What Makes a Top a Top, And a Bottom a Bottom?

[Philip]

When I am in a relationship, I usually like to be the one fucking, and occasionally bottom when the mood is right, so I put on my profile that I am Top Vers.

However, when I hook-up, I love to bottom exclusively. The reason is that I can only get hard and maintain an erection when certain criteria are met (e.g., I’m attracted to them, compatible kissing and cuddling, good at sucking . . . ) so it’s just much easier to say that I am a bottom in this case. I love taking anon loads at bathhouses.

Am I still a Top if I love to bottom just as much? Or is it more accurate to say that I am a Vers? How do you know that you are a Top? Does it have to do more with how you treat your partner outside the bedroom (e.g., the way you hold him, how protective you are, etc.) that defines you as a ‘Top’?

Some responses might say that I shouldn’t worry about labels, but I find labels helpful in communicating to others what you like and what you want.

[Davidc]

I just know I’m a top , no interest / and aversion to getting fucked or even having some one play with my ass.

In life my friends tell me ( sometimes with exasperation) that I’m quite assertive 

[hungry_hole]

Quote

What Makes a Top a Top, And a Bottom a Bottom?

I think that there are a few things at play that may affect the role when fucking.

1. Maintain hard-on: being able to keep a good hard cock increases the chances of wanting to top. Guys who lose the erection tend not to top
2. Control Orgasm: Guys who can fuck for a long time will most likely want to top
3. Stigma of bottoming: Many guys associate bottoming with a woman's role
4. Fear of shit: Some guys don't like fucking for fear of finding poop. They clean their hole but not everybody does
5. Excitement of witnessing another guy orgasm: When most guys cum they lose interest in sex. The bottom can "feel" an orgasm by witnessing another guy's orgasm

So, if a guy can maintain a hard-on and fuck for long periods of time (1 & 2), he will most likely be top or at least versatile. Some guys who associate bottoming  as a female role (3) they will likely not bottom. Some guys don't like the idea of finding shit in the manhole so they don't top.

The main reason guys bottom, and is the reason I bottom and enjoy getting bred, is to witness the guy's pleasure as he pumps his load. At least in my case when a guys loads my hole I feel in-love and enjoy his orgasm as if it were mine. The difference with having a real orgasm is that I stay horny and even hornier with the load in my hole.

 

 

 

[tallslenderguy]

10 hours ago, Philip said:

When I am in a relationship, I usually like to be the one fucking, and occasionally bottom when the mood is right, so I put on my profile that I am Top Vers.

However, when I hook-up, I love to bottom exclusively. The reason is that I can only get hard and maintain an erection when certain criteria are met (e.g., I’m attracted to them, compatible kissing and cuddling, good at sucking . . . ) so it’s just much easier to say that I am a bottom in this case. I love taking anon loads at bathhouses.

Am I still a Top if I love to bottom just as much? Or is it more accurate to say that I am a Vers? How do you know that you are a Top? Does it have to do more with how you treat your partner outside the bedroom (e.g., the way you hold him, how protective you are, etc.) that defines you as a ‘Top’?

Some responses might say that I shouldn’t worry about labels, but I find labels helpful in communicating to others what you like and what you want.

i think labels are important as a starting place, but humans are complex and there is no standardized version of a person. The label gives us some idea as to the contents, but gotta open up the package to discover what's really inside.  So, this is just my take, i don't presume to make this a universal rule or speak for anyone else. 

That said, my read of you is you are more versatile than Top versatile because you "love to bottom just as much."  i use more qualifiers to try and help the person looking. E.g Total Top, Top, top, top versatile. For me, a Total Top doesn't want me anywhere near their hole and they are not interested in cock. They want to fuck or get sucked. i also think there is a psychology behind it. i don't see a Top in any form ever saying they "love to bottom just as much," that seems more middle ground, versatile.  

The "love" part, to me, is part of your wiring, psychological make up. Maybe consider introspectively the what and why behind why you love to top and why you love to bottom. What are the physical reasons, what are the emotional reasons?  

Conversely, i identify as "total bottom."  For me, the physical part is i get penetrated and never penetrate. Not with my penis, finger, tongue, dildo, etc.. i'm so bottom, i don't even like to penetrate myself, and me masturbating my penis may feel good physically, but i am always disappointed about it. i want to only come when a Top gives me an orgasm from penetrating me. If i don't cum that way and from Him making it happen, i'd rather not cum. For me, His orgasm is my orgasm. I.e., when He cums inside of me, it's like His orgasm leaves Him and becomes mine. my equipment works, i get hard as a rock, but i only get hard when a Top is expressing interest in penetrating me. If a guy wants to use, or wants me to use my penis, i cannot get hard, i stay soft and small.  lol, so i put myself on the extreme bottom side of the spectrum  i see a Total Top as an opposite version of that. 

Edited January 24, 2022 by tallslenderguy

[hntnhole]

5 hours ago, Davidc said:

I just know I’m a top , no interest / and aversion to getting fucked or even having some one play with my ass.

In life my friends tell me ( sometimes with exasperation) that I’m quite assertive 

Davidc, you and I are two peas in a pod.  The only reason I put "vers" Top in my profile is occasionally I will allow a Cock in my gut, for one reason only: I very much enjoy "connecting" to the "universe" of raw Breeders*, and once in a blue moon that opportunity presents itself via a Cock up my gut.  I don't like anything about the physical sensation, and only a modestly-hung guy has so much as a whisper of a chance to fuck me.  In all these years, I may have allowed it perhaps 50 times.  During these covid times, I do have a fb who isn't swinging a "porn-cock", we like each other, trust each other, he likes to fuck and get fucked, and for some reason he likes my ass - so I allow it.  Fair is fair, I guess.  We don't "love" each other, we're friends trying to get through the pandemic together.  

I too experience the commentary about being too assertive.  However, I always listen and make the effort to "see" other's viewpoint as well as put forth my own.  There's a circle of gay friends that get together often for lunch/supper/other events (I haven't fucked any of them), and while I'm pleased to listen to other's perceptions on some issue, they seldom persuade me. 

*if that's too esoteric a concept for some guys, that's fine with me - I don't mind - it's the incapacity / unwillingness to consider other's perceptions that irritates me.

[tallslenderguy]

7 minutes ago, hntnhole said:

I too experience the commentary about being too assertive.  However, I always listen and make the effort to "see" other's viewpoint as well as put forth my own.  There's a circle of gay friends that get together often for lunch/supper/other events (I haven't fucked any of them), and while I'm pleased to listen to other's perceptions on some issue, they seldom persuade me. 

*if that's too esoteric a concept for some guys, that's fine with me - I don't mind - it's the incapacity / unwillingness to consider other's perceptions that irritates me.

^^This^^

To me what You describe is more the holistic way i see and experience connection with Men. For me, a "Top" is not just a physical expression, it's part of His psychological make up, and bottom is part mine.  i do not see "cock" as only an organ between a guys legs, but as part of His psychosexual make-up. 

i think a person who cannot truly (not just pretending to be polite) listen or consider another is exercising maturity. To me, a guy who must be right and cannot even consider another's view, is immature and insecure.  A Man who thoughtfully and truly listens to me,  smiles and nods honestly acknowledging me, then says: "please turn around and bend over" is a hot Top and i wanna be bred by Him.

[YourNoLimitsBottom]

My view is pretty simple because after I say "I am a bottom and will not fuck your ass", then everything else except for those big bad items everyone knows about is open.

I love mutual oral and love to 69. I see that as not falling into top or bottom, we are on equal footing. If you are laying there and I know you are into it, I will sit on your cock and go wild. I think that is a power bottom move? If you tell me beforehand you want me to be submissive or give off the vibe you want me to be submissive through your actions, I will slide into that role.

In the end, for me you are a top because you slide your cock into my ass, and I am a bottom because I do not put my cock in your ass. Beyond that, it's all fair game. Unless we discussed your personal top and my personal bottom likes and dislikes before meeting, I want us to explore each other's limits spontaneously.

Edited January 24, 2022 by YourNoLimitsBottom

[BootmanLA]

19 hours ago, Philip said:

When I am in a relationship, I usually like to be the one fucking, and occasionally bottom when the mood is right, so I put on my profile that I am Top Vers.

However, when I hook-up, I love to bottom exclusively. The reason is that I can only get hard and maintain an erection when certain criteria are met (e.g., I’m attracted to them, compatible kissing and cuddling, good at sucking . . . ) so it’s just much easier to say that I am a bottom in this case. I love taking anon loads at bathhouses.

Am I still a Top if I love to bottom just as much? Or is it more accurate to say that I am a Vers? How do you know that you are a Top? Does it have to do more with how you treat your partner outside the bedroom (e.g., the way you hold him, how protective you are, etc.) that defines you as a ‘Top’?

Some responses might say that I shouldn’t worry about labels, but I find labels helpful in communicating to others what you like and what you want.

I don't see anything amiss in how you view yourself in a relationship context vs. how you see yourself in a hookup context. But I do think that might be good guidance for how you describe yourself.

If you're posting on a site that is primarily about hookups - Grindr or BBRTS, for instance - I would list yourself as a versatile or versatile bottom, because that's what you are *in the context of that site's demographic*. If you're on a relationship site, or one where relationships are are a prominent focus, I would list yourself as a versatile top.

And in the comments section of your profiles, give a condensed version of this. On the hookup sites, say something like "Willing to top but it takes a special partner and circumstances". On the relationship sites, say something like "Love to top a really compatible partner, but also happily willing to bottom."

[Guest]

10 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

I think that there are a few things at play that may affect the role when fucking.

1. Maintain hard-on: being able to keep a good hard cock increases the chances of wanting to top. Guys who lose the erection tend not to top
2. Control Orgasm: Guys who can fuck for a long time will most likely want to top
3. Stigma of bottoming: Many guys associate bottoming with a woman's role
4. Fear of shit: Some guys don't like fucking for fear of finding poop. They clean their hole but not everybody does
5. Excitement of witnessing another guy orgasm: When most guys cum they lose interest in sex. The bottom can "feel" an orgasm by witnessing another guy's orgasm

So, if a guy can maintain a hard-on and fuck for long periods of time (1 & 2), he will most likely be top or at least versatile. Some guys who associate bottoming  as a female role (3) they will likely not bottom. Some guys don't like the idea of finding shit in the manhole so they don't top.

The main reason guys bottom, and is the reason I bottom and enjoy getting bred, is to witness the guy's pleasure as he pumps his load. At least in my case when a guys loads my hole I feel in-love and enjoy his orgasm as if it were mine. The difference with having a real orgasm is that I stay horny and even hornier with the load in my hole.

 

 

 

1. Just get blown til it's up again.. or like some others I'll talk to them til their pill works. It's OK guys.. talking for a bit isn't a bad thing. 

2. For me it depends on whether I came an hour ago  or days ago. ..

3. Us vers guys usually don't put roles because why do that to limit yourself? Ugh lame.. guys reading.. it's lame.. your denying one side of complete pleasure.

4. If you don't clean.. wtf is wrong with you? I just stop and call them disgusting and leave.

5. This one is difficult. Not sure I've come up with any solution for this yet. Either role I play. One always seems left out. 

[evilqueerpig]

My first man taught me the joys of versatility, among other things.  If I'm with a man and he just wants to fuck me, I'm comfortable as a bottom and if the opposite happens, I'm comfortable as a top.  Bareback is a must, as is kissing and I take issue with those who call ass pussy or cunt.  It's who I am and accept it or get lost.

[hntnhole]

18 minutes ago, evilqueerpig said:

I take issue with those who call ass pussy or cunt

Well said.  Those terms connote female genitalia, which is the very last thing that should be applied to men.  In the case of trans/cross dressers (hope I didn't inadvertently leave anyone out) guys, sure, they would apply, regardless of surgeries, since they identify with being female.  Calling a man identifying as male either of those terms is hardly appropriate. Just because we fuck each other doesn't mean we get to denigrate each other.  Every person gets to choose how to identify, and that should be respected.

[Guest]

Bottom, I love to get fucked by guys always BB that enjoy cumming in ass.  I love to suck cock more than getting mine sucked.  Anon, Friends, Fuck buddies, open relationship, how ever it works out. 

[Guest]

As a bottom I simply love the "receiving" role. I always wanted to feel the "raw" meet playing and abusing my tight hole. Added to that, I love doing it missionary and eye-to-eye contact. I love making my top drool for his first-time feeling of raw fuck loving.

 

 

[Loveitraw]

I'm not sure I "get" this, I really don't. I understand that people like finding their place and expressing themselves accordingly but I don't believe, at all, you can learn to be a Top, or a Bottom, or Vers. You are one of those.  You might as well ask me why I chose to be gay. 

I am a Bottom.  Have I Topped? Once or twice, yes but literally only on a couple of occasions and I didn't like it. Its not me.  Just because I did it doesn't make me Vers, and while I did it I didn't feel like a Top. Just like the couple of times in my teens I made out with a girl doesn't make me bi. We are what we are, be happy with how you see yourself and forget other people's labels.

[Philip]

5 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

If you're posting on a site that is primarily about hookups - Grindr or BBRTS, for instance - I would list yourself as a versatile or versatile bottom, because that's what you are *in the context of that site's demographic*. If you're on a relationship site, or one where relationships are are a prominent focus, I would list yourself as a versatile top.

And in the comments section of your profiles, give a condensed version of this. On the hookup sites, say something like "Willing to top but it takes a special partner and circumstances". On the relationship sites, say something like "Love to top a really compatible partner, but also happily willing to bottom."

Very great advice, thanks for sharing! I will give that a go. (Also thank you for your replies on my other posts. I can only post three times a day now, so I sadly can’t reply to all of them at the present moment :(()