky-I can expound at length on many topics and am prone to do so). If he needs to rut my cunt, slap my ass and leave me sore and dripping without a word in five minutes, it’s all good. But there is zero chance of me falling in love with him. I’m a public sexual servant. It’s like expecting the post office to love you back.

 

*I initially mistyped that as reprofuctive - I think I just found a new word for what we do

[negparis]

On 9/28/2021 at 3:23 PM, BaphometNocturne said:

I prefer to leave it as it is, like two ships passing in the middle of the night, while those moments were perfect as they were,

This is really beautifully put. And while I don’t share your views on relationships, I do understand the allure of this kind of connexion, complete in its self-contained way and with no need a add anything to it.

[NWUSHorny]

There is definitely a balance to strike.  It can be difficult when the area where you currently live seems to be incompatible with ones own sexual style, especially with the difficulties in traveling for the last 2 years.

[blackrobe]

10 hours ago, Weebpig said:

NWUS is right about the PNW. Hardly anyone has anal sex here. It's all cuddling and if they're extremely kinky (sarcasm) oral. Look at all the porn Twitter from Oregon and Washington and notice how many of their content is solo material. It's not due to choice, it's because hardly anyone here ever has sex. 

Perhaps what @Weebpig and @NWUSHorny are observing is a Portland or OR only anomaly as I haven't experienced any problem getting anal sex here in Seattle. Anecdotal data isn't statistically useful. If it were, the fact that I have a freshly fucked and bred hole (in Seattle) as I type this would be a useful prima facie rebuttal to the "No butt fucking in the PNW" hypothesis. 

I think "Hitchen's Razor" applies here. "What can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence." There's nothing in any research I could find that breaks out MSM (Men who have Sex with Men) anal sex by state to lend credence to the NBFinPNW hypothesis. In the "Age, sex, and other demographic trends in sexual behavior in the United States: Initial findings of the sexual behaviors, internet use, and psychological adjustment survey" (Roberts H, Clark A, Sherman C, Heitzeg MM, Hicks BM (2021). PLoS ONE 16(8): e0255371) there are some trends by age that may be influencing what @Weebpig and @NWUSHorny perceive as a lack of MSM having anal sex within their scope of observation.

All the Washington State Twitter users I follow are butt-fucking and being butt-fucked in their content so, I'm not seeing what they are seeing and we have anecdotal data that directly rebuts the claim. That said, I think sex acts in Twitter porn content is a terrible measure of what people are *actually* doing. The best way to figure out if there's anything here is to find out what people say they want, and what they end up actually giving and getting.

[BootmanLA]

2 minutes ago, blackrobe said:

Anecdotal data isn't statistically useful.

As I've noted many times in other contexts, "the plural of anecdote is not 'data'." You're entirely right that sweeping pronouncements from people who navel-gaze and make generalizations from that navel-gazing can be summarily dismissed.

[atlfukbud]

Really interesting topic and posts here! I think we all crave certainty, connection as well as adventure and risk — if we are not getting one then that ‘need’ tends to drive us forward. For example, I have two great romantic relationships with my hubby and our live-in boyfriend/partner, so I tend to seek out hot breedNgo sex with strangers when I’m on the prowl because my need for connection/love is already satisfied. Groups, saunas and other places where I can have sex and watch LIVE porn really appeal to me now. At other times in my life, I tended to crave more 1/1, connected, even romantic sexual encounters than the sport sex I tend to gravitate toward today. In my experience there is room for both —whether its having a variety of relationships that meet different needs or finding men with personalities and preferences that ‘fit the moment” — just my 2-cents. Regardless, happy copulating men!